I am ignoring you, slave!

Unbelievable! – Can you imagine a responsible Master saying to their slave, “I am ignoring you!”?  Neither can I.   At first blush, I would say NO Master would ever do that.  We are sworn to take away your burdens, to shoulder your worries, we listen dutifully and we act.

Truth is it happens, it happens all the time, and its not a bad thing.  A few years back in the “Cult of fury”  (a dungeon  that was discovered and closed down by panicky nilla’s), I watched as a friend did a scene with his bottom.  She whined and complained and he just ignored her and went on with the scene and I smiled.  It worked for them. I turn to that memory every now and then.

Its a fact that we have safe words because no doesn’t mean no.  In fact, its kind of hot when you ignore a No!, and keep on going.  It gives you that feeling of authenticity, it makes our consensual non-consent relations feel more real.

I was speaking with Vile, a blogger who I am on page with like ivory soap.. 99.9 percent pure, all good info, all the time.  He noted something similar.  There are times that he is exactly like I describe myself.. a slow, steady, unmovable force pushing until his slave molds comfortably, happily, to his desires. I bet Arianna ( his slave ) and Izrina could swap some great stories..

Support groups!  We don’t talk about THIS often enough. Sometimes we DON’T listen.  Oh we hear the protests, the No!, the objection to where we are taking you, but we are going to do it anyway. This is why slaves need support groups.. so they can get together and agree that we are assholes but they still love us.  A great slave will promote the one they serve in public, putting forth only the goods side. That is another reason why support groups are helpful.  We all have these things that we don’t talk about, like the times an Owner didn’t listen.  In the comfort of your fellow slaves company, then is a good time to share, to know we all experience similar things, and agree that its actually a good thing, and sometimes kind of hot.  It is also a time to find out when it is not normal and that might be bad… though if your owner isn’t keeping you from support, I doubt it.  Its the ones who don’t want you in support groups to watch out for.

Deal with it!  In the TPE (total power exchange) or CNC (consensual non-consent) agreement, you signed up for this.  You gave us all this power and we are going to make you do things, that you in your heart know you wouldn’t have done if it wasn’t for us.

Its not that we don’t listen, we do.. but and forgive me because I know you are not children so this makes a poor analogy, but we do sometimes treat you like children who are whining about chores.  We hear you and we are still going to make you do them anyway.  Sometimes the results are awesome.

The good side – She who is my canvas, Izrina, if she is NOT in the middle of being made to do something and therefore in a less generous mood.. will tell you that I have pushed her into many things and in many ways she is much better off for it.  Specifically in the areas of health and finance, I’ve made very useful changes in her life.

Speaking of Izrina, she has been listed as a Boot Black in the 2017 North East Power Exchange competitions schedules page (here).  She’s nervous, but once she is sitting with her sister slaves, that will calm right down.  I love to see slaves working and laughing together.

IMPORTANT STUFF!   I think its important to note that at times a CNC may appear to actually be NOT consensual.  Slaves whine, and complain, and object, and we go right on doing things anyway.

Sometimes its hot!..On your back wench and spread your legs!  Sometimes not so much.. My back is killing me.. can I just do oral service?

Sometimes Dominants appear to be insensitive, and on one level we are.  Its kind of like the old tough love thing, we have to harden ourselves to push you to the places you asked us to make you go.

Nothing is ever as easy or simple as it sounds. When you get right down to it, a real Dominant is always open to criticisms of abuse, both physical and verbal. A slave gives the gift of trust.  We don’t think about it very often, but in a way, a Dominant gives a lot of trust too.  We are often risking very real, legal intervention in our lives.  We take on this risk, in part because we too trust.  That is, we trust this won’t be turned against us.


When you hear bad things about Dominants, here are two quotes to go with it.

Remember this-EVERY accusation of consent violation has a predator and a victim..every one. The real question is, who is the predator and who is the victim? ~ Xtac Quote

If you ever hear a bad story about me understand that there was a time I was good to those people too, but they wont tell you that. ~ Author unknown

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The THREE slave areas of choice

An external slave, one who is enslaved by external forces, has no choices.  An internal slave, one who is enslaved by their own desires to engage in submission and consensual slavery, has a world of choices.. until one day.

One day that slave, having been responsible for years, and having honed his or her skills in decision making, and having protected the property that is their body, keeping it safe for the Owner who would one day take possession, finally finds and requests the gift of domination, and is scared and excited to find that Dominant has chosen to bestow that gift upon them.

On that day, when a slave enters into consideration, then training, to be a slave for the Dominant of their desire, on that day their areas of choice narrows significantly.

Some might argue, a slave makes one decision, the owner they would serve. I find that to be a simple and uncompelling concept and patently wrong… a slave does not choose the owner, that violates the very core of control.  I present to you a richer, more full look at the areas of choice a consensual slave has.. regardless of how their owner prefers to structure their TPE.


Who, What, When

Area 1)   Who gives commands – The consensual slave retains the choice of the individuals to whom they give their ultimate gift, the gift of trust. Once a choice is made, the consensual slave will make known their desire to submit, requesting the gift of Domination, mentoring, or protection. This choice may be negotiated away.

