Jan HOX

If you follow me on Fetlife or here then you already know that I live a Master/ slave relationship 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with my slave Izrina and that we open our home to community once a month in an event we call HOX open house.

The “House of X” or HOX open house is the third Sunday of every month. We tried other schedules but ran in to conflicts with other events. Sunday seems to be working well for us.

A dear old friend who is also a member of community came to visit this month. He was one of the seven who contributed a blessing to our vows during my slaves collaring ceremony and I am reminded of him and others every time I gaze on our shelf. The lock downs have been crazy and it has been way too long since I’ve mingled with many of my kinky friends… so yeah.. that was great seeing Wolf again!

For those worried about Covid, we did take a number of precautions..masks when not eating.. limited reservations to distance seating… alcohol and hand sanitizer stations, etc. The government hasn’t imposed crazy restrictions yet, so we’re not breaking any laws and I’m sure we’ll be no worse off than when we go shopping. In those large department stores you are sharing air with hundreds of people that already breathed what you are breathing and everyone is touching everything so I’m really more worried about my groceries than a small dinner with friends.

We had some regulars and one new, first time guest. It’s always an odd thing when you welcome a stranger into your home. There are some rather odd people out there and we are bound to run into some strange ones eventually. As it turned out he seems quite nice. On Fet he goes by the name Atomic-fox. He told us that in 2006 he had gone to some latex events in NY city but had not been to many events lately. He was interested in suspension, and particularly spanking.

I have to agree. Mmmm OTK! ~ ~ There is something especially sexy about a young lady over my knee, panties down, her bare bottom exposed for touching and spanking.. definitely hot.

Well we have a regular who is a hard core masochist. Her Fet name is Jade Kitten. She revels in taking home the “prize” of a new bruise, so I guided a negotiation between the two of them making sure Fox asked appropriate questions and understood the limits his negotiation did or did not cover.. and then we moved into the dungeon for a pleasant after dinner evening of play.

When a person who has not handled a flogger before uses one for the first time their strikes tend to be very imprecise. They wrap around to tits, and thighs and often strike high on the back of the neck. I gave Fox a little direction and frankly he did very well.

His strikes were consistent and he brought up some nice color. He clearly favored the butt over shoulder blades. It showed in the difference in coloring he applied. Her butt was quite well colored though her shoulders not so much.

I encouraged him to give her a bruise on his last three strikes but they didn’t rise up very well. Jade seemed disappointed so I have her a pair of solid strap lashes – one for each cheek – which did color and rise almost immediately.

This brings up a point think we should talk about. A slave is someone who NEEDS to be directed and serve. It is a craving and if not fulfilled, it leaves a hole in their life. My domination is a gift to my slave. This may seem hard to understand.. Hell it IS hard to understand unless you are a slave. You are looking in from the outside and it doesn’t make sense from where you stand.. I get it. You will just have to trust me when I say this: Speaking as a person with experience from INSIDE such a relationship, we are both very happy and fulfilled.

I told you that to tell you this: In the same way a slave needs a Dominant, a masochist needs a sadist. From the outside looking in, you must question why you would hurt someone you love. I get it. I would worry about you if you did not. It IS right to ask that question but again, I must tell tell you that you must be inside such a relation to “get it”. Until you serve a masochist, giving them that which they desperately want and need, it is nearly impossible to understand. It’s OK and right to question it. It is not OK however to condemn WHAT IS CONSENSUAL AND CRAVED. You do not know or feel what those on the inside of that intense and personal relation feel and therefore will be hard pressed to understand.

Consent is key.

Guests had first turn so it wasn’t until quite late when I got to do some fire-fleshing with Izrina. She went down super hard. I think her aftercare was 30 to 40 minutes before I could even start to feed her chocolate and get her on her feet again. I held her, wrapped is a fuzzy red blanket, all warm cozy and drifting somewhere else. While we waited for her to return to us, my guests and I had a long and fun conversation about all things Master and slave related.

All in all, it was a really pleasant evening. Life is good. Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

An old manifesto

It has been many years since I wrote a long-ass piece (35 minutes to read) examining power from every angle. IF you have a Fetlife account you can read it here: https://fetlife.com/users/522698/posts/2478378

At that time I had not read the manifesto by the Unabomber but I am reading it now. It will take a while because his manifesto is very, very, very long. I’m about 30% through it.

