Your boss’s boss

I don’t usually talk about work.  It can be a weird thing being both a Dominant and an employer.  There are lines that I want to make sure I don’t cross.   I need to make sure that the reflex responses I have with my consensual slave, don’t bleed over in the mannerisms at work.

The power dynamics at work however are very,  very interesting.  I find that with my upper management I tend to be very much like a submissive.   Their desires become my desires… their wants and needs become my focus…  Interestingly it does not rub my Dominant nature the wrong way.   The needs of my slave come first too.  In many ways the give and take of the BDSM relation has elements on both sides of the equation that are shared.

Now an interesting situation has begun to occur at work.  The boss above my boss has started to come to me directly with tasks and questions.   This is very interesting from a power perspective.

On the one side, it probably means that my boss’s boss .. we’ll call him “my VP”… recognizes that my immediate boss is a very busy man and doesn’t need to be bothered with every little detail.    It may also mean that my VP has developed a sense of trust that he can count on me and doesn’t need a “whip” to make sure what he gives me gets done… and by whip I mean he goes to my boss to make sure my boss follows up and sees that I get my task done.

On the other side this is a very dangerous development.   It’s never good to have your boss going directly to your employees and not be in the loop.    By circumnavigating my boss – my VP is feeding a sense of insecurity ( presuming my boss has those).  It is important when dealing with a superior to be viewed as an asset and not a threat.  Even if he does not have any insecurities there will be that nagging question of loyalty to be entertained.  Every boss knows that there are employees who just don’t like you and you can never be sure if that will turn into a problem for your authority.

Mind you..  I am not looking for advise.  I’ve navigated the waters of corporate politics for decades and I feel confident that this can be turned to a possessive..  a win win if you will.    Its all just very interesting and it has me wondering a bit… where is the BDSM hook?     I am thinking this might be more of a situation arising from poly dynamics rather than a two person BDSM relation.

Anyway… great sharing with you as always.   Stay safe..  stay free..   Mental health is important too so if you are feeling claustrophobic from Covid-19 lock down go for a walk in the woods, stand beside a stream, enjoy the view from a mountain top… unless of course your local government is restricting travel for mental health in which case I would get a doctors prescription for a walk in the woods first…  Sad that its come to that, eh?   Carpe Diem my friends..  Do your best to be someone’s great day!

 

 

Short attention span theatre

It has always driven me a little crazy how politicians can do something awful or something really great and 30 days later everyone is refocused on something entirely new.  For most people its not the historical view of a thing that makes it good or bad its what’s being said TODAY that matters..  or so it seems to me.

Remember when Covid_19 first made you very concerned for yourself and your loved ones?   There was the panic.. the need to make sure you were doing all you could.. and then nothing.. and more nothing.. as you social distanced.  Maybe you lost loved ones.. maybe it never got that close…  but as we get closer to the 30 days since your concern peaked..  short attention span theatre kicks in…  I even see it in myself..  thoughts like.. so what.. its not that bad..  maybe I should invite a bunch of friends over for some good times….

AND NOW FOR THE BDSM HOOK… (you knew it was coming didn’t you)

The same is true for BDSM.   If BDSM is not your orientation.. if BDSM is a lifestyle choice, not who you are…  it will slip over time.  That’s just the way it is.  It is very easy to let a little thing go here or there…  a rule..   a protocol…   little slip ups get to slide…

It’s no different for a bottom than a top.  If you are a Dom but don’t feel it, it becomes too much trouble to enforce.. to sit down and talk..  to chastise and review the slip ups.   If you are a submissive it becomes too much trouble to follow every detail of your protocols.. too easy to skip what might not be noticed..  You get too busy for that..

There is a thing we call the 90 day Dom..  who can fake it for 90 days but then starts to slide.  There should be a 90 day sub category too.   This is just one more reason to take it slow when your hormones are raging, the sex is great, and you want to dive in head first.  It’s one more reason I support the three collars at every turn.

So yeah.. if you were lucky enough to find that someone special who fulfills all your kinky desires.. and was not just a flash in the pan 90 day wonder… then Covid-19 distancing probably isn’t a problem.  At least not for the introverts..  Those who are a little more extroverted will still be dealing with a need.

AND THAT BRINGS US TO…

Mental health.  There are people not dealing with this whole thing so well.   I see it all around my community.   There are folks freaking out.  Personally I was designed from the ground up for an apocalypse so that’s not me.. but I get it.  If you are having trouble dealing I highly recommend a walk in the woods.. to stand by a stream or river.. or a mountain top.   The world is a beautiful place..  so go get some..  Carpe diem my friends… be someone’s great day.

