All mine! and a haiku

I was lying in bed…a beautiful flogger bunny butt pressing against me so that I was excited.  The warmth spread up my thighs and into my heart.   I really do love my most valuable possession.  I held her tightly and whispered.. as I began kissing behind her ear and down her neck.  Mine, mine, mine followimg each kiss.  She moaned softly and I lay back thinking.  Suddenly a haiku popped into my head.

Flogger bunny butt
Beautiful bouncy bum
Tail I like the best

She was groggy with sleep, but now I was amused… a sure sign my property is about to be awakened by a horny Master.

It occurs to me now as I reflect on our life that this word I find on my lips so often has another epiphany stored inside.  Yes, the word “mine” is all about how I feel about owning this slave.  But sometimes I say.. “all mine”.  I am greedy like that.  I don’t want to share.  I have no problem ordering her to obey another Master or Mistress but her heart and her sexual pleasures are mine.  ALL mine!  Somehow that makes it more special to me.

I reflected more on that.  I am not against polygamy.   I have very good friends for whom this works very well.  Why then can’t I share?   I pondered in the dark.  I have another friend who has two slaves.  Is it only a Master who is entitled to more than one partner?

It seems to me that we sometimes take two very different approaches to relationships.  On one side is the notion that we have within ourselves the capacity for unlimited love and it is foolish to think that we must restrict love to one person.  On the other side is the notion that it is only by committing to exploring love’s greatest depths and heights with one person without outside distraction that we can truly know loves full potential.  Hmmmmm.  Two very powerful arguments, each with its own truth, and yet at odds with each other.

Each can have its own negative view of the other.  On one side we can see poly as more shallow and mostly about sex.  On the other side we can see monogamy as boring and small minded.  Negative thoughts are a terrible way to make any decision, or to win a debate.

What then to think? I personally am not pleased with the notion of giving up the ability to say all mine.  Personally speaking, I also think the world is a big place with room for all.  Why does one choice have to be better than another?  Isn’t the very thing we of the BDSM community are fighting for, is the right of inclusion and respect for diversity of thought even if someone does not understand or might even be repelled?  It should be.

Ah well…. the brain tends to churn on these questions while you are trying to sleep.  Best to hold someone tight.. and concentrate on the truly important things in life.. the love of another.  Carpe Dime my friends… go be someone’s great day.




The perfect oral service

I am a slave owner.  I have no problem ordering oral service, or in more crude terms, a blow job.  But more than that, I want my oral service exactly the way I want it.  The mouth and tongue are capable of adding new dimensions to my pleasure.  Its a waste of a good slave to just take whatever blow job my slave thinks is best.

That kind of defeats the whole communication thing, not to mention the whole, getting what I want thing.  I think going into what I want, and how I communicate it, may give you some ideas on how to communicate what you like.  I am sure we are all different, but this is my thing, my way.

So in this blog I am going to into graphic detail exactly how I like my cock sucked.  If that kind of language and mental picture will disturb you, I suggest you read no further.


Headspace – The mental aspects of sex are hugely important.  Anyone who has had someone fuck with their head before a great fuck, knows the brain is the most important sex organ.

If you are more worried about upsetting your slave than in getting some great head, you need to rethink and retool a bit.  If on the other hand getting your cock sucked is all about the control and perhaps even has a bit of sadistic need to shove it down their throat, then the technical aspects really aren’t important either.

What I want to share is about the control that comes from directing your slave in a very technical way, what to do when they perform oral service.  If you want to explore that idea further, keep reading.


Language –First, we need language.  We need to define the parts of the cock that we will be talking about. A penis is comprised medically speaking of a root, body, and glans.

  • The body of the penis, we’ll call the shaft. Covered in loose skin, the shaft obtains pleasure from constriction on it, and from movement of the skin back and forth.
  • There is the glans penis, which we will call the  head of the penis.
  • There is the corona of the glans which we will call the ring..  It is the circle where the head meets the shaft.  This juts out from the shaft and is very sensitive to movement over it.  Possibly more of a sensor of movement than the skin over the shaft.
  • The frenulum of prepuce is an elastic band of tissue on the underside of the shaft where it meets the head.  You will see it as a distinct raised line that connects the head and the shaft.  We’ll call his the frenulum and it has been described in sexuality textbooks as “very reactive” and “particularly responsive to touch that is light and soft”. The frenulum is definitely a “source of distinct male pleasure.