What reading this has done however is open my eyes to this: There may be fundamental aspects of our society that are driving people towards “surrogate activity” as he calls it. Surrogate activity are goals we make up to create the sense of accomplishment. Our technological prowess may be creating feelings of helplessness, as if caught in the cogs of a giant unchangeable machine and that in turn is creating the very real desire for BDSM – both to escape or to achieve the power we feel slipping away.

I don’t expect many to read either my piece or the manifesto in their entirety. Most people don’t have the desires of philosophers or scientist who have no problem investing considerable time into investigating every perspective.

I would encourage you however to at least read a bit and skim. Interesting stuff. https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/national/longterm/unabomber/manifesto.text.htm

Marry a slave???

If BDSM must be part of your life, and you have not already married, THEN you would accept and train a slave before EVER considered marrying them (assuming you would ever considered marrying your property in the first place). This post is for the folks who haven’t put the cart before the horse.

First the boring parts:

There is an old saying: Why buy the cow if the milk is free? So why would you marry someone if they have already agreed to be your property? Well for practical reasons mostly centered around taking better care of your slave. Any Master worth a lick cares deeply about the care and growth of their slave. As a spouse your slave is better protected regarding company benefits like health care, and inheritance, and social security, etc, etc. Plus the government has an odd way of subsidizing marriage so there are tax benefits. Then there are children. The list of pros is pretty good.

On the negative side, marriage gives your slave leverage should they decide to move towards the nilla side of relations (what I would call the dark side). A slave should NEVER have the upper hand. If you are considering marriage I would strongly recommend investing the money in a good lawyer and draw up a prenuptial agreement that allows the Master to easily exercise an exit strategy, but also provides some fiscal protection for their slave, should they decide to divorce.

But now on to the fun stuff!

A Master should never beg. That is a slave’s mindset. A slave should be appreciative for the gift of a Master’s Domination. THAT is the mindset you really want you and your slave to adopt.

Izrina for example has two rituals and ritual one is performed each day with these words: “May this slave serve the Master she loves and chooses?” This is about confirming her consent but also about reaffirming that Domination is my gift to give, something she must appreciate. When it was time for Izrina to be collared, I made it known that I would accept her request to be collared, and then she asked. Now…

With that in mind the big question becomes.. how does one propose marriage to a slave? I would say there are four possibilities:

  1. A nilla proposal in which the male gets down on one knee
  2. A nilla verson in which the Dominant proposes marriage
  3. A BDSM collaring variation in which the slave respectfully requests a proposal
  4. The Master simply orders his property to marry.

I like the fourth choice. It seems to me that a decision as large as marriage is not any different than any other decision a Master might make for a slave. It is not the size of the decision, it is the principle. Property is property and will do as told. The Master is both owner and decision maker, which in turn makes them responsible for those decisions. A Master owns decisions big and small.

But wait.. Orders may be modified by something significant.. a slaves hard limits. So now we have a new variable to be considered. Before you can order a slave to marry you, it is important to negotiate the terms of marriage.. if you didn’t during training.. which was probably the furthest thing from you mind when you first started training your slave.

Having added marriage to the negotiations of your consensual Master\slave relation the proposal becomes a formality really. I would say however that the formality is significant in the way it sets the tone of this monumental change in your relation. There is something extremely pleasing about a slave on their knees.. both for the Master and the slave. How much more significant and pleasing for a marriage agreement to be conducted in the same manner?

Obviously, this is not some kind of universal rule you must follow under penalty of death by some cabal. Its just my musing, my ideas of what makes the most sense based on my experience and what I have learned about best practices when it comes to training and mindsets between TPE/CNC Masters and slaves.

When and if I decide to marry my slave, be assured it will be her that is on her knees and not me. I love her dearly, but our roles are set. I can not and will not change them. I am her Master. She is my property. Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.

On your knees, wench!

Last night’s open HOX was nice. The new folks didn’t show so it was a small and cozy group of regulars. That made social distancing easier which is nice what with the surge and all. We did a light bondage workshop, with a subby doing something she never did before: top someone else. Her bottom seemed quite happy.

Monday work over, and I’m back at the house. My slave greeted me at the door on her knees in a dress shirt and nothing else. Nice! Unfortunately I had to get logged right in and check on the status of work before I could do anything with that, though I couldn’t resist running my fingers through her soft pubes. There is just something about the feel, the contact, of stroking someone that is wet and willing. Sure I had to move on but you KNOW I couldn’t just let that go.

