Interesting dinner conversations

Dinner conversation at the House of X can often be quite stimulating.  A few recent subjects thread together quite nicely because there is a common theme running through them.

Masters and sadists walk a razor edge between pleasure and abuse for the benefit of our charges.

We had a lovely evening of dinner and conversation and some light bondage and flogging thrown in for good measure.  Five people in all, and all but one were quite interested in certain aspects of BDSM.  A young lady, we will call her Kitty, has an interest in being a bottom. Not a full on slave mind you but she wants her man to step up and be more Dominant and like almost every subby on the planet she doesn’t want to top from the bottom.  If she has to tell him to Dominate her, it doesn’t work.

So much of our conversation was about how the model that he was brought up in, the gold standard for treating women he thinks is his blue print, may be all wrong for the person he is with.

He has get inside Kitty’s head.  He has to understand what makes her tick and then fuck with that.  The best fuck is always starts between the ears.  He has to push certain limits, both Kitty’s and his own.  He has to push the limits in himself that tell him how to respect and treat his woman.  He has to push her limits so she feels his Domination.  It’s an age old problem.. one we often hear.

It is a razor edge that we Master walk.  Sadists too.  When I control every aspect of Izrinia’s life we both derive pleasure from this.  She from service and submission, I from the Domination and positive changes I make in her life.  I must constantly push my Domination deeper, looking ways to keep it fresh.  From the outside looking in, others may only see me using her.  They are not inside feeling the pleasure we both enjoy.  They don’t understand.. and I mean really do not.  It breaks all notions of conduct in a relation they have been taught.  It is the antithesis of their gold standard.

Imagine though if Izrina and I should end our relation.  Izrina could look back and say: “I don’t know what I was thinking at the time.  He abused me.  He used me.”    If  Izrina is to be punished, and I send her to the bedroom to wait for me and leave her there for hours, and she obeys then consent is given.  She can revoke her consent at any time.  When she obeys it is always through consent.  But from the outside looking in others might say I am abusing her.  I am controlling her.  She doesn’t know what she is doing.

What changes consent to abuse and abuse to consent are a fascinating subject.

And that brings yet another dinner conversation: “RJ Kelly”.  RJ has a history which I am trying to pick through the hype on.  Yes he takes in young women and reshapes their lives.  Yes, he Dominates and controls every aspect of their decision making.  Yes, these women often cut off contact with family and old friends.  Yes, after leaving him they often describe this as abuse.  But those that refuse to leave even after their parents beg them to are still apparently consenting and therein lies the question.  Is this history revision?  Was it pleasurable and consenting at the time but through the eyes of a changed life later labeled abuse?   Or is he crossing certain lies that blur consent?  What are those lines that blur consent?   More on that later…  Fascinating subject..

Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

“Taking” Izrina

I don’t know if this is common or not.  It’s not a subject that comes up a lot.  When my slave experiences an orgasm, I consider it a gift to me.

Sex is, at least for me, a somewhat primal thing.  Its a “taking thing”.  It is hard for me to see impaling my slave on my throbbing need as anything less than a domination.  It is a taking thing wrapped up in power and possession.

Beneath me, her sounds of pleasure are my reassurance.  Her orgasm an affirmation of consent.  It is a gift of submission, wrapped in the pleasures of flesh, handed to her owner upon the alter of our peculiar love.

Force fantasy, if you know what that is, in reality is just play.  It is fun to play at rough sex but at the end of the day without consent it turns ugly.  Consent is the foundation of bdsm.   It is important to note that neither pleasure nor orgasm are in and of itself consent.  It can be though…

We bring consent to our play in many ways.. through negotiation, through affirmation, through submission, and other ways.

When a slave in the throws of passion whispers “I am your slave”.. when that slave begs for permission to orgasm.. when that slave offers that orgasm as a sign of their submission and love for the Master they serve.. it is pleasing.. at least to this Master.