Second Life to the rescue!

Normally you would never hear these words pass my lips but these are not normal times.   Try Second Life!

For those of us who live it 24X7 or manage to get to a play party once in a while Second Life is insipid.   It is the refuge of folks who are distanced or otherwise can’t play in real life… hello?

None of us can play in real life now unless you are living with your play partner.  Your first life.. aka your “real” life is on hold now what with “in place sheltering” and all.

So now is your chance to find out what all those persons with a virtual “Second Life” have been so keen on all this time.   For you first timers there are some things to get used to.. ways of interacting that are expected.   As a newbie you will take a while to adjust… but you’ll get there and learn.

Second life can stir your imagination and fire up your juices and since many of us have nothing better to do but sit and long for some interaction.. why not give it a whirl?  Keep your profile nilla and you can visit awesome places.. musuems, natural wonders…

Years ago I was thrown off the Star Trek Enterprise Ship for my inappropriate BDSM attire.  I mention that little mishap because it should give you an idea just how deep the rabbit hole can go.  There are some VERY cool places to go and see..  Some are kinky and some are not.

Release your inner child and let yourself play.  Carpe Diem.. sieze the day and make it yours!  And along the way, try to be someone’s great day!

It all begins here >> https://secondlife.com/

Hope is alive!

More good news for you to focus on!

2020_0324-distancing

 

While the TOTAL number of cases and deaths continues to rise, notice how the number of NEW cases has started to drop as citizens begin to take seriously, the need to “Social Distance”.

 

SOCIAL DISTANCING?

Let’s talk for a moment about “Social Distancing”.  We are social people but in this day and age we don’t socialize the way we did 100 years ago.   Hell we don’t even socialize the way we did ten years go.

We are not “Social Distancing” thanks to FaceBook, Twitter, Blogs, and community online resources.   We are “Physical Distancing”.    This is doable.   Don’t get caught up in the negativity of distancing.

We are all still in touch, and there is much to be hopeful for.

 

WAVES

Now let’s talk for a moment about this “Physical Distancing”.   As today’s CDC shows, “Physical Distancing” works to slow the spread.

We cannot however simply do this for months on end.   I fully expect that we are going to do a “Distancing on”, “Distancing off, “Distancing on”, “Distancing off”, thing.

By dialing back, then letting off, then repeating, we will see waves of infections come in.. But here is the hopeful part of that.  These waves will come in manageable bite size waves.

 

GLOOM AND DOOM

Yes, there will be infections, and yes there will be deaths.  That is going to happen.  But don’t buy into the negativity.   We have drugs now in testing, vaccines in human trials, more new drugs on the way,  drive-thru testing,  15 minutes tests,  in home test kits coming..

These “WAVES” will give us time to deal with the infected.  The treatments will get better with each wave.  In between we can regroup and improve.

 

CARPE DIEM!

Hang in there people.. hope has arrived!   Carpe Diem!  Go forth virtually speaking and be someone’s great day.  Maybe you should reach out to an ederly shut in and see if you can bring supplies.  Be someone’s great day!

Hope is on its way

Back in January, I started preparing for the worse and hoping for the best.

Two weeks ago I saw the need to “flatten the curve”, so I wrote about doing what you can to social distance.

Stories of craziness came in and I wrote about staying calm. We need to be focused but civil.

Then we had the last supper… A last chance for us to get together for a sense of normalcy before we hunkered down and got very serious about social distancing.

Then I wrote about my frustration about just waiting… and waiting.. and waiting.. All my planning was done.. nothing left to do…

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A dear friend and brother in leather wrote this:

As a bit of a control freak, this feeling of having no control over a situation takes me out of my wheelhouse. Even though so much was a false sense of control, I hate not even having that anymore. And as a planner it is difficult with rules and news changing multiple times a day.

I get it. In fact I wrote about the same sentiments a few days earlier. Another good friend and brother in leather who is in law enforcement wrote about his concerns of rising violence. I get that too..

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We are in uncharted waters

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There is plenty of reason to be concerned, fearful, panicky… but as your mind goes so too do your actions. Now is the time for the power of positive thinking. While you are busy learning to deal with social distancing, stay positive… there is much to be hopeful for…

Labs in countries all over the world are working hard… Vaccines are in human trials…. The world might finally have a drug that helps instead of just putting people in beds and watching them… In the US… Bayer donated 3 million doses…. FDA will fast track the testing… drive through testing is picking up speed.. Extra hospital beds plans are mobilizing… Most people are starting to understand the need to social distance… We have lots of reason for hope!