So a few minutes later I ordered a rum and coke and when she came back I order her to turn around. She couldn’t see but I had brought out a pair of handcuffs which I slipped on her. Then with the cold steel on her wrists I put her back on her knees.

Kind of hard… Yes me, but also unzipping me with no hands. Call me impatient but I decided to give her a little help with stuffing me into that wet and waiting mouth. Nothing quite compares with a little oral service at the end of a long day.. and its even better with a half naked and restrained slave on her knees.

2020 may have been a bitch but who cares when you have such a wonder wench at your disposal? Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.

Chillin

My slave is out picking up pizza and another sub who needs a ride to this months HOX open house. The house is quiet. Princess X, our mini Dachshund is lying in wait under the table hoping for something yummy to fall to the floor. Soon we’ll be telling her to be quiet as new people she’s never smelled before, show up. The driveway lights are on, the signs are out, the dungeon is vacuumed. Nothing left to do but chill and wait for the food and guests to arrive. Funny how life is always go, go, go, … then wait.. Must be a zen thing. Life is teaching us to take it slow internally, even if we look like we are rushing.

Carpe Diem my friends. Be safe. Be someones great day, because at the end of the day, your great day starts that way.

The problem with 24×7

BDSM like any relation really, tends to settle into a comfortable routine. The trick is to swerve off the road once in a while and take a bumpy, bouncy ride down some expected route. That’s not the only thing but it sure helps.

Last night I decided I’d put my slave in her fancy cuffs, do little bondage experimenting, then have her curl up under my arm for a movie. Well, maybe not curl because once the ropes are on, curling up on your side is a little more problematic, but you get the idea.

I decided to go for something a little different this time. A little rope experimentation. Normally I just twist the ropes down the front and back and then run the rest of the rope horizontally back and forth so that it pulls the twists open and creates the lovely diamond shape you always see in rope bondage.

Not this time. This time I put the old brain into high gear and started with a loop at the bottom and worked my way up with each successive horizontal poking up into a fresh loop. That in turn created a completely new pattern. I like it. It’s a little different. I don’t recall ever having seen a pic of rope work quite like it, though I also know there is nothing new under the sun.

Here is how it came out:

I think next time I’ll combine loops in the front with diamonds in the back. Possibly just before she serves supper. Now that’s what i call formal dining!

Carpe Diem my friends! The holiday shoppers are out in droves. Take the challenge and prepare to be patient. Go out and be someone’s great day.

Sir vs Master

My slave curled up under my arm as we drift off to sleep and something came up that after reflecting on it for a while, I thought was worth sharing.

My slave calls me “Master”. I get a warm fuzzy feeling when she says “Yes Master”. I love our life together. I love her submission. There are many moments in the day when our Master / slave relation and its rituals, rules and protocols intrudes into an otherwise normal relation. Those moments often fill me with love and desire for my slave.

So as I was lying beside my slave basking in her submission, I began to think about “Master” and about our early beginnings. When she was in training, back when she was earning her slave name, she called me “Sir”. She had not yet earned the right to call me “Master”.

Our relation was new and exciting and I was always filled with those love and desire feelings whenever she called me “Sir”. Perhaps I was even more enamored with “Sir” back then because the relation was new. Then the day came when I told her that she would no longer refer to me as “Sir”. I was ready to accept her as property and she would call me “Master”.

Here is the funny part that I want to share: At first “Master” seemed hollow and empty. Reflecting on why, I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe I just got used to “Sir”? I don’t know why it happened but I know it did. There was a period where I knew that she HAD to call me “Master” but I wanted to go back to “Sir” because somehow it felt more substantial.

Second revelation: Today if she said “Sir” it would not feel as substantial as being called “Master”. I find that odd. That is the complete opposite of where I was 4 or 5 years ago.

It seems to me that a thing like this should always be what it is and should not change over time. I’ve mulled this over and really do not know why my feelings were what they were or why they changed over time. Maybe it is as simple as familiarity.

We humans do have issues with the strange and unfamiliar. I don’t know. Not really all that important but it is interesting to do these self reflections. Carpe Diem my friends. Be safe, but also be someone’s great day.

Dinner at HOX, Nov style

We probably should have served turkey and mashed potatoes right? Or is that just too USA thanksgiving? With Covid surging again my slave is more than a little worried about keeping me healthy and frankly I don’t want to be a spreader, so we did a mask mandate for the meet and greet part and for Dungeon time.

