Broken promises, cock fighting

I know I promised the next blog to be a glowing report of the joys of this past weekend.  I must disappoint.  Next blog perhaps.  Things happen.

It was a grueling day.  Ten straight hours.  Breakfast by my slave was grand, as was the worship at return, but days end, I needed the everyday rituals of our normal routine… and to detox further, I had a double Bacardi, followed by another.  Izrina must rise at 4:30 am but I have determined to follow my de-stressing routine farther.  LOL.. detox with alcohol.. I amuse myself.

At one point in my life, an editor I knew kept a bottle of liqueur in his desk drawer.  Those of you who diet will understand… you know how when you drink, suddenly your will power to NOT diet is gone?  The same is for any of your iron will.  A little snort does wonders for loosening the tongue.  And since I’ve had a fair amount, I thought it an interesting experiment to see what comes out if I spoke of things on my mind.  I will judge tomorrow.

First, Izrina said the last blog rambled.. she said it seemed to be missing connections between thoughts.. hmm interesting.. I will re-read it later.  She is sleeping as I type.  I feel a rush to finish this.

Now, an interesting flood of emotions passed me as I visited my favorite dungeon.  It had been some time since I last visited.  A fair number of newer Dominants have stepped up and they fill the role of house members very nicely.. except that there is this thing.. They are judging you and you are judging them.. Oh maybe no one acknowledges it on a surface level.. maybe not even to yourself… but its there…some can not wonder why does this one command more respect than the other?

Its interesting.. a cock fight if you will.. or maybe a pussy fight…  The battle of egos is ancient and as old as the game we all fall into when we desire power.  It is unavoidable, the judging of your place, and what might change it.

Hmmmm at one point in a fire scene, Sno, who is as lovable and as stern a female Dominant as you might ever hope to meet, silently gave the protocol signal for permission to speak with me.   I was confused at first.  I had never seem someone of her power and grace signal to me in this way.   She only wanted permission to ask if I would allow a slave to “experience me”.  It was a moment.

What an odd rush and temper of my emotions.  I took no sense of superiority, but the wisdom and honor with which she approaches her Mastery humbles me.  Later, we sat together saying nothing.. and then she said.. what a wonderful family we have.  Those simple words were as powerful as the time she cried at the collaring ceremony.

Nor were any of the other Dominants there less hospitable.   I suspect that any ruffling of feathers were all of my own doing, the preparation for a fight that never happened.  But it is there even if it doesn’t happen… the posturing the occurs in ourselves and others as we prepare to defend our equality.   You see it everywhere.. the desire to posture to defend your right to meet strangers or friends on equal ground.

That moment, those brief words are a special moment I will wrap in gold and keep like so many others for as long as this physical form will allow.  There were so many other grand moments, but here is the point my friends.. often we get back from others, that which we prepared for.  Enter into each encounter as a blank sheet.   Let others determine the outcome of their encounter with you.  Be as a mirror, clinging to nothing, and when they pass from your presence, do not look forward or back.  Be only the moment reflected… this is best… Not bad words for an old, drunk, Master, eh?  I am weary and a slave awaits..

Carpe Diem my friends.


She let me…

My slave and I don’t fight.  What would be the point?  As the Master, I always win anyway.  But what does that really mean?  Izrina is a human being with feelings and emotions like anyone else.

This past Saturday was freaking awesome!  The collaring ceremony was beautiful!  It was a version of the “Ceremony of the Roses”.. and as always happens, drawing blood with a rose thorn took forever.. note to you all.. if you do this ceremony, take aspirin beforehand to thin your blood and bring one of those glucose meter prick thingys as a back up.

Now… Izrina wasn’t with me.   She had work in the morning.   So I got in around 2 or 3am.  She didn’t sleep well before that.  The truth is, while we are monogamous in our body fluid bonding, but I reserve the right to play with anyone in other ways at any time, and while she is OK with that, when a person fixates or fauns over me, OK becomes not so OK.  Truth be told, Raven is one of those people who fauns over me.  Not that Izrina exhibits any negative behavior, but I can sense it bubbling and I know it needs to come out.

