So much food!

After three weeks of preparations, we finally got to the Fourth of July and the celebration…. the renewal… of our vows.   Part of me wants to publish the vows here, and part of me wants to keep it sacred.. something we share with those in our presence…

Each time we read our vows I am moved.  Moved by how each word fits perfectly into how I feel about this Master/slave relation.  I suppose part of why I want to share is pride but also there is a feeling that more people might be moved and inspired to make their collaring event as special as they can.

We stood in our magical spot, surrounded by friends that we love so dearly, the area freshly blessed….. nothing but  good energy….   and we shared.   Then we feasted.

So much food!  While the food on the grill heated up we served ratatouille.   This all vegetable dish is filled with big chunks of all kinds of veggies.. not too soft and not too firm…  each bite a different delight for the pallet and taste buds.   Seafood salad and of course the ever present coleslaw and potato salad, with a little macaroni salad thrown into the mix.  Chips and beverages of all sorts.  People mingled on the upper and lower decks or out by the roaring fire that Beowulf built.   A steady stream of carnivore delights flowed off the grill, graciously provided and carefully attended to by Deka.  Dogs and burgers of course, but also chicken breasts with or without BBQ sauce,  ribs and brisket.

The smell drifted over the scene, calling people who were already full to come and sample just a little more.  We finished off three bottles of wine.   Later, as people began to plan for the drive home, we broke out some frozen treats..  chocolate or strawberry eclair pops…  a fun little thing to cap the evening.

I like to think everyone left a little fatter and a lot happier, wrapped in the warm glow of good company and lively conversation.   I’ve already posted the event in Fet for next year.   Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

A celebration

Fourth of July will be our first yearly collaring celebration.    What does that mean?   It means we’ll renew our vows.  Not really a startling concept.  A Master I knew used to have a yearly contract with his slave that was renewed each year.

Renewal, like spring, is not a bad idea.  It is very easy to get caught in rut doing the same things every day until nothing is fresh and everything starts to slip and slide.  Doing a reset.. a renewal.. reminds us why we started this journey together.

The setting of this celebration is our own little slice of paradise.

 

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We’ll start by offering to hear others give a brief renewal.. of their love, or slavery, or marriage.  The type of vow is not as important to this celebration as the sharing with friends of our connections.

Then Izrina and I will repeat our vows.. the ones forever locked in our ceremony keepsake, surrounded the by the sands and blessing of our dear friends.

And finally, in case anyone was moved by the events so far and regretted not stepping up sooner, we’ll offer one last time the opportunity to give a brief renewal.

Then, we will feast.   Weather permitting we will start a large bonfire, and enjoy the night, surrounded by the love and warm.  And we will think of those we have known that have come into our lives and could not share today… but all will be in our hearts.

Carpe Diem my friends… Be someone’s great day.

 

Like a frightened turtle

Or this might have been titled.. Skinny dipping with Master…

Last weekend we went to a lovely BBQ with our Kinky friends and as the mid-afternoon sun really started to heat up I thought we should head down to the watering hole and enjoy a cool dip.

We had not brought our bathing suits but nudity is not really an issue in the dungeons with our friends so why should this be any diff?

Well, long story short.. very short.. because the water was cold… VERY cold… which of course ensures things are really short…  Ever seen the Seinfield episode?

FROM SEINFELD…

George – Do women know about shrinkage?

Elaine – What do you mean, like laundry?

George – Nooooooo    ( long meaningful stare )

Jerry – Like when a man goes swimming.. (long meaningful pause)  afterwards…..?

Elaine – ( Looks surprised ) It shrinks?

Jerry – Like a frightened turtle!

Of course I shucked my clothes right away.. I have no problem with my body and its good to make the others feel comfortable.  But what does a Master do, knowing that he is going to slip into water knowing that everything is going to be absolutely freezing.. while naked?

I dipped in a toe and it was worse than cold.  It was freaking freezing.  I found a nice spot where the water ran around a large rock ledge and created a nice deep back pool and slipped in.

