Act your age..

There are things that change as you age.  Somethings we know.. acne for example.   Most people get it when their hormone start to rage, but then it subsides… usually.   We know that the menstruation cycle will show up, and then there will be a time of hot flashes as it fades.   We know that those three little lines start to show.. crows feet they are called, near the corners of the eyes.  We know that as we age, the skin gets less elastic.. maybe you have seen someone pull loose  skin from the back of the hand, to demonstrate.   And then there are liver spots, and skin that begins to look like crepe paper.

Sex changes too.  Women can experience vaginal dryness while men increasingly find it difficult to obtain an erection.  Izrina is twenty five years younger than me, and while I am in good health and have no issues I am well aware that this may not always be the case.  I have been giving a lot of thought recently to the way the body changes, and what that means for couples.

I sat her down tonight, to discuss this, to prepair her to think about what it means to be tied to an older man.  Service to me as I age will increasingly be just that.  She is required to see that I have my supplements.. Vitamin D, a multi, DHEA, and I just added L-arginine as a natural stimulant for increased blood flow.  This with diet and exercise is working so far. I am also going to add testosterone to my yearly tests. As I said, I’ve been giving this some thought.

I suspect as people age, and sex become more difficult, the focus changes more to intimacy and companionship.  I know my interest in sex was much more ravenous in my youth.

In my sixties, an hour a day is enough..  usually..  Quickies are nice, though on special occasions, I can see my way clear to wanting to dedicate some serious time to exploring deeper in.  The point though is that the Ds side of the relation is intensely satisfying and in many ways nearly as complete a spiritual binding as having sex.  But I wonder..

Is that the words of a person who’s drive has lessened a bit?  Isn’t it likely that BDSM for the younger crowd is driven as much by the quantity of chemicals in their bodies, as is mine? Just as they have more, and I have less, shouldn’t that impact us both in significant ways?

I suspect that it is natural for BDSM to be more about the sex when you are younger and perhaps it is more natural for BDSM to be more strongly about the quality of the relation, as we age.

Its a generalization of course which makes the premise flawed in an overall context, but in a general sense, I would not be surprised if a study concluded that the goals of BDSM change to some degree with age, on average.

All I know is, I hope I am one of the lucky ones who’s body keeps up with his mind.. because in my mind, I am planning on having sex frequently for a very long time.  Carpe Diem my friends.   Go be someone’s great day!

Dangerous path

Many years ago, I measured who and what I was, by the slave I owned.  My slave was an outward manifestation of the power and authority I wielded.   Measuring our worth by a relationship is a trap for Masters and slaves.  Often a slave will feel they are worthless and not worthy of serving a powerful Master.  The downside of this is that they don’t see their own real value, that which they bring to the table.  As a Master, I too fell into the trap of seeing my value only through the eyes of my relationship and it nearly destroyed me in a very real sense.  I wanted to die.

One day I was a God, commanding a beautiful woman to my every whim and the next day I was a Walmart greeter, not even worthy of doing the menial labor of stocking shelves.  It destroyed me but as I have often commented it was from the ashes of that destruction that that the phoenix known as MasterX was reborn.


 

Tonight Izrina and I went to our local munch.  We had just returned from a mini-vacation of sensual delights and mini Ds moments.  As we drove away from the munch,  I pondered my feelings from the meeting.

In the past I would often feel pumped up.  It is in these meetings where my long history and all the knowledge I have acquired over the years comes into play and I often feel an heightened sense of status.  I had none of that tonight, and I ruminated openly with Izrina.

I think perhaps, I said to her, when I come away jazzed from a munch it is because I have something to prove.. a need to establish my years and experience.  But if am no longer getting that high, does that mean I no longer feel I have something to prove?

In at least one way, that is true.  My relation with Izrina fulfills me completely.  I have no need to fight for or establish any recognition in the community because my sense of who and what I do is assured.  But its an old path and an old danger. I told her so.

I have returned, I said, to the days where my world revolves in large measure around a single person.  I have been very slow and cautious to let down my guard and allow a single slave to be that important to me.  I can do this, I think, because you have earned my trust.  I trust you.

