What we hold to our hearts we sow.. and then reap. This is why hatred poisons the one who holds it. It is why the sad, lonely geek in the corner of the party stays lonely. Its why when you are desperate you do not find what you seek but when you let go what you seek finds you.
Desperation is a negative. But when you let go and live your life happily, you become the life of the party. The rich who need nothing get free gifts. Abundance finds more abundance… and poverty finds more poverty. It has to do with focus… what we hold in our hearts..
We attract these things. Sadly, few understand that what they project and hold close comes back to them. More sadly, the BDSM community has way too much drama stirred by persons clinging to negativity. I think this is a function of something I observe..
In every dungeon, group, and community there is a constant influx of newbies. The guys who are new put up dick pics.. because they think it is all about sex. In the constant tide of new people coming and going, there is a small segment that gets it.. and stays.. it is how your core group builds. Within that core, like any segment of society there are those that are fueled by negativity and those that are more enlightened.
I find that new comers can often be challenged by unresolved personal issues. Feelings of inadequacy and other things that the Ds relation can mend when attended to by the more enlightened among us. But there will always be those who represent the larger part of society… the ones that are not open to new learning and hold a secret dark negativity they nurse.. perhaps even unknowingly.
Over the years I have seen so many places opened only to fall. So many people bicker. So many holding grudges. So many petty squabbles. Some days my faith in humanity is shaken. What is wrong with people, I wonder sometimes.
Let’s say you want to lose weight. Do not focus on the loss, difficulty, or challenges. Focus on the end.. the happiness you will have. See yourself already there. Start with loving yourself. Envision that love of self spreading and reaching out to those around you. See each step as progress. See each setback as a lesson learned. Never hold the negative to your heart. The mechanics.. counting calories, exercise.. all that jazz… means nothing if you don’t start from inside. The reasons that hold people back are too numerous to count.
There are people out there who will not even attend a munch. There are persons that desperately want community but are too shy, too withdrawn, too nervous, too self incriminating to come out and meet others. Community must be a safe place. It is a crime against all to inject negativity and your own petty grievances into what should be a home for all.
I’ve seen them fall.. dungeons, slaves, Masters. Victims of ex-lovers, ex-members, and just plain stupid people too caught up in their own selfishness to think beyond themselves.
After all I have seen over the years it doesn’t surprise me but it still angers me when a person or safe place is betrayed. It happens all too frequently. It happened again recently to a place I call home. Or at least one of my homes.
I put these observations into the most drastic light not to scare you but to remind you. When you first come into a safe space to be among your own kind it is an awakening. This is a moment that will glow brightly and warmly. You may experience slave frenzy.. of Dom frenzy.. the desire to taste it all.. This is common. You must however put your head before your heart.. at first.
The Dom who starts with teaching you to properly suck cock is an idiot and you are not a doormat. Take time to learn.. to get to know. Consent is the foundation of BDSM. While you are learning protect yourself.
I only want you to never forget that even in community, you cannot let down your guard. Follow my advice.. keep two lives until you are absolutely certain you are ready to “come out”. And when you do take that great plunge.. if you do… do not be surprised at the drama that comes with it. Sadly, this is just the way of things.
You can’t have mountains without valleys. Stay positive. Sure, life will be the death of you but at the very least, strive to live it while you can. There is everything to be gained. Carpe Diem my friends. Be someone’s great day.