Two rituals, part 3

If you read my earlier blog on ULCA research, you can probably skip this.  The second ritual, the one my slave ends each day with, is to send me three things she is grateful for.  I can’t tell you how much it warms my heart, to see the beautiful things she writes.  Tonight she sent thanks for these

• 221
• friends
• Late night calls from M

The last one is sweet. I have been calling in the wee hours of the early am, because I have been up late and calling when I get ready to fall asleep, which for her is maybe 2 or 3 in the morning.  But she is thankful for that call.  This warms my heart.  221 is our Ds way of saying I love you and more. It means two to one, or that two people become one person.  It means one heart, one will, one purpose for living, shared by two people.  It is my way of saying more than I love you, in a way that we both can understand, appreciate, and be warmed by.

The second ritual is to keep a appreciation journal. The idea of a gratitude journal is backed by science and research.  Be Grateful!

• Yale studies say a gratitude journal will result in higher alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness, and energy.
• Stanford offers a high-demand class leveraging gratitude journals, which made students 27% less stressed.
• Harvard studies indicate gratitude improves health and strengthens relationships.
• UC-Berkeley research indicates a gratitude journal improves sleep and decreases illness.
• Columbia research says gratitude improves the immune system, while reducing anxiety and/or depression.

I am zealot now for an gratitude journal.  Where before I was not a believer, now I am.  All I can say to you is try it.  I am aware that my path to happiness is not yours, but this I feel makes a difference, and perhaps it can for you as well.   I prefer Izrina to text what she is greatful for, when she is way.   Otherwise the ritual is part of bedtime.

A living with X update – I got to do a little eight ball domination earlier.  Later, I got an invite to a private party on the roof of an exclusive location.  The view of Vegas was spectacular, the food incredible, and the company exceptional.  I am living good, and I feel a little guilty for it, without my slave by my side.  I know what pleases me, pleases her, and I am sure she is following my admonishments to find her happiness, but it is still easy to miss a voice or touch.  I’ll wake her before sleeping with a call, give her a 221, and she’ll coo softly, barely awake, to fall back asleep.  I miss that girl.  Ah well.  Where ever we find ourselves, that’s were our happiness needs to be.  I think I’ll send some gratitude tonight to her.  She deserves something nice from Master for being such a good girl.

Two rituals, part 2

My slave honors me with the gift of trust.  I give her my gift of Domination.  If you announced this to your stuffy relatives, or co-workers, they would seem strange words indeed.  To most people, the idea that my Domination would be a gift is a concept so foreign, it can be fairly repulsive.  For that matter, to love, honor, and obey will even set some people’s hair on fire.

Ritual one, consent, a deeper dive – Yesterday I spoke of our two rituals.  Today I want to speak of the first ritual.  The ritual of Daily Consent.  The most important reason for this ritual is because no matter how much we desire this thing we call consensual slavery, it doesn’t work unless we wash away the daily grim of common thinking.   Some people can not see how, when one person helps another, that there can be no gratitude, no reciprocation for that.  Every day, all day, in so many ways, this thinking bombards us, eroding the foundations of our sacred roles.

Of course a Master appreciates the service of their slaves, but to dote upon such things is detrimental to the greater truth that the Master provides what can not exist without the gift of domination.  It can be very difficult for some to see beyond the balance sheets, the compensation that is received for services provided, and one of the first payments expected is gratitude for services rendered.

Now the weird thing is that appreciation for the gift of Domination can’t work if there ISN’T adequate compensation, but that compensation is in uncommon currency.  This uncommon currency exists only because of the values that we uniquely hold in this endeavor, those simple things that we value because we desire to be fulfilled by the intensity of a relationship others do not and often cannot understand.

Coming alive! – So it is that because my slave desires to be in service to someone she admires, someone that she can worship and please, someone who makes that part of her come alive in a way that few others understand, because of all of this, my Domination is a gift, not a curse.  To hold fast to this understanding, to not allow the daily interaction with the world to soil our dream, we must renew each day the understanding that she can only offer her service, and her trust.  She may not even ask for my Domination, as it is I who will make all decisions, including the one that will grant her the boon that is my gift.

What I do with her must be begged for on bended kneed.  If a slave can’t humble themselves to beg to be Dominated, a Master is well advised to steer clear because this is a person who will not value the gift of Domination, and will eventually come to regret the request to serve.  There can be no equity of exchange, if there is no deep desire, no value, in being Dominated.  I consider it to be of critical importance, to hold fast to our sacred roles, and the mindsets behind them, begging to be Dominated, the offer of trust, the desire to Dominate, and the offer of my Domination.