Izrina has stood by me with only a training collar for many years.  I think the time has come to finally let down my guard, and go the way the nearly destroyed me in the past, to commit to a final collar.   I am thinking fourth of July 2018.   It is appropriate since it is only in the binds of her consensual slavery that Izrina discovers her freedom.  That gives us both plenty of time to plan and make this a special day.

Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.

Making Love vs Fucking

I have spoken before about Ds quickies.  It is one of the pleasures of being a slave owner.  You can have whatever you want, when ever you want.   I like a quickie.  I think you should test every corner of the house at some point.  The shower, the counter tops, a table, a desk.  Its good to be spontaneous, needy, and enjoy a little domination with fucking.

Now if your slave is not into the loving relationship thing, then making love just isn’t going to be something that should happen.  I on the other hand, love my slave.  There are times I want to express how I feel about her in the most intimate manner.  Of course there will always be some Domination in there, but for me the difference between fucking and making love is about the time I put into it, the sensitivity and kissing, the attention I lavish on her.

If I am fucking, I can just grab a handful of hair and push her roughly over a table.  But for making love, I’ll set a mood and I’ll build up slowly.  Well, that moment is coming.

I’ve booked a room by a lake with a fireplace and a Jacuzzi tub.   We’ll dine on steak, and drink wine while we recline in a bubble bath as the fire crackles in the background.  And then I’ll lay her down on fresh sheets and let my lips travel over the flesh of my slave.

The second or third time we’ll get to some fucking, but the first time will be slow and steady, a tidal wave building like a crescendo that erupts loudly.

My plans are no secret.  I want her thinking about this.  It gives her time to be nervous.  Her timid submissive side is so much more delicious when it has had time to guess and guess again how something will go.

Submission itself is delicious.  How much sweeter is it when you have a quivering happy slave beneath you?  Some may prefer to just fuck.  That’s cool.  But I want to be deeper.  I want to be in her head as much as her body.   For that, I need to set a different plan.

Carpe Diem my friends, go be someone’s great day.

Floppy flogger bunny

My flogger bunny is under the weather.  Its been brutal warm lately and she went out on a trail ride after miscalculating if she needed another layer… so she was cold.. then it rained.  Well she didn’t have her duster either..

When she came home that night her upper lip was pink, her nose running, congestion in her voice.  Yeah.  sick little bunny.  She took some hot tea, and echinacea .. plus some for me cause I’m not letting a little thing like that keep me from kissing my pet.

Off to work she went again today, so I made her some of M’s famous chicken soup.. well its more goulash or stew.  BIG pot, nearly two rotisserie chickens go in, with big chucks of potatoes, baby carrots, lots of egg noodles, some celery,  and a combination of broth and cream of chicken soup.  You can eat it with a fork.. lots of solid good food in every yummy bite.

Daughter came over… there was enough for four people to have three meals each.  We settled into a pleasant evening.. Chocolate ice cream with everyone’s favorite toppings for desert.  Izrina read another chapter from the book we are reading, while my daughter’s boy friend played on Xbox.  After the house of X is operational, we’ll have formal dinner every night.  Tonight though was a good taste of evenings to come.  Good food, good company, good entertainment.

Bunny is taking some for lunch tomorrow.  Hopefully she’ll be back in the pink soon.  Doing my M thing in the meantime, trying to mend my property with lots of care, love, and attention.  Carpe Diem my friends, go be someone’s great day.

Are you “likable”?

I was reading a theory proposed by Princeton University psychologists and their colleagues that people judge others based on their warmth and competence.

If we graphed this, with warmth becoming stronger as it moves to the right, and Competence getting stronger as it moves up, you end up with four extremes, as noted below.

