Father of the bride

Just two weeks to go.  I am to be the father of the bride at a collaring ceremony.  Raven pup, an old and dear friend with whom I love to play, is being collared to Tonya, aka the fairy Queen.  I love them both dearly.

I’ve promised a fire scene out to one of her friends, but I also want to leave time for Raven.  Her owner is talking about passing her around for good beatings all around.  In my experience, Raven doesn’t usually need a lot of after care, though she certainly soaks up the attention like any great pup would.

I wont be able to carve out a lot of time for Izrina that evening, and of course that means yet another night at the dungeon without her getting a lot of attention.  I’ll need to short circuit that before it becomes an issue.  Maybe take her for a nice beating the week before.

Funny..  a nice beating…. yeah, its a mindset that you need to get inside before it makes any sense.

I backed off being the main fire-guy at the local dungeon, some time ago.  I didn’t like being a carnival ride.  I like being the center of attention, but like being a Hollywood star, there are times when all those people pulling at you becomes too much and you want to get away, but you can’t because once you create all that desire to connect with you, it becomes relentless.  You have to be careful what you ask for.  Lately its just been Izrina and I and it feels really good.  This event is bringing back that feeling of pull.. the desires of others to be part of your experience.

Now this is where the Master side comes into place.. I have no problem saying no.  My time is valuable, and if I give you some of it, these means I am giving you a gift.. the gift of my attention and domination.  Its a Master mindset.   We are very selective about who we give time to, and what we will give, and are very unapologetic about the whole thing.

Of course that only goes so far.  You create the mystic of your allure, the power and strength you hold, and that creates the desire to taste it.  Then you had better be able to deliver.  But more importantly, that impression is not a thing that lasts.  The mystic must be replenished occasionally,  or it fades into obscurity to be replaced…  at least in the public sense.

You can always have your privately intense Ds without all the hub-bub.  I think I prefer the private Ds side.  It has more of a authentic feel.  The private Ds that Izrina and I share is not contrived or current.  It is not fresh, hip, or the newest thing.  It doesn’t need to be bolstered or promoted.  It just is.  Not in a way that doesn’t need attention, but in a way that naturally grows stronger.   Ah.. what do I know?   Maybe I am just lazy.   All I know is that I am living life on my terms and it feels great.  Tomorrow I will wake, look at my choices, and reveal then to Izrina.. then her adventure begins.. and together, well, life is pretty damn good.

Capre Diem my friends… go seize today.  Make it yours..  and if your will is owned by another,  then I hope together you make it a great day.


So many choices

Its Saturday, and that means the day is mine.   What to do?   Izrina is at work, so no Domination warm fuzzy….  What to do?

I could take the motorcycle our for a ride, or maybe the mustang.   I could do some housework.  Lord knows there is always something you can find to do around the house.  Or I could goof off and just veg.

I just know that retirement isn’t going to be something I take to well.  Choices, choices.


I wonder, is this kind of what its like to be a sub with no one to give directions?  It doesn’t bother me that I have so many choices, so many things I could do today.. some work.. some pleasure..  but I can see the benefit of getting up and just asking.. what is your pleasure today?  The simplicity of it, the adventure of it, could be reassuring.

As a slave, you have no idea what direction the Master’s pleasure might take you today.  Everyday is in a small way, an adventure.  Maybe you might be on the back of a motorcycle, or maybe in a Mustang with the top down and the music up.  Or maybe you are going to rake leaves.  Or maybe you are just going to hand Master tools.. or maybe its something sexual.. you just don’t know.   What you do know is that every day is going to reveal a new plan, and you will be in the center of Master’s world, there at his side, because he loves and cherishes you.


Hmmm my ruminations have revealed what is bothering me.  All of those pleasures of being a slave work both ways.  When Ds is your life, your partner makes every little thing a pleasure.. be it work or recreation.  With Izrina at work, it doesn’t matter what I do, it wont be as much fun as when she is here.  Yup!   Hit the nail right on the thumb!

Ah well.  If I am going to be melancholy, I guess it will be work.  I think I’ll start by cleaning the terminals on the motor cycle battery.  The trickle charger has been flaky.  Nothing like a little elbow grease to take  your mind off things, and work up a sense of satisfaction.  Maybe that will lead to some other desire.  Time to get things done…. A sense of accomplishment is after all another source of happiness.