The second reason for the Consent Ritual – There is a second reason for the Consent ritual.  A fairly long time ago I drew up a draft slave contract.  You might find it distasteful, because it is in the language and mindset of people OUTSIDE ours.  Because my contract might someday need to be understood by persons who are NOT a Master or slave, and who might find our way of living distasteful, even repugnant and illegal, I wrote this contract to be reviewed in a court of our lands, and understood by persons whose minds come from foreign lands – even though they may live right next door to us.

If you have a Fetlife account you can read that slave contract here:
A slave contract that can be read by a nilla

One of the dangers that we face is that from outside our relationship, what we do can appear to be abuse.  In my blog “Gym time, and abuse”, I point out just how easy it is for police, doctors, nurses, psychiatrists, and generally everyone around us, to think we are creating an abusive situation.   Hell even I worry at times.  The more I create this MasterPiece that is my canvas, the more I need to know that it continues to be consensual in a way that anyone can understand.

Stockholm syndrome – It is possible for a person to claim consent when they should not.  If you are not familiar with the Stockholm syndrome, this is a situation where a hostage who is in clear danger from their hostage taker, can begin to like and trust the very person that poses a danger to their life.  Another example is when a domestic abuser creates an environment that makes it nearly impossible for the victim to leave.   A person who is aware of these examples and is unfamiliar with DS, may assume a slave is a victim.

What makes it possible to have Domination and Love together is captured in microcosm in the first ritual. The idea of uncommon currency.   To ensure that we are never accused of creating a forced consent relation, my slave contract spells out specifically, that the slave will periodically renew their desire to serve, and will do so while away from the Master they serve, in a way where there is a fair degree of certainty that if the desire to flee was present, the slave could flee and escape the Master they serve.  The ability to flee, to get away, to end the relation, and the request to continue, to demonstrate a desire to return, is critical to establishing that we are operating in a mindset that desires the continuation of consensual Domination.

Ability to flee.-   The one thing an abuser can not have, is an interruption in their flow of control.  To continue to control, an abuser must isolate the victim and keep them from being able to flee, while instilling fear of contemplating, let along actually trying an escape.  This combined with control of movement and money prevents escape.   How much different we must be.   We must encourage our slave to get out, to join support groups, to be with other slaves, to have freedom of movement, to question if what they do brings them happiness.  I make my slave beg to serve by text each day because it validates to both of us that this is not abuse, that she deeply desires this and cherishes it.  Her fear should be that I will not offer to Dominate her, not that I will Dominate her.

 

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Your  daily dose of living with X  – Tomorrow I will speak to the second ritual.  And now its time for a living with X update, but first a special message for my slave, who of course, always reads this.

My dearest Izrina.  Though I may be apart from you, hold fast to your two rituals.  Keep the home as I’ve instructed and do not fail this.  Know that even at a distance,  your will continues to be an extension of mine.   I am with you always.  Be someone’s good day, every day, as you did today.  Serve the world as you serve me.  In this, find your happiness until I return.  Master is pleased with you.

 And now for that update.  Things are disrupted at home.  I won’t go into the details, but I dearly wish I could be there to lend a strong shoulder.  Its been a good day here, but there, not so good.

Here, I met a lot of new people, had the opportunity to do what I do, interact in an extroverted way, and came away satisfied with my day.  I am looking to creating new adventures tomorrow with the rising sun.  A side note, I am excited.  I found a place that serve Pad Thai.. which is normally not spicy but for me, if my lips aren’t burning, my nose running, and forehead dripping, its not food.. So I’ll order it extra spicy with extra on the side.  Can’t wait for supper!  Carpe Diem my friends..

 

 

 

Bonus blog! – Removing free will, part 2

This is a bonus Blog!  Just a little something to throw out there because it crossed my mind.  If you are waiting on “Two Rituals, part 2”, don’t worry, its coming shortly.  Much like a dog distracted by a squirrel, or a slave by something shiny, I had to give this a moment’s attention.  Welcome to tonight’s short attention span theater.

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The trigger – A gentleman liked my blog: “The danger of removing free will” which caused me to reread it which in turn caused me to reread the “The Atlanctic” article that prompted that blog.  While reading, I came across a paragraph. I read it, then reread.