Low Warmth >>>>>>        >>>>>> High Warmth
High Competence             High Competence
^ ^                                       ^ ^
^ ^                                       ^ ^
Low Competence           Low Competence
Low Warmth >>>>>>        >>>>>> High Warmth


 

This was a study in stereotypes.  Into the four established categories, they noted certain generalizations for these groups:

Low Warmth, Low Competence
Contemptuous prejudice
Low status, competitive
Contempt, disgust, anger, resentment
(e.g., welfare recipients, poor people)

Low Warmth, High Competence
Envious prejudice
High status, competitive Envy, jealousy
(e.g., Asians, Jews, rich people, feminists)

High Warmth, Low Competence
Low status, not competitive
Pity, sympathy
(e.g., elderly people, disabled people, housewives)

High Warmth, High Competence
High status, not competitive
Pride, admiration
(e.g., in-group, close allie)

The theory suggests that simply be warm and friendly is not sufficient to make you likable.  It also suggests that being good at what you do, is also not sufficient to make you likable.

Being on the fast track for career advancement, or being on the “inside” of a group you wish to be a member of, requires that you develop both your warmth and your competence.


What lead me to reading that paper?  It was an article published by Maggie Zhang and update by Shana Lebowitz in Business Insider.  It was such a good article, I wanted to capture some of the key points in my own personal Cliffs notes.  I think I already knew most of this intuitively.  Nice to see it validated with research.

How to make people like you..
( Summary version )

Wining at love
I have long maintained that to be a good lover, you must be a mirror.  Now a study indicates that when one person “mirrors” the behavior of a partner, they were found to be more likeable.  Don’t be needy.  Give as you receive.   Be an unhurried reflection of the behaviors that come to you, and you invite others to spend more time with you.

Making time to be important
This should be a no-brainer, since the most valuable thing you can give another person is your time.  That being said, research confirms that your potential for likeability goes up when you give more time for interaction.

Compliment people
I have long witnessed that successful people compliment others.  This creates spontaneous trait transference. If you describe someone else as genuine and kind, people will also associate you with those qualities. The reverse is also true: If you are constantly trashing people behind their backs, your friends will start to associate the negative qualities with you as well.

Be positive 
Emotions are contagious.  To create a positive environment, start by being a positive person.

Be human
According to the pratfall effect, people will like you more after you make a mistake – but only if they believe you are a competent person. Revealing that you aren’t perfect makes you more vulnerable, which makes people around you relate better.

Touch.
Touch is huge. Subliminal touching occurs when you touch a person so subtly that they barely notice. Common examples include tapping someone’s back or touching their arm, which can make them feel more warmly toward you. Want to know if you are getting along with someone?  Touch them.  Want to get personal with someone?  Be likable, get in close, and touch in a non-sexual way.. say a pat on the shoulder, or just about the elbow.  You are making progress if the person doesn’t pull back. Be aware of the response to your touch.

Smile
A smile broadcasts your mood.  Moods are contagious. Spread the good vibes and you become more likable.

Validate beliefs
Compliments are just the first part of something more important.  We all seek confirmations of our views, positive or negative.  There is a theory called self-verification.  Keep in mind that you don’t have to agree, to validate.

Disclosure
We all know honesty is important in a relationship.  But how do we know if a person can be trusted with our secrets?   You can’t know until you try a more meaningful conversation.  The process of becoming more comfortable with personal questions and answers gives us a stronger sense of closeness.

Be trustworthy 
After disclosure we must prove trustworthiness. “Trustworthiness is comprised of several components, including honesty, dependability, and loyalty, and while each is important to successful relationships, honesty and dependability have been identified as the most vital in the realm of friendships.”   (Suzanne Degges-White-Northern Illinois University)

Humor. 
A sense of humor is critical to being likable.   The root of humor is a sharing of things that are embarrassing, painful, or difficult in a way that makes light of it.  Humor is a tool that cuts through the difficult things in life.   This is why everyone gravitates to people with a sense of humor.

Listen more 
Take time to listen.  Don’t do all the talking.  Researchers using fMRI machine showed that the brain regions associated with motivation and reward were most active when participants were sharing information publicly – but also were active when they were talking about themselves without anyone listening.

Like people in general. 
Psychologists have known for a while about a phenomenon called “reciprocity of liking”: When we think someone likes us, we tend to like them as well.  Even if you’re not sure how a person you’re interacting with feels about you, act like you like them and they’ll probably like you back.   A word of caution.  People will know if you are faking it.  Develop in yourself a genuine love for other people, and work from there.