I said quite loudly…. “It suddenly warmed up over here!.. Oh wait.. never mind it got cold again.. Must have been me.”  I got a few knowing chuckles.  After about five minutes I was either warming up or going numb.  Couldn’t really tell any more.  Either way it was bearable after that.

The trek back winds through an old quarry that is barren, rocky, hot and feels like death valley.  Someone asked if we were sweating yet.. not a chance…. My legs were just starting to warm up again.  In fact they stayed cold for a good 20 mins after I got out.

And did I give it another thought?  Did I worry what anyone thought?  Of course not.  Life is too short to worry what other people think.. All I need to worry about is what my slave thinks… and that she is happy.  I would say she is quite happy.

Carpe Diem my friends…  Be someone’s great day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Traditions

Just me,  my dog, and my muse.  Thoughts flowing, partly directed by a love song in the background.  The singer is going on and on about how much he feels and more importantly, how much he wants this one girl.   I smile.  Most of what is hitting him so hard, and her for that matter, is our chemicals… those lovely juices the body has that creates the urge to merge.

In the traditional nilla world there are two stages..  Finding the one person you will marry, and then settling down with that one for the rest of your life.  The first half is a wild exciting ride but basically driving by looks and urges.   The second half is a lesson in learning to appreciate what you have.. and appreciate it more than the things you don’t have.

Of course there are swingers and poly people inside and outside the BDSM community, I am just talking about the straight as an arrow folks.

It is that second half that most people tend to fail at.  Sometimes they fail because they sink into an angry, confrontational, love hate with the person they are with.  Not enough hate to do something but not enough appreciation to be happy..  so they stay married and miserable.  They have no appreciation.

Some have lots of appreciation but experience failure because the one they are with realizes that they compromised too much.   Their better half moves on leaving half of a perfect union shattered and broken hearted.  Its all part of the failure to communicate.

BDSM folks have already done one thing.  They have admitted to themselves what they need in a partner.  They are no longer hiding the truth of who they are or what they want from themselves.

But that doesn’t make it any easier.  You have to take that honesty to the next level.  It is not enough to be honest with yourself.  You have to also be honest with your future partner.

The younger you are, the more likely your decision will be driven by looks and urges.  Right?  Not true.  Older folks often fool themselves into thinking what they want is young, firm, smooth… In short.. they are looking for the chemicals they themselves are missing.  Honesty with yourself is difficult but can be acquired at any age.

Once you get that far, the next level is to find someone you can be completely honest with… no compromises that you can’t live with.  Whatever it is that you want, you need to find someone who takes what you give and gives what you take.

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I’ve said this many times and will continue to say so.   The three collars are a good idea.  The  Consideration collar to tell the world hands off… you are in negotiations.   The Training collar to signify you have come to a decision to see it this works.   The Final collar to signify that you two are entering into a long term relation.

Of course everyone is free to engage in BDSM however they want.  That would go without saying except that in today’s media rich world there are so many who would pounce on  select statements and pull it apart for sport.

What I am saying is this:  In my estimation some things are best practice.   It is best practice to be honest.  It is best practice to make sure you are honest with yourself first.  It is best practice to negotiate completely and fully.  It is best practice that during those negotiations you are honest as you know how to be with the person you are considering.  And finally, I would say it is best practice to celebrate the steps of those negotiations with collars.. three being just right for me.

Of course just like traditional nilla relations, you will have to work on appreciation after you start a long term relation.  This is critical to your long term success.

Carpe Diem my friends!  Time to pack up the toys and take Izrina to a kinky BBQ.  Go forth.. Be someone’s great day!

 

What will you do for me?

It was another kinky night and the Dom in the corner sat alone as usual. Not that he wasn’t dark, brooding, sexy, and desirable.. he was. The problem was that he was unapproachable. Well… you could walk up any time, say anything.. but every slave who tried this tucked tail and came back with tales of an asshole. No one could please him.

There is no explaining why the slave approached him that night. It’s not like she had a chance. Just earlier a very vivacious brunette had approached him. “What will you do for me”? he asked her. “Any thing you want” she said. “I live to serve a strong controlling man.” He dismissed her with a wave of his hand. “Go away” he said, “You are not for me.” Crushed and puzzled, she slunk away.