Exihibit A, The paragraph that caught my eye:
Many scientists say that the American physiologist Benjamin Libet demonstrated in the 1980s that we have no free will. It was already known that electrical activity builds up in a person’s brain before she, for example, moves her hand; Libet showed that this buildup occurs before the person consciously makes a decision to move. The conscious experience of deciding to act, which we usually associate with free will, appears to be an add-on, a post hoc reconstruction of events that occurs after the brain has already set the act in motion.

Before I comment, some inside info – I have long subscribed to the notion that my “real” self, the part of me that is independent of this vessel, this body I protect so that I may continue this existence a bit longer, is a child of God, or if you prefer, a bit of the source that we all come from.  I believe that we are otters of the universe, playing on worlds light years apart and pretending we have physical bodies – but our real selves are eternal.  We can touch this self, when we meditate or pray.

Here is the thought I would share regarding that paragraph.  What scientist are suggesting in that statement that the real us, the physical part that they can measure, is under the control of something else.  That this body is not really controlled by the mind, but by something that acts before the mind “thinks”, before the mind can exercise free will.

I have a sneaking suspicion they have just proven my theory, that something beyond our body, inhabits and controls our actions.  Of course anyone who calls themselves a “real” scientist would be outraged by such a suggestion, and insist its just chemicals and electrons.  I’m still going to sit here, nod, and grin like a crazy person.

 

Two rituals, part 1

We have two rituals, one for for each end of the day.  While we are apart, they keep me feeling connected.  Its nice.  They both have very specific purposes.  I think its worth mentioning both, and why they exist.  Like everything I do, they came into being after considerable thought.

Ritual one – Daily consent- This is about the relation, its value, and establishing that this is consensual, desired, and appreciated.

In this ritual, Izrina makes it known to me that she desires the gift of my Domination and will give the gift of her trust.  I make know my continued desire to take possession of her and reaffirm that I will give the gift of my Domination.  She does this while not in my presence, for reasons I will explain later.

Ritual two – Daily gratitude-  It is important to be grateful.  This is about giving thanks for this life, and the joys of small things, that each day brings if we give focus to really living and loving.

In this ritual, she reviews the day and selects three thing that contributed to a better day.  Ideally, this are not just about Ds.  They are simple things.  A butterfly, a smile, a sky, friends who cared, Master’s touch, simple things like this.

 

A Living update – And now for that update I try to add.. I’ll explain the rituals tomorrow.  I got damn little sleep and but I did have time to check out a buffet for breakfast.  Not bad.  So after a day of meetings I thought I’d return for the supper buffet.

I am too full and the food was nothing exceptional.  Good, some of it was great, but I am feeling melancholy.  I know I should appreciate the small things, and food has that potential.. to savor the smells, the tastes, the textures… but there is also something unfulfilling about placing your happiness on this  brief moment, this thing that encourages you to eat too much, and regret it later.

Fill yourself and a full length mirror is not your friend, no so much because of how you changed but by the fullness you know is inside, and the battle you know it will be to work off that extra food.  Don’t fill yourself and you are indulging in the flavors and textures but denying yourself some portions and question if you made a mistake; perhaps regretting later the self control that you didn’t allow yourself to indulge.

How much better is a hug, the kiss from someone who cares?  I miss Izrina.  I can get by without my slave, but why in the name of all things holy would I want to?  Time to mix another Baccardi and coke, and find some things to show gratitude for, before I crash for the day.   Being happy is sometimes work.  But its good work.  Its tough to be someone’s great day, if you haven’t taken the time to find your reasons for gratitude.  I’ll post part 2, tomorrow… sleep is calling.

 

 

 

All this sin,and I sleep

Around 18 hours ago I got up to do a few things before heading to Vegas.  All tasks, travel, flights, and check-ins are behind me at last.  Here I sit in my hotel in Sin city and all I want to do is collapse.  Its 1:30 am here but my brain still thinks its 4:30 in the morning – almost time for breakfast.

Which brings me to Izrina.  She’ll be up in another hour to go to work, back east.  I couldn’t bring her and wish I could have.  That would would have made for a nice stress reliever on a number of levels.

Ah well, nothing to do but suck it up and look for a great tomorrow.  Still feeling the connection though.  Her evening gratitude was pretty nice.  It warmed me.  I have plenty to be grateful for starting with all of the friendly strangers who wanted to chat.  Made for a more pleasant truip.  Carpe Diem my friends!