So I had a wonderful evening.. and I left her at home.. and before I go raving about all that, lets talk about the slave I left at home.  We don’t fight, as I said.  Now if I was a nilla type of guy, I’d say she “LET ME” go out.  THAT doesn’t work for me, or for us for that matter.  We talked about her feelings.  I think it would be more correct to say that she gave me none of the drama that she might be feeling.

I in turn did the right thing, and discussed this openly and as honestly as I can.  My objective was to make sure that we understood our roles, and that I would be who I am, and that I was there to help her find her comfort with that to the best of my ability.   This is all very interesting Master stuff, so let’s keep rolling with it for now.  I’ll get to Saturday evening in my next blog.  Btw, I am also very interested in the term “emotional intelligence”.   More good stuff on the way…

For now though, lets just talk about being a Master without being poisonous.  In many ways, we who are Masters are somewhat sociopaths.  Everything IS about us.  We don’t understand why we can’t have it all.  We demand it all and when we don’t get it, we are quick to go looking how to get it no matter the cost to others.  When a slave ties themselves to us, they tie themselves to a person who will use them in all ways.

They know this going in, and yet the potential damage to a slaves cares and concerns is very real.  It depends on the Master.  When a Master is not a real sociopath, we do know when we hurt others and we do care.  We care deeply about others and most especially our beloved slaves.  So we compromise.

Not with our slaves, we would never compromise with our slaves.  We compromise with reality, with what IS.   We bend to that which we can not change.. but only if it does not change us in a way that WE can not compromise.

When you realize what a razor this is, how deeply it can cut either side, you realize what significance and importance you MUST give to compatibility.  You must take the time to find the one that fits your kink as you fit theirs.  It is a difficult thing but it you can find that, you have the world at command.

Izrina has the day off.. from work but not from me.  She rose early and served coffee and a delicious breakfast sandwich of Bacon, egg, and cheese, before I set off to do my thing at work.  Life is pretty damn good!

Carpe Diem my friends.. Go seize the day!


Collaring tonight

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Last night was the Love Of Leather munch.  Many of the leaders of that group are leaving and no one is stepping up to fill the roles that will become free.  I hope someone steps in to run that munch.  I volunteered to assist a few years back, but ran into a conflict with the owner, and haven’t tried my hand at managing any portion of it since.   I’ll wait another month or two and see what happens.  Hopefully it will not wither for lack of volunteers.  That is always an issue with every BDSM group.  Some people want to run things but its their way or the highway.. and some people need a swift kick before they will show up to help.

I met a wonderful lady there last night.  SynfulVixen..  Her pic at age 30 is here.    She is a bit older now.   I am always fascinated by persons who are still into BDSM, as they get up into their 70’s and above.  There is so much there.. all the years experience.. the beauty that once was on the outside, but now shines on the inside…  The reaction you get from 18 year old’s when they encounter such people…  We are in a culture that worships external beauty.  Some might be repelled by the idea of wrinkled bodies having sex.  With a long and healthy life, we will all eventually face the things these folks face.  Best to pick their brains.

It would be nice to see more dialog about the challenges and prejudices they encounter.  I maintain a Fetlife group for stories that pre-date the internet.. about times when people found other kinky people without the internet.  In NYC, it was mostly through ads in the back of porn newspapers.  I am hoping she contributes a few stories to my Fetgroup.. “The Pre-Electronic Party.

Tonight is collaring ceremony for Raven Pup.  Such history she and I have.  I am to give her away.. kind of a father of the bride kind of thing.  I have promised at least one fire scene, though who knows.. maybe I’ll do more fire tonight.  I need to pick up bottles of fuel.  I owe Feel Me Breath at least one, maybe two.  I think I’ll leave four bottles for the next time I need to borrow fuel.

Izrina has to work Sunday,  and since I plan to stay until 2 or 3am, I will be leaving her at home.  I could bring her, but she would simply end up resting on the aftercare couches, and while I have no problem with making her be there for me,  I think I’ll just wake her up when I get back home, instead.