Carpe Diem my friends…  even if what you do today is something you do for yourself, go be someone’s great day.   The who and what isn’t nearly as important as the action. 

Action brings satisfaction and often the reward of anther’s pleasure in your efforts.  Never underestimate these as constant sources of pleasure.  Learn to look for these opportunities, and you tap into an endless source of pleasure and satisfaction.


Pissed and throwing stones

This past weekend was great and I wrapped it up with the chance to go to conference where I had the opportunity to rub shoulders with some folks running global companies. I was really feeling great.

Then I was dealt a really shitty hand at work.  Now, my hand isn’t as bad as a co-worker.  His choice is 1) Move to a new location where his wife dying of cancer won’t have local family for 24×7 support to rush her to the hospital and such, or 2) Refuse to move, be let go, and lose his health care benefits …for his dying wife.  Yeah, in the light of that one, my issue seems pretty minor..  I feel like a putz bitching while he suffers all that shit in silence.  THAT is a real Master, even if he is nilla.

Collectively, as I look around at all the people being treated like shit, its not a warm fuzzy I get when I go to work.. which really sucks because I love what I do..  Some days, enjoying your job is a little like rejoicing because you were one of the few who go a lifeboat off the titanic.   Sure you are happy, but showing it would make you feel guilty.  And it doesn’t help that there are people sitting right next to you drowning.

I am sure the people forced to run the furnaces at Auschwitz prayed everyday that if they could just get through burning this last group today, by some miracle the trains would stop showing up tomorrow.

I’ve been in corporate America too long.  I’ve seen way too many people told to “pay their dues”, and they do.. only they pay them to a person who gets fired.  The next honcho doesn’t know them, doesn’t know what they went through, and doesn’t care.  They only care about the people that helped them get ahead.  So it was all bullshit.  A company’s loyalty starts when a paycheck is promised and ends when the paycheck is issued.

The only workers that end a career with decent pay and benefits are the one ones paid for by the taxes.. the government jobs… which is ironic because we who pay for that early retirement with good benefits don’t get the same.  Kind of sucks to pay for someone else to get what you need.

I tend towards being fiscally conservative, but I have seen a huge erosion in worker rights in the last forty years..  That is going to have a backlash.. its going to lead to a rise again in unions, and socialism, and don’t kid yourself, at the heart of BOTH world wars was a battle between capitalism vs communism.  Oh sure, nationalism played a role but behind it was the drive to stop either capitalism or communism.

So here I am.  I should be happy.  Great weekend, awesome business trip, and a slave at my side.  So why am I breaking every rule I lay down for my slave?  I command her:  Thou shall find thy happiness!  It is like my first decree to her.  I am in a glass house, pissed and throwing stones, yet for the life of me, I can’t break this foul mood.

You know what though?  At least I know its just a moment..  One of many moments, each with its own flavor.   You need many flavors or life would be boring.  There were good times before this moment and there will be good times after.

I am pouring out a load of negative shit, which you will want to react to,  but who knows?  By the time you can respond, I may have already vented enough to put this moment behind me..  yeah.   Helps to have a slave curl up in your lap at the end of a day like this.

Carpe Diem my friends.. Go take the world by the balls and squeeze…   but save a kind word for a friend who may need it..  Bless those who suffer in silence..  what amazing people they are.





a new workshop, old problem

The thoughts are just churning away.. yeah. can’t sleep.  So a word on some of what I am thinking about…

First, next Month I give away Raven in her collaring ceremony.  Big moment.  About three years ago, she worn another collar and the Master who owned it refused to remove it.  Now, fast forward and she is happy and being collared again.

I often speak of my own time when I lost my slave and it nearly destroyed me.  Finding your value before and after a collar is a thing for both Masters and slaves.  So I pitched the idea of a new workshop I am developing for this:

UN-collaring-Finding your value before and after the collar.

You can’t be in this life for a few years and not personally experience or at least know someone who has gone through the incredible sense of loss that comes from tearing down every barrier between you and another human being, only to have that thrown away.

The pain of breakup is magnified by the intensity of the relations that we build.  I often say that you can’t have mountains without valleys, you can’t experience ultimate joy without risking ultimate loss, but those are just words when you are being sliced to ribbons while cradling the slivers of broken glass that used to be your life.