The problem 
The problem with all this is, it is a formula.  It is a cold scientific way of approaching relations.  To be successful at it, you either need to keep all this in your head and constantly refer to it as you interact with people. OR you need to develop your personality to the point where all this is natural.  I suggest the latter choice.  Focus on one improvement at a time, until it comes naturally to you.

For additional details and reference go here: Business Insider article

 

 

 

 

The first kiss

This is a true story.  It is the story of our first kiss.

Izrina did not start out as a romantic partner.  She was a slave from the start.  She got a pat on the head, a good girl, a peck on the cheek or forehead when she did well.  So the time when the first kiss would happen become a milestone, a moment looked forward to with great anticipation.   This is the story of that first kiss.

As I said, Izrina, and I for that matter…  were looking forward to our first kiss.  Frankly the time when it probably should have happened had long passed.  But in due course I felt the time was right. And of course, I wanted to control the moment, to plan it out, have it fulfill the dreams of how I thought it might be, the visions that we so often have of our first kiss.

In the movie, Hitch, Will Smith’s character says, “Eight out of ten women believe that the first kiss will tell them everything that they need to know about the relationship”.  Certainly a lot rides on that first moment.  Will it be the hungry, impetuous kiss of two persons eager for sex?  Will it be that awkward fumbling that turns some off or others on?  Would it be slow, sensuous and passionate?

Izrina came home and I was cool, nonchalant.  I was playing XBox as she opened the door. She smelled as she always does after work of horse shit.  This was not the time for a magic moment  As she undressed and dropped her clothes in a plastic bag by the door as I require, I turned and commanded:  You get ten minutes for your tub and ten minutes for your shower tonight.

It is 6:15 I said.  Set an alarm on your phone for 6:30.  Izrina gave a puzzled look but took out  her phone and began to press buttons.  Set another, I said. for 6:40.  Another puzzled look but she complied.  May I ask, Izrina questioned, Why I only get 20 minutes?  No, I replied simply, and went back to my game.

Izrina disappeared into the bathroom and at 6:25 I turned down the volume.  Sure enough, at 6:30 the alarm went off and I heard her begin to drain the tub and rearrange shower curtains.  I smiled.  At 6:40, Izrina came out of the bathroom in a red silky nightgown, one of the many I love. There is something wonderful about skin against smooth silk.

As she exited the bathroom, I blocked her way, backing her into the wall.  I got close.. very close until our faces were just a few inches apart.  In my sternest Master voice I asked “Did you do everything I commanded?”  Izrina’s answer came quickly, sure of herself. “Yes Master” she replied.

I grinned my wicked grin.. “Are you SURE?”  I stressed.  Her voice changed a bit, her eyes shifting as she struggled to remember what she might have missed.  I grinned a broader grin, toying with her.  Still with a stern face, I grabbed her hair and pulled her face closer.  She did that thing slaves do.. the deer in headlights.. the “what now?” look.

And then I kissed her.  Not a hungry kiss.  A soft wet kiss.  I could feel her shock.. this was happening.. it was really happening.. our first kiss.   And then she returned the kiss, awakening to the realization that it was permitted.  Her mouth sought mine, not softly.. more hunger and passion, like she would gobble me up.  We stayed that way, testing, tasting, locked in our first embrace.

Then I pulled back by the hair and said.. “I think you bruised my lips.”

 

There have been many wonderful kisses since, and many more to come.  Carpe Diem my friends.. Go be someone’s great day.

 

 

A College weekend

When you think of a College weekend, you most likely get a vision of a campus and wild parties and maybe even the opportunity to hook up with someone exciting.  Well I am long past that kind of College weekend.

When I go to visit my daughter at her College apartment, it is usually fun, but not wild..  THIS weekend however was a different kind of wild.  When my daughter’s graduation came up, it was bound to be a weekend of ups and downs.

For starters, Google calculates the drive out to College as six hours and forty-five minutes, one way, with no stops.  Who drives nearly seven hours without a stop for a snack and a pee?  Not me.

Then there is the fact she has been in a three room apartment and accumulated a lot of possessions.  When we first moved her in I spent around $2,000 on the entertainment center, microwave, cookware, and other minor household items.  A second trip included the purchase of a kitchen table and chairs, and mattress, etc.