Freedom

Together, these three quote give us a picture of life in a microcosm.

I can not create a minute, even the minutes of my life belong to a higher force. The only thing I truly own, are my choices. ~Xtac Quote

We are always free to choose.  We are not however, free to choose the results of our choosing.  ~ Quote, author unknown

If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans. ~ Sno Quote

 

Freedom, the cry of democracies all over the world, is in many ways an illusion.  This does not mean that we should not pay for freedom with the blood of patriots, it simply means that we should ever be mindful that the fates are a fickle bunch.  The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray.  Cancer does not care who it takes.  The last grain of sand in every life’s hourglass, must eventually fall.  Life is precious.  With all of this in mind, I am so very pleased with my slaves gratitude entries for yesterday:

• This slave is grateful for sharing,
• This slave is grateful for caring,
• This slave is grateful for special moments.

I feel like a proud father.  Good choices Izrina, Master is pleased.

 

The (Vile) blog I’ve been putting off

I have been wanting to get to this, but procrastination is a terrible thing to waste.

Compatibility  – Its been said that a Master and slave should be compatible if they are going to be happy with each others likes and dislikes.  Its been said that a Master and slave only need to like being a Master or slave and after that total obedience fills in the gaps.  For every ying there is a yang, for every lingam a yoni, every mountain requires a valley, and every truth has a counterpoint.

When pursuing the mysteries of life; seeking higher truths, remember that every real truth is a paradox. This is why, the smarter we get, the less we know. ~Xtac Quote

The trigger – for the desire to write this blog began with a back and forth set of comments with one of my favorite Bloggers, Vile.  The exchange can be found in his Blog:  Your purpose is to be used.  He started with, “I do agree with you 99.5% however”.  I am not sure where the craving to have people agree with us started, but its an obsession I don’t subscribe to.  I strongly suspect that Vile could give a rat’s ass either.  That’s the beauty of a strong willed friend.  Of course now I am pondering a new question, if friends don’t have to agree what exactly is the bond?  The answer is right in front of me.  A great friend can have opinions you simply hate and yet neither you nor they care about that difference.  A great friend can tell you to fuck off and yet has your back when the shit starts.  There is more concern for the character of a great friend, than what comes out of their mouth.  Its one of those paradoxes, like enemies can often be your best council.

The greatest danger to compatibility – When I met Izrina, before I started to train her, before I took away her name, she was a nilla.  I saw in her great potential to be a slave. She was curious about my life, so I brought her into my world.

There is this thing, where a person wants to be with you, and they change to be with you.  Maybe you are a bit country, or urban, or sports fan, or whatever, and in the nilla world, your partner comes into your life and begins to share your farm life, or urban life, or sports fanaticism, and so it goes.  You find yourself thinking, I just want to grab some beers, drive the truck down to the river and skip stones, and maybe get a little frisky in the truck bed and she says, that’s what I want to, and you think, I should marry this girl, she’s perfect!

Then a few years go by and the truck bed is too hard, and the creek is boring, and why the hell don’t you ever take me some place nice in town.  We always have to spend time with your drinking buddies.  Yeah, that’s the nilla side of what happens when the girl she became to be with you, wears off and she reverts to her former self.

The Ds version is a little different.  Its about hard limits and likes and dislikes, its about what gives you subspace and what blocks your bottom from getting there, its about total control, or the slow creep of dissatisfaction with a life of service.

Vile said and I quote – In some situations could it be a need for the slave to have a need to conform?  My answer, “Yes, absolutely”.   But I am also mindful that people are people no matter what lifestyle.  What I would call a true slave, is a person who is not lying to you or themselves about a real desire to be in service, to give all that they are, to be shaped by another person.  THAT is what I would call real.

Visa-versa, a person may think they are a slave, but when it gets down to it, the level of control, the changes, the insistence, the constant compromises to the Master’s whims, begins loose its appeal and becomes an unhappy place.   This can only happen if a slave lies to themselves, or to the Master, about what is in their heart.  It is not done out of malice, rather, it is happens when a desire blinds us to those nagging little voices of dissent.

Crow was amused. – Another awesome community member, named Crow, was amused.  I explained how at the start of Izrina’s training, I repeatedly asked her over and over is she was sure she was happy as a slave, and she finally in exasperation asked me to stop asking her that.  Crow laughed and said – “Let me get this straight.  A slave, who should do what you say and trust in your reasons and judgement, told you to stop doing what you were doing?  Doesn’t sound very slave like.”  Again the paradox.  He’s right, it is amusing.