Pleasures of a vagina – When you have a penis, and it is inside a woman, and she tightens up on the shaft there is a distinct pleasure from that.  The average man is somewhere around six and a half inches long, and most people don’t pull all the way out on each thrust, so the average thrust is probably around five inches in, five inches out, repeat.  The skin over the shaft doesn’t move that much, so to enjoy that much movement, you have to have some lubrication and sliding.

We feel thrusting as a sense of something gripping your cock quite tightly, but in such a slippery grip that you just slide through the grip.  That grip has no special attention to the frenulum or the ring.  It is only the fact the ring sticks out as it slides back and forth, that it helps in creating sensations.

When you get ready to  cum, you can feel the pressure build in your balls and you will probably increase the speed of your strokes.  Your body gushes forth in this explosion of pleasure, and it is all you pushing this explosion up your shaft.


Pleasures of oral service – In oral service your slave is pulling from you as you push. There is something incredible about that.  Long before you get to that point though, there are things the mouth can do that the vagina can not.

The ring gets no special treatment by the vagina, but a slave can wrap their lips around that ring and concentrate on it while grasping the shaft tightly. This mimic’s the feeling of a vagina but with added sensation on the ring.

How to explain this…Because the short thrusts of your slaves lips over your ring push and pull at the same speed as a fast full length thrust, the FEELING at the head and ring is the same as a deep hard fast thrust…. the in and out strokes over the head though shorter, come at the same frequency as a full longer thrust that is fast… That plus a slippery. firm grip grip on the skin of the shaft combine to produce not just the same effect, but a heightened effect of a nice, hard, deep, fuck with that extra tease of nice wet lips encircling the ring, pushing and pulling that “movement sensitive” portion of the cock.  Mmmmmm good…

Now let’s add one more trick to oral pleasure.  This is what ( for me )  puts it over the top as far as sensations go.  With their tongue your slave can also stimulate the frenulum, which in my experience can cut the time to orgasam down by a quarter of the regular time.  Stimulating the frenulum, and the ring, and the shaft, all at once, is simply heaven.

But wait!  There’s more!  There is an old prostitute trick to stimulate the prostrate that you can also add, if you want to go one step further.  (Ha! now how much would you pay?)

Lastly, if your slave has this ability, an occasional deep throat, buried all the way into base of the shaft adds a certain degree of the mental-control-submission thing to it.. but takes away from technique hence the once in a while aspect.  Still, just being “done” by your slave can lose something in the translation.  Sometimes its nice to know your cock is possibly more than your slave wants to handle.  Definitely throw in some throat fuck if they can handle it.


Bringing it all together – With some playful nibbles and licks to start, and then lots of attention to the frenulum, followed by a firm, wet, slippery grip on the shaft while your slave works both the ring with their lips and the frenulum with their tongue; this is my idea of pleasure. When I die, let me cum and go at the same time, just this way.  Your slave can quickly work your senses into a frenzy using this combination.  I find it quite pleasing.   To have her then stop briefly for a full on throat fuck, and return to the complete sensation package makes for really, really good head.  Finally,  the crowning jewel of oral service is to feel your slave pulling your orgasm out of you while you gush and push forward.. well.. now.. that’s some pretty good stuff.  All you have to be able to do is be able to explain exactly what you want, and how you want it, after which its not hard at all… nope not very hard at all.


Carpe diem my friends, go be someone’s great evening!





She drifts slowly into sleep.  Naked, in his bed, his chest is warm against her back.  His stomach, his thighs, his most intimate person presses his flesh to hers in the dark.  Like spoons in a drawer, there is barely any separation of one part from another.  Yet they are not joined as one in that most intimate of inmates that two people can share.

He stirs, and brings a hand rough from work, across her soft skin.  It travels from her shoulder, down her arm, dropping to her hips and across her thighs.  Now she stirs, her breath and movements coming alive under his touch.  His arm encircles her, pulling her tightly to him as if to merge the two as one.  Then begins the slow travel across her body again.  He lingers at the soft hairs between her legs, then grabs a handful of her ass and says softly… Mine!