I love the gifts of orgasm my slave brings to me.  They please me.  Not just because they stroke my ego.  Yes, there is that too in this.  But it is more than that.  In the taking is domination.  In the giving is consensual submission.  How you do this.. through ritual, protocol, rules, and such can magnify the sense of this.

You need to be more than inside the body of your slave.  You need to be in their mind as well.  Demands and control and protocol drive it all deeper and in sex deeper still.  I am all about control, but I can’t separate sex from power.  They are too closely tied.

Not sure if this makes sense, but then it doesn’t have to for anyone else.  It just has to for this Master and his slave.  Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

Slave humor…

Q-What’s the difference between a slave and a mosquito?

A-A slave doesn’t stop sucking on you after you slap it!

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Q-Why do most slaves prefer tilt steering?

A-More headroom!

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Izrina suggestion…

Q-Why does Master like playing “Destroy all Humans 2”?

A-Because when you force a hippy chick to “follow you” they say:  “YES Master!, Boink!”  (Master likes the boink part)

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Any additions?





Just above silence

Does anyone really need to say anymore that everyone is different?  Probably not but let’s throw that disclaimer out there anyway.

It’s all about me.  I’m a Dom and a Master.  I like being the center of attention.  I like discussing anything and everything and on nearly any subject I have a sell established line of thought with some caveats you may or may not have already considered.

As much as I enjoy bringing new information to a discussion of any subject, I also enjoy when someone brings something new to me.  I like to sharpen my wit and my arguments.  To sharpen steel you need something harder.

Not all conversation is good though.  There is nothing worse than a blathering idiot spouting off insistently.

And that leads me to my slave.  I was trying to kiss her goodby this morning.  I hovered over her, just inches from her mouth, and she was still talking about bonsai trees and her plans to make some.  I grinned..  Then I said, “some women are chatty.”  

Then I observed:  “Some slaves are very outspoken, but I find that annoying.  Some slaves are always silent and that can be a problem.  I like a slave who is just above silence”.  Now it was Izrina’s turn to grin.

It is not easy finding a great life partner.  There are so many ways you can be compatible and yet so many other ways you can annoy each other.

If you are new to BDSM head my warnings.  Take it slow.  Go through the three collars: consideration, training, final.  Negotiate every step of the way.   Make a solid commitment at each step.

Dominants need to do this to make sure you are not compromising your desires.  Slaves, you need to do this because it is your right and your need.   Better to wait and get the right Master or Mistress for you than commit and break that commitment because you didn’t make a good choice of who to offer your submission to.

There are a number of areas to negotiate and not all of them need to be negotiated at first meet, or even at the time of the consideration collar.  Obviously you will negotiate access to your mind and body, that is a given.  But you must also consider money.  You need to decide how division of assets will work and who controls what.  Then there may be children.  Money and children break up more marriages so why should it be any different for a BDSM relation?  Lastly there is the question of spiritual beliefs.  If God and your belief structure is above all else this needs discussion.

I am blessed.  My slave fits me in so many ways.  In the way we do things and the things we like and the way she fulfills my need to control.  That plus it is her natural inclination for conversation to be just a bit above silence.  Well, normally.   Works for me!

Carpe Diem my friends, be someones great day!

That’s just funny right there…

Not what I was expecting, but its too good to not share..


Of course this has reality issues for good BDSM folk.  First, this Dominant is keeping their secret from the one they love.  That is just wrong on so many levels.

She is lying to her life partner.  If he isn’t into poly-play then she is cheating on him too.  She is living a double life and sharing with no one.  How sad and lonely!  Ultimately if this is her real self, she’ll have to come clean or leave him..  The list of problems goes on and on.

Now imagine for a moment we changed the girl to a guy.  The guy stays home, not working for paycheck but also not working at home.  He is spending his whole day playing with other women.  Wouldn’t we jump to the concussion this was just plain wrong even faster?  Why is that?