If you find yourself overwhelmed, take a walk.. hug a tree… stand on a mountain… go to a park.. walk in the woods… Nature is healing… The hustle and bustle of the electronic era never was good for your blood pressure.. It’s good to step back, take a deep breath and slow down once in a while..

Some people knew this instinctively. For those of you forced to do it now.. take it as a experience from which you can diversify your thinking and grow. We have much to do to make this a great planet to live on. This might be the tough love we needed to come together and do the right things.

Carpe Diem my friends.. Be someone’s great day.. at a distance of course!

Let’s dance, Bitch!

Dealing with Covid-19 probably has a lot of overlap with dealing with cancer.  As nations we are probably going to go through the five stages of grief.  In case you need a refresher on those, here they are again:

The five steps of grief…. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

I would say I am on depression. At first I was thinking.. how bad can it be (Denial).  Then I was pissed (Fuck! Those North Koreans said to expect a Christmas present).   Then  I prepared, prepared, prepared. You know.. prepare for the worse and hope for the best.

I like action. There is no action left… just waiting… and waiting… and hope… I feel like there must be something I missed.. some action to take… but no.. its just waiting….

Its only been a few days but I’m tired of waiting already.  I want to go out grab Covid-19 by the throat and say .. common bitch, let’s dance!

The Last Supper

The last supper is a painting by Italian artist Leonardo da Vinci, featuring Christ seated at the dinner table surrounded by apostles.

 

thelastsupper

Last night at HOX we had the last supper but there was no savior present. This will be our last open house until the Covid-19 thing blows over.

It was a pleasant evening. We had many wonderful guests and we sat and talked and told stories. Persons who had not been before got a tour of our playroom.. which was sort of a tease… to see and not play is kind of sad.

=== === ===

We will get through this. In time normalcy will return. It’s not a question of if but when. In the meantime, its good to have had this moment… one last supper.. before we start our social distancing.

Carpe Diem my friends. Be good to one another. Stay calm, focused, civil and helpful. We’ll get through this. Practice good hygiene and common sense… about proximity and density… Be prepared for the worse and hope for the best.. Hugs!

Be civil

In a panic some people will kill to get on a lifeboat.  Others will help people get onto a lifeboat, even at the risk of their own life.

What concerns me is that for years I’ve witnessed selective cherry picking of news and events to be sent out in various media with my underlying concern that the message just barely concealed a deep and abiding hatred being justified by these cherry picked “facts”.  In other words, civility is dead.  Aggression for the sake of a cause is justified on a micro and macro scale.. and that is bad especially now when we should be helping people onto lifeboats, not clawing our way on.

Having stated my concern, here is my message. Be civil.  Speak from a place of love.  Question where your words are coming from before speaking.  Open your heart.  Let go of anger, fear, and hate.   Be patient.  Hug a tree.  Now is the time for quiet actions grounded in compassion.  Come together.

All we need is love.

CoronaVirus, Covid-19, advice

Keep calm and do your part to contain!

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Deep breaths people. Most everyone will get infected. You can’t change that but you can control some things.

The key now is to delay Covid-19 as long as possible which has a very positive impact on society. 1) It keeps the max number of active case low allowing resources to better deal 2) It gives the health community more time to develop drugs, vaccines, and strategies… and learn..

Most people don’t educate themselves even when they should. Health workers will make mistakes.. and learn from them.. gonna happen. Take deep breaths… take a nice walk… try to relax and control what you can control.. Concentrate on containment.

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Keep calm and do your part to contain!

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We need a feeling of normalcy.  Seriously…  Nature has a very calming effect and even more so now.   It is public spaces that are most dangerous.  So find a park, hug a tree, take a walk, find a mountain top.. then take a deep breath.  If you are too busy.. walk outside and look up at the sky… or out a window.  You need to disconnect from the hustle and bustle of modern life and get a calm, balanced perspective.  How does that help you ask?  Here is how.

Right now you have to do two things…

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Keep calm and do your part to contain!

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Right now you have to be very serious and dedicated about doing your part to protect society by helping to contain the virus.  You also need to do what you can do and let go of the “call to panic” and suppress it.

You have to find a balance between very serious and unconcerned.  To do that, you need to be calm, collected, and focused.   Nature (by which I mean uncrowded spaces with trees, water and sky) can do this.

