All things, Saint Andrews

I had a request to provide a “How to” for making a St Andrews cross.

What’s in a Name? – The St. Andrew’s Cross, crux decussata, X-cross, X-frame or saltire cross is a common piece of equipment in BDSM dungeons. It typically provides restraining points for ankles, wrists, and waist. When secured to a saltire, the subject is restrained in a spreadeagle position. 

St Andrew was the first disciple of Jesus Christ, being baptised by John the Baptist, and he was the brother of Saint Simon Peter. He was born between 5 AD and 10 AD in the Middle East where Palestine is now, specifically in Bethsaida, a village on the Sea of Galilee.  When he refused to stop preaching Christianity, he was ordered to be crucified.  It is said that he requested an X-shaped one as he felt unworthy to die on an upright one like Jesus did.

A funny story… Many years ago I was in a dungeon which is now gone.. another victim of nilla’s with pitch forks and torches.   The Saint Andrews cross I was using was securely fastened to the wall in a converted factory…. but the wall was just an eight foot high divider and when my slave started to thrash about the wall began to move.. a lot.. which caused the owner to peak in to see what the hell was going on…  He just shook his head and backed out of the room again.   On our next visit the Saint Andrews had been moved to a more secure wall.

There are many ways you could do this, but whatever you do make sure your Saint Andrews can withstand the temors of a great scene.  That means stable, anchored, and hardware with good ratings.

You can dress this up further as I will point out in a future post.  A lower back pad at the center is a nice touch.  For me the main point to this “furniture” is two fold.  First, it starts the scene in a lovely head space and second, it is there to catch a slave when they start to subspace…so use good wrist cuffs.


A picture is worth a thousand words..




I used 2″ X 6″ boards, stained with Red Mahogany on the “X”, and painted the supporting rails in a diminutive slate grey/black so the “X” pops.

Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

BBQ time! Play time in the playroom!

We had a lovely Fourth of July Collaring celebration and before the summer passes its time for one last big BBQ/get together.   Good food and lots of it…good company and lots of it… good play..  yeah!

The firepit has a new breather pipe to keep a stack of logs burning all night.  Fill the Tiki lights and we’ll have a great hangout.. besides the two decks, playroom and scenic/celebration area.   I’m building a rather lovely St Andrews for the play room.  I’ll put up pictures soon.  In the up right position is looks like a regular St Andrews, but screw in two heavy steel pipe legs and it flips down to become a table for Violet and fire play.

My daughter flew in from California for two weeks and its been a whirlwind of activities – between work, time together, and the HOX projects.  She has always leaned towards being a Dom, and now that she has a new boyfriend who has expressed an interested in BDSM it will be interesting to see how that relationship develops.   BDSM does not define her life as it does the lives of my slave and I..  so it will be interesting…

If being a Dom or a submissive is more of an orientation than a kink.. you would never find someone you like first and then see where if BDSM could be part of your life.   You would find someone that is into BDSM, and then see if that person could be part of your life.  But you probably already knew that… just stating the obvious.

I am really, really happy with the new BDSM furniture.   the playroom needs a lot of work, so for now we’ll just put a carpet remnant on the floor, and some drapes on the walls.  Can’t wait to put up the pics..   I have my slave doing some fine detail/paint work on the table edging and I have some other final touches to complete.. maybe another week and its ready.. just in time for people to play during the BBQ…  Life is good!

Carpe Diem my friends..  Be someone’s great day.



Dominant – “Being” vs Title

A long car drive home from a mini vacation and as often happens the subject was BDSM related.  “My best friend”, I said, “is a Dominant but he doesn’t want to be called that.”  An argument ensued.

The point which I tried to make repeatedly was that there are Dominant characters all around us but they don’t call themselves a Dom.  Dominance is a behavior, as found in Wolves.   Finding an Alpha in a pack is something I believe without question, so to defend that position was annoying.