It think it is time to take my experience, and the experiences of so many others, and put together a workshop, designed to not just help those going through it now, but to also help those who will almost certainly need council in the future.  Perhaps my words now, might help others, or better yet, start a trend the becomes the norm.

In a nutshell, we are very big on providing collaring ceremonies, and we are big on providing aftercare for S&M scenes but how often do you hear of UN-collaring or aftercare for people who lost a collar.. or a loved one?  It should be common place for us to provide aftercare for the un-collared,  but have you heard of this?  It is uncommon that people take into consideration the needs of those who are dealing with the loss of a Master or slave.. yes slave.. Dominants can be just as devastated by the loss of a slave.

And this workshop will go beyond just proposing aftercare for UN-collaring.  It will propose ways to find your personal value with or without a collar.  We often judge our value by our relationship, when what we should do is see that our value is in what we bring to a relation.   We always have value, even if we have no relation to bring it to.  It goes back to the heart of the word lifestyle.  Yes, this is a style of life for some, but for others it is an orientation, a need so deep that colors every facet of our existence.  Those who are a Master or slave in every fiber of their being  have great value and it runs far deeper than looks, age, race, or any of the external things.  Its the beauty that is found in the core of our character.

So that’s just a quick peek into this new workshop I am whipping up. There is hardly a BDSM subject I couldn’t tackle, but this one is close to my heart.  I like giving my workshop on collars.. but I think the time has come to speak on the other side of that, when the dream evaporates…   I think given that this last UN-collaring has come full circle, and that I am about to participate in see Raven’s rebirth come to full fruition, there couldn’t be a better time to start on this workshop.  Carpe Diem my friends!  Join me in making a GREAT weekend!


Oh, and if you have an idea for a catchier title for the workshop.. I’m interested.


a slave in the wind

Easter weekend.  I am off to wild country in the Virginia’s for some luxury living and horseback riding.  Before we ride the four footed ponies, I’ll put the top down on the convertible and we’ll enjoy some sun.. .

Hmmmm a warm sun, and Izrina by my side… the interstate wind whipping through her hair as we jam to great tunes; the volume so high it drowns out the wind and gets into your bones..

Later she’ll cuss, cause you can’t do that with long hair and not spend hours untangling it later.  I know.  When mine was shoulder length I went through this ordeal too.  I am already anticipating all the wonderful, golden moments..  and grinning, thinking about the not so golden ones.  We need to find a poster bed.. with four square corners I think.

Smiles, and good vibes.. the smell of a great diner meal.. hugs from loved ones.. I am planning to store up a fortune in memories.  Its the US tax deadline.  Checks will be written last minute to the treasury.  But tap your noggin and that’s where the real treasury lies my friends.  Carpe Diem.. Go be someone’s great day!


A slave in Walmart

First off, this is not one of those kinky blogs.  This is about me being a Master, and my slave being a slave, but it is also about being a life couch, and being a positive influence in the life of another.

We needed stuff.  We had a plan and Walmart was the easy stop.  But neither of us wanted to go.  There are the people fighting to get in or out of the mall and then the parking is a mess.  Then there are the checkout lines..  If you can count on anything it is that there will be a line at the checkout at Walmart.

If you are in a checkout line, and it gets UP to three people, and they open another checkout line, you are in a great store.  If you are in a checkout line, and it gets DOWN to three people, and they close it as unneeded, you are in Walmart….

Well, we divided and conquered, she took one side of the store and I took the other and we were still having trouble getting out of there, which didn’t help moods any.  Then the parking lot had a huge mess of people trying to get out of the mall and three people waiting to turn into a spot that someone was thinking about backing out of, after they finished a text or something, oh, and the confused person who just stopped in the middle of it all for no apparent reason… so you had to go around them AND the people waiting on backing up cars.   By the time we dodged all that and got out of there, Izrina was in a foul mood.  Me, I was OK in a philosophic kind of way, but her negativity was hard not to react to.  So I did what I do.   I shelved my feelings and waiting for later in the evening.

Later, with Izrina curled up happy in my arms, I was ready for “the talk”.  I spoke of how we should always try to let things not bother us and how we definitely should not let our frustration be projected at each other.   We can vent and support each other, but not hurl these negative vibes at each other.

Then I told her that next time, I was going to park the car and have this same discussion, and not let her out of the care until she found her center and cooled off.  She just looked at me, and I grinned… and then added, and you will probably be more frustrated and mad at me for making you do that, but oh well, you have to deal with it.  You are going to learn to find your happy place if it kills me..   we chuckled at the thought of this mini-tug of wills in the a parking lot at Walmart.