She is his.  Not because he has won her heart but because in her kinky heart he owns her completely.  She is his property.  She does his bidding happily.  It is her pleasure to serve this man.  This word.. Mine.. it is not about keeping others away.  It is about the control, and the pleasure she feels from his possession, the mutual pleasure they feel together living this way.

She feels a sense of stability in her life.  Mine! It is a word that escapes his lips when he feels most loving to his slave.  Mine! In his arms and under his control, she feels a sense of relief and security.  Mine! It is a single word that conveys and contains all the wild mysteries of their life together.  Mine!  A word that awakens his desire to show her just how much she is his.  Mine! A word that awakens in her the desire for an affirmation that he possesses her.  And he does.

Carpe Diem my friends.. show love to someone.



Also see.. here

The Zen of BDSM

I have been reading a book by Chuck Norris in which he speaks of Zen.  Its a very appealing subject matter for me.  Zen is an elusive term, changing from person to person and even when you are speaking directly with a Zen Master the wisdom you seek is a bit like asking a person what they see in their peripheral vision.  You can turn to look at your peripheral vision, but as you do, it moves away to a new place.  So it is I think, with Zen.  That of course does not stop us from trying to describe it, so others can find it for themselves.

Now the really interesting thing about Zen is that it can apply to almost anything.  From Martial arts to flower arranging.  Being in your Zen isn’t so much about how you do a thing, its more about the thing you do being all that you do.  Your mind isn’t wandering over other subjects or fears or concerns.  You are not investing emotion into the outcome.  Success or failure isn’t really the objective.   Success, if you must measure it comes more from abandonment to your inner guide, the ability to completely be the thing you are doing.  But if you are judging this way, or in anyway, then you really aren’t there.

And that brings us to the Zen of BDSM.  When you are just starting out in BDSM you come with a ton of baggage.   You have to overcome your earliest teachings, what you learned about proper behavior, morals and ethics.  You have all of the fears that come with being judged by those standards, and by the people who taught them to you.  You probably experienced sexual arousal at the thought of being used.. or using someone else and that is a baggage too.  Your mind and your genitals are all consumed with stimulation and excitement.. unless you are a bottom and you just finished a wonderful leather massage or something of the sort.. then you are free floating for a brief period in your Zen where there is nothing but the experience of the incredible moment..  But these are fleeting moments.  Better to be those moments than to visit them.

We all get these moments…  subspace, flying, top space… moments when the world no longer exists.. when a connection has been made, a bridge across the chasm of two people.. and touch is fire..   These are the moments that come during a scene and even during mini-Ds moments, or sex.

In time, none of this is new.   You have been here before and you crave that excitement.. and you seek it.  Perhaps you trying changing what you do to refresh the excitement.  But seeking to return to the beginning to achieve your Zen of BDSM is like trying to look directly at your peripheral vision.  It can’t be  done.

To move to the next level in your relation, to advance to the state where two are one, you have to remember.  Being in your Zen isn’t so much about how you do a thing, its more about the thing you do being all that you do.

When you are a Master of a slave and you are in your Zen, there are no questions about should a thing be ordered or done.   You are in that space where your interactions flow, and all is natural.  As a slave, you wake, you serve, you are the service you perform.  There is no success or failure beyond the pleasure of service.   Your happiness may be measured in reactions from the Master, but in your Zen you remain calm and centered on the attention given to your task, and the opportunity to do better next time  Your mind is not your center of attention.  An inner guide watches your process, and your flow,.  It is your connection with your inner guide that shows you exactly what you already know but may have forgotten because of distraction.  There is no distraction in your Zen.  Only calm, peace, purpose.

I can’t really tell you how to enter your Zen of BDSM.  I can only describe it.   I can’t lead you to it.  I would do you a disservice to try to put it to more words.   You have to find it yourself, or be in service to a Master who will help you find it.