So what does it mean to contain?  Containment is very important.  If  there is no containment, in a very short time there will be many, many infections.. too many.. and it will overwhelm the health industry.

If there is containment it won’t change the fact that everyone will eventually be exposed.. but it will mean that it will take longer and the number of active cases that health workers must deal with will be much lower.. allowing resources to be managed.   That improves everyone’s chance of survival.  That is why it is important for you to…

.

Keep calm and do your part to contain!

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There are lots of facts and opinions out there adding to the confusion and adding to panic.   Educate yourself by all means but send a clear message that people can see, remember, and follow.  Send the message..  Keep calm and do your part to contain!

There will be reckless assholes…. there always will be.  Unfortunately there are people who think that that education is stupid and elitist …  but them’s smarter than that (sigh).  I know this is true.. There was a son of a old girl friend making fun of all the “assholes” who wanted to work hard at their education years back and nothing I said could convince him otherwise. He had street smarts and common sense and that was all he needed.

There are those who think that college and self education is some kind of elitist attitude. Its a part of our culture I’d love to give correction to… problem is.. the most important part of giving is the taking..

By all means.. educate yourself on how best to be prepared to do your part to contain.  Even if some people won’t, enjoy some nature, get your focus, then …

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Keep calm and do your part to contain!

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Health workers will make mistakes.. and learn from them.. gonna happen.  Government agencies have made mistakes, and will… it was bound to happen.  Production will take a while to adjust.. its gonna happen.  We will all eventually be exposed.. but later rather than sooner is better for everyone.  Take deep breaths… take a nice walk… try to relax and control what you can control.. Get out of public spaces when you can and use that time to relax when you can’t.  Be a good citizen.  Concentrate on containment. Now is the time to come together.

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Keep calm and do your part to contain!

Outside its another bright shiny day filled with promise and challenges you have not yet overcome.   Carpe Diem my friends.  Be someone’s great day!

You could be “outted” soon… by Corona

We are all following the Corona Virus and have all drawn our own conclusions on how contagious or deadly it may be and what we’ll do about it, but consider this.

You go to a local dungeon or home and there are a bunch of people there that you only know as MasterThis or slaveThat.   In the BDSM community, we often don’t tell anyone what our real name is…

Now image someone at that event contracts the CoronaVirus.. aka Covid-19.  What is your country’s or local government’s reaction?  To trace back where you’ve been and who you came in contact with of course.  Who have you come in contact with?  You don’t know.  You only know it was a bunch of people called MasterThis or slaveThat.  Image the public reaction. 

I can see the headlines now…

“Local sex club spreads virus – infection potential unknown”.    Local official were shocked to learn that there was an illegal sex club operating right under their noses.  Health official investigating a person who  recently contracted the CoronaVirus discovered that the patient was unable to provide information about who or how many people that they came in close personal contact with, because persons in this sex club all use alias names.

 

If you think the nillas get excited during normal times just wait until Corona spreads at an event.  They will start demanding org records and researching names in Fet.  Much of this will be new and shocking when they discover just how many of us there are.  It might just be a real eye opener for some people living in their own little vanilla world.

Yes, health records are suppose to be private, but the impact a club or org has on the safety of the community is definitely in the realm of public news.  Don’t think news orgs whose existence is for profit…  aren’t draw like flies to a juicy headline.. Sex sells…  period!

We of the BDSM community operate with dual lives for a very good reason.  The world is not ready to accept S&M..  laws that are designed to protect victims of domestic abuse have a crushing effect on our right to consent.  DSM 5 may have forced the medical community to accept that BDSM is not a sickness but the general public still sees it as sick, twisted or a mental illness.  Dominance and submission often riles up the politically correct who worship at the all might alter of equality.  I know members of my own family think S&M people are mentally ill… that only a sick person would submit to living with someone that is domineering.

The nilla reaction to our presence is absolutely not a good under normal circumstances.  It will be much worse if it thinks that people that are sick in the head are endangering them and their loved ones.

Ahhhh… .. but what if someone gets corona but not at your local org?  Doesn’t matter.  Health officials will still want to know where you’ve been and with who… which will lead to mentioning all your BDSM friend hangouts…

I’m not one to love conspiracy theories, but it also occurs to me that the Corona virus scare is an oppressive government’s dream situation for finding out connections and gathering information.

Ah well.. worry about what you can change, and let go of what you cannot.  In line with that thinking..  start thinking now about how you might respond… not if but when… asked for your recent contacts.  Ideally you will already be prepared to respond with comments like.. I was at a party at a friends house.. not that I was at a sex club!   Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!