Carpe Diem my friends..  I go forth to be someone’s great day!


Strange dream

I never remember my dreams, I don’t know if I dream in color.  I woke suddenly from this one.. I remember it vividly.


I was lost, alone, somewhere in NYC.  The buildings were old, and run down.  The residents were all black, and I was a white man, lost in a huge city, one of the other boroughs I am unfamiliar with.

The GPS in my phone was no help.  I asked Siri to show me a walking path to a subway, hoping it would not be a restaurant…it could not.  I asked for a walking patch to the statue of liberty.. why did I not think this was on an island?  No matter, the phone found no way out.

I was tense.. not really afraid.. more like a coiled spring.  I stuck out, a man with an expensive phone, who didn’t belong.  The money clip in my pocket.. I wanted to stuff some cash in my shoe for emergencies.  Some of the neighborhoods I was walking through were rough.  My mind raced to gangs that are violent, just to send a message.  I ran scenarios in my head, thinking of options.

At one point I was near tracks.  The rails were so old, I could not tell if trains were running. There were street signs with very high street numbers.  I was somewhere in the hundreds.. not that it mattered.  I wasn’t sure if I walked towards lower street numbers, it would get me out of this borough.  Besides, the tall buildings and narrow streets twisted and turned, making direction hard to figure out.

One young man sitting in a yard full of car parts said he had a taxi.  We walked to a yellow car under a tarp.  He pulled off the tarp.  It was an odd vehicle with a boat like belly under the grill, like it was designed to go on water.  He asked me to break off a part of the car.. said he had set up an electric trap so no one would mess with his car.  I began to suspect I was helping steal the car.  I refused.  Two other young man helped him and off they drove leaving me behind.

I stopped frequently, asking for a bus stop, a taxi, a subway.  Everyone just laughed.  We don’t have those, they would say.  I stopped to speak with three attractive middle aged women.  They offered me a ride.  I took it.  After we started moving, I began to wonder what I had gotten myself into.

The women were dressed quite sexy.  The car was expensive.  The driver skilled.  She slid around cars, down alleys, then mentioned a shortcut.  I asked were we were going, the women just laughed.  The ladies, like everyone I had run into were black.

The one in the back asked if I wanted out.  I said I had no idea where I was, I might as well stay.  She shrugged and the car pulled onto an abandoned railway and began driving on the dirt.  On either side of what once was tracks, rose brick high-rise apartments.  The buildings, like the abandoned rail tracks were old and dilapidated.  The car ran smoothly over the rough terrain.  I commented on what a nice car this was.. The driver said it was the German engineering.

These were rich, powerful woman.. and there were three of them.  I drew up my Master powers.. to project strength and authority… but the women were unimpressed.  These were powerful people like myself..  They were interested in me, but as equals, not as submissives.  Well at least as far as I could sense from what I read from them.  Who would be Dominant was still to be decided.

The lady next to me in the back, turned and leaned over so that her cleavage showed.  I could see nipple.  It was hard against a large dark black areola.  She smiled, turning on her charm.  I turned to speak to the passenger in the front, and as she turned towards me as well.  The plunging neckline on her dress moved to reveal some nipple as well.  Neither wore a bra and their breasts were firm.  The sexual tension rose.  She smiled pleasantly, and I am fairly sure she knew what she was revealing.  It was an invitation, and a test, to see what I would do.

The driver careened down an alley, which had  piles of snow.. it had been warm earlier.  I didn’t think at the time to wonder where the snow came from.  The car pushed the snow out of the way with ease.  The driver commented on six wheel drive.  I didn’t recall that when I got in.  The snow flew to the right and left.  It seemed we were going to slide into a telephone pole but just before we hit, the driver turned right down another alley and we went downhill,  behind two-story houses into woods behind the houses.

We turned into the woods, no path or road in site.  Now we were four wheeling like a jeep, the luxury car with its leather interior drove so much better than any off road I had been on before.  The swing arms of the suspension drove the wheels down with a crazy long reach, keep the car smooth and level as we drove over boulders and rocks.  This was a very expensive car.