Most people think.  And in thinking we need terms, definitions, and descriptions.  One description I often repeat is that submission is like a dial that goes from one to one hundred.  At one on the dial, you have no submission.  At one hundred you are in a CNC or TPE relation.  You have surrendered all control to Master except for the three responsibilities of  a slave.  But the odd thing is that once you are at the one hundred setting, there are one hundred more settings INSIDE the one hundred setting.  After fully submitting to an Owner or Master, you still have internal submission to conquer.   The internalization of your submission is a whole other struggle.  And finally, having come to terms with your complete submission, there is the next step.  To enter into your Zen of BDSM.

We who adore BDSM are on a journey of a lifetime.  We are often misunderstood.  But we know the currency we exchange when we enter into a relationship.  We know the rare and valuable commodity that only our partner exchanges with us.  Many of us are at different points in this journey.   Some are starting out, others have sped ahead.  There are those with sub-frenzy, and Dom-frenzy.  There are weekend warriors who for whom this is all play.  Some have taken a long slow approach knowing that there is no destination awaiting us.  We share this journey together through munches, and workshops and fet groups and blogs.  We seek our own happiness, and we seek wisdom in that regard.  The best advice I can give you, I give you in nearly every blog… Be someone’s great day.   Carpe Diem my friends.. go find your calm, your peace, your purpose.  Learn to enter your Zen of BDSM.

Communicate on Valentines Day!

Communication is critical.  Especially if you want your oral service to be perfect..  A little more action on the clit…or the head..  longer strokes, faster, slower.. you know.. romantic stuff like that!

Communication is really important in all aspects of a relationship certainly.  People tend to show only the good parts of themselves at the start of a relation.  It’s up to you to take some time and ask some probing questions.

But later in a relationship communication takes on a whole different need, especially when you are in a Ds relation.  You can’t just wish your slave would know that you want your cock sucked.. you have to tell her.  You have to communicate that.  You have to show a little backbone and actually be an Owner.

Its a common lament of slaves who hooked up with a “90 day wonder”.  Military folks know the “90 day wonder” as the newly-commissioned graduates of three-month Officer Candidate School.. a vastly inferior product to those officers from service academy graduation. 

In BDSM a “90 day wonder” is the Master or Owner who has acquired just enough tricks to fake it for the first three months, then fall flat on their face because they thought all they had to do was sit back and let everything happen for them. 

Many a new Owner has no idea that keeping a slave can be a bit like running a daycare.  Not that slaves are infantile, no, but it can take more time and attention than you might think to fulfill the needs of a good slave.  Most good slaves don’t want, they need, a great deal of directing.

So if you are a Master and Mistress and you’d rather sit frustrated and horny than order some oral service, be my guest.  But you are not doing yourself or your slave any real service.

This Valentines Day, tell your slave exactly what they can do for you and be specific.  Tell them when, what, how much, how fast or slow and in sloppy detail everything you want… don’t hold back..  its your orgasm and if you are going to enjoy it then damit make them deliver it the way you want it.  Oh.. and be someone’s great Valentines day… Carpe Diem!


p.s. I had a GREAT valentines day…… woo hooo!





Just another day….

Its odd… When you have been in the Master and slave life long enough, nothing that used to be exciting is new.  That goes without saying, really.  The older we get, we do less and less for the first time and more and more for the last.

So it is  not surprising that certain aspects of our lives that seem strange to others are just that to us.. days of our lives.  Now you know that many of those aspects would shock some people but therein lies the true weirdness of our life.

What is really weird about out life isn’t what we do.  What is weird how different the reactions are to our life.  Each person reacts completely in their own way, running the gambit from indifferent to activist driven to intervene… from disgusted and turned off to hotly passionate and aroused.   It is not Izrina and I that change, but the image we evoke in others when they see and understand who and what we are.  THAT is the weird part.

Sometimes we forget just how twisted and yes even sick, others may see our behaviors.  What is really funny to me is that many of my interactions with my slave can be labeled 1950s housewife… which is to say that a mere 70 years ago our behavior might have been common place.  She and I might have been considered healthy and well adjusted pillars of the community.  Perspective.. its a bitch.

The day before yesterday was our second munch of the month.  We still go to our original munch, but now we also go to one based closer to the House of X.  Its disappointing because this munch is much smaller.  Only a handful of people show up.  I am sure there are more kinky people in the area, there always is.  We will see how this grows.