So when a somewhat plain looking blonde approached, some people snickered. She sat down next to him without a word. His hawk like gaze fixed upon her and she twitch a little inside but held her ground. He smiled, “What brings you to my corner?” He asked. “I wish to serve you.” she replied. He let out a sigh, took a deep breath, and asked…“What will you do for me”? “Nothing” she said.

He grinned. “I thought you wanted to serve me?” He asked. “I do.” she said. “You have peaked my interest” he replied, his eyes gleaming with pleasure and mischief. “How will you do nothing for me, and yet serve me?” “I will serve you” she said, “but I will do it for me. It is my pleasure to serve. In this process, I do what I do to please myself. And if what I do to please myself, also pleases you , we both win.”

He stopped grinning. With his right hand he reached into the inside breast pocket of his jacket and took out a collar that had been in his possession for a very long time. He offered it in his outstretched hand. “We have much to discuss”, he said. “Before another Master snaps you up I would like to put a collar of consideration on you. Will you except this first step so that we may begin negotiations towards a training collar?”

Without a word, she stood up, approached him, and knelt before him. She held her long hair up for him, so the he could access her neck. They walked out together, both silent, cutting a path through the shocked room. After they left, the whispers started, all guessing and speculating what had just happened.

But some Owners and slaves knew and didn’t need to join in the gossip. They knew that a Master needs a slave who finds freedom in their chains. It is in service that a true slave finds their wings. It is a happy coincidence that they please the one they serve but what they are really doing is pleasing themselves.

Every slave has a deeply held need, that they have often told no one. And when a true Master comes along he or she unlocks that secret, and then feeds that slave back on their own hunger. This is how a Dom becomes a Master.

On the Fourth of July, 2018 Izrina found freedom in her final collar. In three weeks we will celebrate. Carpe Diem my friends, Be someone’s great day!

Significant adjustments (between the ears)

Significant others…. 

We acquire them through marriage or sometimes by choosing  to live together..  The thing is, when you first move in with a new person there are going to be significant adjustments living with your new significant other.

Oh sure, there are the obvious things like one person being a night owl while the other is a morning person… but some things can be harder to manage.  When it comes to a clean house, there are at least two schools of thought on that..

Some people just want to come home, plop on a couch, and veg.  It doesn’t matter if the carpets need cleaning or dust is building up, or even if a few stray pizza boxes need disposal.  For such persons a little clutter doesn’t even hit “their radar”.  For them, life is for living and you don’t give up valuable time on stuff that is just going to need cleaning again in a few days.

Then there are the fastidious cleaning nazi’s who will crush you like a bug if you don’t put something back were it belongs or spit and polish after yourself.   God forbid you simply picked up or just did a basic cleaning.. no… the counters or coffee table better shine there little mister!

Somewhere in between is nice.. at least I think so..  but it really all depends on how you lived from an early age, what you took away from that, and how you choose to live on your own.

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The BDSM hook..

You’ve been reading me too long if you saw it coming… yeah.. here comes the BDSM hook.

If the Dom is a fastidious cleaning nazi, then obviously his or her slave is going to be on their hands an knees and not just for some dirty play.. at least not the fun kind.  Get out the mops, bucket, plastic gloves, and Lysol baby!  Daddy’s home!

If the Dom is a.. well slob.. the slave will probably be governing choices on how clean things are.  A sloppy Dom doesn’t care but if the slave is likes things cleaner. At least not as long as the sex is hot and available on demand.

But wait.. there’s more!

Lets start with the first scenario.  If the Dom can’t live in anything less than a spit and polish home, the slave may or may not enjoy that.  It depends.  If they hate the cleaning but like the control, it might be just fine.  If they hate the cleaning more than they like the control there is going to be a problem.  And if the slave is the sex or S&M and not at all into the Ds side there is definitely going to be a problem.

