Male Menstruation

I recently got back blood tests that indicated that my PSA scores rose. If you don’t know, PSA scores are an indication of the possibility of prostrate cancer. So I went into high gear… cancer specialist, urologist, Gastroenterologist… basically all the things I would have been keeping an eye on if not for Covid last year.

The specialist wanted a biopsy and sent me to a top urologist. The urologist wanted a high contrast mpMRI… and when the MRI came back with minor enlargement and a small lesion… next was a biospy.

Talk about going where no man has gone before, I wasn’t sure the gun that takes the biopsy would fit.. even if they did use a male speculum. I’m not sure how they did it, but that big thing slid right in. Not that I want to do it again any time soon but its amazing what a little sedative and muscle relaxer can do for otherwise tight orifices.

The way this works is, the biospy gun is inserted into the colon and when the doctor pulls the trigger is shoots a needle through the wall of the colon into the prostrate to get the biopsy sample.

The Doctor warned me that I might experience blood in my urine or my semen after the procedure.. so I thought I was prepared. Sure enough, the next pee had blood in it and it tapered off after that to nothing. But I was still curious.. I decided to check if my semen was pink or not.

I was not prepared for Johnson to spit up a flood of bright red blood. Up until recently that organ only spit out urine or Master Milk. Since I’m spitting blood from my genitalia, I’m just going to refer to this as my male menstrual cycle. It will last more than a week though.. Doctor cautioned that it may be two months to heal.

No more white creamy goodness! Looks like Master’s Milk is going to be bright red and extra salty for a while. I bet there are a few kinksters out there that will be either horrified at the idea of performing oral service now… or completely interested in playing with a bloody male orgasm.

On the plus side, the biopsy came back negative. Looks like I’ll be around to dominate my slave for a few more years to come. Carpe Diem my friends.. be someone’s great day.

The thorns in some questions

There are a few thorny subjects that I loath. Even after doing this for years, I’m still not sure there is a good answer for some issues. In particular is the peculiar predicament a young Dominant finds themselves in when they must punish an unruly slave.

Seems a simple enough matter, but there is some wisdom to the notion that you don’t beat a dog with the same hand that feeds it. You might just go to feed the dog one day, it thinks a smack is coming, and you get bit. Not that a slave is a dog… she might be a bitch.. which is a dog… but that’s a whole diff topic. The thing is, that there needs to be separation between sadism and punishment…

At least you would think so… you don’t want to encourage bad behavior by punishing with something your slave enjoys and so encourages her to act up to get more spankings or what ever. If you encourage that you might find yourself dealing with the whole “topping from the bottom” subject. You don’t want to encourage that.

No.. a punishment must actually be something a slave doesn’t like and ideally it will differ significantly from the sadism you do for fun. Punishing a masochist takes creativity.

If you are a hard core sadist who wants to hurt, than you are probably with a hard core masochist.. which will make things even more interesting. To punish you are probably going to have to completely rethink and retool. You may have to make up a new punishment that is a chore or task they dislike.

One punishment you can do is to drop two bags of M&Ms in their lap and tell them to sort them by color. I’m sure you can come up with your own creative little torture methods.

As I said in the beginning though.. there often isn’t really a solution that feels right. Really, you want to punish bad behavior with a good old fashioned paddling, or maybe some OTK. That FEELS like a satisfactory punishment.. There is the sense that bad behavior deserves a good paddling…. but alas for some that is a reward, not a punishment.

Punishment should not be making your slave’s juices start flowing. Slaves can be complicated toys… but they sure are fun! Carpe Diem my friends.. be someone’s great day!

Oh my aching back

I can’t remember if I posted about this last year. Every year since my slave received my final collar, we have celebrated that event. We perform the ceremony on our special place.. a natural and scenic place at HOX.

Each year I undertake to slightly improve the grounds a bit. Last year, I mixed and poured 80 bags of concrete to create a stable and secure edge to the cliff where we celebrate. That’s two tons of back breaking effort…. and then I created a concrete BDSM symbol on our spot. We finished off with various plantings and flowers.. The effort was well worth the added beauty.

This year it was. or is… my intention to construct steps up the hillside and then create a semi-circular wall to sit on. Originally I was going to do concrete benches but a faux rock wall that you can sit on will fit into the landscape in a much more natural and beautiful way. I’ve been posting a few pics on my Fetlife HOX account.

Anyway… with the decision made to proceed, all I had to do was pickax the ground, move around some huge boulders, lug tons of blocks into place, and shove quite a bit. Generally speaking this job calls for me to move way too much earth and rocks.