An un-owned a slave can and must judge the Dominants they would offer their trust to.  Be it for a scene, or a protector, a mentor, or a possible owner, the consensual slave must exercise their first responsibility as a slave, drawing upon all the wisdom they have so far accumulated, in the selection of who to trust.   An owned slave may relinquish their responsibility to choose wisely who they will trust, giving that responsibility to the one they serve – all the more reason to choose wisely.  An owned slave may retain this area of choice completely, if it is negotiated as part of the TPE agreement.  If a slave gives this area of choice into the control of their Dominant, the slave no longer retains the right to chose who to trust, though they may still have a voice in the process. This is the first area of choice that any consensual slave starts with.  It may be negotiated away.


Area 2)  What commands are accepted – The owned consensual slave will faithfully execute all commands of the dominant they serve but will choose wisely the manner in which they resist commands that violate their responsibilities to the property, its values, and its ethics.  This choice may not be negotiated away.

A slave will ALWAYS be responsible for the commands they accept.  You must weigh commands against your values and ethics and those that don’t measure up must not be accepted.  You should not accept harm to the property that is your body.. Pain maybe, but no lasting significant harm.  Lastly, you may retain those areas that are agreed to under the four areas of TPE negation.

The responsible Dominant will understand a slaves values and ethics are a higher priority and might even test that a slave is still acting as the final arbitrator of right choice, and right action, as defined by the slaves personal values and ethics.  A good Dominant needs to know that the core values are intact.

Many a slave has committed acts they later regretted because they failed to exercise this area of choice. This area of choice MUST be retained.  This is the second area of choice for any consensual slave.  It may not be negotiated away.


Area 3)  When to withdraw consent – A consensual slave may choose to exercise the power of withdrawing consent, knowing that any time the power of consent is exercised, may be the last time they do so as an slave of that owner. This choice is fundamental to BDSM and is impossible to remove under the concepts of consensual internalized enslavement.

Any consensual slave ethically and legally retains the right at any time to withdraw consent.  Consensual slavery is founded on the concept in internalized enslavement.  To not acknowledge this is to shift into external enslavement – enslavement enforced not by desire, but by fear and intimidation – and it is evil.

The consensual slave can not control what commands they will be given or when.  They have submitted their body and mind into the will of another and given the ultimate gift of a slave, complete trust that this submission will be used honorably, in accordance with the four areas of TPE negotiation, and within the slaves core beliefs, values and ethics.

If an owner violates that trust, repeatedly and without repentance, it is encumbrance upon the consensual slave to exercise good decision making and withdraw consent.  The owner may in return choose to remove his or her collar.  These are decisions not to be taken lightly, but the right to withdraw consent is always present, always an option. Both slave and Owner would do well to remember this.   This the third area of choice for any consensual slave.  It exists always, in every minute of submission, even if that submission lasts a lifetime.


Being the arrogant pompous ass that I am, I like to think that this is a much better approach than the simple.. you are a slave.. you do everything I say thing.  Call it my version of best practices if you like.  Reality dictates that is this is just my opinion, but being a Dominant, I naturally think that I am brilliant and therefore this must be spot on. I am pleased with this final draft.

 

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Does your humility interfere with your slavery?

I like a shy slave.  A “we’re not worthy” kind of slave.  I feel like those slaves really understand my gift of Dominance…  But then reality sets in…

I can’t tell you the number of times a slave has said something like: “I don’t know if I am good enough..”   My response is.. “What?!!! Do you think I would pick out garbage to give my gift to?  Do you think I don’t know what I want?  Are you trying to tell me what I like?”  Those kinds of questions will usually have such a slave stammering almost immediately, and retreating even further into the comfort of their shy retreat.  Here comes the social sadist side..wait for it.. Not that once engaged I would allow a retreat!

I sat with a Dominant one night who was on a rant about slaves who would quit rather than try.  Submission wasn’t enough. He had to have something more.  I wasn’t on the same page with him.  Again, I thought, I like those shy kinds of slaves who seem to want to drop to their knees and wail.. I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy..

I might be coming around to his thinking though.  If you are a slave and you like being in the shadow of a strong public Master, that can be a wonderful thing.  But regardless of being owned or not owned, there is a downside to shyness and humility. I have always known that this needed attention but now I am starting to think it is something to take much more seriously into consideration.


The problem with humility and shyness is two fold. 

First, when you have an abundance of shyness and humility before you are owned, you may make decisions for a Dominant that they don’t want you to make for them.  Like to not approach them with the offer of your trust.   You may feel unworthy, leading you to undervalue yourself.  It’s easy to do and all too common among people who really, really need submission to be free.

Second, when you have an abundance of shyness and humility after you are owned, this may get in the way of a direct command.  You may feel that everything you do for Master must be perfect, so that others know what a good owner he or she is, and how obedient and faithful you are.  Now in the course of these fears you may over think, over research, over do a task.  Or you may even balk at the task for fear that it is beyond you.