We spend way too much money to just dump it all.  It was worth getting a U-haul and storing.  A few problems with that.  First,  we have to pull off all that packing, lugging, and unloading over a three day weekend.  Second, as mentioned this is a very long haul to add on top of all that work.   Third, we also have to squeeze in graduation, and last dinners with College friends, and maybe a night of drinking.  Too much to plan? maybe.

One last wrench in the works.  Her mother, my ex, was going to be part of that.  We are civil, but I cant be around her long.  It starts out sweet, but in short order there will be a comment that makes me grit my teeth.  It will take the form of a joke, said with a laugh.  The laugh always comes with it.. and a smile.. but the words.. if the words were said with a straight face the only way you could interpret them is as a horribly rude insult.  But because these things are delivered with a smile and a laugh, we shouldn’t take offense.. right?

I have a hard time explaining this, but Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter is a perfect analogy.   She is sweet, and soft spoken and oh so terribly concerned and yet you instantly know that behind that sweet facade is a silent, horrible, steely, unrepentant and potentially vicious personality at work there.  Yeah, I prefer nearly any other company.

All of the plethora of problems aside, I love a good challenge.  I was sure I could make this work with some direction and patience. I should have planned on patience with no direction.

I brought a bunch of her friends, so I expected the packing and lugging to go fairly smooth going.   Was I ever wrong.   First, these are adults barely out of their teens.  Second, they are nillas who don’t take well to my dictatorial way of doing things.   Add her mother to the mix and you have an unhappy M in the making.

In my mind, I was going to just buy a bunch of uniform size boxes.  We would keep the consumables in one group of boxes, and the long term storage in another.  Each box would be grouped by room.. Bedroom storage, bath storage, kitchen storage, etc.  Storage would go into the truck first.  We would stack them maybe three across, three deep, three or four high.  When we got to the house we could unload the consumables, then take the rest to storage.  You know.. last out is first into the truck.

Yeah, well,  no.  First, her mother “saved money” by bringing second hand boxes of various sizes, then insisted on loading those boxes instead of the ones that could be laid into the truck in nice neat rows that stacked and tied down easily.  Even after I ASKED to keep them in the new boxes, they came down in the odd boxes.

Teenagers stood around chatting while I, who am three times their age, walked up and down the three flights of stairs.   After a few hours, by back, legs and knees were killing me.  Yelling at a nilla just makes them glare at you, and yelling at kid is worse.  So by mid-day, I just bit my lip and stayed with the truck, doing my best to cool my rising frustration.

The odd boxes were going to required lots of rope to keep it from shifting, since nothing stacked well.  I sent her mother with a twenty to get two rolls of clothes line cord.  She came back with fishing line and bungee cords.  Two small bundles of cord in the bottom of the bag.  Ah well.  I took pleasure in doing some Uhaul bondage.  A square knot here, a cinch there, a slip knot.  Some days you have to make your fun.

As the apartment emptied, (and I stayed with the truck) her mother took to cleaning.  That actually worked out pretty well.  I stayed with the truck and played with rope and the jigsaw puzzele, while she did what she likes to do in the apartment.

When we got back, instead of unloading at home, I went straight to storage and began to unload the truck, breaking open the boxes, and then RE-box all the stuff into the boxes I bought, the way I asked for.. long term in some, consumables in others.  By the time the truck was unloaded, we had about three quarters of it in a neat tight block of stored apartment stuff.. and about a quarter of it in boxes of consumable and clothes..  We ended up doing what I asked for when we off-loaded.  It may not have happened to plan or efficiently, but at least it got done.  It helped that her mother wasn’t counter-directing.  Yeah.. counter-directing.  If there is one thing I absolutely know, its that a project can not go smoothly with two bosses.

As I come away thinking about that weekend I am left with one unmistakable and firmly embedded impression.  I MUCH prefer people that take direction well.    I do NOT enjoy working with unmotivated teens, and I can’t stand working with people who don’t follow simple directions.  Finally, I hate working with people like Dolores Umbridge.  Sigh.. happy thoughts…  and soft kisses from my slave.  Life is good…

We all go through changes in life.  Make those changes positive ones my friends.  Carpe Diem!