The difference I noted is not unlike why we don’t take off a collar to punish a slave.  Somethings are so painful, so counter to the slave mentality, that we just don’t do it.  Causing a slave to consider if they are a real slave, is pretty much a punishment, for a real slave.

A slave’s need –  So yes, a slave needs the support, the control, the protection and perhaps the love of a Master’s touch. A slave is strong and they need someone stronger, an irresistible force that will gently but firmly mold them into the better person they want to be.

Dishonesty is the greatest danger to the needs of a Ds relation.  If the Master is not a real Master, if they do not find joy in the sacred role, then they are lying to themselves and to others and will cause great pain to their slave when they revert back to their former self.

By the same token, a true Master, one who knows all the joy that complete and total connection with another soul can bring, the joy of having no personal barriers, no walls between you, of completely raw and open communication, will be devastated to find that that all they started, all they hoped for has vanished because it who claimed to be a slave, never really was.

Lying to yourself, be you Master or slave, will eventually cause pain in others.  Be honest about your likes, your dislikes, your desires and above all, the level of commitment you are going to give to your role.

Poking the dog in the eye – This story comes to us from a rather brilliant slave, called EmptySea.  There once was a dog in a pound.  And it was lonely.  And an owner came and took the dog home and fed it and played with it, and both were very happy.  And at night the owner poked the dog in the eye.  The dog thought, what the fuck?!!  But everything else was good so the dog tried to ignore it. And days continued to be good but every night the owner poked the dog in the eye.  One night the dog had enough and bit the owner.  The owner said, you are not a REAL dog.  A real dog wouldn’t bite its owner for doing what it wants with a dog.

The moral is obvious.  Some things an owner does is good.  Some things an owner does is tolerated.  Sometimes the tolerated things are so far into a hard limit, its hard to overlook.  The one fact we must never forget is that this is consensual slavery.  Consensual slavery thrives on mutual happiness.  Mutual happiness may require some compromise on both sides, as is true with any relation.  When we strive to achieve a CNC relation, we strive to free ourselves from any constraints.  We strive to create a relation totally dedicated to the Master’s whims, one that uses the slave for the pleasure of the Master.  But you can only poke the dog in the eye so many times.  Compatibility is key.

Finding your perfect someone – There are no easy answers on how to find the right Master or slave, but I do have a few tips.  Start with honesty.  Honesty about who you are and what you need.  Be honest with yourself first and foremost, so you can be honest with another. Honest is the building blocks of trust.  With continued demonstration of your commitment to be honest and honorable, your partner can come to trust what you are building is real.

Be honest in your evaluation of your compatibility.  Unless complete use and objectification is your thing, compatibility is key.  Even then, some fantasy driven desires may be outside your ability to deliver.  Be honest when you go from a collar of consideration to a collar of training.. does this sound like it will work?  Be honest when you go from a collar of training to a final collar.. Are there too many compromises, and if so, will they haunt the relation later?  Be honest with yourself.  If you are a slave who feels unworthy, ask instead, is my Dominant trust worthy?  If so, place trust in your Dominant to answer these questions for you.

If you discover too late as many have, that you need more than your partner is giving, again, be honest.  You have three choices if you are already in a relation 1) Get your partner to step up 2) Get an agreement to go poly and find someone to step up  3) End the relation and find someone.  If you need to be a Master or slave, then stop lying to yourself and start taking the steps to be what makes you happy.  If you are in a Master / slave relation and not happy, stop lying and postponing. There will be pain, yes, but it is the price of not being honest sooner.  Pain is often the price that must be paid to get on with your life.

If you find yourself without a Master, or a slave, remember that you are who you are no matter what, that a Master or slave without someone is a valuable thing, and your value is not measured by the person you are with, but by the value you bring.  Life is messy and not perfect, but there are few joys as wonderful as deeply satisfying connection with another person.  Ds above all else, can provide the most intense expression of the connection we all seek.

Just remember that what you seek you will not find, but in the path of your happiness, when you are loving life the most, what you were seeking will find you.  ~Xtac Quote

Carpe Diem my friends.  For better or worse, I’m off to my colonoscopy.  I’m treating this as an adventure, to get my head in a happy place.  To ensure I have a great day, be assured, I will be someone’s great day!

