So, I went to the gym today to abuse my muscles some more and after a good upper body workout, I moved to the treadmills to burn a few more calories. Also to make sure that my heart stays healthy enough for sex. That’s important too!
I unplugged my music and jacked into the TV attached to the treadmill. While clicking through channels I came across a dialog in a cop show that made me stop and pause.
Investigator: He’s using you!
Woman: No, he loves me. He would never leave me. He can’t leave me.
Investigator: That’s because you will do anything he says.
Woman: You don’t understand what we have. It’s beautiful!
Investigator: Oh Honey! I’ve heard that so many times and its never true.
It was a brutal interrogation because they were trying to break her, to turn her against the man she loves. They were trying to convince this woman that the man she is with is an abuser, using her, and he cared nothing about her. They are making her feel alone. They had stripped away his protection, leaving her scared and vulnerable. At one point, she runs into her lover in the police station and she is frantic and he touches her face and she is suddenly calm, peaceful, happy, again. He has incredible power over her and the police are horrified by the control he obviously possesses over her. He just glares back at them, stoic and defiant. They see a monster, just as the screen writer has portrayed him.
Its my worst nightmare. Another using authority higher than my own to come between my slave and I, exploiting her, turning her against me. Making her think that somehow this beautiful thing that we’ve created is somehow all false. That somehow its all just me, creating an illusion. This power I have is like that, the ability to change her moods, to make her happy, its like being an illusionist. It all seems too good to be real. What is real anyway? What if it isn’t real?
An interrogation like that would tear me up inside. I would be fighting with all my might to hold on to my beliefs, to keep from having my world torn down around me, by questions I already ask myself. Being separated, knowing that she too is alone, that I am powerless to stop it, to heal it, to make it better would be a nightmare. I need to know there is equity, that the happiness is mutual.
I know the show was entertainment and the script was designed to portray an especially clever villain but it made me angry. There more kinds of love, than the script writer knows. Control does not a villain make.
But the writer was also right in some ways. It would be easy, no it IS easy, for an abuser to put themselves ahead of their slaves, to use the control a slave desires to surrender in abusive ways. Its also easy to paint us all the same way, we who would offer Domination, with one broad brush – or script. I changed the channel.