The munch is in the downstairs of a sports bar, and we shared the space with a large family gathering, so I had to rein myself in, which isn’t why I was there… I was there to be with my own kind, and talk about BDSM.  Kinda sucked, really.

Still, I am who I am, and Izrina is who she is and at one point I looked at my property, thought of all the lovely things I could do with her later and said quite passionately.. I can’t wait to get  you home.

Now, I’ve never had an indoor voice.  That plus there is a lot of base in my tone, so between those two my voice tends to carry..  and the old dude walking past us obviously heard quite clearly because he gave a wicked chuckle in response… I didn’t notice.. it was focused on Izrina, but she is always very conscious of what other people are thinking.  Hopefully I didn’t upset the family’s lovely evening too much…

Reminds me of the time Sno was giving a very passionate dissertation over drinks in a bar on how to fist and she put one leg up on the table and began to press her fist into her crotch as she explained… well until she saw the look of horror on the faces of the people across from us.  She couldn’t shrink enough into the posse at the table and we all had a good chuckle.  It happens.

I had this very odd morning the next day.  I meditate, and while I love the red chakra and the purple chakra I awoke in a meditative state I couldn’t put my finger on..  it felt like blue, but wasn’t.  Very odd..  so I meditated a bit longer while coffee brewed, and then longer still after it was served.  I was very high.. some kind of natural, meditative high, for hours.  So began my first day off of the weekend.  I coasted through Saturday.. not getting much done.  It felt right.  Think I’ve been pushing too hard.

Today we got a lot of work done..  the bags are piled high again.  Izrina will have to make lot more trips to the dump tomorrow.

She’s doing 7pm protocol cleanup right now as I type.  Been a long day and an interesting weekend.  Think I’ll turn in early..   good to be rested right now what with all the flu cases going on.

As Master, I am free to do as I please while my slave attends to her chores.  Nothing unusual, boring really.. unless that offends your sense of equity and all that, then its a big deal..

It is interesting…  how one person’s fetish, is just day to day for another, and offensive behavior to yet another.  I collected a nice long kiss off those lovely lips before I left my property to it.  And yes, I have and will put those lips to better use at other times.  She’s happy.  Long live diversity!  Carpe Diem my friends… be someone’s great day!


SG style six string, aka 7pm F or B

Tonight’s seven pm protocol conversation focused around the guitar.  Mr Fluffy has an SG style six string and though it’s all beatup and stuff.. he loves it.  So the conversation dove into all things guitar.. slurs, slides, vibrato, string bends, distortion, compression, flanging and phasing, reverb, and such..

Now Mr Fluffy has been playing during dessert and actually all day long in his room when he has the day off, and sometimes all night…  He would really enjoy someone to Jam with but my musician friend hasn’t answered answered his Facebook invitations, so I did what any direct action oriented Master would do.. I called my musician friend and put him on speaker at the table…

  • X – Hey dude.. Long time no speak
  • He – Great to hear from you, what’s up brother?
  • X – All kinds of stuff..

An initiation to dinner was extended, along with an invite to Jam.   I mentioned that dinners were always promptly served at 7 and any night we had a seat open would be awesome.  Now my friend knows my proclivities, even though he is nilla.  When I said we have 7 pm feedings, he heard 7 pm beatings. Not exactly the dinner entertainment he was looking for, I am sure, but I was amused.

No, I explained to him.. 7 pm was for feedings… with an F, but if it wasn’t on time he might get to see beatings, with a B.  Seven pm protocol has a new nickname now… the seven pm feedings or beatings..  I LIKE it!

Carpe Diem my friends.. be someone’s great day.. with a D!




She’s my slave, not yours

Mr Fluffy had a friend stay over.. a nilla friend.  So as we sat around the breakfast table, I asked..  did he warn you about me?  Darin (not his real name) looked at me quizzically and said, No?

This is a BDSM household.  This.. putting my hand over Izrina’s head.. is my slave.  Then I added.. but just because she is a slave doesn’t mean she can be used by anyone.  She is MY property… mine, mine, mine!