FMB, UCLA research, & Sno

First things first – for those who follow this blog and want to know if we went to Feel Me Breath last night, yes, and Izrina had a lovely beating.  About forty five minutes of leather foreplay and a little over thirty minutes of fire, and she was zoom, zoom.  I grabbed a bottle of water, and a couple cookies to put beside the couch.  I like to have these ready for aftercare.  Water to re-hydrate, sugar for quick energy.  With assistance from Master Karl we moved her to the prepared area.  She curled up under a nice felt blanket, warm and toasty, her head in my lap, where she stayed for almost an hour before her eyes fluttered open to find me caring for her.  Yeah, she needed that.

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Here a link, there a link, everywhere a link-link. – This is part blog, part research paper, and part reference material, so there will be a lot of links.  You can get the gist of this by reading, but for a deeper dive, follow the links.

* – A Fetlife account is require to open links with an asterisk.

 

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UCLA study –  We recently came across an article that says that a UCLA study found that keeping a daily mini-journal in which you record three things you are grateful for, if kept for at least 21 days, can trigger parts of the brain that stimulate Dopamine production.

Dopamine – (contracted from 3,4-dihydroxyphenethylamine) is an organic chemical of the catecholamine and phenethylamine families. The brain includes several distinct dopamine pathways, one of which plays a major role in reward-motivated behavior. Most types of reward increase the level of dopamine in the brain, and most addictive drugs increase dopamine neuronal activity. Dopaminergic stimulants can be addictive in high doses. Within the brain, dopamine functions partly as a “global reward signal”, where an initial phasic dopamine response to a rewarding stimulus encodes information about the salience, value, and context of a reward. Cocaine increases dopamine levels by blocking dopamine transporters (DAT), which transport dopamine back into a synaptic terminal after it has been emitted.

Sno – the other addictive white powder * – Sno, the founder and powerhouse behind FMB is an incredible person.  She rose up from being an alpha slave to one of the single most competent Dominants I know.  She maintains a house with multiple servants and slaves, and organizes community events, workshops, etc.  Like the other white powder, she is addictive.  There is a quiet firmness to her that intimidates slaves and demands respect, even while she is bouncing through a Dungeon skipping and singing and giggling.  But that happy free spirit can turn on a dime, and draw a laser like gaze on any inconsistency.  Complex doesn’t start to cover it.

Fluffy little journal requirements. – Sno has for as long as I have known her, required her subs and slaves in service to her, to write down three things each day that they are grateful for, and to send them to her.  I thought of it as an exercise in mindset, getting a slave to appreciate the gift of Domination.  Perhaps she always had more in mind than that.  I thought of it as useful fluff.  As another author put it:

 Some of the world’s most successful people use gratitude journals, including a woman worth $3 billion who you may have heard of before – Oprah Winfrey.

Yeah, Oprah, right? If you’re not a middle-aged 45-year-old woman who loves feel-good stories and free giveaways, you might be rolling your eyes. I was at this point in time. It says self-help all over it. I don’t need that.

Turns out I was wrong.  DEAD wrong.  Izrina will now be keeping an appreciation journal.  So will I.  My daughter is too old now to order around, but I will try to get her on the band wagon too.

The SCIENCE behind the fluff – When you start to do the research, you will find out that there is a lot of science behind an appreciation journal.   One sales and productivity site encourages a gratitude journal to improve productivity.   They point out that Gratitude > leads to Happiness > that leads to Productivity.  To underscore that recommendation, they point out these studies:

• Yale studies say a gratitude journal will result in higher alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness, and energy.
• Stanford offers a high-demand class leveraging gratitude journals, which made students 27% less stressed.
• Harvard studies indicate gratitude improves health and strengthens relationships.
• UC-Berkeley research indicates a gratitude journal improves sleep and decreases illness.
• Columbia research says gratitude improves the immune system, while reducing anxiety and/or depression.

 

Bottom line –  moving forward, I am on the Sno bandwagon with this one, along with the other Sno original I have always subscribed to: The endorphin ladder *.   Add this to the list of things that I will call the “one true way”.   Some things have intrinsic value, and objectively belong in the standard tool box of Master slave relations.

