A picnic, a grandmother, & bite marks

A picnic – So as mentioned, I took my 80 something mother to our love of leather picnic today.  Also my 18 year old daughter. Three generations, with me the lone male in the middle.  Its an interesting scenario, and interesting it was.  It was entirely too fucking hot though..  The Fword is inappropriate, yes, but sometimes it is exactly the word you are looking for.   Today’s heat qualifies I think.

A grand mother – So my daughter got to see her grammy interacting with my kinky friends. Yeah, I’m breaking some barriers today.   The food was good and plentiful, and I had a great time.  We planned to throw a Frisbee I brought, but it was too hot in my leather. So I changed to my gym bag stuff.. shorts and sneakers.  I don’t think anyone has ever seen me without leather before.. or my knees..  I got a lot of comments.

And bite marks  – At the end as we were getting ready to leave, I pointed out that my friends in spite of their proclivities were quite safe and no one had bitten her yet… To which she called out, “Why? did someone want to bite me?”   To which someone quickly volunteered.  She laughed and later confessed, “I looked that man right in the eye and I don’t think he was kidding”.  Neither did I.

Speaking of bites – The picnic is supposed to be nilla, but a lovely Dominant named Madam Hope couldn’t resist all those trees and apparently she had some unused rope and a bottom just sitting there, so they head off for a small “hike”… along with a photographer and a spotter… hmmm.. someone was going to have fun.  At least they could,  if they brought the insect repellant.. I don’t think insect bites on your erection while tied to a tree  counts as fun.  Not sure… I know it’s not MY kind of fun.  So we lived a full life today.

Its been said to live like you only live once.  Glad mom got to a share my life, even if it was a mild slice of my wild side.  If its true that we only live once, its a good reason for grabbing all you can in this life and making it work.  I have another take on that.

Why I have passion for life  – This will take some doing to explain.  Please bear with me. I see two sides to love.. agape and eros.  Agape is compassion, it is the love of a parent, it is love without conditions, it is never angry or upset, its slow to action, it is full of blinding white light from the top chakra, and it is associated with heaven and angels.   Eros is passion, the love of a lover and the senses, it is very conditional, it is often angry, demanding, and needy, it often takes impulsive action and retribution, is dark red – the color of the base chakra and it is the energy and color associated with devils and sex.

I believe we are eternal beings, part of the spark of life, child of God if you prefer, and we are stuck in cycle between eros and agape.  Here on this earth, we strive to perfect our love and by that we try to be like angels, to get to heaven. We try to fill ourselves with compassion to get that place we think we need to get back to, when we can not help but get there no matter what.  On earth we have passion and think we need to find compassion.  On the other side, we have compassion and think we need to find passion.  So the cycle goes unless we find balance.  Back and forth, between worlds, always trying to get back to the world we just left.

I think in this world, we are here to realize all the passion this world offers.. but to also keep a balance of compassion.. so that we break the cycle and open our eternal selves to enlightenment.   I think, just as some would say we have one life to live, I say this life was meant to be lived to its fullest because that is exactly why we are here.  Its why we came here, to relish in the passion of this earth.  We don’t need to be in a rush to leave this world, but neither should we fear leaving it.  I know I am not any more right than the next person, the next idea, but I also know that I have found my happiness, my reasons,  and it fulfills me.  I wouldn’t get too hung up on my words.  They are just words.  What matters is life and how we live it.

Today was a good day, a day I am thankful for, but it is now in the past.  Tomorrow I will again find my happiness anew, so that I can be a source of good in the world, and I will be passionate, about it.  I will strive as always, to be someones great day.


“How to be gay”, or a Master

So, where the hell did the title for this blog come from?  Let me peel back the skull cap for a  twisting, turning look at all the thoughts that lead up to this blog and its wildly inappropriate title. This is going to be a long one, so take a back seat and prepare to ask frequently and loudly…. ARE WE THERE YET???

It started with a picnic and a missed opportunity.  Not far from here a friend and fellow member of the house of FMB is giving a caning workshop along with a handful of other workshops.  It’s also a BBQ.  Sounds simply wonderful.  HE is known as Master Karl  Wish I had known in advance, so my slave could have gotten the day off.. though realistically that probably couldn’t happen.  Today is the love of leather picnic, and then Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday is a road trip… and you gotta leave some days open to earn the duckets.  So my thoughts turned to Master Karl and the times we have shared.


Master Karl – So many memories, so many good people.  When I think of Master Karl, I think of my contribution to the collaring of his slave. I was pleased he asked me to participate instead of witness..pleased and honored.  The time my whip ended up with him, and we each drove several miles to return it, then shared a meal.  I also think of an evening he and I sat outside FMB.  A young lady who was under his protection had requested a breast bondage and breast beating from me and I had happily  agreed, after checking with MK.   So we sat together and made sure all protocols were in order.  Master Karl gave her into my care, and passed along any specific concerns or requirements.  Then the young lady and I negotiated limits, safe words, safe signs, medical concerns, triggers, after care, and my next day sub drop requirements.  That last one was new to her.  I require an email the next day after a scene.  I may not be there if sub drop happens, but I need my partner to know that I will be available, at the other end of a communication.  If any drop at all happens, any sense of disconnection, they are to pour all of that emptiness and frustration into a communication to me and I would listen, confidentially of course.  The email is required even if no drop happens.  I feel it keeps a bottom grounded, connected, the day after.  She was taken back by this requirement  and Karl said something to the effect of.. Master X is one of the good ones.. He’s old school, not like most of the so called Dominants you will normally run into.  Can you say ego rush???  I knew you could.  When people say nice things about me the first thing I do is check that shit.  I got enough big, larger than life shit I carry around.  But thoughts of past exploits got me thinking…


