He’d better!

Bad vibes ahead! – I was approaching a gaggle of nilla women and I wanted to cross the street.  I just knew the vibes were bad and the closer I got the more I knew I didn’t want to linger near these people.  As I walked by, I heard “He’d better appreciate it because I gave up”–  whatever – I tried not to listen.  I didn’t want to soak in the poison in the air…

The words echoed in my head and I wanted to turn around and straighten out the lot of them.  Nasty labels were running through my head: straw-chewing, simple minded, evil, fat, little sluts.  My brain kept offering labels and I kept rejecting them.  Positive thoughts, Positive thoughts, I reminded myself. I turned my attention to those words.

Note: I feel remorse for the thoughts that popped in.  In my defense, I can’t control what pops in, I can only control what I focus on, what I give energy to. The oddest thoughts sometimes pop in.  I only get to control which thoughts I take ownership of. I think if you watch your stream of consciousness, that is normal.

What the speaker was saying was, they had given something to someone special, and now they not only expected something in return, but they were already angry about getting whatever it was they expected in return, and getting validation from friends that being angry was OK.  As near as I could tell, the person that owed this woman, didn’t even yet know that she was angry about or have a clue that something was expected in return for a favor they may not even have discussed.  There are so many things wrong with that.

Gifts – In our world, we exchange uncommon currency.  We have equity of exchange in that we go in knowing what we are giving up, and what we are getting in exchange.  Really there are only two ways you should ever give anything.

Giving – as a gift. The first way is to give a thing and let go of it.  A gift should be given for the joy that you receive in the giving.  If you can not give a thing with a free heart, and attach no requirements to that gift, then it is not really a gift at all. It is an exchange.  Examples are all around us, the labor of love by a submissive.  The patience, thought and strength of a Dominant. We give these for the joy of giving, as much as for what we get in return.

Giving – in exchange.  The truth be told, very few people are capable of giving a gift.  On some level we at least expect gratitude in return for a gift.  To be truly honest with yourself and others, when we give, we should have an understanding up front, what we expect in return for that which we give.  If we can say that we expect nothing in return, and mean it, it is a gift.  If not, we should let the other know up front this is an exchange.

Unrealistic giving – Often people say a thing is a gift, but they really meant it was an exchange, because all they really wanted in exchange was appreciation. That is dishonest.  But it is the norm for some people and we quickly learn to send a card or make a call to thank them or all hell breaks loose.

I realized what bothered me about this little group of haters, working themselves into a righteous fury, was this was one of those dishonest gifts.  There was an expectation that AFTER a gift was given, it could then be negotiated as an exchange.   Sadly, people often give something and afterward place a burden of gratitude on you that is used to exact something from us later.  I got the feeling that this particular nilla expected a lot more than some simple gratitude.

The absolute worse part was the whipping up of righteous indignation.  When you give something, even if it was an exchange you later regretted, the only time anger should ever come into this kind of thing is if there was deliberate misrepresentation. Lying during negotiation about an exchange in my ethics, is theft.  But if you enter into an honest negotiation, or neglected to negotiate in earnest,  this should be a learning lesson, not an opportunity to be angry.  You take the loss and learn from it.  You try not to let it happen again.  The anger and validation of that anger by that many people in one spot was a really nasty vibe, making the whole immediate area an uncomfortable place.

The BDSM angle – I have these little observations all the time and I often reflect afterward, how I can use them to improve my Mastery and by extension, the quality of my relation with my slave.  The lesson seems fairly clear to me.  That which we give, we should do with a negotiated understanding of what is given and received.  In basic terms, I offer my Domination, she offers her trust and submission.

I receive that which I desire most, to guide, nurture, protect, and utterly control another.  She gets the joy of service to one who offers all that I do.  It is an uncommon currency that we exchange but given our desires, it is equitable.

But there is another lesson.  That which we give freely, we can not later stake a debt to.  If it is not equitable, if we desire to place a debt or expectation upon something we gave freely in the past, this should set a transition point.  We should harbor no ill for the past, but should negotiate the future.

Neither side can or should be liable for changes in the value of our currency.  People change, and what satisfies us today, may not tomorrow.  We should communicate this with each other, and be prepared to speak of our expectations, and how they may evolve.

It also means that as I have said so often, we should be honest with ourselves first and foremost so that we can negotiate with another in full measure, the desires and pleasures to be exchanged.  But in being honest in our expectations, through this self evaluation, we should strive for the perfection of being able to give, unconditionally, simply for the joy of giving.  When we achieve this with a light and happy heart, we achieve something of great value.  We bring ourselves and by our example, we bring those around us, to a better place.

