Last night was one of two munches Izrina and I regularly attend. I love going to munches and workshops. In spite of all my years of BDSM, I always learn something, or at the very least, I re-inspire some dormant juice.
We sat with Gabby987 and I learned she was a Gorean trained slave. I had no idea. More importantly, she is meeting a potential new Master. Now Gabby lists her age in Fet as 59, and she is a very good looking 59…and I have seen her around the community for sometime, so I wouldn’t expect her to make the mistakes a newbie would.
Here is the thing… it doesn’t matter how old we get, attraction springs eternal. Every time she speaks of this new opportunity, her face lights up. You can just feel the excitement as she speaks of the moments he took solid control. I am so happy for her. Inside, she is like a little kid, all bubbling and full of excitement.
Now when a newbie tastes Ds for the first time it is like someone just flung open the doors to Willie Wonka’s chocolate factory. You just want to run in and sample everything. You can well imagine after eating sweets for hours the tummy ache that would bring on.
Being a new slave is much like that. You have always been able to get attention, but you always got your way.. and suddenly here are these Masters who will have none of it. Suddenly the tables have firmly and clearly turned. No amount of coy smiles and cuteness is going to change a Masters demand to comply.. and its exciting. Suddenly you have sub-frenzy.
Like the kid in a candy store, you want it all and you are willing to forego any real thought as you dive in with your heart on your sleeve and your passion and lust not far behind. Gabby is older and been around.. but its easy for that part of us that so desperately wants it all to rise to the surface. I truly hope her potential new Master is a good one.
There are so many bad Dominants out there. I say bad Dominants, because they are not real Masters or even real Dominants as we know the word in BDSM. They are sociopaths.
A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.
A sociopath only knows what they want. If they want you to give them your last dollar, that’s all they want. They don’t care if its your last dollar. They actually don’t understand why they can’t have it since they have no empathy, understanding, or conscience. They can’t see your perspective, they can only see their own wants and needs. They will do anything to get what they want.. weighing the risks to themselves.. without concern for laws or ethics. Their only concern is, will I get caught.. how will it impact me?
Every good Master has a little sociopath in them. We all want what we want. But the difference between a sociopath and a Dominant is the genuine concern for consent. Consent is everything. We understand that consensual Dominance is about mutual happiness.
What makes a Dominant into a Master changes depending on the person you speak with. I would say what makes a Master is recognition.
The only titles of value are those acquired thru recognition by others. One claims that title by exercising that recognition, not asserting it. ~Xtac Quote
We who are Dominants and Masters understand that for a long term relation to work, we need to sit and talk. We must find out if we are a good match, negotiate our hard limits, and reach an accord to consent to everything that is left. Consensual non-consent or CNC is where we hope to be, although this is also sometimes called TPE..total power exchange.
You can know all this and still fall into sub-frenzy. Its easy for the heart to lead the head. Hmmm let me dig up an old quote from a few years back. Here it is..
Place your head before of your heart, before you place your heart before your head. Respect is not earned, its a reflection of your own values, but trust, that is earned. Once earned though, you must follow your heart. ~ Xtac Quote
I am living my dreams. I have a 24×7 relation. I am building HOX.. The house of X. My slave and I will seek to be a source of education and good for the BDSM community. There is nothing like it.. living it every day. It’s worth getting it right. Like anything done well, much of your success is in the preparation.
Make sure when you start a new relation that you sit and talk. Keep your sub-frenzy tightly bottled and checked. You need to know each other, to know if you are a good fit. Weigh carefully what can and cannot be compromised. You do not have to compromise everything. Doing so does not deliver your dream, it delivers a nightmare. Beware sub-frenzy. Lead with your head.. but be prepared to follow your heart. Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!
Serendipity-the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.
I often see events align. Here is another. At the same time I am thinking about Gabby, and writing on it, the slave of another Master I honor wrote on the same subject. Her blog has valuable lessons in it, and I encourage you to read here.