Now perhaps that was an unnecessary conversation.   But I felt compelled to say it because there is this odd thing that happens when people find out a woman is submissive.   Sometimes people think it means that they can take liberties they normally wouldn’t.  Sometimes these transgression manifest as inappropriate and suggestive comments, and sometime they are inappropriate contact.

You might think this kind of misbehavior only happens with nillas.  Not so.  As I pointed out in my last blog, there are sociopaths out there masquerading as Dominants.  These types have no conscience and will most certainly cross lines.

Then there are newbies who simply haven’t learned yet that to be a submissive is not to be submissive to the universe.  They haven’t been around long enough to learn that submission comes of a unique and powerful relation that develops out of communication, trust, and yes.. passion.

But then there are the inexplicable violations.  The ones that come from people who should know better and yet have no sense of how to appropriately approach a man or woman who is property.

It should go without saying that when a person is in a CNC relationship, the real decision maker is the owner. That owner may have very specific protocols in place that their property is bound by, especially when it comes to communication with another Dominant.

It makes no fucking matter if you like or agree with these protocols.  Its not your fucking property.  What you think has ZERO influence on their relationship or how they operate.  To insist that they take into consideration your feelings about their protocols makes you a complete and total ass.

It should be a universal principle of those into BDSM, to know that when a person is identified as owned, you approach the owner FIRST, to better understand if they place any limitations on speaking with their slave.  As a person in the BDSM community, you can’t treat a slave like a nilla and then plead ignorance without looking like a completely arrogant ass-hat.

If you really are in the know, then you should know it is in good form to show respect to the owner, by requesting their permission to communicate with their property, and ask what protocols and restrictions they have on their property.

Frankly, I find it sad, the number of unprincipled persons that directly contact Izrina, making overtures that are laughable.   These are fools who have no idea the depth of her devotion, nor the access I have to her thoughts and interactions.  If they had even an inkling, they would never write the things they do.  They are at best a source of amusement as I read their stupidity.  Sometimes, I allow Izrina to string them along, just to see how far they will go.

Even more interesting are the idiots who make a nice show of respect, asking for permission to contact and converse with her.. only to then try to solicit her from me.  I am simply stunned at times by the shear stupidity, audacity, and chutzpah of some so called Dominants.

If you have been reading my blog long, you know that I am also a mentor.  I have had the opportunity to Dominate the slave of my protege.  I like to think that I showed honor in the way I handled myself.  I have handed Izrina over to Owners I trust as well.  I think it is a useful exercise in the sense that a slave can feel more like property when handed over.

Understand that these hand overs are never for sexual service.  These handovers are simply for an S&M scene, or for simple service.. never for anything involving body fluid contact.   In that sense, I would never share my slave.

My point to all this though is that there are some Owners you can trust with such a slave experience. Many more you cannot.   Often the sociopaths and bad Dominants will look to mentor, or help train a slave, when all they really want is a blow job or to fuck your slave.

My point here ist that its not just the new slaves that need be wary.   New dominants also need to be wary of mentors who are on the prowl, looking for gullible new couples.  I am well aware of situations where a couple was looking for a mentor, only to find that mentor was just looking to score some pussy… or maybe even steal a slave away.

So was I inappropriate with Mr fluffly’s guest?  Maybe.  Do I care? Not a chance.  Its my house and Izrina is my prized property.   I will guard that property jealously.   If house guests don’t like the way I run things, they can get the fuck out.  Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.


Last night was one of two munches Izrina and I regularly attend.  I love going to munches and workshops.  In spite of all my years of BDSM, I always learn something, or at the very least, I re-inspire some dormant juice.

We sat with Gabby987 and I learned she was a Gorean trained slave.  I had no idea.  More importantly, she is meeting a potential new Master.   Now Gabby lists her age in Fet as 59, and she is a very good looking 59…and I have seen her around the community for sometime, so I wouldn’t expect her to make the mistakes a newbie would.

Here is the thing… it doesn’t matter how old we get, attraction springs eternal.  Every time she speaks of this new opportunity, her face lights up.  You can just feel the excitement as she speaks of the moments he took solid control.  I am so happy for her.  Inside, she is like a little kid, all bubbling and full of excitement.

Now when a newbie tastes Ds for the first time it is like someone just flung open the doors to Willie Wonka’s chocolate factory.  You just want to run in and sample everything.  You can well imagine after eating sweets for hours the tummy ache that would bring on.