Now lets look at the other scenario.  If the Dom is a slob.. they probably won’t care how much their slave cleans until they start nagging them to pick up after themselves…  If the slave giving off micro aggression it means they are slowly building up pressure.  At some point they are either going to explode or give in to the new lifestyle and just accept it.

A top that is completely into Ds needs a slave who can be happy with that and visa-versa.  Never forget there are three break downs in BDSM..  BD-Bondage & discipline, Ds-Dom & sub, SM-sado masochism.   A sadist needs a masochist like a Dom needs a sub.  For a great union, it is best if you both want the same things out of BDSM.

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And that is the way of it.  Some things can change and some things cannot.  You can accept your new significant and possibly make some significant adjustments yourself.. or call it quits.   Odd that it could just end over nilla stuff… but it can.

All of which reminds us to be wise at the start.  Make sure you’ve done more than get between the legs of your new significant or you will be making significant changes yourself.   You need to get between their ears more than their legs.  That is where you find out if you share a pleasure that will lasts… and if your individual quirks can be worked out.  Don’t just find out about your BDSM needs.  A long term has much more to it than that.

Truth be told, more often than not the slave just has to suck it up.. in more ways than one.  If you are a Dom and have found one of those rare beauties who thrive on such things than you are most blessed because getting along is assured.  Just know that there are no guarantees with a slave or an Owner.   What once was, still is and always will be…buyer beware.  Get between the ears…

Carpe Diem my friends… be someone’s great day.

 

Tale of a young submissive

Before I begin this story let me preface it by saying every coin has three sides… Heads, Tails, and the edge…  Only some is ever visible.  The point is, you never know how complete your information is.  This is especially true when you only saw or heard one side of a story, which is the case here.  That being said, this is an excellent story to share.

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We had just come back from camping and frankly I wasn’t feeling all that well.  Maybe it was the cold air, or the effort to share blankets with Izrina, or the shivering dog moving in and out from under the sleeping blankets..  or maybe breathing the smoke of a wood fire… or any of that on top of not feeling my best earlier that week..  Bottom line, I needed some echinacea and some rest.

The text came in asking “can I stay at the house?”.  “Of course”, I responded, “you come here any time you need to.. what’s up?”   “My boyfriend (aka her Dom) got aggressive”, she replied.   I turned the matter over to Izrina to follow up on and headed to bed for that much needed rest.

When I woke Izrina had a big fat goose egg of information for me.  Zip, zero, nada information.  Nothing to me in text either.   So when I could follow up, I started with .. You can’t call me with an emergency and then not send any more information.  Hope my tone was clear…

I heard from her almost immediately after that and she apologized.. had no service.. but would get back to me.   A short time later I did get the full story.. or at least her side.  What I heard pleased me with the wisdom she had shown.

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She is OK with some pretty serious stuff.. like face slapping for example.. so I was curious what “aggressive” meant.  I thought maybe he had crossed a hard limit or broken some negotiated agreement.

What “aggressive” meant was that he had been angry.. in volume, tone, and body language and she felt uneasy as a result of it.   So she left, went to visit a girl friend, then returned with her company to get her stuff.   She spent the night away from the house.

First…  As difficult as it may be, a Dom should never lose control to anger.   I will be the first to admit that there are times I am less than pleased with Izrina.  It pisses me off when my expectations are not met or a clear command is not completed.

But if I raise my voice it is with control.  Sometimes we need to use all the tools in the tool box.   There are times a person needs to see and feel that you are not happy.   Its a fine line.. one I talk about at length here.

That she recognized he was not in control and took action is something to be proud of.  That she faced the situation and went back into it in a manner that was safe was smart.  There is a lesson here for every new slave, submissive, or other stype.    You are not a doormat.  You have the right to exercise your power of consent at any time.  When a Dom has lost control to anger, assume you are not safe because they are in reality, not in control of themselves.  This is bad.

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I don’t want to belabor the story or the point.  What they had.. and probably still have was something wonderful.   Getting a handle on anger.. learning to control yourself.. is something that can take practice and time.   It is a skill set that every would be Dom must undertake to master.