 

 

Could go either way

May I make a suggestion?, she asked.  Of course my pet, I replied but inside my thoughts were churning.. what could she be about to ask now?

HOW my slave talks to me makes a huge difference in how I react to her.  Since this is a Master-slave relation, my focus is on my pleasure, my wants, and especially on what she can do to keep from pissing me off.

A few nights back, Izrina served my drink, pulled up the stool, put a blanket over my feet, then fetched supper.  She served on her knees, which cracked as she knelt.  I am aware that some protocols cost her.  I can’t tell you how much my heart swells when she does these things.  I love the girl dearly.

The suggestion she made was for me to call her, rather than she call me when we are driving to work, since my car is blue tooth enabled and it is an easier matter for me than for her, while we are both driving.  That was a good solid suggestion.

But there are also times though she pisses me off.

Izrina went to the refrigerator and the freezer door was ajar.  I had just been there. Something had shifted and the door was open a crack.  The ice cream was going soft.  She said in an annoyed voice.. “Master, when you close the freezer pleeeeeese make sure it is closed”

Now I was instantly annoyed as well.  I would never leave the freezer open a crack on purpose.  What?  I am going to spend the time to make sure it is open exactly one inch?  You can’t fix what you don’t know is broke.  Grrrrr….  What is it about one person being annoyed with me, that instantly makes me want to do a Donald Trump, Oh its on now!, full scale retaliatory attack?

There was the time I forgot to flush.  She wasn’t mad, she was disgusted.   Didn’t bother me.  A person has to come at me with anger or annoyance to trigger that retaliation response.

Any time we talk with any one, the feelings we evoke could go either way, EVEN IF IT WASN’T OUR INTENT.  We should probably be cognizant of this at all times.  I am aware that there are going to be things I do that trigger Izrina.  Hell.. some of them I do on purpose.  But we are working on a LTR… so we want things to generally go well..

There are many ways she could have approached her suggestion.  Some would trigger me.  Some would not.

  • May this slave make a suggestion?
  • I have a suggestion..
  • I have a request..
  • Would you please?
  • Would you pleeeeeeease?
  • Do you think it might be better if?
  • Is there a way this slave could?
  • I would prefer it if..
  • What do you think about this idea?
  • I think we could do this a better way..
  • I don’t think it’s a good idea to..
  • I have a better idea…
  • Can your slave do this a better way?

If the language makes it clear that the decision is mine and the tone submissive, indicating that what ever I decide will be accepted, that works best for me.  She doesn’t have to dance around making me think its my idea.. she is pretty brilliant at times and I have no problem with evaluating an idea, though I might shy away from directly saying its a better idea.  On the other hand, if she just saved me embarrassment, a great idea might earn a “good girl”.  I do want her language to be crafted for me.   For my part, I give thought to her insecurities.  It is the part of our communication I give the most importance and therefore thought to.

When people ask for something but choose words that suggest “I am annoyed with you” it doesn’t go well.   All my life I have often thought.. if you just worded that a little different, I would have been happy to help but not now.   But then I think, but you are no mind reader. With Izrina, I have no filter.  When she could have asked better, I will tell her.  The result is that she knows me better.  She knows my triggers.  She know when she is likely to get a good response or a bad, and why that happened.  I tell her these things.

The raw, open, honest communication that happens in a Ds relation, leaves no room for boundaries.  It gives both the Master and the slave the tools they need to understand each other better, and to work on a better life together.

May I make a suggestion?, she asked.  This was followed by a suggestion, in submissive tone.  It went well.  Some days I can be quite the mine field to navigate.

Carpe Diem my friends, go make a great day.

 

 

Making conscious choices

You can only be “guilty” if you consciously do something wrong. The alternative is being conscious and trying to do right.  ~ a recent Xtac quote


In that comment, there are two choices and both assume you are consciously considering all your pros and cons, as well as the implications of your options in relation to your personal ethics.  There is however, a second alternative.

You could be reacting without being conscious.  But what does that mean?  On one level, it means that you are simply reacting while suppressing any real thought.  On another level, it means your feelings can be conflicted because of this.