Dinner though, there is no way around it. Hopefully you are chewing with your mouth closed and that is something anyway. The table seats ten, but that would be elbow to elbow so we cut the limit to eight to open up room.

Nice crowd this month. There was an interest in knives and fire play so we did both. First a knife demo on Izrina.. I put an old dress shirt on her and cut it into strips which were then used for breast bondage before going further. Then fire play. Again Izrina first, then a lady who really, really likes her fire.

I ended with a new couple. Steve topped his bottom with fire while I instructed. He picked it up really quick. I think Ray, his bottom could easily had an orgasm from it if he kept going. Went very well.

Jade Kitten was feeling left out. I asked another new comer, Gary, if he had ever handled a flogger before. He had not. So two birds with one stone. I instructed Gary and Jade got her flogger time.

Gary being new just wasn’t going to leave marks and I know Jade looks forward to those so I finished her off with a flogger that has metal rivets in the throws. Let some really beautiful marks. Looking forward to seeing pictures of later to see if they fill in or fade.

Soooo… Another lovely evening with people coming together to do the things they love. I really love my slave, and our life. Life is good! Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

A Halloween party

Covid is surging everywhere, so going to a Halloween party was probably a risk. I knew everyone in attendance and I’m glad we went. The host will be moving soon… many, many hours away. The USA is a big country and its entirely possible to relocate in the USA to a place where you have to make a huge commitment to visit. I owe a friend in Florida a visit for a very long time now.

But enough of that. The party was fun. We did a secret Santa type deal, where people brought gifts and everyone got something. That was nice.

Izrina likes to make hand stamped and painted cards. They can be very fancy with raised lettering applied with glues and plastic and a heat gun.. or multi papered with scalloped edges ( she has like five different scissors for this). I approved all of her designs and she spent about two days making a small box of them. Nice work.. and equally important because it was a labor of love, done for Master. Double points!

The food was excellent and Oh My God what great costumes. Real chain mail, incredible leather armor, steam punk, and even count Spankula showed up. Doctor Bob was in a doctors outfit, of course..

They have a hot tub and though is was below freezing the water was lovely. Izrina and I got naked and hopped in for some cuddle time under the stars. We were joined later by Leather Beowulf.

For food, Izrina baked these individual sized Chocolate pecan pies. Man are they good! Deka brought a rice and sausage with medium and hot pans. The spicy one was to die for. Shoulda taken a doggie bag.

No play happened while we were there.. nothing serious anyway. I had Izrina get on all fours at one point for a quick ass swat but that was just playful stuff.. nowhere near subspace level.

The slave of our host was quite tearful about going to miss her new friends. I get it. Community is important. It’s why newbies get Dom frenzy or slave Frenzy. Once you taste the life you need, you never want to go back.

Carpe Diem my friends.. be someone’s great day!

Queer HOX

I have a young friend who identifies as Queer. I am never quite clear on exactly what that means and even when I google it the information is somewhat conflicting. I do know the word has a history of being used in a hurtful way. To to be perfectly clear, I personally don’t give a rats ass if someone identifies as Queer.

Our October HOX was freaking awesome. Two new people showed up. We were scheduled to have four new people but for whatever reason two of the new folks didn’t show. I am always amazed at how this works.. people make a reservation and then don’t show. Not a problem when the count is low but when people are not allowed to come because of it, that’s a problem. But enough bitching…

We had a young person show up this month. So young in fact I had to check her ID to make sure. She identified as Queer. She just turned 18 and was very excited to meet others into BDSM and get started. I warned her about slave/Dom frenzy and she seems pretty level headed. I hope we seen more of her.

She’s not quite sure where she is in the power spectrum.. she thinks switch but I am fairly certain that switch would be a compromise simply to take on a partner. Ultimately I think she’s looking to be a Master with a slave. Just my personal assessment, we’ll see.

She had never seen a violet wand before and had some fun with that. Also we did some training in flogging, and caning and I think she came away with a much better idea of the control and precision she’ll need to develop to be good at sadism. Her bottom got some lovely marks and both took “trophy photos” to remember the session.

We also had an older gentleman who chose a “white bracelet”. That means he’s just an observer. No one can interact with him unless he initiates a conversation. He was quiet at first, but I think he warmed up to the group after a bit.

I can’t express how happy it makes me to see people begin to explore a passion. Especially one they may have suppressed or desired to follow for a long time.

Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!