In the end we agreed that there is “A Dominant” which is a title in BDSM and there is “being Dominant” which is a behavior.   It was suggested that the way I said it meant that he was the “title” version but just didn’t claim the title.  What ever.  I think people just like to argue too much.  Words are meant to communicate a concept but we can’t even agree on what the words are saying mean anymore.

Just to be clear at this point, I was in the car with my slave and three other young ladies.  Youth!  Maybe there was too much estrogen.. or too much youth.

There is however a point to this conversation worth noting.   The actions of being Dominant (verb) can be quite different from the person who claims to be a BDSM Dominant (noun).

There is no one size fits all definition for a BDSM Dominant.  I often describe Dominance and submission as a dial with setting from 1 to 100.   At one end of the scale is the setting of “1” where the domination is barely noticeable.   At the 100 setting, you are into a TPE (total power exchange) or CNC (consensual non-consent) relation.  The odd thing about the 100 setting is, once total power exchange is agreed and consented to, there are many settings within the 100 settings..  These are the depths of IE – internal enslavement – the valley through which every TPE couple walks.  It can be a terrifying and mystical time, as a Master guides their slave in the fight to find out what identity means when the mind and body are simply an extension of the Master served.

At the setting of 100 while dealing with IE, there can be no confusion between the verb of Dominant and the noun of Dominant.    Or can there be?   At 100 there is no confusion about desire or intent.  A TPE Dominant is driven by passion and focused on a need for submission.  The action of dominance is the air we breath.   Action and being are one.  So what does that say about the other settings?

It is a slippery slope to judge a person at setting 25 to the person at 100.  Each desires a degree of Domination over another.  Each takes a certain degree of pleasure in that role.  Both are dominant to the relation, but to call oneself a “Dom” requires a mental shift.. an internal decision to embrace the role.   Just as you can take a dominant role in a relation without calling yourself a Dom, as my friend does… you can also call yourself a Dom without fully embracing and acting on the requirements of being Dominant in your relationship.  The latter of course muddies the waters, and I would hope this doesn’t happen too often.  The latter is to be avoided.

Also to be avoided is the submissive who wants all the benefits of having a Dom care for them, without actually wanting to obey commands.  These are the lazy and broken ones.. good at doing just enough to avoid getting the boot, but always creating challenges.   If you are a new Dom and have not learned this yet, learn it quickly.   It has to be your way.  You can compromise and be tolerant just so much before you are not being who you need to be.. When you come to this crossroad you have to be prepared to ask yourself ..  Am I not being Dominant, or have I taken on a submissive who does not fit my needs? – And CAN I fix him or her?   Hard questions  but don’t be afraid to face them.  Sometimes you have to let go of what seems right, to actually find what is right.

What is the difference between being a Dominant and claiming the title?  Everything.  Anyone can claim to be a Dom just as anyone can claim to be a slave.  You will know a person by their actions not their words.

When you find what is right for you, as I have, you will know it.  Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!


A nightmare

I was sound asleep and woke from a disturbing dream.  I was with two friends and we had this idea for a thought provoking film.   We didn’t want to make a big deal of it. just a little something but we needed a location.   So we approached another friend for the location and we cranked it out.

Then it sat, and sat, and sat.  No one was getting to see it.  Folks who could help get it distributed didn’t like the message.. and wanted changes.  Wind of the project became a huge story with people taking sides and fighting.  At one point there were a dozen people in a room with me all fighting.. some wanted creative control, some wanted credit or a billing, some wanted a piece of the profits… it was a mess…  and I said I just wanted to walk away.  What was happening was not what I wanted.

I woke and thought.. I bet the movie industry is like that.  Then I thought about a book I’ve wanted to write for quite some time and I thought of all the ways my book idea could quickly become a nightmare much like my disturbing dream.

I began to wax philosophical, thinking in broader terms.  It seems that no matter what you say, some people are prepared to pounce on your words, dissect them and then start an argument.   Even people I love dearly from the community are often quick to do this.