Let’s say someone sends a text, asking you to bring home a loaf of bread.  Do you just do it?   Do you recoil from saying no?  Is No even an option?  What if the person asking could do this for themselves?  What if you worked 12 hours that day and you know the person asking hasn’t worked at all?   What if maybe the request could wait a day?  What level of guilt will you feel, putting off the request?  Does your brain even consider IF you should do what is asked?

Sometimes you are “wired” to just do as you are asked.  You don’t question.  You don’t have an option to push back.. either it doesn’t occur to you, or it does but your “wiring” doesn’t permit it.

A Master of course would push back.   A slave normally would not.  It is fundamental to the mindset of Master and slave.  All of which is fine as long as both are happy and being happy means you are conscious, you are not suppressing your choices or feelings.   If your greatest happiness comes from the happiness of others,  you must be conscious of this.  Visa-versa, if you are unhappy you need to root out the reason why.   If you regret your choices, you are not being honest with yourself.  To put this into terms of the example:

If you are a slave and you just worked 12 hours, and you know the person asking didn’t work, and you stop on your way home and take an extra fifteen minutes to pick up the bread, but you truly don’t mind because it is a personal service to the person or persons you care about, you are making a conscious choice. You have thought this through, and chosen what works for you.

If you are a slave and you just worked 12 hours, and you know the person asking didn’t work, and you stop on your way home and take an extra fifteen minutes to pick up the bread, and all the while are a little pissed about it, you have made an unconscious choice.  You have NOT thought this through, and NOT chosen what works for you.  You should more deeply question where your happiness lies.

There are many reasons why we choose to do things.   Ultimately though our choices should be shaped by only two things.  Our happiness and our ethics.  If you find yourself conflicted, you must examine why.  Slaves are not the only ones with this issue.   Let’s look at a classic Master issue.

You are a Master and you haven’t been laid in a couple days and you really just want some oral service but you know that your slave has had a hard day, and while they never complain, they always let you know in other ways that this is not something they really wanted to do at that moment.. as if there ever was a good time… but you are who you are and you refuse to compromise what is important to you so you order this anyway, after which you have a talk about choices.. yours and hers.  You have thought this through, and chosen what works for you.

You are a Master and you haven’t been laid in a couple days and you really just want some oral service but you know that your slave has had a hard day, and while they never complain, they always let you know in other ways that this is not something they really wanted to do at that moment.. as if there ever was a good time… so you make excuses with yourself and don’t order it.  You don’t discuss it.  You have NOT thought this through, and NOT chosen what works for you, and so are conflicted.

In the first example, the Master was true to their role or honest with themselves.  This is where compatibility comes into play.  When you and your partner like the same things, compromising on happiness is lessened.  The goal of consensual slavery is mutual happiness so while compromises might happen, the fewer the better.   None of this can happen if you are not honest with yourself.  Neither you nor your partner can correct what you yourself are not being honest about.

If you have been dishonest with yourself in the past, you must correct this, and that means.. buckle up..  you must talk with your partner about it.  In the best case you will discover you both will be happier, in a worse case you will discover that you are not compatible.

All of this is why honesty and negotiation is so vitally critical at the start of a Ds relation, and then throughout your time together.  Some things you might compromise on.  Others you can not.  I for example cannot compromise on oral service.  If I can’t have it, when I want it, when ever I want it  (social setting permitting) then that is a deal breaker for me.  Each of us will have our limits.  Maybe its is anal, or golden showers, or something you think is worse still.  There are some pretty bizarre kinks.  Best you know what to expect in the most honest way possible.. and that starts with being conscious.. which means being honest with yourself, and your partner.

Carpe Diem my friends..  Go be someone’s great day.

 

When the slave trains the Master

I suspect that more than one clever slave has quite consciously trained a Master.  Maybe the owner wants oral service, but they nurse secret feelings of being too greedy by demanding this, and the slave knows this is a “button”, so they quietly and quite consciously press it.  Or maybe they put up a fuss about this or that until it was just too much of a pain in the ass for their owner to make them do it… gasp..  broke a cardinal rule there..