There are two important lessons here and they bear repeating.  1-A Dom must not give in to anger because then they are quite literally not in control of themselves.. and therefore should not be controlling anyone else.   2-A sub, slave, or sType is not a doormat.  You have a right to judge if your negotiated agreements have been crossed.. and if your Dom is truly in control of themselves.  If either has happened, you should take actions that minimize your risks until you can both be level headed.

It is worth saying that everyone has low points in their relation.  One of you has to be level headed.  Ideally the Dom is the one that does this but it doesn’t always work out that way.  It is important when looking back on what you have, and what you might give up, to judge things like repeated unrepentant behavior.  It is also important to be honest with yourself.. is the relation really giving you what you need… feeding the soul of who you really are?

The House of X was founded to support.  If we end up with a house guest, that is always fine.   Of course that would be within the rules of the House..  No doormat here either.  Carpe Diem my friends..   May your journey bring you to many wonderful, warm acquantances..  and in the meantime, don’t forget to be someone’s great day!

 

Speed limits in BDSM ( perspective )

Those of you who were driving before 1995 in the USA know all about the 55 mph speed limit.   In 1974  the federal government of the United States enacted the Emergency Highway Energy Conservation Act that prohibited state speed limits higher than 55 miles per hour (89 km/h).

For the next 21 years people driving on interstate highways that were designed for cruising at 70 mph had to limp along at this slow, annoying, easily forgotten, mind numbing pace.   No one did 55.  Every citizen was constantly in risk of fines levied by local law enforcement and additions fees levied by insurance companies because you were an unsafe driver..  What a travesty!  We were being financially bleed dry even though the law was written for conservation not safety..  It was all very maddening yet our legislators abandoned us to this stupidity for two freaking decades.

Now that the state laws allow for more reasonable speeds once again I am quite content to do what was formally illegal and drive at REAL highway speeds.  I am often passed like I am standing still by others on the highways.

Maybe it is because I spent two decades loathing the speed limits that I am nearly ecstatic that I can now drive at a pace I consider to be much more practical.  Yeah!  It’s finally legal again!

Maybe what you are happy with is a reflection of what you didn’t have.   Having lived at 55 for two decades, 70 mph is wonderful.  Newer drivers have no perspective like that and so have no appreciation for the new speeds..  They see the new speeds as not fast enough I am sure.

I on the other hand am so happy to have the weight and the financial burdens off my back, I don’t need more speed.  In fact at night I worry my low beams won’t uncover a deer in the road in time..at 70 mph.  You can’t use high beams on most interstates…too crowded.. to many oncoming cars.

Therein lies another possible clue to perspective and by extension sadness or happiness in BDSM.  Perspective can change everything!

SLAVE FRENZY

Its a thing.  When a sType or Dom first discovers our kinky little world and starts going to workshops and events and play parties all of a sudden the “frenzy mode” kicks in.  Not that there is anything wrong with that.. it has happened to lots of us.  But without years of experience the perspective changes dramatically.  You can almost see it like a rungs on a ladder…

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At the bottom rung is the nilla world.. no perspective at all.  Those on the first rung regardless of desire, have no understanding of what it will mean when first we reach out into the world of the BDSM community.

I am sure a nilla who is… say a vocal feminist and advocate…. would cherry pick examples of  misogyny to validate their barely concealed misandry and all things “not normal”.  Not that this would be unusual for anyone.  We all seek validation of our core beliefs sometimes at the risk of ignoring some evidence.  This is human nature we must all strive to overcome, I would say.

Some at this level just have not tried climbing to the next rung because of fear.  Fear what others might think.    Fear of what they will find.  Fear for fear’s sake.. some unknown concern that nags and holds you back.  All I can say is.. if you are interested, then take the plunge and learn.

At the second run is your first peek into real life BDSM people and what they have to say.   At this low height you are probably not face to face, which means you can safely harbor your misconceptions.   The view isn’t very revealing so you can still draw any conclusions you like based on your preconceived notions.

If you are young and full of cum, you will probably put up a dick pick to let the world know just how open you are to all the sex you want and expect.  Like I said.. preconceived notions.  (That is not what it about.)