For me to see myself in this picture, I need to be the Dominant.  What would work for me is if the girl is an alpha slave to me…  Dom to her little subbies and slave to me… that works.  I don’t care if the subbies are male of female.  The fun is in the control.  I can’t see me being the one to stay home.. at least not until I’m retired. hmmm…



Flower child…

Izrina loves flowers.  She loves plants.  She likes digging and planting and bringing home new specimens to put in the yard.  She always has fresh flowers for the dinner table.

She also had a birthday coming up.  I am not a fan of gifts on certain days.  I prefer to give a gift when I come across something meaningful, something I know a person would like.  Gifts given because it is expected on a certain date tend to collect dust..

We already are blessed.  We have a nice home with a steady income that lets us live comfortable lives.  Home is where the love, laughter, and kink happens.  Life is good.  So what more do we need?  She recently asked if she could bring home a new orchid.. I told her no way.. We didn’t have any special spots left for yet another item in the house.

Meanwhile, I was busy thinking about the problem of how to make a nice birthday for her.  Here is how it went:

That morning she awoke like any other day to a hug and a kiss and a demand to fetch my coffee.  I firmly believe that a slave finds comfort and pleasure in serving and I wasn’t about to reverse that first thing in the day.

Off to work I went but I told her to make sure that she got out of work on time and put on something nice after she got home.  I kept an eye on the clock and when it was time for her to leave for work, gave her a quick call to check in.

End of the work day and she was dressed in a nice black out fit and waiting for what ever I was planning.  I know she likes Olive Garden, and Outback steak house so we headed in that general direction.  I told her we were going to Olive Garden but it was her birthday and we could do the steak house if she preferred.  She preferred to stay with Olive Garden.

We pulled into the parking lot, and I unfastened her seat belt (protocol) and got her doors for her (more protocol) and we were seated right away.  When we dine, she picks three things and I decide which she will get.. Tonight I told her she could just take her favorite item.. which bless her heart, threw her into a tizzy.   She couldn’t decide between two items, so I took the recommendation of the waitress.. A dish with pasta, shrimp, and scallops.  The meals were around 1200 calories each so we got take out containers and just split them.

I explained that my gift was this:  She had to cook and clean each night and this was a break.. That plus tonight it was just us.  No sharing me with all the folks at another event or munch.  She would neither have to cook or clean much.. for two nights.  She got a cocktail, something with strawberry which she loves, and I got a beer.  We finished up with a stroll over to Pier 1 for some window shopping, and then more browsing over at a pet store looking at all the cute animals.  I am sure she was thinking something more was coming but it never materialized.

I apologized for the interruption in our evening, but I had to swing by the office.   I have this thing about secretary’s under desks and I keep threatening to fulfill that fantasy with her, so every time we make a stop at night she naturally wonders if this is the night.  I flipped on the lights and wagged a finger for her to come over.. she did so hesitantly but with a grin.. then I spun her around and pointed at the window.. “what’s that?” I asked

There on the sill was a card and the very orchid she wanted.. a tiny little one, color was fuchsia, with darker lines just like she described.  She open the card and read.  I knew I did good when she had trouble holding back a tear.   We drove home, a happy slave with her head on Master’s shoulder.  We didn’t go straight to sleep.. I’ll leave your imagination to what came next.

Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

The pancake wars…

There is a thing I have observed with some BDSM couples where the slave objects to doing something and the Master ignores that and it happens any way.  Enter the pancake wars.

Izrina bless her heart is a good girl but when I want pancakes for breakfast she balks.  I like pancakes every now and then.  I always keep some Bisquick batter around to make it simple.  Maybe she is worried they will disappoint or that she will burn them or whatever but to get her to make me pancakes is a chore.