The take away – So the bottom line is, we in BDSM must hold to a higher standard of honesty and trust, to make the exchange work.  We should give that which we can, freely without reservation or expectation – unconditionally.  And that which we would place conditions on, we should communicate, and negotiate, all conditions.  And as we evolve and change, this too we should communicate so that we know if we are growing closer together or further apart and adjust accordingly.

A side note – This note is for Izrina, and somewhat on this topic.  I love my flogger bunny and the wonderful target your tail provides.  I love that particular swat the other night, the grin you gave, and the joy I felt with the sound, and the sting in my hand.  I wonder, did it occur to you that you are changing in this regard?  I told you that I would change you and here we are.. the change is happening.  I wonder..do you notice??   I might undo some work by calling attention to the changes I am making, but then to embrace and keep them we must talk…  Soon my dearest bunny..  Sleep well.  Nameste

Carpe Diem, my friends.


Doms don’t cry – part 2

Some time ago, I wrote a piece called “Dom’s don’t cry”.  You can go back and read it or I’ll just summarize here.  Essentially, my point was because our gift is Domination, we can’t give it to someone that doesn’t want what we have to offer.  A slave must crave what we offer.  The begging is one direction only.  If a relationship ends, a true Dominant will suck it up.  We can’t beg someone to take us back.   Time for part 2.

Where have you been X? – If you have been wondering what corner of the world I dropped off recently I understand.  In addition to being a Dominant, I am also a father.  The whole “BDSM daddy thing” kind of freaks me out.  As a loving parent who wants to protect, and nurture my daughter, my head-space recoils from anything along those lines that would include a romantic angle.   That being said, as a father and a Dominant I find the opportunity to be a father who protects and nurtures to be a very pleasurable responsibility.

One of those responsibilities is to give my daughter the best start I can at College.  So this past week I have been traveling and moving and purchasing and meeting with people.  Its been a rather busy time.  She will be living many, many, many hours away from home and there is zero chance I can get there in a hurry if I am needed. So I did the best I could to make sure she was secure, prepared, and sent on her way.  As I said when I left: “I’ve given you an excellent start.  Make something great with it.  I believe in you.”

Letting go – When I began to make the preparations for this move, my friends and associates warned me that it would be hard to let go and painful.  Nah, I would say.  “I only see her once or twice a week now.  As a teenager with a car, she spends all of her time with her friends. It will be a week before I notice she is gone.”

Well, I was good right up until I was ready to drive home and then she began to cry.  I strongly believe that with freedom comes responsibility.  I have been letting go a little more each month since she was 14, giving more freedom for more responsibility.  I wasn’t prepared to have her cry.  It was difficult.  But I reminded her that she could call anytime and I would always do anything I could to assist.  And then I let go, went to my car, and drove off.

Long drive home – God was that a very long drive home.  Inside, a bubbling sea of emotions was taking me up and down and I couldn’t get a handle on my usually stoic resolve.  I realized that I was going to miss the aspects of our relationship that I so deeply appreciated all these years.  Since she was born, I always carved out a day once a week to spend time with her.. if she didn’t put her friends first.  On some days we would enjoy a new restaurant, or a movie, or maybe we would buy sandwiches and hike to a scenic location to sit, eat, and talk.  Often her friends joined us, and I would sit and speak of life and choices.  I would have the opportunity to shape the priorities of not just my own daughter, but often answer questions for young men and women who were looking for answers.  I had become something of a confidant, a guru, a life coach for not only her, but her friends as well.

As I thought back on these special times, I began to count the miles and minutes until I reached the half way point, where I had promised myself that I would make a call to check in on her.. see how she was doing.  I had every confidence that once routines of College started she would be fine, but the quiet moments can be rough.  We tend to fill our lives with noise and distractions.  Not everyone is prepared for silence and deep reflections.

The text – It was about 20 miles to the half way point when a long rambling text arrived from my daughter.  In it, she said what a great dad I had been, and was, and how much she appreciated and loved me.  The text went on for quite a bit, but since I was already bubbling with emotions and thoughts this text brought it all to a head.  I called right away.  Are you trying to make me cry? I accused of her jokingly.