We made small talk.  The driver seemed to know where she was going.  I commented on how beautiful and sexy the three of them were. The woman in the backseat with me, asked if I was strong enough to satisfy all three of them.  I smiled.  Perhaps we might find out, I said.  I wasn’t sure.  Certainly, I, maybe two.. but three?  I wasn’t sure myself.

We pulled into a paved driveway and the middle of nowhere.  A three story mansion rose against a hillside.  In front, there was a fabric wall, made of black and blue vertical stripes.  It was backlit, hiding the size of the building.  I was in the middle of nowhere.  Sure, I could run, but who was Dominant had not been decided yet, and I was up for this adventure.  I didn’t feel in charge, but I also didn’t feel in danger.  It seemed to me that whatever happened, it would be consensual.  I was hoping I would not be the one needing to provide consent.

We went inside, climbed some stairs and entered a large room filled with leather furniture.   There was an expectation of adventure.   The room screamed wealth and privilege.  Fine crystal, leather,  ebony,  oak and polished black granite.. or marble in a designer living-room.   The women were putting things away.. coats, purses..   I took off my coat and said.. Usually when I find myself in these situations, I am the Dominant.  They laughed.   I raised a figure to make my point.  Somehow I knew you would say that, I said.

I thought, just because they were used to being the Dominant, was no reason for me to switch.  Where would this go I wondered?   Now, for the first time I was what?  Nervous?  Certainly I was vibrating with energy. I would need to muster all my Dominant power to turn this situation.  Then I woke.


Dreams.  What do they mean?  It has been said that dreams are just a play back of the emotions we have felt during the day.  If so, then yesterday, I was feeling a sense of less power, less control, and a need to take back my power and control.  That was definitely the feeling throughout the dream.  A sense that I was struggling to get control.  Certain events at work have definitely been like that.  And I have been soft on Izrina.  The incident with the horse has turned into a nasty bruise, right on Izrina’s lower back.. so she has been tender.  My attention has been on her instead of me.   Not a lot of Dominance there to counter my work issues.  So yeah, maybe yesterday left me feeling power challenged. 

Or maybe this about my giving away Raven at her collaring ceremony.  I have had strong feelings about this coming event.  Or maybe it is the pending visit to NYC in the planning stages.  There was a lot of gender and race overtones.  Interesting.

Another take on dreams is that they are another reality.  A time when our eternal selves are free to roam time and space.  Dreams may be our interactions with other spirits, people who are free to roam.  If that is true, I wonder… does what we do in dreams have an effect on our karma?  I believe that evil in this world is a self inflicted wound in the next.. but what of the good or evil we do in dreams?  We often have no control over the reality of the dream, but we still seem to have a will, we still have the ability to choose right from wrong in our dreams.. Do our choices in dreams matter?  Ah well, At least I know I dream in color.  I can distinctly recall those colors at the house. 



People watching

I am a people watcher.  This is a people watching piece.

If you read my blog, you know I am big on the little things, the little moments.  When your life is about stopping to smell the roses, to stop and really experience life, often “nothing” can be a really big deal.  Today was no exception.  I bought peanut butter at the grocery.  It was one of the best parts of my day.

I drove into the local supermarket and found a parking space.  No big deal.  I picked up a shopping basket and did my flourish… a thing I do where I flip the basket in one hand so that the second handle comes up for me to catch it.  Yeah, I am showy like that.  Of course the thought goes through my head.. did anyone notice?  Now the worse thing you can do when you are showing off, is check to see if anyone is looking, so I didn’t.

But then my Master side kicks in and suddenly I feel ten feet tall, a giant among midgets, an indomitable spirit on a mission to buy peanut butter.   I am projecting..  I don’t know how to tell you what this is, but I am putting out a vibe, a power vibe, which is a little friendly and a little intimidating.  I stroll over for to the vitamins isle first.

An elderly woman is escorted there by a 20 something young lady from the service desk and the elderly woman says.. OH, its right there where I was looking.. thank you.  The young lady turns and gives me a grin as she goes by.  Was that dazzling smile for me?  Or was she just amused by the old lady?