So the question becomes, how do you over come these limitations?  The answers are many, though only some may work for you.


Overcoming the limitation of humility and shyness

Your value is measured by what you bring to a relation, not by the relation itself. 

Never forget that with or without an owner, you are a slave.  A slave is property and every property has value.  Your value isn’t in your willingness to comply, or your level of submission, though these are important.  Your value lies in your honesty, and your decision making.  Your Dominant will determine if your submission fits.  Honesty is absolutely critical to the slave’s gift of..trust.  Can you be honest?  Can you use that honesty to make a real decision?  Then you have value.  NEVER forget it.

Note: This bears repeating.  Submission is not a gift and ultimate submission is not the ultimate gift.  The slaves ultimate gift is trust. When trust is coupled with honesty, you can find someone truly compatible and that makes your level of submission work.  Trust, honesty, consent.. they work together.

An offer of Domination means someone sees your value

It doesn’t matter if its a scene for one night, or a collar of consideration, when a Dominant offers the gift of their Domination, it is not your place to question their decision. You may accept or reject the offer but the fact they did offer, means that they see potential in you.  If you accept, THEY will decide if you are the right slave for them.  You have been given two great gifts..validation of your value.. and you have been given the chance to lighten your burdens, to place all of your worries into the hands of one who will handle your worries for you.

NOTE: You might want to know what they see in you.  Hopefully its not just an easy piece of ass.  That is not how it should work, and that is NOT a sign of valuing you.

Worries are not yours

If you accept the gift of Domination, your worries.. should be stricken from your vocabulary. THEY ARE NOT YOURS!  A dominant should above all be making decisions and the most important decisions they can make are the ones that lighten your load.  What is the point of giving your ultimate gift..trust.. if it isn’t used.  Give completely of yourself.  Allow yourself to FEEL the trust you have given.  Trust that you can speak of your fears, concerns, and worries. Let your Dominant help shoulder them.  Of course a Dominant may also add to your worries, pushing you to achieve more. Again trust your Dominant to do the right thing.

Punishments are not yours

When you have an abundance of humility, you will often feel that your work isn’t good enough. You will want to punish yourself for screw ups.  You might keep playing that last screw up over and over in your mind.  You should not be allowed to do that. I wouldn’t allow it. 

Just as all worries should go to the Dominant, punishments are the property of the Dominant as well. The Dominant will forgive, or choose the punishment. They will choose how quickly to provide punishment.  They will provide the relief of knowing the punishment is over.  They should not want you beating yourself up. We Dominants want our slaves to be happy and you can’t be if you are beating yourself up.  Don’t do it.

Decisions are not yours

Well, not all decisions belong to the Dominant. Studies show that moral fiber degrades when all authority is removed.  A slave will ALWAYS be responsible for the commands they accept.  You must weigh commands against your values and ethics and those that don’t measure up must not be accepted.  You should not accept harm to the property that is your body.. Pain maybe, but no lasting significant harm.  Lastly, you may retain those areas that are agreed to under the four areas of TPE negation.

That being said all other decisions belong to the owner..  Even a submissive who is not owned, but has an abundance of humility and shyness, should question if the decisions you make are being made FOR ONE PERSON OR TWO?  Be honest. Ask yourself, am I deciding for me only, or does my decision maybe interfere with the wishes of the one I serve?  If it interferes, that becomes a worry and worry should be discussed.  So discuss it.. easy peasy.

Your worthiness to serve is not your decision

Here is what I as a Master want to hear when I give an order and you feel you are not worthy:    “Yes Master – this slave will try to be worthy of its Master’s trust and praise.

That answer tells me that you understand that I make the decisions. It tells me that you will try to obey to the best of your ability.  It tells me you have doubts in your ability but you will trust in my judgemenvt.

How good is good enough for a Dominant?

This answer comes to us from Vile – A good Master knows his slave’s limits and would never give a task knowing there would be failure.  This is what I expect from you. I expect you to do the best you can do. If this is done you have pleased me.  See his blog here.


It is not easy always easy to slide into these mindsets.  It may take years of service to a Master to get to the point where this all happens without thought. But a successful Dominant will keep working at, creating a place of deeper submission and trust.

To create the mindset of Master and slave, we must have the two key ingredients..

  • The gift of a slave’s trust
  • The gift of a Master’s Domination

The slave mindset needs to be centered around trust that the power given, will be used wisely, for the betterment of both. The Dominant, to create that condition must use the power that is exchanged in constructive ways.   The slave trusts that this is so.  A slave is not weak.  It takes great strength to overcome humility, shyness, fear, and other factors until you can finally to trust another so completely that you will give up substantial power in exchange for the gift of Domination.

Many a slave is strong of will, but the successful Dominant is stronger.  Like an irresistible force meeting an unmovable object, the successful Dominant applies his or her will without anger. They apply their will with love and patience; an irresistible force brought to bear upon the slave until they mold comfortably, happily, to the will of the Master.

It’s a great day to be alive.. Go be someone’s great day… Carpe diem my friends!

 


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