It rained yesterday but I have schedule to keep so I made a half dozen trips down for block, and gravel, and then hauled it out to the cliff. This is a job for a young slave.. I’m getting too old to be hauling, and lugging and tossing hundreds of pounds of materials around.

But enough of my whining. It’s going to look awesome when it’s done, and add tremendously to the guest experience when they join us for the yearly celebration.. so its’ all worth it. The end of the day I did need a couple Tylenol… All good. I hope we have the opportunity to share our special day with you some day. In the meantime… Carpe Diem my friends.. Be someone’s great day!

Collaring Celebration coming up

For a number of years now my slave and I open our home once a month to visitors in an event we call “HOX open house”. HOX is short for “House of X”. These are always pleasant evenings of food, talk, learning, and often play. While we look forward to these moments of being… time spent with our own kind.. persons who understand that BDSM is often a basic need rather than a choice.. there is one yearly event more important to me than any other.

I am a traditionalist. I believe in the three collars. I promote at every opportunity the idea of following the three collars as a best practice for Masters and slaves. If you are not familiar, there are three traditional collars… consideration, training, final.

As a Master and prospective slave slowly work through understanding exactly how their dynamic will work, each collar is a concrete affirmation of another level of commitment to their union.

A “consideration collar” simply says.. I am considering the possibility that we might undertake slave training. A consideration collar is easily backed out of by either party. A “training collar” signifies that the basics of negotiation have been met.. and that there is a very real possibility of Master taking possession of the slave in training.. if the training goes well. A training collar should not be backed out of lightly… but you can. During training you may discover deal breakers… previously unconsidered needs or hard limits that might jeopardize a serious and lasting commitment. The final collar though is the big one. It is the BDSM equivalent to a wedding. I collared my slave with her final collar on the fourth of July, 2018. We celebrate this with a ceremony and a feast and guests… every year.

This Fourth of July will be our fourth year in a row, hosting what we call: “The joy of collars”. The fourth of July if you are not in the USA, is a day that celebrates freedom.

Is it odd to celebrate the collaring of a slave as property, on a day to celebrate freedom? My slave would say no. She will tell you: “A slave finds her freedom in her chains”.

It may seem an odd notion, but then one of my best jobs ever was doing menial labor. I just had to move things around where I was told. Lots of laughing, and joking and hard work with no thinking required. It WAS liberating.

Never underestimate the value of hard work, and letting someone else shoulder responsibility. When your ego is disengaged, and your head in the right place, just working hard is its own reward. Making another person happy is just icing on the cake.

I am looking forward to this year. We are making still further improvements to our special and scenic location where we hold the ceremony. Maybe one day we’ll have the opportunity to see you at our Collaring ceremony and enjoy your company. In the meantime, Carpe Diem my friends. Be someone’s great day!

Slaves and marriage

Its been a very long time since I last wrote. Life has settled into a comfortable routine of daily Master/slave activities, punctuated once a month by HOX open house (House of X) . We play as we always do with ropes, fire, violet, and sharp pointy things. New Guests visit and old guests return. Life is good.

When I collared my slave, I effectively married her in our own way. A final collar for me is in many ways the BDSM equivalent to a wedding. The thing is though, I’m responsible for my slave… for her mental, physical, and financial well being and that last one has obligations tied to it that have me thinking about marriage.

I’m not thinking of a big ceremony and guests and all that crap. The nilla side of my life is so distant, so unimportant that it bears little thought at all. A legal binding is really all I need. Something to protect my slave in the event I should pass. Well, protect her financially. Nothing could protect her heart. She would be devastated at losing me… but I digress.

So now comes the question. How DOES a Master propose marriage to a slave?

I was amused by the notion. There is absolutely no way I’m getting down on one knee and asking her for her hand in marriage. Nope. Just too nilla. I approached this subject logically, the only way any new subject is handled with a slave.

I opened a discussion into hard limits. Would marriage to me be a hard limit, something outside my control? Of course she readily agreed that it was NOT a hard limit.. so…. that opened the way for me to ORDER her to marry me.

Of course I had to do it with all the pomp and circumstance of any important decision I make. I had her get down on her knees and instructed her. She provide a hand and I ordered her to marry me at a time and place of my choosing.. and then put a ring on her finger. What a romantic I am!