Certainly it benefits one government when discontent is sown into the fabric of an enemy government. It was suggested that Russia took out ads to sow discontent between races, ages, genders and such in the US but was that even necessary?  Aren’t people already predisposed to tear at each other over fundamental principals they hold dear.. be it religion, economics, form of government, discrimination, past wrongs, etc?

My mind turned to John Lennon, who was gunned down for no particularly important reason and who only wanted to suggest that love was the answer to all these questions I am raising now.

Love really is all we need.  In a utopian sense, it would be nice if the world placed love and kindness for all life on this planet high up our priorities list.  I realize though that one man, or woman, cannot change the world.  Oh, I know some have tried and their words have been written down and millions have tried to understand and follow their teachings but no matter how pure a person’s intention to make better the world, there will never be agreement.  We must each listen to council, to the words of those that make sense to us, and decide for ourselves what is right.  That’s where everything begins to fall apart.

Every religion has split into factions.  Every government.  Every group.  Every expert who ever existed or will exist will be challenged, debated, contradicted, attacked.  Its a nightmare.


Izrina and I just came from a munch yesterday.  You can ignore almost everything above.  I started out not wanting to go, but I also know how every one of these munches or dungeon trips goes – so we went.   When I get among my own kind, the conversations turn interesting and spicy and soon I don’t want to leave.

I love the folks I hang out with.   Sure we have our debates but the people I tend to prefer are more optimistic than pessimistic, more flexible than intractable, in short.. good people to be around.

When you project pessimism like I did at the start of this, you draw more to you.  Erase erase!.  Think positive and you make positive.  Making a better world for everyone is more complicated than just love.  Its also about optimism and maintaining a child like appreciation for the wonders around us.   More important than any of that though is what we focus on and hold in out hearts.

I am very happy now with where I am in life.   I have a wonderful slave.  I have good friends in community.  I am in a time and place where I can live my life without interference the way I want.  Perhaps I cannot be as open or honest about my life as I would like but I think the future can be better.   We just have to focus on that love thing together.  Carpe Diem my friends.  Be someone’s great day.




So much food!

After three weeks of preparations, we finally got to the Fourth of July and the celebration…. the renewal… of our vows.   Part of me wants to publish the vows here, and part of me wants to keep it sacred.. something we share with those in our presence…

Each time we read our vows I am moved.  Moved by how each word fits perfectly into how I feel about this Master/slave relation.  I suppose part of why I want to share is pride but also there is a feeling that more people might be moved and inspired to make their collaring event as special as they can.

We stood in our magical spot, surrounded by friends that we love so dearly, the area freshly blessed….. nothing but  good energy….   and we shared.   Then we feasted.

So much food!  While the food on the grill heated up we served ratatouille.   This all vegetable dish is filled with big chunks of all kinds of veggies.. not too soft and not too firm…  each bite a different delight for the pallet and taste buds.   Seafood salad and of course the ever present coleslaw and potato salad, with a little macaroni salad thrown into the mix.  Chips and beverages of all sorts.  People mingled on the upper and lower decks or out by the roaring fire that Beowulf built.   A steady stream of carnivore delights flowed off the grill, graciously provided and carefully attended to by Deka.  Dogs and burgers of course, but also chicken breasts with or without BBQ sauce,  ribs and brisket.

The smell drifted over the scene, calling people who were already full to come and sample just a little more.  We finished off three bottles of wine.   Later, as people began to plan for the drive home, we broke out some frozen treats..  chocolate or strawberry eclair pops…  a fun little thing to cap the evening.

I like to think everyone left a little fatter and a lot happier, wrapped in the warm glow of good company and lively conversation.   I’ve already posted the event in Fet for next year.   Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

A celebration

Fourth of July will be our first yearly collaring celebration.    What does that mean?   It means we’ll renew our vows.  Not really a startling concept.  A Master I knew used to have a yearly contract with his slave that was renewed each year.