I watch the old lady putter and then she turns without taking anything… Maybe the prices were better at Walmart.  Interesting…

Now I am twenty feet tall and I am in full people watching mode.  A family by the butcher, a mother, maybe 35, and a very bored daughter, maybe twelve.  The daughter is staring into space, her mind numb from just how boring this is.  I smile.  If she had a cell phone she would be texting.

Now its a grey hair gentlemen and his grey haired wife.  Shopping together.  They are actually talking about the selections.   That’s nice.

A black gentleman and his wife who is taking way too long to pick an item.  I watch.  He fidgets and finally gets involved.  I grin broadly.  I’d like to see if he pulls out the anger card but don’t want to be obvious about my people watching.

Another isle and another couple.  A middle aged white man, and clearly a husband, is simply there to push the cart.  The man is bored out of his mind.  Why is he here?  His dislike of this task is bordering on anger. Why go if you don’t want to be here?  She is clearly making all the decisions, what is he there for?  Like the twelve year old, he clearly doesn’t want to be there.

More couples, more bored men.   So many people sharing shopping but nearly half of the people here are hating it.  So many bored people, dragged along why?   I am practically chuckling out loud now.  The thought crosses my mind…  You would think if you have to go, you would find some way to be involved, and make it more enjoyable.  But just as quickly, I think.. These are people who would have no idea how to make things fun, even if you tried to explain it.

Off to the dairy section.  As an after thought, I picked up some chocolate almond milk.  I’ll mix it with Kahlua.  When Izrina gets home, she will find a hot tub, and a tasty stiff drink waiting for her.  The poor thing got mashed by a horse again and is in pain.

Now to the checkout.  Three silver haired ladies are lined up, waiting on a thirty something woman.  I give them my best dazzling smile.  They smile back. Its always easier to charm someone older.. have you noticed that?   What am I saying.. every girl figured that out by the time she was eighteen!  It took us guys a little longer to figure out we were being charmed.

Charmed!  When ever Izrina serves, she bends over and her cleavage is right there.. I mean RIGHT there.  We both know it.  We both are aware of it.  Sometimes, because she is my slave, I let my eyes wander.   I would never do this with another woman, but with her, it is a pleasure we share.  I let her charm me.  Hell I let my eyes wander all the time.  In fact, when she walks away from me, she is required to walk heal to toe, so I can watch her fanny roll in a beautiful figure eight.  Its a goodness for her to know that she can affect me.

To my right at the check out is a father with three kids.  A little girl about ten is very bored.  Her younger brother is pestering her younger sister.  Dad is just trying to get through the self check out.  The girl comes over to look at what I am buying.  She doesn’t look up.. She’s curious but too young and shy to start a conversation.  The thirty something woman comes back and there is a problem.   I take my change and the assistant says.. Have a nice day!  I reply back, I‘m working on it.  The three silver haired ladies all chuckle.   I turn to the three of them and say.. I’m fairly sure to get a good day, you have to schedule one…  They chuckle some more.

And with that I take my leave of the store, peanut butter in hand.  The silver haired ladies are giggling like little girls.  Behind me so many people in foul moods, but I and a few others are in a great mood, amused by my peanut butter adventure.

There were so many opportunities there to make days better.   I could have struck up a conversation with one of the bored husbands.   I could have let the little girl who came over to my register, ring up some items. You never know though.. sometimes when a sixty something guy is nice to a little girl, people think it is sweet.. but some might think its creepy.  The ones who think its creepy, are probably creeps themselves.

Why am I so happy, with nothing going on?  Hard to say.  I get a certain pleasure seeing and knowing instantly the story in front of me.. the people oblivious to the emotions they are pouring out.   It doesn’t make me better, but it does make me more awake.. more in tune with what is going on around me..   Its hard to say how you do this, how you take a simple trip to buy peanut butter, and change it from a boring, rushed, annoying task.. into a pleasant adventure that has you chuckling…

What I can say is, life is very good when you take responsibility for your happiness, when you seek the opportunities to be someones great day, when you step out of your own little shell and share moments with others.