Some newly announced Doms will make offers and demands of slaves.  If you are a slave fresh on the scene.. and even if you are not.. expect idiots to flood your inbox.  You can be listed as homosexual and still be hit on by heteros.  You can be listed as a bottom and still have people asking you to top them.  You can have Doms demand you show up some place and provide oral service… just because they are Doms and you are not.  ( Don’t do it.  Or better yet tell them where and when to meet you but then don’t show.  The idiots deserve to wait two hours in a parking lot for something that isn’t happening. )

It needs to be said…  Some people married young and then made it to the second rung.  You discovered this world AFTER you met someone, fell in love, and made a commitment.  Now you are feeling the a void you wish to fill.

Some will try to change their spouse.  That rarely works but sometimes it will.  Anyone can fake being a sub or Dom for 90 days. Eventually though the game gets old and your real self returns.  Unless the change sparks something that you never knew was there, it will be a struggle.

Some will go outside the marriage to get it. Some will do this honestly.. approaching their spouse to reach an understanding.  Some will lie and cheat.  These folks are rampant in the BDSM community…. people feeling trapped and in need of fulfillment.   If you are new on the scene and meeting people for the first time, try to determine if the person you are speaking with has a spouse and if they are honest with you about it.

All I can say is this: What you do if you find yourself in this predicament is something that you have to live with…  and your new relations as well.   Poly is a thing.. but it only works with communication and honesty.   IF you can’t communicate, if you can’t be honest, are you really good for anyone?

Do what you have to do, to live with yourself and remember this..  A Dom expects a slave to be completely honest and forth coming so they can do what they do.  A slave expects the same of a Dom.  Honesty and communication are skills you need in BDSM.  If you can’t extract yourself with honor then how can you expect your new partner to really trust you?  Do the right thing.

One last word on this.  If you screw up, come clean, fix your mess, and start again the right way.  Messing up is OK if you learn, and improve.  Better to do something right the first time, but it is never too late to start over.  Just remember that that repairing broken trust will take infinitely longer.  For that reason it is best to start on the right foot….

 

On the third rung you are meeting face to face.  At this point reality sets in.  No more internet beauties that are young, skinny, firm, and visually appealing.  There will be old people, fat people, some not so attractive people.   Suddenly you wonder what you are doing here.   What attracts us first is appearance.  Brace yourself, BDSM is full of average people.

Then we speak to these people.   Behind the speech is the mind and the mind is where great stuff happens.  It is where our real juices get to flowing.

In BDSM you will see couples you never expected to see together.  It is because the attraction is often not on the physical level.  The attraction runs much deeper and when you tap that vein a whole world of excitement explodes into your lap.

Suddenly you want someone for what they do to you inside.. and not just sexually.  Oh sure there is that tingle of arousal, but its more than that.  People you never expected to interest you do something wonderful and you can’t get enough.  It’s time to climb to the fourth rung and fast!  You want to interact and now!

 

On the fourth rung you are full of fantasy’s and unfulfilled dreams!  You are watching  others play..  rope, floggers, fire, violet, canes, and that’s just the S&M side.  You are seeing dedication, kneeling, protocols, service, and sometimes humiliation.  Perhaps you long to serve or be served?   Some couples break all of your preconceived notions.  They seem so happy.  You want that for yourself!

There are men, not looking to rule women but wanting to be ruled by women.  Many of the rules you thought everyone lived by are flipped upside down.  Some of your darkest secret desires are on display in a dungeon, right there in front of you.  Its all so very tempting and exciting.

It is like stepping into a theme park at the age of six.  You want to try everything and you are tugging on your parents hand to speed them up.   You can’t get to the next thing fast enough. The “parent” in this scenario are the folks up on rung six.

They are cautioning you to pace yourself…  be more slow and cautious..  They are telling you that there will be time for everything.  Of course as a six year old.. I mean an adult on rung four, you are making your own decisions.  Try to make them good ones!