Renewal, like spring, is not a bad idea.  It is very easy to get caught in rut doing the same things every day until nothing is fresh and everything starts to slip and slide.  Doing a reset.. a renewal.. reminds us why we started this journey together.

The setting of this celebration is our own little slice of paradise.




We’ll start by offering to hear others give a brief renewal.. of their love, or slavery, or marriage.  The type of vow is not as important to this celebration as the sharing with friends of our connections.

Then Izrina and I will repeat our vows.. the ones forever locked in our ceremony keepsake, surrounded the by the sands and blessing of our dear friends.

And finally, in case anyone was moved by the events so far and regretted not stepping up sooner, we’ll offer one last time the opportunity to give a brief renewal.

Then, we will feast.   Weather permitting we will start a large bonfire, and enjoy the night, surrounded by the love and warm.  And we will think of those we have known that have come into our lives and could not share today… but all will be in our hearts.

Carpe Diem my friends… Be someone’s great day.


Like a frightened turtle

Or this might have been titled.. Skinny dipping with Master…

Last weekend we went to a lovely BBQ with our Kinky friends and as the mid-afternoon sun really started to heat up I thought we should head down to the watering hole and enjoy a cool dip.

We had not brought our bathing suits but nudity is not really an issue in the dungeons with our friends so why should this be any diff?

Well, long story short.. very short.. because the water was cold… VERY cold… which of course ensures things are really short…  Ever seen the Seinfield episode?


George – Do women know about shrinkage?

Elaine – What do you mean, like laundry?

George – Nooooooo    ( long meaningful stare )

Jerry – Like when a man goes swimming.. (long meaningful pause)  afterwards…..?

Elaine – ( Looks surprised ) It shrinks?

Jerry – Like a frightened turtle!

Of course I shucked my clothes right away.. I have no problem with my body and its good to make the others feel comfortable.  But what does a Master do, knowing that he is going to slip into water knowing that everything is going to be absolutely freezing.. while naked?

I dipped in a toe and it was worse than cold.  It was freaking freezing.  I found a nice spot where the water ran around a large rock ledge and created a nice deep back pool and slipped in.

I said quite loudly…. “It suddenly warmed up over here!.. Oh wait.. never mind it got cold again.. Must have been me.”  I got a few knowing chuckles.  After about five minutes I was either warming up or going numb.  Couldn’t really tell any more.  Either way it was bearable after that.

The trek back winds through an old quarry that is barren, rocky, hot and feels like death valley.  Someone asked if we were sweating yet.. not a chance…. My legs were just starting to warm up again.  In fact they stayed cold for a good 20 mins after I got out.

And did I give it another thought?  Did I worry what anyone thought?  Of course not.  Life is too short to worry what other people think.. All I need to worry about is what my slave thinks… and that she is happy.  I would say she is quite happy.

Carpe Diem my friends…  Be someone’s great day.








Just me,  my dog, and my muse.  Thoughts flowing, partly directed by a love song in the background.  The singer is going on and on about how much he feels and more importantly, how much he wants this one girl.   I smile.  Most of what is hitting him so hard, and her for that matter, is our chemicals… those lovely juices the body has that creates the urge to merge.

In the traditional nilla world there are two stages..  Finding the one person you will marry, and then settling down with that one for the rest of your life.  The first half is a wild exciting ride but basically driving by looks and urges.   The second half is a lesson in learning to appreciate what you have.. and appreciate it more than the things you don’t have.

Of course there are swingers and poly people inside and outside the BDSM community, I am just talking about the straight as an arrow folks.

It is that second half that most people tend to fail at.  Sometimes they fail because they sink into an angry, confrontational, love hate with the person they are with.  Not enough hate to do something but not enough appreciation to be happy..  so they stay married and miserable.  They have no appreciation.