I said “their owner”.  A slave doesn’t own an owner, therefore an owner cannot be “theirs”.  Ha!  I love the semantics we play in Ds.  But semantics are all bullshit, right?  Or no?  Times up!  No was the correct answer.

Many a Dominant approach people like bulldozers.. My way or the highway.  That approach doesn’t take much thought and you can get lazy about observing people and their motivations when this is your way of interacting.  Many a slave are about pleasing people, and as such are quite adept at reading body language, facial expressions and such.  This can sometimes result in the slave, being more adept than a Master at reading a person’s “triggers”.

It only takes a few seconds thought to see that it is quite possible for a clever slave to make an owner believe that they are in charge when in fact the slave is out thinking and out manipulating the owner.

For example, a dedicated Dominant might have very strong feelings about not placing demands on their slave that impact their health.  They may not make demands based on a bad back, or bad knees, or migraines, or any number of health issues.  And a clever slave may exaggerate the degree of their suffering, to lessen the demands an owner may place on them.  An responsible owner will feel guilty questioning if they are exaggerating, and there is another button to press..

A quick and simple test to see if this is happening, is simply to look at the standing orders and the Dominants satisfaction with these orders.  If things are not getting done, and the Dominant is showing entirely too much patience leading to frustration with the situation that is a red flag.. an indicator that maybe the Dominant isn’t really in charge.  Or maybe, there is a health problem… Ok.. not so simple…

You see what I did there?  I started with a simple rule.. then removed it.  It goes back to observing your slave and doing some original thinking.  There is no simple formula. You have to be a thinking person, give time and thought to your charge, and to your dynamic, and decide for yourself.. are you being trained by your slave?  I suspect this happens more often than Masters know or would like to admit.

And the truth be told, while a slave may get over on a Master, it is very deeply disappointing to a real slave.  They WANT someone capable of seeing and defeating all their games.  If you can’t be smarter.. be more reliable..  never deviate from your desires.  It’s not all bad.

Your typical Dominant is going to settle for more of this than a TPE Dominant.  A total power exchange owner however is going to demand what they demand and are not going to be flexible about it.. usually.

A slave I know had cancer and her owner still had her doing chores and protocols and service.   Some others asked, why are you doing this and he said.. She needs this.  Now what you dear reader need to understand is that often we treat Cancer patients like they will break and what they often need is to be treated like anyone who faces a challenge.  They need a trainer who will push them to do better, and more than they would if they didn’t have a trainer.  When I say trainer, think of being in a gym.. and having a trainer that keeps pushing for one more exercise..

A good Dominant will also more often than not, correctly judge the times to be flexible, and the times to not be flexible.  Like a personal trainer in a gym, they will push you to painful places you would not push yourself, but afterwards you will feel a sense of accomplishment.. which is why you submit to a trainer in the first place.

What good would a trainer in a gym be, if you said.. I just had a big breakfast and I feel all bloated and I just don’t feel like doing two hours on the high setting on the treadmill today…let’s do thirty minutes on medium..  What good would that trainer be if they accepted that?  None!  Well a good Dominant is the same.  They don’t allow topping from the bottom, but they are not inflexible either.  A great Dominant is at least as intelligent as their property, when it comes to reading the clues in body language and such, and can figure out the difference between a problem and an excuse.

That being said, not all Dominants are going to be a good fit for every slave.  Some will be smarter than you and some will not.  Some will have the required ability to keep you on your toes, so that you don’t harbor a feeling that you are really the one in charge.. and some will not.  Oh.. even if you do find your ideal sapiosexual match, it doesn’t mean you won’t get one over on them once in a while.. but for the most part, you will feel that their gift of Domination is the complete package, and be happy to trust in their judgement, leadership, and training.. because you know exactly who is really in charge.

I’ve known a woman or two who were sapiosexual.  That works for me.. though once.. I tried to show my intelligence with such a woman and fell on my face.  Never try to reach.  Be yourself.  If its going to be, it will.  Don’t push.  Let it come to you.  The secret to great attraction is to come just far enough to make your desire known… then wait.

Carpe Diem my friends.  Go be your hot self….