Here is the thing.  Many, many people have stumbled onto, or learned through practice and intuition, much of what I would pass along as core lessons for Ds.  Often we find out later that nilla counter parts have validated what we have long suspected, and that my friends is another critical part of what we need to do as a community.  We need to keep these core lessons, and call them the one true way, or core lessons, we need to pass them along in meaningful, intelligent ways so that the science and understanding behind what we do, is not lost.

So at one point in the evening, we drew people into a circle, and gave acknowledgement to two things.  First, the science, and second, Sno’s brilliance for having practiced this long before the science was shared. Carpe Diem!   Go be someones great day!

 

My secret submissive life

Shocking!  – Sometimes I choose to not act like a Dominant —gasp!   Double gasp, because I take inspiration for these blogs from my own life.   What you must ask, could I  possibly have done recently, to have me thinking of a submissive side?  There is rarely a time when some aspect of what I am doing, doesn’t cause me to think in terms of being a Dominant.

Speaking of inspired – Tonight my slave surprised me with a new dish I had not previously approved.  Chicken Ragout, she tells me.  Rice with a gravy like sauce, big, thick, juicy chicken chunks so tender they reminded me of scallops. Carrots, cooked down until firm but not so much as to be a distraction for the pallet.  A delicious experiment.  A side note for something humorous.   As I raved, she said, “I definitely need to make this more often”. I looked at her sideways, a single eyebrow cocked.  She put her hand over her mouth, finished chewing in a hurried pace, then added: “If you think so of course”.  I grinned and acknowledged it could be added to my “frequently served” list.

Traffic and anger, again – What inspired the title for this blog however was an incident on the highway today.  I was on a two lane highway and the car ahead of me was doing about five under the speed limit.  So I moved into the other lane and started to slowly creep past.

At least I planned to but as I crept up on the other car, he or she sped up.  I went faster they went faster until I was uncomfortable with my speed.  I didn’t need a ticket, for passing a person that was doing five under, but I  sure wasn’t was going to drive the next 20 minutes at five under either.  I’ve seen this too often.  If you drop behind, they go back to the lazy speed they were at before you started to pass.

As soon as I was clear, I got over in front of this person.  There is always someone in the fast lane who has no problem going 10 or 20 over the speed limit and will sit on your bumper to let you know they are in a hurry.. so I try not to act like I own the lane.  If they want to risk the ticket, have at it.  So I pulled over and slowed to just five over the speed limit.  That’s ten more than when I started.  Now the same driver who a moment ago was doing ten less, is right up on my rear bumper.  He-or she- stayed there for about five minutes, then lost the desire to goad me, and dropped back down until they were doing about five under the speed limit and falling far behind.  At this point I slowed back down to the speed limit and they continued to drop behind.

My assumption was that they were now doing the five under they had been, before I tried to go around them.  I don’t get it.  This behavior is not unusual and I don’t understand it.  I want to do a certain speed.  I see cars going faster, and I see cars going slower.  I just want to be able to do the speed I want to do.  I don’t care if a car passes me but its seems to bother some people.

The only thing I can think is, that unconsciously or otherwise, position on the highway is gives some people an over aggravated sense of competition.  They get angry by being passed, and keep that anger, until distracted by something shiny.   I don’t know.   I know that I can be an aggressive driver, to get around people that are going slow in the fast lane and treat it like their personal property.  I can be aggressive when there is little time to pass.  Or when people act like they have no idea what they are doing, or are swerving  and you can’t predict what they will do next.  I need to put some distance between me and some drivers.   Aside from that, I tend to let my secret submissive out and let them have their way.  There is a time and a place for everything, especially on the road.

Speaking of submissive things – my butt should have a tattoo that says “exit only”.  I am well aware that women have two orgasmic spots in the genital area, and men do as well.  We share a lot in common with women, such as this, and erections, and ejaculations.  I am well aware that an old prostitute trick to make a john cum faster is to stick a finger inside and massage the prostrate.   Well, I’m going to do the responsible thing and let a Doctor put a camera where no man or woman has gone before.. yup… its time for another colonoscopy.  Time to ride the silver stallion, a thing I hope to be passed out for.  I get the “control” aspect of doing anal.  I just don’t care to receive.  It’s the responsible thing to do, and since I have people that I would like to stick around for, and not put through watching me die slowly, I just gotta suck it up.   I think more than anything, what I really hate is the day of clear liquids with no foods… By the time the Doc is done, I will have reverted to my caveman alter ego,  be sharpening broom handles, and ready to go slay, roast and eat the first moving, non-human thing I find.