Some have lots of appreciation but experience failure because the one they are with realizes that they compromised too much.   Their better half moves on leaving half of a perfect union shattered and broken hearted.  Its all part of the failure to communicate.

BDSM folks have already done one thing.  They have admitted to themselves what they need in a partner.  They are no longer hiding the truth of who they are or what they want from themselves.

But that doesn’t make it any easier.  You have to take that honesty to the next level.  It is not enough to be honest with yourself.  You have to also be honest with your future partner.

The younger you are, the more likely your decision will be driven by looks and urges.  Right?  Not true.  Older folks often fool themselves into thinking what they want is young, firm, smooth… In short.. they are looking for the chemicals they themselves are missing.  Honesty with yourself is difficult but can be acquired at any age.

Once you get that far, the next level is to find someone you can be completely honest with… no compromises that you can’t live with.  Whatever it is that you want, you need to find someone who takes what you give and gives what you take.


I’ve said this many times and will continue to say so.   The three collars are a good idea.  The  Consideration collar to tell the world hands off… you are in negotiations.   The Training collar to signify you have come to a decision to see it this works.   The Final collar to signify that you two are entering into a long term relation.

Of course everyone is free to engage in BDSM however they want.  That would go without saying except that in today’s media rich world there are so many who would pounce on  select statements and pull it apart for sport.

What I am saying is this:  In my estimation some things are best practice.   It is best practice to be honest.  It is best practice to make sure you are honest with yourself first.  It is best practice to negotiate completely and fully.  It is best practice that during those negotiations you are honest as you know how to be with the person you are considering.  And finally, I would say it is best practice to celebrate the steps of those negotiations with collars.. three being just right for me.

Of course just like traditional nilla relations, you will have to work on appreciation after you start a long term relation.  This is critical to your long term success.

Carpe Diem my friends!  Time to pack up the toys and take Izrina to a kinky BBQ.  Go forth.. Be someone’s great day!


What will you do for me?

It was another kinky night and the Dom in the corner sat alone as usual. Not that he wasn’t dark, brooding, sexy, and desirable.. he was. The problem was that he was unapproachable. Well… you could walk up any time, say anything.. but every slave who tried this tucked tail and came back with tales of an asshole. No one could please him.

There is no explaining why the slave approached him that night. It’s not like she had a chance. Just earlier a very vivacious brunette had approached him. “What will you do for me”? he asked her. “Any thing you want” she said. “I live to serve a strong controlling man.” He dismissed her with a wave of his hand. “Go away” he said, “You are not for me.” Crushed and puzzled, she slunk away.

So when a somewhat plain looking blonde approached, some people snickered. She sat down next to him without a word. His hawk like gaze fixed upon her and she twitch a little inside but held her ground. He smiled, “What brings you to my corner?” He asked. “I wish to serve you.” she replied. He let out a sigh, took a deep breath, and asked…“What will you do for me”? “Nothing” she said.

He grinned. “I thought you wanted to serve me?” He asked. “I do.” she said. “You have peaked my interest” he replied, his eyes gleaming with pleasure and mischief. “How will you do nothing for me, and yet serve me?” “I will serve you” she said, “but I will do it for me. It is my pleasure to serve. In this process, I do what I do to please myself. And if what I do to please myself, also pleases you , we both win.”

He stopped grinning. With his right hand he reached into the inside breast pocket of his jacket and took out a collar that had been in his possession for a very long time. He offered it in his outstretched hand. “We have much to discuss”, he said. “Before another Master snaps you up I would like to put a collar of consideration on you. Will you except this first step so that we may begin negotiations towards a training collar?”

Without a word, she stood up, approached him, and knelt before him. She held her long hair up for him, so the he could access her neck. They walked out together, both silent, cutting a path through the shocked room. After they left, the whispers started, all guessing and speculating what had just happened.

But some Owners and slaves knew and didn’t need to join in the gossip. They knew that a Master needs a slave who finds freedom in their chains. It is in service that a true slave finds their wings. It is a happy coincidence that they please the one they serve but what they are really doing is pleasing themselves.