My life has changed.  It may seem like I’ve gone off the rails so let me steer back into the reason for the title.  As I reflected on my past, all the times I did workshops, all the scenes, all the play partners, and I thought about how big Master Karl has gotten in the community, and I thought how much my own role in the community has changed.   I have shifted away from be a mad dungeon sadist and a presenter to a happy TPE owner.  I really am happy just being the “living with X” guy.    But I do miss the workshops, and the travel, and of course the fun of all that attention.  So I thought, what do I have to offer that isn’t already been filled by others?  The answer sadly is, nothing.   I really have nothing unique.  Rare perhaps, but not unique. I am not so much the showman of Sadism that I used to be.   I’ve shifted from Showman-Sadist to simple Property Owner.  So I began to think, how did all of this change start?


Stop the Carnival Ride, I want off! – There is something that happens when you become famous for a thing.  Its called the “carnival ride”.     A few years back, I was known as “the fire guy”.  Take a look at my Fire 101 article in my DSG group (You will need a Fetlife account).  It’s probably the most comprehensive fire guide you will find. – (There is that ego thing again)  Every where I went, someone wanted me to do their first fire scene, or loved the last one so much, they wanted another.  The lines were always long.  It didn’t leave a lot of time for my pet, and frankly I had turned into an amusement.  I had become the ride that everyone wanted to try.  Its why we call it being the “carnival ride”.    So I got greedy, and I stopped.  Greedy because I stopped sharing. Shadow Biker, a wonderful gentleman is now the fire guy for the house of FMB.   He is extremely generous, and he has always pointed to me and said, you are the Master, I learned from you.  I appreciate his acknowledgement that I started his training but he really he is the Master now.  He has his own style, and he is much loved for what he does.  With all of the scenes he’s done, and with how well he is known for fire now, no one is going to suspect that I might be as talented as he is… which is fine with me.  I made the decision to walk away and if I can’t throttle my ego back to go with that, then I shouldn’t have made the decision in the first place.   Shadow really, really is good at what he does and I’m happy for him.


What’s my kink? – So as I thought about getting back in the game, I thought about what I had to offer to the community.  I don’t really care about teaching people new ways to bring pain.  What I care about is being a Master, a property owner, a Dominant of value.  I care about protocols, rituals, and mindset.   Problem is, that doesn’t bring in the crowds like a good fire demo.  My last workshop was “collaring”.  It’s a lesson I feel very strongly about but it doesn’t have a large draw.  But the problem is, these things that form the foundation of a solid property/Owner relation.  They are not exciting.  I think a desire for TPE is less common than most people think.  Oh.. I don’t doubt that a lot of lip service is paid to TPE.. which IS my thing, but when you get down to brass tacks, when its really about listening, and thinking, and getting inside your slaves head, and breaking down barriers, and removing every obstacle that stands in the way of your slave being an extension of your will.. well, its just textbook theory and other boring stuff.  Plus, as I JUST observed in a comment on whose blog? Vile of course..  Some things you can’t teach.

The blog idea unfolds – You cant teach orientation –  Here is that connection to the title you have been waiting for.  Imagine I held a course entitled “How to be gay”.  First, the gay community would lose their minds, and second, I would blame no one for outrage because it really would be ridiculous.  So why do I think I can teach someone to be Dominant?   I often say, this is my orientation.  Much like being gay, I have always felt this way.  I don’t know if it was genetic, or upbringing, but I have always felt the need to find a person with whom I can connect with as few others have, on a level intensely deep and passionate, with none of the so called inevitable contempt breed by familiarity.  AND I want to do it as a property owner, to be large and in charge. Can I really teach that?

Do NOT abandon hope, ye who enter here! – To the question I just posed, I turn to the answer I provided earlier.  My version of extreme TPE or CNC may be rare but it is not unique.  What I have to share, is not for those already living it.  They know what it took to get there.  What I have to share, is for the real unicorns, the extremely rare.  Those people just starting out, who deeply desire to be an owner or property.  This is something I can coach on, something I can council to.  I think I need to form a OApT group.. Owners And property Together.   Like MAsT, but with a focus on TPE.  I said it a very long time ago and I still think  this.  The word Slave has lost some of its meaning.  A slave by definition IS TPE or CNC.  I don’t know why we debate this.  When you say owner and property, there is no ambiguity. I don’t really want to be known for my Sadism.  I would rather be known for my knowledge in TPE, as a Master, and a property owner.

There is a danger – Projecting myself as a guru of property ownership is not without its dangers, of course.  When you invest in an identity like that, people expect your relation to be perfect, since you are teaching about how to make it work.  There are others out there doing this.  Like MasterOsidian and his slave Namaste.   Their workshops are full of TPE “how to” advice.  They would be my gold standard for TPE workshops.  The danger is that if a TPE relationship grows apart, you can experience a terrible loss.  You can not be that close to another human being, then lose them, and not suffer.  But when this is also your public persona, an added element comes into play.  There will be public judgement, and that will make the failure ten times worse.  I am not sure any owner or slave is prepared for that kind of pain.

The end – And now I have come to the end of this long line of thinking.  I would rather be a Master than a sadist.  Power exchange is and always has always been my main thing, more than any other aspect of BDSM.  But I am also very aware of the consideration that should go into making that the thing you are or will be known for.   I am happy as a private property owner.  Do I really want to mess with that and get out there again?