My secret submissive – So yes, I can put the ego in check, and yes I can throttle back on my Dominant side just enough to appear almost submissive, but don’t think for a minute there isn’t a very unhappy animal rattling the cages and wanting out!

That’s image is actually wrong.  If you control anger by locking it up instead of dealing with it and making peace with it, you really have not controlled your anger.  A more accurate picture would be my Dominant side, reclined in my smoking jacket, pipe in hand observing my submissive actions and saying with a smirking smile:  “Very good old boy, but I could have done that sooo much better!”

Tonight we hit FMB for a beating.  Ladies, you may have notice there are certain times when a beating works better and other days when your body makes it harder to get to your head space.   Unfortunately tonight is one of those days, and I’ll need to work a little differently to get my slave into that lovely head space.  Fortunately, I won’t need to be a secret submissive to get the job done.. just a little more attentive.  Carpe Diem my friends!

Vacations and anger

Today is the day of the much dreaded gift store and mandatory vacation gift shopping.  I am not a fan.  I hate trinkets and clutter.  Except if the clutter is books, entertainment, or tools.  These I can never get enough of.

So as we were walking through the amusement park, I found myself behind a dad and his son and they were having a talk.  It went something like this:

• Son > You were mean.
• Dad > I was angry, you were not listening
• Son > But its bad to be mean, right?
• Dad > Yes.

The talk went on like this and I wanted to say, there are times when someone isn’t listening that anger is an effective tool in making that person pay attention, to realize the you are quite serious and that there will be consequences if we can’t reach an understanding.

But then I remember that I don’t believe in using anger with my slave.  So the puzzle began to unravel.  I do believe there are times anger is an effective tool.  I also think that being angry with a slave shows a lack of control.   I felt like there was a deeper understanding of slavery, control, and Mastery in these thoughts.

When you deal with people, and you must achieve certain outcomes, there needs to be a series of actions you can take that result in final compliance.  I see some kids screaming at the top of their lungs and I really think they need a serious wake up call.  A child who has spent their life getting over on authority is not well served when they come into conflict with a police officer who has no time for non-compliance.

Children are adults in training.  Life is not fair and is often cruel.  When a child begins to think of themselves as an irresistible force,  it would be better for everyone if their first lesson from an immovable object was a spanking instead of a beat-down, handcuffs, and jail time.  Better to learn that you don’t fuck with some people, and learn that early when the lesson heals quicker.

Speaking of needing a beating, a mother was walking ahead of us with three boys and they were kicking the railings and climbing them and generally acting like uncontrollable vandals, and the mother said to them, “Stop that or they will kick you out of the park”.  One of the boys, 4 or 5 years old I would guess, turned and said.. “no they won’t”.  I wondered about that.  How does a kid that young learn that an adult is lying to them.. and not be intimidated by a threat?  Probably because the mom has lied and made false threats consistently.  Another Ds lesson.  Don’t threaten unless you are prepared to follow through and always follow through.

One mother drew all her kids in a circle and said.. OK, no whining, no bitching, and no fighting with each other.  You will be nice to each other or so help me, I will beat the hell out of you. And the youngest one, a little girl of maybe four said.. Yeah!  We gotta listen to our parents.  I liked that mom right away.  You go girl!

Back to anger, and a series of actions or consequences.  You don’t have to be angry to lay out a series of consequences, each one more strict than the last.  In fact, there is something more scary about the very intense, very under control, person who is capable of dealing out punishment.  The last option is usually, the termination of the relation.  You can not take this option off the table, even in marriage.   You can not allow yourself to sink into a frustration that sees no options left.  There are always ethical options left.    I think anger is the last resort for people who have run out of options.  And therein lies yet another important lesson of Ds.

To be good at this, you need to be intelligent enough, and creative enough, that you never run out of options.   Sometimes motivation can be a look, a word, and sometimes it means pushing button that you are aware of from a deeper understanding of the person you are with.  To be a great Master, you must have all of these tools, and bring them to bear in such a way that you control the mind, not the body, of your slave.  You must create joy in service,  regret from dissatisfaction, happiness from compliance, self inflicted pain from failure, relief from stress, and on and on.  You must observe constantly, and never fail to make a change when the actions, attitude, and service of your slave calls for your attention.  This is the joy of power exchange.  At first, it takes thought.  You will have so much nilla thinking to shake off.  Later, it is a natural as breathing.