Being a new slave is much like that.  You have always been able to get attention, but you always got your way.. and suddenly here are these Masters who will have none of it.  Suddenly the tables have firmly and clearly turned.  No amount of coy smiles and cuteness is going to change a Masters demand to comply.. and its exciting.  Suddenly you have sub-frenzy.

Like the kid in a candy store, you want it all and you are willing to forego any real thought as you dive in with your heart on your sleeve and your passion and lust not far behind.  Gabby is older and been around..  but its easy for that part of us that so desperately wants it all to rise to the surface.  I truly hope her potential new Master is a good one.

There are so many bad Dominants out there.  I say bad Dominants, because they are not real Masters or even real Dominants as we know the word in BDSM.  They are sociopaths.

so·ci·o·path (noun)
A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

A sociopath only knows what they want.  If they want you to give them your last dollar, that’s all they want.  They don’t care if its your last dollar.  They actually don’t understand why they can’t have it since they have no empathy, understanding, or conscience.  They can’t see your perspective, they can only see their own wants and needs.  They will do anything to get what they want.. weighing the risks to themselves.. without concern for laws or ethics.  Their only concern is, will I get caught.. how will it impact me?

Every good Master has a little sociopath in them.  We all want what we want.  But the difference between a sociopath and a Dominant is the genuine concern for consent.  Consent is everything.  We understand that consensual Dominance is about mutual happiness.

What makes a Dominant into a Master changes depending on the person you speak with. I would say what makes a Master is recognition.

The only titles of value are those acquired thru recognition by others. One claims that title by exercising that recognition, not asserting it. ~Xtac Quote

We who are Dominants and Masters understand that for a long term relation to work, we need to sit and talk.  We must find out if we are a good match, negotiate our hard limits, and reach an accord to consent to everything that is left.  Consensual non-consent or CNC is where we hope to be, although this is also sometimes called power exchange.

You can know all this and still fall into sub-frenzy.  Its easy for the heart to lead the head.  Hmmm  let me dig up an old quote from a few years back.  Here it is..

Place your head before of your heart, before you place your heart before your head. Respect is not earned, its a reflection of your own values, but trust, that is earned. Once earned though, you must follow your heart. ~ Xtac Quote

I am living my dreams.  I have a 24×7 relation.  I am building HOX.. The house of X.  My slave and I will seek to be a source of education and good for the BDSM community.  There is nothing like it.. living it every day.  It’s worth getting it right.  Like anything done well, much of your success is in the preparation.

Make sure when you start a new relation that you sit and talk.  Keep your sub-frenzy tightly bottled and checked.  You need to know each other, to know if you are a good fit.   Weigh carefully what can and cannot be compromised.  You do not have to compromise everything.  Doing so does not deliver your dream, it delivers a nightmare.  Beware sub-frenzy.  Lead with your head.. but be prepared to follow your heart.   Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

Serendipity-the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. 

I often see events align. Here is another.  At the same time I am thinking about Gabby, and writing on it, the slave of another Master I honor wrote on the same subject.  Her blog has valuable lessons in it, and I encourage you to read here.

 “Meeting a new Dom”.



House colors

So I have been kicking around images that mean something to me as starting points for the HOX vest colors…

Wings – Nothing gives us wings like the freedom to be who we are.  I like the idea of incorporating wings in the colors art.

Pinups – I like the idea of incorporating a sexy, 1950s housewife like, pinup.  Who doesn’t like sexy and there is something really sexy about the fully clothed but still naughty pinups from WWII.

Hitching Post – The hitching post at the table for seven pm protocol has become an favorite image.  And that will grow.  I believe I will place two at the table.. each with three chains, and leg bracelets.. giving Masters the options to not only be served from the buffet style spread, but also to chain their slaves for the meal.

House itself – Perhaps it is most fitting to do a ink and pen style image of the House of X.. Not a great or original idea, but it fits.


There are so many ways you could go with this.  I am not doing skulls, or crosses, or other common themes.  It needs to fit the BDSM, full service theme.  I am open to further ideas…. and would love to hear suggestions about what you would do…