Into every life a little rain must fall…  but with pancakes it pours.  Odd right?  When I make them its pretty straight forward.   Keep the heat a little low, butter the frying pan well, watch for the bubbles to appear before attempting to check if the first side is gold brown, flip carefully that first side.  That’s all there is to it.

i would say this.  Wars consist of battles and its is winning the war not the battles that is important.  I think we are running about 50/50 for the pancake war battles… by which I mean about half the time I’ve made them myself and about half the time Izrina has made them.  The trick is incentive.  What will motivate her that day?   Encouragement?  Persistence?  Discipline?

One thing I can assure you, is that this war will only end one way.. with me winning.  I dearly love my slave and these kinds of things add spice to our lives.  It’s the meat of our Master and slave relation.  I actually look forward to this kind back and forth.  Victory is melancholy since it is one less fun give and take.. but there will always be another challenge.  It’s what happens when you have a SAM (Smart Ass Masochist) for a slave.

Ultimately, this is a skill she will add to her other many impressive skills. There are a number of things she does and does very well.  Some required training, some not.  This will be another dish she serves exquisitely prepared and we will both benefit.  I from a pleasant breakfast and she from the satisfaction and pride from her labor.. that and the good girl she will earn.

Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

No tentacles on the table please!

Show of hands.. How many of you had a mother who admonished…. NO elbows on the table please! ?  Yeah, mine too.   Not sure where that rule came from. I am sure its is something like why people eat with their fork upside down.. a thing done to not look like you are shoveling the food into your pie hole.

I had to make an exception though for tentacles.  We already use a carafe for 7pm protocol, so when I saw this I just had to add it to the House of X meals..


There is a thing about tentacles and damsels in distress and I must profess to have attractions to both.

First, Damsels in distress.. The whole notion of the innocent and beautiful damsel carried of by the villain or monster.. her clothes torn, a hint of her breasts exposed, the terror and uncertainty of intent.  What does he want with me?

Then there are tentacles, the rope like bondage, the movement over skin, the size and number leading to complete mobilization.  Often the tentacle is re-imaged as the ultimate large phallic symbol.  Male Octopus in fact do have a tentacle specifically designed to inject sperm.

They are highly intelligent, jet propelled, and able to camouflage them selves or being boneless, able to slip into the smallest of openings.  It is easy to both admire and perhaps be a hesitant about being close to one..  just like a Master..

Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.



Happy Thanksgiving

I am aware that celebrating Thanksgiving on this date in November is a USA thing. Other countries celebrate in a similar way, on different days.  Most are a celebration of a bountiful harvest, giving thanks that we will survive the cold of winter when nothing grows.

From my quotes:

I am thankful for beautiful skies, my inner guide, and the universe through which I offer myself as a conduit. I am thankful for my canvas, she with whom I practice serving those who serve. I am thankful for that which gives meaning to my life. I am thankful for those who have shared moments with me, letting me be part of their life.   As I become part of their life so too they have become part of mine. ~ Xtac Quote, Thanksgiving 2014


And now for some elucidation.. which is my way…

Giving thanks is something much more important than most realize.  When we give thanks we show gratitude.   Gratitude in turn is a turning point in which we shift our focus from what is wrong in our lives to what can be  appreciated.   It is in this subtle shift that your whole world comes alive.

There are numerous studies and advocates for gratitude as being critical to a happy life.  Oprah Winfrey for example has long promoted the need for gratitude.  For a deeper dive into the need for gratitude, see “Two rituals, part 3”


Moving from theory, to life…

Today is a brand new day.  What you focus on will determine just what kind of day you make.  Even if the bills are crushing, the family is rushing, and everything is a mess.. Outside there is crisp cool air.  Don’t forget to stop and take a deep breath.  Inside something may be cooking and the smell will be wonderful.  Step back and there may be the sound of voices.  Or perhaps you live alone… So start something cooking…  Don’t have a great day, make one.