Izrina: Alpha slave to a house guest

Recently we took in a house guest. I offered to her the opportunity to be in service to HOX. She accepted. I sat her down at our dining table with Izrina and we negotiated my intent… that Izrina would experience her first opportunity to serve me as an alpha slave.. A slave who trains and commands other slaves in service the the master she serves. It would not be our guest who was in trouble if there was an issue.. it would be Izrina for it was Izrina’s responsibility to provide good training in the ways and protocols of the house.

How did it go? In her own word, here is how our guest described her stay:

It began with a desire to see old friends, break the monotony of the times. It still feels foreign to me being welcomed with such open arms, but I was.

As all things should, it began with good conversation. Sir and I have generally always engaged in very open, honest and engaging talks. He brought to my attention I could serve him and the house. My initial feeling was one of fear, I would fail to do well.

When mentioned I would be second under his slave, my initial reaction rose my hackles but only for a second. I love these people and know they have only my best interest at heart and mean me no harm.

Sir is not like many people I’ve met. He’s not only asks you serve but makes you think. Think why and never forgets to compliment your service. His gentle ways of correction make you want to do better. Serving under his slave was no issue either for me as she is so kind hearted.


I cleaned, swept, did dishes, placed protocol dinner settings and all with a glad heart. Okay, a nervous glad heart.


Receiving often a “good girl”, hug etc. I fetched beverages, showed honors, had the opportunity to meet others at the Third Sunday Open House of HOX. I often asked if there was something I could do, as I found I wanted to please even more. Though I have my limitations physically my mind drives for more.

I leave for last I suppose the fire experience. I struggle finding words here as it wasn’t the whole defining moment but perhaps what tipped me over. I watched prior so I would know what to expect. That in itself was intimate.


My experience was as well without being sexual. I think it was Sirs commanding presence, his assured knowledge. Giving up that control, being naked infront of people I’m not intimate with. Fire took me somewhere, serving the house, Sir… It all took me somewhere, gave me the awareness I need more of this in my life.


That knowledge I brought home with me to share with tears in my eyes as I talked to my Daddy telling him what I learned about myself and what I need. I was sad to leave HOX, Sir and his slave, yet I know I will have joy in my heart when I return again.

.

Joy, sadness, and an open heart

Some tears are from sadness. Some from joy. Our lives are filled with small moments that burst upon us and fade.

Think of the taste and texture of a cookie all warm and gooey fresh out of the oven. You dunk it into a tall glass of milk, the warmth contrasted on your tongue with the cold milk. Close your eyes and you can let the sweet depth of that moment wash over you, erasing all other thoughts and feelings.. We must always strive to hold these small miraculous moments in our hearts and never forget to appreciate how truly wonderful life an be.

Some times our hearts are closed and we are not open to the experience.. but other times our hearts are open and as we watch someone experience something that pleases them intensely, we share in that moment.. we are somehow transported to a place of shared pleasure.. It is a link.. a connection.. a small quiet infinite moment filled with awe.

We had a house guest for the weekend. I ordered her to serve me, and more importantly, to serve the house for the weekend. I set her on fire, gave her moments of fear for her failure to please… and was generally demanding.

In any other world, my behavior would appear abusive and perhaps cruel. I certainly brought tears to her eyes. Not tears of joy, but tears of melancholy sadness.. because at the end of her stay with us, she would return to a life without that which she craves.

HOX open house in February warmed my heart. We saw old friends and made new ones. I paired an attractive older lady with a young submissive male and afterwards he thanked me. Really he owned that thanks to her, but I mention it because that was one of those moments. Seeing the way he lit up inside as he reflected on his evening warmed me all over. It reaffirmed for me that what we do here is important, that HOX IS a community resource and we are serving a greater cause.

It is so easy to forget how deeply meaningful these little moments can be. So many crave what they need to breath, to feel alive.

For some it is nails on skin, or the bruise they keep pressing the next day, or a voice that commands like fingers tangled in hair. Little things perhaps, but huge in the way we need and crave these things.

When submission is not a choice or a style of life, but an orientation.. and when we drink deeply from the cup of that need.. we warms us all over inside. Never forget that Domination is a gift and for some, your gift of Domination is a warm cookie, fresh our of the oven, dipped in milk, and savored with eyes closed.

Jan HOX

If you follow me on Fetlife or here then you already know that I live a Master/ slave relationship 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with my slave Izrina and that we open our home to community once a month in an event we call HOX open house.

The “House of X” or HOX open house is the third Sunday of every month. We tried other schedules but ran in to conflicts with other events. Sunday seems to be working well for us.

A dear old friend who is also a member of community came to visit this month. He was one of the seven who contributed a blessing to our vows during my slaves collaring ceremony and I am reminded of him and others every time I gaze on our shelf. The lock downs have been crazy and it has been way too long since I’ve mingled with many of my kinky friends… so yeah.. that was great seeing Wolf again!

