My slave will put in a DVD and start to watch a movie, while I am otherwise occupied. Soon I’ll start to watch, and when it gets really good, I’ll look over and she is grinning.. yup.. she’s picked something just nerdy enough to suck me in and the wench knows it too. In fact, judging from the grin, I would say she is almost smug about it. The other night it was “The Martian”. I’ve seen it but holy bat crap.. when he starts to staple the gaping wound in his own stomach, or announces he’s a space pirate.. what’s not to love?
So the other night she popped in a disk and at first I thought it was MacGyver because of the lead star but it quickly became apparent that she had popped in Stargate SG1. Well of course I get hooked and shortly I am popping in episode 2, then 3. “Emancipation” is the title of episode 3. It is that episode that I need to talk about.
Stargate SG1, S1 episode 3, “Emancipation” – plot: While exploring a world populated by Mongol descendants, Capt. Carter, the lone woman in the team, is abducted and traded as property to a local warlord, in a society that will put to death a woman for speaking out of turn. The SG1 team must locate and save her without starting a war or offending the local customs.
There was a lot to like, but I didn’t like it. It gave me a weird creepy feeling as the dialog and actions exposed her to slavery that was completely devoid of consent. I can’t invest any pride for that though. My darker desires are far from ethically pure on this one. I definitely have force fantasies that involve wrestling and take downs that end in bondage and maybe rough, force fantasy sex. There is nothing consensual about that fantasy. Another force fantasy for me, is to be so overwhelmingly intimidating that my presence combined with a hopeless situation causes my force fantasy victim to capitulate to my every whim. This is definitely not the moral “high-ground”. The bad boy who bubbles to the surface of this Master is just the tip of the iceberg.
If you want to see a theatrical presentation along the lines I like; I would recommend “Slave Sisters” by Wayne Wine Animation Studios or see the “Roberts” adult illustrated comics for another example. I am definitely not proud of my attraction to bondage and sex without consent. In spite of that fact, I also know that just as there is a masochist to meet my sadist side, I know there is a force fantasy “victim” for my force fantasy “predator”.
Time for a tangent... One night in NYC, I think it was the Wicked NYC club, a man grabbed a woman and threw her to the ground. She began to strike at his face, until he flipped her over, and as she fought to get away, he drew rope from his rear jeans pocket and began to hog tie her, right there, right in front of me. It was loud, rough, and very physical. I watched in shocked disbelief with other patrons as an abduction was occurred right in front of my eyes. The dungeon masters never stepped in to stop it, so I knew that it had to have been prearranged with them, a fact that I had to confirm anyway for my own piece of mind.. it was just that realistic. I don’t recall if it ended in sex. I just remember the horror and heat. It’s something I may do myself some day, because I knew just how freaked out I was at the time.. to do the same to some other unsuspecting person would please the social sadist in me, plus it was very, very fucking hot. But I digress…
Anyway, back to Stargate SG1. Here I am, this lover of force fantasy, and I am not enjoying watching a woman sold into slavery to be commanded and used against her will. It is in fact creeping me out. I had to think about that. WTF crossed my mind.
I know where my earliest force fantasies started. They started with every science fiction poster that come out in the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s. There was always some terrible monster or robot dragging away a screaming half naked woman. There was the “Creature from the black lagoon”, all scaly and webbed, and a beautiful woman, her clothes torn, her breasts almost showing, as he drags her off to do what? Make her tea and serve biscuits? I think not.
I remember as a child, knowing that people had sex, but I also knew there was no way that good people would get naked in front of each other, let alone do nasty things like sex.. so in my childhood mind I put together this theory… The man forced himself on the woman, like I saw in all the movie posters, and she resisted like she should, but then the feelings were so wonderful that she was overcome and no became yes. By his actions, he showed her that the forbidden was great, and over come by lust, they would consume each other.
That is where the force fantasies started for me. Some people discovered their parents copy of “The story of O”. I discovered my dad’s “Detective” magazines. These mild force fantasy mags fed my beliefs. Then I discovered BDSM materials but they were all consensual. It didn’t fit my ideas of how it must be. How could you simply submit? That cut out all the foreplay that lead up to lust and desire. Later, I tasted real consent with Ds and I understood at last how it can be. Long after that though, the fantasy of force stayed with me, and still does.
So again back to Stargate SG1. Is my disgust of this SG1 episode a sign of some personal growth I wondered? I think not. I still like the thought of take down, rough sex, and of force fantasy. What then? Where does my disgust come from? It has to be the lack of consent at the root of my discontent. But consent plays no part in force fantasy. But this was not force fantasy, it was slavery. I had my teeth into a conundrum. How could the absence of consent in one situation give me the creeps and in another turn me on?
As much as I get hard at the idea of force fantasy, it is still just an idea. Its the total use of slavery taken to extreme. But the notion of a person not mutually enjoying the fantasy play makes me nauseous. If someone told me, what I am telling you, that you could need consent but fantasize about a lack of it, I would suspect you didn’t tell me the whole story. I know these things are inside of me, and I myself find them hard to reconcile. It is such a strange dichotomy. If these observations were the only ones to draw upon, I would still face a level of concern for my character. But this dichotomy runs deeper. I cannot enjoy the pleasures of oral service, unless the slave performing this enjoys it. Perhaps it makes me less of a Master to be unable to enjoy inflicting on my slave that which I know she will dislike.. hmmm I don’t think that is quite right. I am able..
There are times when I can inflict on her things I know she won’t like, and enjoy doing so, but the things that I would do under those situations are almost exclusively NOT about my singular pleasure. I enjoy pushing my slave, whether she likes it or not. I Do indulge in use that lacks consent on some levels. That use is towards the areas where she MUST improve to keep me happy, and to be a better slave. But there are limits, that I impose on myself. I give this a lot of thought. The desires, the self imposed limits, the trust she has given, the need for mutual exchange, but then the indulgences. I tell myself these are the seeds of tough love, not weakness to my cravings and question this constantly.
For a very long time, I had difficulty with being a Sadist. I embrace that part of myself now. There was a time I could not accept that I loved someone AND wanted to hurt them. But I have come to love and embrace that part of myself, in large measure because of two things: 1) community and 2) having interacted with people who are the ying to my yang. This would suggest that I may have some heretofore unresolved reservation regarding force fantasy. Maybe my concerns regarding this too can be laid to rest. Or maybe the cost of such things is to remain eternally vigilant.
The reason all of this introspection is important can be summed up by quoting a comment from Vile’s recent post “Being Masters slut” (Again, mad kudos for his blog). He said and I quote: “I can tell you from an Owners perspective the Dominant has to keep the frame of mind that his partner is there for his use.” Nothing in that statement says he has to know she is having a good time, before he can enjoy using her. By the same token, I know that to be a Master, you must feed your submissive from that which they hunger for, filling that neediness which makes them return for more. This is what makes consent work. The edge of the razor I believe, where the balance point lies, is between never losing your frame of mind that slaves are property is for use, and never forgetting that property ownership is based on consensual slavery.
Being a Master is not for the lazy, the greedy, or the simple minded. Nor do I think that introspection, observation, and reflection is ever done for a Master. It is not a means to sex, at least not one that will last. Any slave who would lay herself open, give herself in raw consensual abandon, striving with all their being to submit to the will of the Master they serve, can see right through the fakers, the liars, the owners who have not worked on themselves first. If you would be a Master, give great thought to that which makes you worthy of being trusted. And if you would be a slave, do not let your neediness, your desire to be part of something bigger, blind you to the faults of a one is not worthy of your trust. We have only our choices in life, all else is taken back at the end of life. Make good choices, my friends.