Conclusion –  So the trip is done, the bills from the move in are paid, I’ve caught up on the work that backed up while I was gone.  I’ve spoken with employees and put new focus into our projects, so its time to get back to my “other life”.   All of the melancholy aside, I couldn’t be more proud or more happy with the way her life is going.  Life truly is good. Izrina was a blessing during the trip.  You will notice that I never mention if during all this, if I actually did cry… I’ll leave that for you to wonder.



Losing at love.. Fear!

Each day, my slave honors me with two rituals.  In the morning, it is the ritual of appreciation.  You will find more about that in this blog.   This morning, I didn’t notice the text, asking for my gift of domination.  So I called while on the way to work.  “I think you owe me a a question”, I started with.  There was a long pause.  A VERY long pause.  The call may have even dropped.  I just remember waiting for what seemed like an eternity for an answer.  Now if my slave no longer wants my gift, I would suck it up.  But the fear of no longer being wanted weighs on the mind of anyone who miss the touch, the laughter, the voice of another human being they have come to love.  So I dealt with this fear in a manner direct, honest, transparent, and Dominant.  I asked her.. Have you ever felt fear when you ask for my gift of Domination, and I didn’t answer right away?  Yes, she answered quickly.

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. ~ Quote, Dalai Lama

I know that a great relation revolves around the happiness you bring to others, not in your own neediness.  A person who sucks away at their beloved, is a vampire, a person who ultimately drains their beloved until there is nothing left to give.  It is when we give in love that we drink from an endless bounty.

Love beyond fear and need is limitless.  I know this and yet I also know that when you know that your beloved fears losing you, there is a sense of reassurance, a knowledge that they do not just love you, they would be lost without you.  So I did the kind, honest, transparent and Dominant thing.  Without making a big deal of it, I told Izrina.. I feel that fear sometimes too.  And then I dropped it.  It was brief, but in those six words, I know she would come to understand that I shared her need, and be comforted from her own fears.  The thought of that exchange has been buzzing through my mind all day.

I am a phoenix of Ds.  Many years ago, perhaps before some of you were born, a slave left me.  I had come to measure all that I was, by the power I demonstrated by my command over her and when she left me I was destroyed.  I started a slow cycle of self destructive habits that had they continued, would have surely killed me.  I burned and burned, until there was nothing left.  And then I rose again from the ashes to become a better Master.  I understand now that we can not measure our worth by a relation, but instead we must measure our value by what we bring to a relation.   With or without someone, we who have these gifts.. of trust and Domination, have great value.  We must not feed pride with this knowledge.  Rather, we must be reassured that the value we offer will create an opportunity with someone who sees this value.

The pain of loss is a truth that in honesty we can not deny.  Yes, we can take comfort in our value, but when we come to appreciate a touch, a look, a laugh, a voice in our every day, then we feel a need for this to continue.  And when a lover leaves us, by choice or death, it leaves a hole where something that used to bring joy used to be.  It is a reality that drags at the truth that we still have value.  Being happy sometimes is the hardest thing to do.  Yet it is also one of the easiest things to do.  Happiness is always just a change in focus away.  On one side, we have the reality of loss, and on the other, that we must be the captains of our own happiness, and own up to the responsibility of that.  Learning to find our happiness in adversity is a sure sign of spiritual growth.. or madness… could be either.  You can not keep the company of God and not seem a little insane at times.

Sobering reflections.  I had a moment of fear this morning and it reminded me of how blessed I am.  I reminded me that I must always strive for happiness.. with or without my dear canvas,  just as I would have her do.  It reminded me that I have work to do on myself, as well as with her.  I want her to be happy in the knowledge that even if she can not have my smile, I can not die.  I am not advanced enough to know what lies beyond the veil, but I know that we are all one with the source, part of the love we came from.  At difficult as it may be, facing this fear is something important.  There is much to be gained when we work on making our Love, stronger than our need.  Namaste, my dear Izrina.  Carpe Diem, my friends.


As gentle as … Strength

Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is as gentle as real strength – Penelope Cruz – a character in the TV show Criminal Minds

A story of pacifists.  We were watching a science fiction show tonight and in it, humans visited a world inhabited by very simple, very peaceful pacifists with the power of invisibility.  When threatened, they just disappeared.  The humans were at war with a very technologically advanced race that used their power to enslave other races, and both the humans and their enemy had come to the planet of this peaceful race looking to unlock the secrets of their invisibility.