Carpe Diem my friends.. Go be happy..  by being someones great day.



Absolutes are a bitch

Its true that…

Too much of a good thing is never enough!


Its OK to be greedy for more as long as you don’t allow it to become an unbearable pain.

But the unbearable pain of too much love is just fine.

So is unbearable pain OK or not?

Why is one unbearable pain OK and not another?

Or am I overthinking again?  Maybe its just a joke..

Why does all of fucking life seem like a bad joke?

Why can’t I have too much of the good things?

What the hell does that even mean?

Is it wrong to want?

If so, how can I know I am satisfied?

If its not wrong to want, then how am I to know when I am greedy?

What the hell is wrong with being greedy anyway?

Why the hell doesn’t life come with instruction?  I need a fucking manual.

I like my rules, my absolutes…  chaos, I hate thee…

Surely there is one absolute in my life..  thinking.. hmmm…

Got it!..  My slave loves me…  wait.. that’s not right

Sometimes she hates me, Wicked Evil Man that I am.

Fuck!  Absolutes are a bitch!  Thinking….

Nope, coming up blank here..

What the hell is the point of being a mentor, a guide a Master.. if I don’t know the rules?

Am I all bluster and made up shit?

Surely these thoughts show I am a thinking man.. but what have I really accomplished?

My slave..

She makes me, my thoughts break me, and I am made again.

Absolutes are a bitch

Wait!  I know one absolute…

Its the moment when she is in my arms, then all thoughts fade, warmth sets in.

Our minds are often our worse enemy, but touch, ah.. touch and love.

Touch! Love!

These without words or thought, are absolutes!

Hush my slave, I will weather the storm of these thoughts for both of us.

Hush my slave and rest warm and secure in my arms

Hush my slave, I am the good thing of which there is never enough

Hush my slave, I will be your absolute

and like all absolutes

I will be a bitch to understand, sometimes.



Father of the bride

Just two weeks to go.  I am to be the father of the bride at a collaring ceremony.  Raven pup, an old and dear friend with whom I love to play, is being collared to Tonya, aka the fairy Queen.  I love them both dearly.

I’ve promised a fire scene out to one of her friends, but I also want to leave time for Raven.  Her owner is talking about passing her around for good beatings all around.  In my experience, Raven doesn’t usually need a lot of after care, though she certainly soaks up the attention like any great pup would.

I wont be able to carve out a lot of time for Izrina that evening, and of course that means yet another night at the dungeon without her getting a lot of attention.  I’ll need to short circuit that before it becomes an issue.  Maybe take her for a nice beating the week before.

Funny..  a nice beating…. yeah, its a mindset that you need to get inside before it makes any sense.

I backed off being the main fire-guy at the local dungeon, some time ago.  I didn’t like being a carnival ride.  I like being the center of attention, but like being a Hollywood star, there are times when all those people pulling at you becomes too much and you want to get away, but you can’t because once you create all that desire to connect with you, it becomes relentless.  You have to be careful what you ask for.  Lately its just been Izrina and I and it feels really good.  This event is bringing back that feeling of pull.. the desires of others to be part of your experience.

Now this is where the Master side comes into place.. I have no problem saying no.  My time is valuable, and if I give you some of it, these means I am giving you a gift.. the gift of my attention and domination.  Its a Master mindset.   We are very selective about who we give time to, and what we will give, and are very unapologetic about the whole thing.

Of course that only goes so far.  You create the mystic of your allure, the power and strength you hold, and that creates the desire to taste it.  Then you had better be able to deliver.  But more importantly, that impression is not a thing that lasts.  The mystic must be replenished occasionally,  or it fades into obscurity to be replaced…  at least in the public sense.

You can always have your privately intense Ds without all the hub-bub.  I think I prefer the private Ds side.  It has more of a authentic feel.  The private Ds that Izrina and I share is not contrived or current.  It is not fresh, hip, or the newest thing.  It doesn’t need to be bolstered or promoted.  It just is.  Not in a way that doesn’t need attention, but in a way that naturally grows stronger.   Ah.. what do I know?   Maybe I am just lazy.   All I know is that I am living life on my terms and it feels great.  Tomorrow I will wake, look at my choices, and reveal then to Izrina.. then her adventure begins.. and together, well, life is pretty damn good.