Every slave has a deeply held need, that they have often told no one. And when a true Master comes along he or she unlocks that secret, and then feeds that slave back on their own hunger. This is how a Dom becomes a Master.

On the Fourth of July, 2018 Izrina found freedom in her final collar. In three weeks we will celebrate. Carpe Diem my friends, Be someone’s great day!

Significant adjustments (between the ears)

Significant others…. 

We acquire them through marriage or sometimes by choosing  to live together..  The thing is, when you first move in with a new person there are going to be significant adjustments living with your new significant other.

Oh sure, there are the obvious things like one person being a night owl while the other is a morning person… but some things can be harder to manage.  When it comes to a clean house, there are at least two schools of thought on that..

Some people just want to come home, plop on a couch, and veg.  It doesn’t matter if the carpets need cleaning or dust is building up, or even if a few stray pizza boxes need disposal.  For such persons a little clutter doesn’t even hit “their radar”.  For them, life is for living and you don’t give up valuable time on stuff that is just going to need cleaning again in a few days.

Then there are the fastidious cleaning nazi’s who will crush you like a bug if you don’t put something back were it belongs or spit and polish after yourself.   God forbid you simply picked up or just did a basic cleaning.. no… the counters or coffee table better shine there little mister!

Somewhere in between is nice.. at least I think so..  but it really all depends on how you lived from an early age, what you took away from that, and how you choose to live on your own.


The BDSM hook..

You’ve been reading me too long if you saw it coming… yeah.. here comes the BDSM hook.

If the Dom is a fastidious cleaning nazi, then obviously his or her slave is going to be on their hands an knees and not just for some dirty play.. at least not the fun kind.  Get out the mops, bucket, plastic gloves, and Lysol baby!  Daddy’s home!

If the Dom is a.. well slob.. the slave will probably be governing choices on how clean things are.  A sloppy Dom doesn’t care but if the slave is likes things cleaner. At least not as long as the sex is hot and available on demand.

But wait.. there’s more!

Lets start with the first scenario.  If the Dom can’t live in anything less than a spit and polish home, the slave may or may not enjoy that.  It depends.  If they hate the cleaning but like the control, it might be just fine.  If they hate the cleaning more than they like the control there is going to be a problem.  And if the slave is the sex or S&M and not at all into the Ds side there is definitely going to be a problem.

Now lets look at the other scenario.  If the Dom is a slob.. they probably won’t care how much their slave cleans until they start nagging them to pick up after themselves…  If the slave giving off micro aggression it means they are slowly building up pressure.  At some point they are either going to explode or give in to the new lifestyle and just accept it.

A top that is completely into Ds needs a slave who can be happy with that and visa-versa.  Never forget there are three break downs in BDSM..  BD-Bondage & discipline, Ds-Dom & sub, SM-sado masochism.   A sadist needs a masochist like a Dom needs a sub.  For a great union, it is best if you both want the same things out of BDSM.


And that is the way of it.  Some things can change and some things cannot.  You can accept your new significant and possibly make some significant adjustments yourself.. or call it quits.   Odd that it could just end over nilla stuff… but it can.

All of which reminds us to be wise at the start.  Make sure you’ve done more than get between the legs of your new significant or you will be making significant changes yourself.   You need to get between their ears more than their legs.  That is where you find out if you share a pleasure that will lasts… and if your individual quirks can be worked out.  Don’t just find out about your BDSM needs.  A long term has much more to it than that.

Truth be told, more often than not the slave just has to suck it up.. in more ways than one.  If you are a Dom and have found one of those rare beauties who thrive on such things than you are most blessed because getting along is assured.  Just know that there are no guarantees with a slave or an Owner.   What once was, still is and always will be…buyer beware.  Get between the ears…

Carpe Diem my friends… be someone’s great day.