The humans wanted to defend the pacifists, but the pacifists would have no fighting on their world.  The moral behind the tale was the age old argument, can  a pacifist stand their ground effectively in the face of overwhelming evil?  In the end, it turned out that even though the pacifist race lived a simple life in huts, gathering fruits and nuts, they actually were more technologically advanced than the humans or their enemy, and so were quite capable of halting any aggression in an effective manner, without harming anyone.

A fallacy.  In the end, the producer of this entertainment,  showed us that the logic of returning violence with violence does not have to be the only recourse.  As I thought about this, I realized the reason this worked, is because the pacifists had overwhelming technological advantages.  If they were not stronger, they would have faced the same dangers and choices the humans did.  Their smug superiority was only made possible by great strength.  It was something to give some further thought to.

The paradox of Great Strength.  It has been said that the best form of government is a benevolent dictatorship yet little is more repugnant to a free society than a dictatorship.  Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and yet when all power rests with an ethically pure person of strength and wisdom, the system they would impose can root out corruption, injustice, inequality, and other misuse of power.  A dictatorship is as good or evil as the dictator.

Imagine your life in the hands of someone with unlimited power.  Such a thought should be somewhat terrifying.  Yet, when someone of great power and strength shows us kindness far beyond their station, we often become devotees, followers of that person.  Great strength does not acquire followers by the use of the strength, but by the restraint of it.

Strength and BDSM.  Of course I can not think of such things without also thinking how they apply to my canvas, to our lives.   My girl has great personal strength.  She demonstrates this in the way she trusts me to guide her in all things.  She is quite brilliant, quite capable in her own right to make decisions about her life yet she desires that I dominate her.  She desires that I make the decisions for her.  So it takes a strength of my own, to show confidence, to be transparent and truthful, to share in my considerations for decisions, but not be indecisive or flexible in the dispensation of my power acquired by admiration and consent.  We each have our strengths, at oddly apposing and complimentary juxtaposition.

Izrina sort of dozed off earlier than I tonight and as I ran my fingers through her hair, I was struck again with feelings of great appreciation for this person who worships at my feet.  I wrote recently that I have something many only dream of.  It is true.  I have a quote from long ago that again comes to mind:

It is strange to a Nilla, that in bondage, a slave finds freedom. But in keeping boundaries, these same people create a prison from which their hearts are never truly free. This is a sadness that pains and frustrates me. I wish they could see, what I see. ~Xtac Quote

I have moments of great joy that I can not adequately express.  Tonight I had many such moments.  I have learned so much over the years about strength, how true strength comes from an honorable place of conviction, and it is part of what brings me to this place in my life.

If you would be a Master, your gift is Domination.  You must demonstrate true strength not from that which you can take, but that which you hold in reserve.  Be slow to anger, steadfast in  your conviction, honorable in your intention.  Be worthy of worship by demonstrating quiet strength that serves you both, and applying it with wisdom in your sacred role.

If you would be a slave, your greatest gift is trust.  As we do not throw pearls before swine to be trampled, so too, do not allow your desire to be in service blind you to a Master who would not show true strength.  Show your own strength, by holding fast to your ethics, to protecting the property that is yourself, and to honoring your sacred role with wisdom and trust.

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. ~ Quote, Dalai Lama

I have three important women in my life.  My mother, my daughter, and my slave Izrina.   I am blessed that they all enjoy each others company.   All are a challenge at times, but they give my life meaning.  Words can not express the joy I feel sometimes, the sense of wonder in the adventures we undertake together.  I cherish those adventures past, and I look forward with anticipation those to come.  Life is good.  Carpe Diem, my friends.



What the Puck, X?

Or.. Calling me out on my shit!

So in my last blog, That’s not camping!  I mentioned that I offered Izrina’s ass to a couple of drunk nilla’s.    No one called me out on my shit for that one, but if someone had, I would have definitely agreed with you.  Offering your slave to a drunk is just plain wrong, no shit!  Right?  At least the way I described it, it might have seemed that way.


DRUNK, MY ASS!  Its a cardinal rule with most intelligent folk that when you are drunk, stoned, or otherwise incapacitated, and are incapable of reading the subtle signs of a bottoms reactions to your sadist efforts, you do NOT try doing an S&M scene.   You need to be in touch with your bottom, you need to read their body language, feel their head space, when you play.

Plus,  I don’t know about you, but I have will power of steel.. until I am drunk, then all of my steel will goes right out the window.  That slice of pie that has been calling me all day to break my diet, suddenly becomes a small indulgence I can make up for another time.  Most pie is a weakness that can thankfully be corrected later but not all “small indulgences” are so forgiving.  There is a reason college boys like drunk college girls.