And while you are figuring out just how to make a great day, remember this.  Happiness is often found in the satisfaction of getting things done.  Work is often a blessing.  Working to help others is twice the blessing.   Seize this day!  Be thankful for the opportunity to be part of something.  Go forth, and live.  Be someones great day.. even if it is in the small things like a smile for a stranger or holding a door.  Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!  And give thanks for the opportunity to do so.


1950’s housewife headaches

When you start a 1950’s housewife Master/slave relation you don’t expect to hear: “Not now dear, I have a headache”.  Seriously..  When I want some slave action, its go time.

That being said, any Master worth their salt is going to care about the health of their slave.  Much like an employer you expect your slave to “call in sick” once in a while and of course you are concerned.  But you also expect the trust you give and the concern you show, will not be abused.

It needs saying that there is no direct comparison between an employers tolerance for sick days and a Master’s.  Work should ideally be somewhere in the neighborhood of 40 hours a week.  Slaves are 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.   That’s 168 hours a week, less sleep and work so we’ll say our beck and call girls are going to get demands as much as 72 hours a week.  A little less than double the normal work week.  When a slave is sick they don’t skip eight hours they skip twenty four.  It’s a whole different thing.

Because slavery is so pervasive its probably a good idea to give your slave some “down time”.   This is a subject entirely different from sick time, but it is worth mentioning here.  Down time is time that is their’s to use as they see fit..  with parameters and guidelines of course.  Down time is a good thing.  Its good for the slave feeling overwhelmed and its good for the hard core needy slave.  Both can benefit from a little down time.  Hopefully it leads to an appreciation when things  “get back to normal”.. by which I mean back under Master’s thumb again.

Downtime is helpful because of the number of hours a slave is dominated.  That time though has nothing to do with headaches, cramps, bloating, and the plethora of other ailments that can make your slave feel less than sexy.  Back to the subject at hand.

There was a slave who had cancer, and her Master did not let her off the hook for her duties.  And when questioned he simply said, “She needs this”.   Each person and case is different but for this particular slave and situation it was the best thing for her.

More often then not, a slave will find that the firm hand of Master leads to the epiphany that they can muscle through.. and then comes the curious sense of satisfaction of having beaten back the obstacles.   I builds character.  It strengthens the kind of discipline we seen in the military.  The Master’s own brand of discipline can be rewarding on many levels.  It is a Master’s job to recognize and address things like procrastination, delay tactics,  and excuses.

But what of the legitimate need for rest when a slave is truly, very, very sick?  It should go without saying that a Master then needs to become the Doctor.   Thermometer in hand, we need to check their temp, feed them lots of liquids, and tuck them into bed.

Don’t think though, that getting that kind of treatment is going to come easy from this Master.  Coming to me with “I’m not feeling well” is probably going to be met with hands on my hips and the question:  “Are you REALLY going to use one of your sick days?”      I have little tolerance for “slave sick days”.   If you are sick, you better be throwing up or have a fever.  I need symptoms I can measure before my sympathy can even start to kick in.

Now you may wonder how many sick days I take.  Damn few.  My company saves the unused sick days and think I’ve accumulated over 300 days in the piggy bank.  I would rather call in dead, than sick..  Fortunately, I have an office and can sequester myself to keep the rest of the office from catching whatever I am trying to work through.  I like to think I lead by example.

Getting back to slaves, I often hear my mother questioning me as a child when I wanted to get out of school  I think I take a lot of my thoughts about slave days off from my childhood.  Slaves can be a lot like children trying to get out of going to school.  Their tummy aches until they are off the hook then it time to run and play… just like mine did when I was a child.

Just my two cents.  Maybe I am too much of a hard ass but again…  its been my experience as a father and a Master that its best to have measurable factors before softening.   Plus,  I would rather err on the side of being tough, than soft.  Its a better choice all around.  Too tough can earn a grudging respect but too soft has no upside.  The absolute last thing I want happening is for my slave to “get over on me.”  A slave outwitting the Master should be a very rate occurrence, if ever.

Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.