Capre Diem my friends… go seize today.  Make it yours..  and if your will is owned by another,  then I hope together you make it a great day.


So many choices

Its Saturday, and that means the day is mine.   What to do?   Izrina is at work, so no Domination warm fuzzy….  What to do?

I could take the motorcycle our for a ride, or maybe the mustang.   I could do some housework.  Lord knows there is always something you can find to do around the house.  Or I could goof off and just veg.

I just know that retirement isn’t going to be something I take to well.  Choices, choices.


I wonder, is this kind of what its like to be a sub with no one to give directions?  It doesn’t bother me that I have so many choices, so many things I could do today.. some work.. some pleasure..  but I can see the benefit of getting up and just asking.. what is your pleasure today?  The simplicity of it, the adventure of it, could be reassuring.

As a slave, you have no idea what direction the Master’s pleasure might take you today.  Everyday is in a small way, an adventure.  Maybe you might be on the back of a motorcycle, or maybe in a Mustang with the top down and the music up.  Or maybe you are going to rake leaves.  Or maybe you are just going to hand Master tools.. or maybe its something sexual.. you just don’t know.   What you do know is that every day is going to reveal a new plan, and you will be in the center of Master’s world, there at his side, because he loves and cherishes you.


Hmmm my ruminations have revealed what is bothering me.  All of those pleasures of being a slave work both ways.  When Ds is your life, your partner makes every little thing a pleasure.. be it work or recreation.  With Izrina at work, it doesn’t matter what I do, it wont be as much fun as when she is here.  Yup!   Hit the nail right on the thumb!

Ah well.  If I am going to be melancholy, I guess it will be work.  I think I’ll start by cleaning the terminals on the motor cycle battery.  The trickle charger has been flaky.  Nothing like a little elbow grease to take  your mind off things, and work up a sense of satisfaction.  Maybe that will lead to some other desire.  Time to get things done…. A sense of accomplishment is after all another source of happiness.

Carpe Diem my friends…  even if what you do today is something you do for yourself, go be someone’s great day.   The who and what isn’t nearly as important as the action. 

Action brings satisfaction and often the reward of anther’s pleasure in your efforts.  Never underestimate these as constant sources of pleasure.  Learn to look for these opportunities, and you tap into an endless source of pleasure and satisfaction.


Pissed and throwing stones

This past weekend was great and I wrapped it up with the chance to go to conference where I had the opportunity to rub shoulders with some folks running global companies. I was really feeling great.

Then I was dealt a really shitty hand at work.  Now, my hand isn’t as bad as a co-worker.  His choice is 1) Move to a new location where his wife dying of cancer won’t have local family for 24×7 support to rush her to the hospital and such, or 2) Refuse to move, be let go, and lose his health care benefits …for his dying wife.  Yeah, in the light of that one, my issue seems pretty minor..  I feel like a putz bitching while he suffers all that shit in silence.  THAT is a real Master, even if he is nilla.

Collectively, as I look around at all the people being treated like shit, its not a warm fuzzy I get when I go to work.. which really sucks because I love what I do..  Some days, enjoying your job is a little like rejoicing because you were one of the few who go a lifeboat off the titanic.   Sure you are happy, but showing it would make you feel guilty.  And it doesn’t help that there are people sitting right next to you drowning.

I am sure the people forced to run the furnaces at Auschwitz prayed everyday that if they could just get through burning this last group today, by some miracle the trains would stop showing up tomorrow.

I’ve been in corporate America too long.  I’ve seen way too many people told to “pay their dues”, and they do.. only they pay them to a person who gets fired.  The next honcho doesn’t know them, doesn’t know what they went through, and doesn’t care.  They only care about the people that helped them get ahead.  So it was all bullshit.  A company’s loyalty starts when a paycheck is promised and ends when the paycheck is issued.