Weakness is a problem.  As a responsible top, its up to you to call an end, even if a limit hasn’t been reached.  Ever have a bottom ask for more than you think is safe or responsible?  Well, sunshine, guess what happens when neither of you can judge safe limits?  Yeah, not good.


Such a fine ass!  Some days I just caress that wonderful ass uv mein flogger bunny, and proclaim in a loud voice Mein!  Ja!, Ein feines Arsch auf mein Flogger Hase.  So why in the name of all that is holy, would I break a cardinal rule with my prized possession?   Well, first it was fun to put my nilla buddies on the spot and to push my control of Izrina in front of them.  That was a pretty nice high right there.  Plus, since I have something most men only dream about, why shouldn’t I flaunt it a little bit?  I LOVE being a property owner!

Nothing to see here.  I would never however, allow my valued property to be in a dangerous situation.  I instructed them where to strike, and created a box with my hands, so if they strayed, I would take the hit.

Now I am NOT going to say they hit like a girl, cause we all know that gender has nothing to do with sadistic ability, but these gentlemen certainly needed SOME kind of encouragement to hit a little harder.  I mean really.  I barely heard the slap of the leather.  I think Izrina might have yawned if she wasn’t giggling.

They hit like they might break her.  Like the poor thing was some frail little china doll.  Ha!  I’m not kidding when I say it takes a lot of strength to be a slave.  I love that girl.  She made me proud.  They had this opportunity to leave a mark and I don’t think they even got any color.  It was barely even a warm up by our standards, so yeah, nothing irresponsible happened.  In fact, by our standards, it was more amusing than a scene and that was pretty much what I was hoping for.

The lubricant of the evening.  What alcohol did facilitate was to get these folks loosened up enough to try something new, and it was fun for Izrina and I to have this happen.   You might say it was the lubricant that made for an interesting evening.  And just as you should have a designated driver, the sober one was me.  This gave me the ability to monitor, and control the situation.

One size does not fit all situations.  So in conclusion, if you were to admonish me I’d understand. I would NEVER go into a serious S&M scene with Izrina if either of us were unable to make important judgement calls.

But I also think that just like being a little too politically correct can take the fun out a room, being a little to rigid in your life can eliminate some opportunities to make some crazy memories.

Being responsible, with your irresponsible indulgences.  One rule can not fit all situations.  We need the latitude to make judgements on some things, and if they turn out well, as this evening did, perhaps you made the right call.  Some rules were made to be broken, some fences meant to be jumped, some wild moments necessary to a full life.  The object of life is not to arrive safely at the other end with no wild tales to tell.   I came away proud of my girl, and amused, and I’m sure everyone else had a crazy evening they’ll remember for a while.  Viva la mémoires!



That’s not camping!

What does a Master who’s been on the road for a solid week do when he get back to his slave?  He packs up the car for a weekend in the woods with his girl.  Sure it means more travel, plus work to setup and time to take down all the gear, but what the hell.  Once you get to the woods there’s not a lot to do but eat, drink, and talk.  Good way to get some one on one.

So as I was inflating the air mattress in the tent and Izrina says, “That’s not camping!”.  I didn’t make her sleep on the ground for that, but I did offer her ass and a riding crop to a couple of nilla friends.  I think one enjoyed it way too much.  Interesting experiment.  I discovered that if you feed alcohol to a nilla, and put a riding crop in their hand, and ass in front of them, you can pretty quickly sort out the ones with potential to be a sadist.

So now Vegas, AND labor day camping is behind me.  Time to get back to work.

The last Bacardi in Las Vegas

Well, the bags are packed, and I am relaxing with my last Bacardi in Vegas before the grueling trip home. I’ll catch eight hours sleep then it’s cars, buses, trams, connections, lay overs, I’ll do it all to get back. There is a melancholy to the end of a thing. We often miss a thing, even if it annoyed us. We sometimes stay with the devil we know rather than risk something new. I am thinking about that now, the end of business, and what lies ahead, with my common expectations of making an adventure of it.

But this thing about ending, that we blind ourselves to what is, rather than take a risk to have more. It’s like the gamblers here, do they stay with the hand they have, or try to push the odds? No doubt about it, life is always a gamble.. if you are looking to create a specific outcome. And that my friends is the key. We can’t hold onto the the things we deeply desire with a grip of steel, we can’t grasp with greedy fingers what we would have. We need to live each moment in the moment, filling our hearts with joy, and remembering that evil done in this life is a self inflicted wound in the next. When we let go, the whole world comes to us in wonderful ways.