The point is..  when kids act up in Walmart, parents need to not be so busy, that they can’t take time to get the kids out of that situation, sit down, and work through it.  I bet a lot fewer kids would have tantrum, if they got more attention.. Not their way, just more love and attention.  Same with my slave.

And that brings me to today.  I am really getting frustrated with the lack of breaks at work.  The pace has been incredible, and the pressure is mounting, and I really need some “me time” and today I left to have lunch at home with Izrina and someone sent a meeting invite that arrived after I got in the car, and started in 15 minutes… so what was I to do?

I was already well past a normal lunch break courtesy of some other issues and had yet another meeting after this break.. that was just taken away by a last minute meeting, and damit.. the dam broke.  I was like fuck it.  I need a Goddamn life.

So I went home, got a hug from my slave, dialed in to the meeting, and then lay with my head in her lap and listened to stuff I barely needed to be involved in, while she stroked my hair.  I was very calming.

You know my admonition against hurling negative vibes?   Well she was pouring out loving vibes and just as the effect of one is bad, the effect of the other is good.  It got me to the end of the day, and I although I still worked late, I ended on an up note feeling rather good.  Never underestimate the power of a person focusing their will and emotions at you – good or bad.

So there it is, another normal day, in this BDSM life.  Carpe Diem my friends.. go spread some good vibes…

Munch, and some sharing

It has been a while since I shared my life with you so I thought is was time.  If you read my blog, you know that I share information as I feel it appropriate, and in the time of my own choosing.. and that goes for my blog, my slave, and others in my life.  Information is another form of power my friends, never doubt it.  Ask Joseph Stalin, he’ll set you straight.

I have nothing earth shattering to share, at least not from my perspective, though certainly something I think has come to a time when it is appropriate to share.  I am mentoring, and have been for a while now.

This is not an invitation to my charge, or the one in the care of my charge to share as well.  I completely respect your privacy.  If you care to share or to stay anonymous that is entirely your call.. or rather, the more specifically, the call of the Master involved.   If that Master wishes to share, it is entirely within the scope that Master’s power to do so or not.  To the eager slave under that Mastery, you must defer to the Master you serve, before doing so.. I mention this, because there is just a wee bit of impulsive nature there…


It should not surprise anyone, that I might mentor or that this might be a private matter.  If you have the slightest inclination of what I am about, you will know that in public I am quite private about a great many things, but in person I can be quite.. hmm personable.

I mention all of this to say this.  It has been a great pleasure to hear and observe the transformations of this couple.  Though they live too far away to make a visit practical, I truly wish this were not so.  I feel a warm bond forming in a new Master and slave.  I hope this is just the start of a journey which for them will last a lifetime.. and in  our shared lifetimes, we will be presented opportunities to look back and enjoy the memories.


And with my own sharing aside, I move onto this weeks munch.  I always enjoy our munch.  It is good to be among your own kind, and to experience the sense of acceptance for all that we do.  It is important on a very basic level.

We are pioneers my friends.  We are forging social models that to my knowledge never existed before.  UN-consensual slavery has existed for years, but consensual slavery, in which two equals come to a common agreement to exchange submission and Mastery, well, that is a completely new model.

It is not surprising that so many of us live double lives, the one with our significant other,  and the one our employers, co-workers, and others know.  Perhaps we hide it from truly important people in our lives.. fathers, mothers..  best friends.  It is a recipe whose flavor is sour and it is therefor sweet to have the company of like minded people.  More than sweet, it is healthy for our beings.


Speaking of differences, there was a comment a while back in this blog, and reading between the lines, I believe that this reader may not approve of my Domination.  Contrary to what Izrina believes, I do not read minds, but I have done a lot of reflection on the possibility that some readers may not approve of what we do.  I would like to discuss these choices with others who may not agree..  but not in an angry confrontational way.  I mean in a way that strives to better understand each other.  With this in mind, I invite PM on Fet.  If you care to hold a discussion I would do so gladly, but over private messages on Fet.

But of course a meeting of minds is not always possible.  My mother for example must be fed small doses of the truth of my life.  It is not that she won’t accept, it is that she wired to be incapable of accepting some things.   All of this brings us around again to the importance of the fact there is no social model for this, and that we need to occasionally be among our own kind.