For those worried about Covid, we did take a number of precautions..masks when not eating.. limited reservations to distance seating… alcohol and hand sanitizer stations, etc. The government hasn’t imposed crazy restrictions yet, so we’re not breaking any laws and I’m sure we’ll be no worse off than when we go shopping. In those large department stores you are sharing air with hundreds of people that already breathed what you are breathing and everyone is touching everything so I’m really more worried about my groceries than a small dinner with friends.

We had some regulars and one new, first time guest. It’s always an odd thing when you welcome a stranger into your home. There are some rather odd people out there and we are bound to run into some strange ones eventually. As it turned out he seems quite nice. On Fet he goes by the name Atomic-fox. He told us that in 2006 he had gone to some latex events in NY city but had not been to many events lately. He was interested in suspension, and particularly spanking.

I have to agree. Mmmm OTK! ~ ~ There is something especially sexy about a young lady over my knee, panties down, her bare bottom exposed for touching and spanking.. definitely hot.

Well we have a regular who is a hard core masochist. Her Fet name is Jade Kitten. She revels in taking home the “prize” of a new bruise, so I guided a negotiation between the two of them making sure Fox asked appropriate questions and understood the limits his negotiation did or did not cover.. and then we moved into the dungeon for a pleasant after dinner evening of play.

When a person who has not handled a flogger before uses one for the first time their strikes tend to be very imprecise. They wrap around to tits, and thighs and often strike high on the back of the neck. I gave Fox a little direction and frankly he did very well.

His strikes were consistent and he brought up some nice color. He clearly favored the butt over shoulder blades. It showed in the difference in coloring he applied. Her butt was quite well colored though her shoulders not so much.

I encouraged him to give her a bruise on his last three strikes but they didn’t rise up very well. Jade seemed disappointed so I have her a pair of solid strap lashes – one for each cheek – which did color and rise almost immediately.

This brings up a point think we should talk about. A slave is someone who NEEDS to be directed and serve. It is a craving and if not fulfilled, it leaves a hole in their life. My domination is a gift to my slave. This may seem hard to understand.. Hell it IS hard to understand unless you are a slave. You are looking in from the outside and it doesn’t make sense from where you stand.. I get it. You will just have to trust me when I say this: Speaking as a person with experience from INSIDE such a relationship, we are both very happy and fulfilled.

I told you that to tell you this: In the same way a slave needs a Dominant, a masochist needs a sadist. From the outside looking in, you must question why you would hurt someone you love. I get it. I would worry about you if you did not. It IS right to ask that question but again, I must tell tell you that you must be inside such a relation to “get it”. Until you serve a masochist, giving them that which they desperately want and need, it is nearly impossible to understand. It’s OK and right to question it. It is not OK however to condemn WHAT IS CONSENSUAL AND CRAVED. You do not know or feel what those on the inside of that intense and personal relation feel and therefore will be hard pressed to understand.

Consent is key.

Guests had first turn so it wasn’t until quite late when I got to do some fire-fleshing with Izrina. She went down super hard. I think her aftercare was 30 to 40 minutes before I could even start to feed her chocolate and get her on her feet again. I held her, wrapped is a fuzzy red blanket, all warm cozy and drifting somewhere else. While we waited for her to return to us, my guests and I had a long and fun conversation about all things Master and slave related.

All in all, it was a really pleasant evening. Life is good. Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

An old manifesto

It has been many years since I wrote a long-ass piece (35 minutes to read) examining power from every angle. IF you have a Fetlife account you can read it here: https://fetlife.com/users/522698/posts/2478378

At that time I had not read the manifesto by the Unabomber but I am reading it now. It will take a while because his manifesto is very, very, very long. I’m about 30% through it.

What reading this has done however is open my eyes to this: There may be fundamental aspects of our society that are driving people towards “surrogate activity” as he calls it. Surrogate activity are goals we make up to create the sense of accomplishment. Our technological prowess may be creating feelings of helplessness, as if caught in the cogs of a giant unchangeable machine and that in turn is creating the very real desire for BDSM – both to escape or to achieve the power we feel slipping away.

I don’t expect many to read either my piece or the manifesto in their entirety. Most people don’t have the desires of philosophers or scientist who have no problem investing considerable time into investigating every perspective.

I would encourage you however to at least read a bit and skim. Interesting stuff. https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/national/longterm/unabomber/manifesto.text.htm