Soon I will be home, where my heart is. I am not unhappy being apart. I have had years to learn this secret of making life an adventure. But my slave has only had this brief part of her life to unlearn how to be righteously pissed off, to unlearn that a white knight can rescue you from an evil world. She has embraced this dark, dangerous soul that would consume her to set her free. She is learning that in her bondage to the universe, in her service to others, in being someones great day, she can find her own happiness. I know she tries. She is getting better at being a free and happy soul every day. But I also feel she is not ready to having the training wheels taken off, to be for long periods without that which now controls her life, me.

When she is asleep, as she will be when I get there, and I touch her, she makes a soft coo like a dove. And as recognition of who has disturbed her sleep comes into focus, so too does the love for the Master she serves. THAT is something to look forward to. THAT is something worth getting to. If I die tomorrow, at least my last thoughts are of a happy reunion. Let the adventure begin, M is coming home! Carpe Diem, my friends.

Vegas and the missing owls

The mystery – Tonight’s chapter of living with X touches on Vegas and the case of missing owls.  Earlier this evening I went to a party in which there was quite literally over a thousand people. Big, loud, free, and a lot of fun.

Eight Ball, the other Dominant part of my life. – There was one, count em, one pool tables.  I got on the table and proceeded to kick ass for about three hours.  If you are not familiar with the way eight ball works on a pool table, the winner of the last game owns the table, and challengers line up.  As long as you keep winning, you keep playing on that one game you paid for.  IF you lose, a new king of the table emerges to be challenged.  A great player can win all night, and therefore never have to wait to play, since no one can kick them off the table.  Since I planned to leave around 10, it worked out well that I had my first loss at ten.  Amazing how that worked out.

On being a gunslinger – There is a downside to winning, and winning, and winning.  The pressure mounts to keep the winning streak going, and crowds form, some cheering for you to keep winning, and some cheering for someone, anyone, to take you down.  I love eight ball.  Its an area I shine.  I get to be my cocky, winning, charming, disarming self, and draw a crowd.  What’s not to like?

Adventure time – But I left the free food, free drinks, and attention to go visit with the Las Vegas Night owls.  A group that meets for a munch every Wednesday night from 10 to 2am.  I had just enough time to catch a bus to my car, and take my car to get there by midnight.  I mentioned that I would show up in this thread. (fetlife account required to open the link)

The plot thickens  – I mentioned in the thread that I would be there around midnight, hopefully if things went well at 11, but since they say the typically go to 2am, and since I mentioned I was coming, I felt confident in having company tonight. I found the place, a Denny’s and no one of interest was in the place.  So I did what any good Dominant would do.  I strode up to one of the girls at the counter and said:  I hear you have a group that meets here called the “night owls”.  She said:, Yes, they normally stay late but tonight they left early. 

Investigation completed – I politely thanked the waitress, went on to Fet, mentioned I was there, would be to 1:30 and mentioned I was disappointed.  Inside though, I am thinking.. REALLY???  FUCKING REALLY???  Tonight, you decide to turn in early when I clearly stated I would show up and after I gave up a rocking free party for this?  FUCKING REALLY????  Breath slowly… deep breaths… oooooommmmmm.

So now I back at my room, full of pancakes and no good stories, no  banter, no time with people like myself to share with you.  Assuming there were any people like myself to meet with.  I am not one of a kind, but damn near it.  If the shoe was on the other foot, I would have stayed to 12:20, just to see if the NYS dude showed up.  I was thinking this was going to be the cap of an awesome evening and the highlight of a great trip.  Ah well, the pancakes were good, and I did kick ass, and I don’t believe in making yourself unhappy… So I’ll capture this temporary set back for prosperity and move on.  I should be unhappy with disappointment, but not dwell on it.  Such a shame.  I bet it would have been a great time to sit and talk.

Bacardi time! – Still, the evening was pretty fucking awesome.  The crowds that gathered to watch the winning streak was good for my ego.  I made a lot of new friends. Time for a Bacardi and coke, and unwind a bit.  You know, maybe not being treated like an out of town celebrity in Vegas, was just the ego check I needed to balance the earlier crowds drawn.  Yeah, that’s the perspective to take.  I’ll catch enough sleep to start another busy day.  Carpe Diem my friends.