 

On the fifth run, you have been at this a while.  The view has changed and maybe it is not what you expected.  Some folks have burned themselves out.  You don’t see them any more at munches or dungeons.  If you are on the fifth rung, you are one of those people I would describe as not living this as a lifestyle.  On the fifth run you have discovered that BDSM is your orientation, not a lifestyle.

You can find yourself alone on the fifth rung.  It can be a new time of desperation.  You want to find that partner that others have but they are no where in site.  Or maybe you want to keep it fresh but that isn’t happening.  The choices you make here are just as important as on any other rung.

Some people on the fifth run have made bad choices.. or not had the opportunity to make good choices.   You can fool yourself into thinking you should give up this crazy shit, find someone normal, and just settle down… Don’t do it!

You still don’t have the complete perspective on the fifth run.  You can still deceive yourself.   Learning to hear your inner voice and to be honest with yourself is nearly impossible.   It think most of us will spend a lifetime learning that one.

Maybe from here you move directly to the sixth rung… or maybe you give up and try to start over.

On the sixth rung you are a hardened vet.  You have been around for quite a while.  You know exactly who you are and you know its never going to change.  You can see and appreciate from this perspective where others are on their journey of discovery into the world of BDSM.

It doesn’t make you better.  In some ways it is worse.  The magic that BDSM once brought is now common place.  Not that you don’t still have the spark but your passion is the long burning embers of earlier flames.  It just as hot.. but different somehow.

If you are older than 35 then you may be barred from participating in TNG events.. and bristle just a bit at that.   The notion that I have nothing to offer younger people frankly pisses me off.  I try not to show it, but perspective keeps my mood in check.

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At a dungeon recently there was a very elderly Mistress.  She was dressed in very regal clothing looking every bit a queen.   She moved slowly because at this age most movements come at a cost.

I’ve reflected on that vision in my mind a few times since.  I am old and she was so much older that me, that for that moment I was the 20 year old looking at the 40 year old again… Perspective.

Time was that I could not find the body of a 40 year old attractive, nor did I think I ever would change.  I was wrong.  Perspective again.

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Hopefully you see yourself in some of these paragraphs.  Hopefully you feel the connection from your personal perspective..  either looking back or ahead… depending where you are in your journey.

No matter where you are on your journey, remember that every step changes the view ever so slightly.  Over time everything changes.   I suppose the most important thing to remember is to enjoy the moment and try to keep a perspective that is open to how things will change.   Try to make good choices and live to never regret your bad ones.. just learn from them.   Change means being able to ever improve on our choices.  Give yourself the freedom to move forward.. and give it to others as well.

When a person makes bad choices we can hate the choice and not the person.  I would also recommend not hanging around persons who make bad choices.. It is a balancing act.   Remember that hate hurts the one that holds it.   No point in investing emotion in the bad choices of others.

We cannot be happy all the time, but neither should we grieve longer than is necessary to let go of a burden.  Carpe Diem my friends.  Be someone’s great day!

 

 

 

 

Not by your accomplishments

Many years ago I read the book: “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”.  Clever bunch of thoughts in this read but one thing that came away with me was the observation that some people are about accomplishments and some people are about connections.

FIREmen, POLICEmen, ARMYmen, and so forth.  What they have done, who they are, how important they are is broadcast in a uniform.  Dress to impress, right?  Tell the world exactly who you are and why they should care.

Then there are the people who wear what feels right that day, and change, maybe three times in the same day, depending on how the mood changes.  These people are telling the world how to approach them based on their feelings rather than what they have done.

Each is defining themselves in a very different way.. one by achievement.. one by connections.  Interesting.. but too gender based and perhaps over simplified.

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Recently Kit.. one of the people on this earth I dearly love said something to the effect that we should not be defined by what we have done, rather we should allow ourselves to be defined by our passions.

Frankly, this idea repulsed the over achiever in me but at the same time the muse in me recognized the kernel of truth I needed to mull over.   Questions, questions… How DO we define ourselves?   What is our ultimate goal in life?  What are we trying to achieve in life, really?