The only workers that end a career with decent pay and benefits are the one ones paid for by the taxes.. the government jobs… which is ironic because we who pay for that early retirement with good benefits don’t get the same.  Kind of sucks to pay for someone else to get what you need.

I tend towards being fiscally conservative, but I have seen a huge erosion in worker rights in the last forty years..  That is going to have a backlash.. its going to lead to a rise again in unions, and socialism, and don’t kid yourself, at the heart of BOTH world wars was a battle between capitalism vs communism.  Oh sure, nationalism played a role but behind it was the drive to stop either capitalism or communism.

So here I am.  I should be happy.  Great weekend, awesome business trip, and a slave at my side.  So why am I breaking every rule I lay down for my slave?  I command her:  Thou shall find thy happiness!  It is like my first decree to her.  I am in a glass house, pissed and throwing stones, yet for the life of me, I can’t break this foul mood.

You know what though?  At least I know its just a moment..  One of many moments, each with its own flavor.   You need many flavors or life would be boring.  There were good times before this moment and there will be good times after.

I am pouring out a load of negative shit, which you will want to react to,  but who knows?  By the time you can respond, I may have already vented enough to put this moment behind me..  yeah.   Helps to have a slave curl up in your lap at the end of a day like this.

Carpe Diem my friends.. Go take the world by the balls and squeeze…   but save a kind word for a friend who may need it..  Bless those who suffer in silence..  what amazing people they are.





a new workshop, old problem

The thoughts are just churning away.. yeah. can’t sleep.  So a word on some of what I am thinking about…

First, next Month I give away Raven in her collaring ceremony.  Big moment.  About three years ago, she worn another collar and the Master who owned it refused to remove it.  Now, fast forward and she is happy and being collared again.

I often speak of my own time when I lost my slave and it nearly destroyed me.  Finding your value before and after a collar is a thing for both Masters and slaves.  So I pitched the idea of a new workshop I am developing for this:

UN-collaring-Finding your value before and after the collar.

You can’t be in this life for a few years and not personally experience or at least know someone who has gone through the incredible sense of loss that comes from tearing down every barrier between you and another human being, only to have that thrown away.

The pain of breakup is magnified by the intensity of the relations that we build.  I often say that you can’t have mountains without valleys, you can’t experience ultimate joy without risking ultimate loss, but those are just words when you are being sliced to ribbons while cradling the slivers of broken glass that used to be your life.

It think it is time to take my experience, and the experiences of so many others, and put together a workshop, designed to not just help those going through it now, but to also help those who will almost certainly need council in the future.  Perhaps my words now, might help others, or better yet, start a trend the becomes the norm.

In a nutshell, we are very big on providing collaring ceremonies, and we are big on providing aftercare for S&M scenes but how often do you hear of UN-collaring or aftercare for people who lost a collar.. or a loved one?  It should be common place for us to provide aftercare for the un-collared,  but have you heard of this?  It is uncommon that people take into consideration the needs of those who are dealing with the loss of a Master or slave.. yes slave.. Dominants can be just as devastated by the loss of a slave.

And this workshop will go beyond just proposing aftercare for UN-collaring.  It will propose ways to find your personal value with or without a collar.  We often judge our value by our relationship, when what we should do is see that our value is in what we bring to a relation.   We always have value, even if we have no relation to bring it to.  It goes back to the heart of the word lifestyle.  Yes, this is a style of life for some, but for others it is an orientation, a need so deep that colors every facet of our existence.  Those who are a Master or slave in every fiber of their being  have great value and it runs far deeper than looks, age, race, or any of the external things.  Its the beauty that is found in the core of our character.

So that’s just a quick peek into this new workshop I am whipping up. There is hardly a BDSM subject I couldn’t tackle, but this one is close to my heart.  I like giving my workshop on collars.. but I think the time has come to speak on the other side of that, when the dream evaporates…   I think given that this last UN-collaring has come full circle, and that I am about to participate in see Raven’s rebirth come to full fruition, there couldn’t be a better time to start on this workshop.  Carpe Diem my friends!  Join me in making a GREAT weekend!


Oh, and if you have an idea for a catchier title for the workshop.. I’m interested.