One last tidbit and then I will go.  a gentleman I know from the local dungeon is reading the GOR books and was very turned on by some of the slave imagery in the words.   He spoke of this at the munch.  It got me to thinking that while I have a cursory knowledge of the GOR life, I have never read the books.  I think perhaps I need to have my slave order the series, and when they arrive, fetch my smoking jacket and pipe.

And that my friends brings you somewhat up to date.  I must tell you about Walmart next time we meet.  Until then, Carpe Diem!   Go be someone’s great day!

Mom always said…

If all your friends were not jumping off a bridge would you just do that too or would you think for yourself?

tick, tock..

Ok.. maybe she didn’t say that… but I hope you had to read that twice to get the logic.  You see, silly platitudes and arguments of logic can always be twisted for or against you.  The real question is what not what anyone else does or thinks, the question is.. what do you want to do and think?

 Only the foolish learn from experience, the wise learn from the experience of others. – Romanian proverb

But then you remember that all the experts down through the ages have often been wrong.. I thank the Godless we now know that the world isn’t flat….. so where exactly is the value in experience and expertise?

I think what mom actually used to say was..  You are always free to choose but not free to choose the results of your choosing.. and then she would prove it which often made me quite unhappy in the process.  Maybe that’s where I get it from.

When pursuing the mysteries of life; seeking higher truths, remember that every real truth is a paradox. This is why, the smarter we get, the less we know. ~Xtac Quote

Now there is a truth to sink your teeth into…It seems that no matter what truth you seek,  there is always a counter point coming from someone.

If there is a deep hidden message in tonight blog it is this.  Only in the path of your values and in your search for happiness will your personal universe reveal to you the truth as it exists for only you.  If you can share that with even one other person, you are doing pretty damn good.

Carpe Diem my friends..  Go beat someone you love.. or don’t… It’s your universe after all.

What would you do for Love?

It was just another evening, living with X.  My slave curled up with her head in my lap, as we talked of things from our day and the evening.  It is warm moments like this that I bask in.  It is the small treasures of pleasant memories like this that keep me warm during my endless toil at work.

The subject turned to love and somehow the topic turned to what it would take to get rid of me..  and I said, that’s easy.. just break your sacred role as a slave.

Warning.. spoiler alert… can you see where this is going?

I had the sudden twinge that you get sometimes when you know you are treading on a subject where there can be no happy outcome…  Where any answer is a wrong turn.  I saw the dead end in the canyon, but I forged ahead anyway.

Izrrina was taken back.  She wanted to hear that my Love knew no bounds, that I would fight to hold onto her.

But that is the thing about consent, is it not?  How can you make someone consent and it still be consent?   How can you fight for a thing, and it not be coerced?   Some things to be real, must be freely given..

I told her, “You have concocted an impossible scenario.  What I love about you IS your slave nature.  Without it you are not you.  In other words, I can only not love you, if you are not you.”

It is that fantasy that haunts us sometimes.  We want to believe that that a person can and will Love us no matter what..  but that is not me.  I have conditions.  I do not love a partner unconditionally, it is not my way.

Then I asked.. Would you love me if I stopped acting like a Dominant?

Warning.. double spoiler alert… can you see where this is going?

It was my turn to be disappointed.   She felt she could love me even if I stopped acting as a Dominant.  Well, more correctly, she wanted to believe that she could see past any obstacle to hold onto our love.  THAT was not what I wanted to hear.  It brought up all my  old fears that she had a nilla side, that might rise again.. that she wasn’t really a slave at heart.  For me, the roles are sacred.  There can be no other way.

Clearly my Canvas needs work..  Carpe Diem my friends.  Go be someone’s great day.

Welcome to the dark side


As IF…

BDSM wasn’t dark enough.  Do you remember the days as a teen when you could pack away a couple cheeseburgers, a shake, some fries, still be hungry, and your stomach was just skin over muscle?

Ah.. the beautiful bodies of our youth.  And still some of us nurtured a yearning for those older folks.. maybe a teacher… or a friends parent…


You know what?  There is an innocence to the child perving after the older woman or dude.  But what of us who have become the other side?   Can we still fantasize about  a woman 25 years younger and still have it be perfectly all right?

Guess  you will have to ask Izrina…. That’s her world.