Are we simply driven and focused by biology – the chemicals that make up our moods – Testosterone, estrogen,  dopamine, serotonin, Oxytocin.. etc?  Certainly what we feel and therefore what we think is chemically driven – this is an indisputable fact.  Any sadist understands this on some level when they play.  But we are more than neurons and chemicals.. right?

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I have long maintained there are two great lessons in life that we should endeavor to always get better at.. and should teach our children.. and one of those life lessons is this: What exactly is happiness and how do we achieve it?

I can tell you from my own musings that achieving happiness involves a few things.. like appreciation especially for the small things, personal satisfaction in our efforts, and from Cherishing days past, dreaming of tomorrow, but ever living right here in our “now” moments.   On a more spiritual level it is important to note that the more pure we would become, the more burning away of our preconceptions we must undergo.  It is by your trials that you will find your peace and strength.

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Nothing in what I said about happiness – what I have learned about it… directly relates to achievement.  Oh.. personal satisfaction in our efforts could be misconstrued to mean achievements, but that was not what I was saying.  It is not the final product of our efforts.. the success or failure of our endeavors that we should take satisfaction from.  It is the effort we put in… and the things we learned.. the things we would do better next time… in short… the passion we put into the effort that is a well-spring of joy.

I know there is a learning here and I am on a cusp.  I’ll let it bake a few days.  We are talking about camping this weekend.   Perhaps over a campfire, a burned hotdog, and too many beers it will come to me.  Carpe Diem my friends… Be someone’s great day.

 

 

 

 

 

The long road

Every journey begins with a single step.  That step is often insignificant measured against the seemingly endless journey ahead.

The universe is vast.  The people in it endless.  You can jump from one great writer to another on the internet and never be sated when first you dip your toe into BDSM.  So many delicious slaves..  so many masterful owners…   such yummy things to say.

I am but one Master.. monogamous…  with one slave.  What significance do I have in a world of other slaves and Dominants?

None really.

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And yet it does not matter.  I am happy.  My slave pleases me.  I am building HOX.  It cannot fail because I am not in this for fame, glory or riches.   My slave and I are not going anywhere.

We are here for ourselves first.  To live and love this kinky life.  We are here second for the community.. to serve.  The House of X is dedicated to education, to the rights and  freedoms of those for whom consent is a foundation, and for whom Dominance and Submission is an orientation rather than a choice.

The secret of the long road is to only look ahead for navigation.  Keep you heart and your mind on the adventure of now, the wonders of the journey, the magic of each moment.

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Sno, a beloved sister and founder of one of the most awesome dungeons ever.. “Feel me breathe”.. has to eliminate her public listings for awhile.  It is what I wrote about in my last blog… the anger and frustration that comes of the drama that almost everyone sees if they are in community long enough.

It is one more reason why I am in no rush to publicize or promote HOX.   Better to develop a small core of solid friends than to worry about numbers and all that jazz.

The internet is a big world and there are many wonderful people here with so many wonderful things to say… and rightfully so.  BDSM is a place for the heart like no other.  If a few find their way into my world, that would be grand.

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To get the most out of your own road, your own journey… take your time.  There is no destination you must rush to.  Listen.  Learn.  Do not compromise…. especially is you wish to give it all…  I am talking to the slaves now.

Rushing to the wrong master will end in sorrow.   BEFORE you give all you need to negotiate.  Learn what that means.  You can start here.  There are areas in which you wish to give all.  There may be areas you wish to discuss.  You CAN have hard limits, though you should negotiated these sparingly.  Trust is more important than limits.  Learn how to judge who you can trust and remember:   “Words are easy but actions speak volumes.”

Perspective.  You don’t see the long road at first.  At first things move fast.  Everything is exciting and new.  But as in any journey the view changes with each step.   Let your mind remind your heart that what you see and feel today will not be so tomorrow.

I have been blessed with many wonderful acquaintances over the years.  Some have faded while others have moved ever closer in my inner circle.  These are people whom I love dearly, and look forward to seeing again.

To my brothers and sisters whom I see and have not seen in a long time.. to my kindred spirits and to those for whom BDSM is an orientation, not a lifestyle.. my friends.. Carpe Diem.  Be someone’s great day!