Discipline vs Punishment

November 27th, in brutal cold that froze guns and men alike,  120,000 Chinese troops began an offensive to kill 30,000 men that were part of the United Nations troops in the Chosin reservoir area.  The year was 1950.  The country was Korea.

American solders who had fought in World war II had seen their fair share of brutal conditions.  Now they faced a seemingly hopeless battle as the Chinese sought to encircle and kill them to the last man.

If the Chinese didn’t kill these men than the cold surely would.  The cold turned gun grease to jell, receivers jammed, guns didn’t fire, batteries failed, vehicles stopped working, artillery froze, in short, the men would fight the elements and their equipment as much as they would fight the enemy.  In the battles that followed there were many acts of bravery but somehow against overwhelming odds these men would inflict crippling losses on the Chinese while retreating under heavy fire. A lesson here is that retreat and a temporary loss can be part of a larger strategy that turns the final outcome.

What makes some men run into danger when others would run away?  Why would a man stand up in the middle of a hail of bullets so that mortar rounds can get a proper bead on the enemy?  What makes a man run through a killing field to his wounded comrades and bring them to safety?

Military training certainly is part of this.  It transforms teenagers into soldiers.  Certainly there is the sense in trust between men that fight side by side.  But that training also instills in them something they may not have had before: discipline.

When you think of the word Discipline, don’t think of punishment.  Think of the athlete who does one more lap around the track even though their  body is begging to stop.  Think of smoker who fights every day the urge to smoke and yet does not.  Think of the soldiers who faced fear and death but still moved forward.  Discipline is what makes us get the job done, its what makes us get up the next day, it makes us complete the task we would rather not, and keeps us from procrastinating.

When you think of BDSM and you think of Discipline, don’t think of paddles or spanking.  Think of the boring things that are expected to be completed, the things you might not have done if were not for discipline. Discipline is what keeps excuses at bay, it ensures that every inspection goes smoothly, it means that there will be no lapse in the protocol, rules, or structure of the house.  It means the rule of your law is a constant, never wavering absolute that can be depended upon.

You know what punishment is. Punishment might be used to create discipline, but don’t think of the two as one. True, they are related, but they are very different things.

You may be punished for a lack of discipline. But if you HAVE discipline, you won’t need to be punished. What is confusing is that sometimes punishment for a lack of discipline is referred to as “being disciplined”.  If you are being “disciplined” it doesn’t mean you are punished, it means that this quality that keeps you on track is being instilled in you.  Punishment is just one way of creating disciplined people.

To keep it easy to remember, just remember the discipline of an athlete, or the discipline of a soldier.  The internal fortitude they show is discipline.  You WANT to acquire discipline.  Something to keep in mind is that we who would be Masters must discipline ourselves before we can hope to teach discipline to another. If you would be a good Master, try to eliminate procrastination, and build your self discipline.

Carpe Diem my friends.. Now show some discipline, get going, get out there, and be someone’s great day!

Manipulation and inspiration

Leaders inspire people to follow them.  Leaders have followers. That’s it, nothing more.  A leader doesn’t need a title or the gravity of authority to get people to follow them.  They can be high on the chain of command or low.  Often a leader IS someone lower in rank, a person working for someone in charge, but because that person is a leader, people follow, they do, for the leader.  It happens in the military and business, its a thing that at first blush may seem hard to pin down, but its really not as complicated as you might think.

There are only two ways to motivate people.. manipulation and inspiration.  If you want to be a leader, speak last, listen, compliment people, give credit for contribution and great ideas.  Hording all the credit for yourself doesn’t inspire people, but being selfless as you bring together all of the talents in a room. THAT inspires people.  They feel like they contributed to something that had meaning, that they achieved something on a personal level, because of the way the leader made them feel about their contribution.  We all want to feel like we accomplished something.  How many days did you work all day and feel like you accomplished nothing?   That sucks, right?

I am inspired.  Work has been satisfying.. because I lead, and because MY leaders recognized that, they left me with the feeling that my leadership, had value.  Even leaders need to feel inspired.  We all prefer inspiration over manipulation.  Life has been crazy busy but satisfying.. Its not how hard you work, its how satisfied you are afterward.


We are supposed to get between six and ten inches of snow over the next twenty four hours..  Damn… that’s a lot of snow.  I am not looking forward to shoveling that.  Izrina slept at the ranch again because of it.  I hate when that happens.  Time to put on a happy face and make the best of it.  I feel like an actor..  What’s my motivation?


And what does this have to do with BDSM?  Everything.  A slave is like the worker who needs a leader..so the Dominant must inspire.. they must craft their language and project a sense that what the slave does has meaning..  And the slave needs to do that same.. a slave needs to craft their language and project a sense that what the Dominant does has meaning.  Izrina often says.. A pleasure to serve.  I made myself some crackers and cream cheese tonight as Izrina soaked in the tub after a long day at work..  I thought about it for a moment, then brought her a small plate.  Hers had strawberry.. mine had jalapeno.  She smiled..I couldn’t use her line.. it just didn’t fit.  What was it I said?  Ah Yes, it was: A pleasure to bring happiness, to the one who serves.  Hey!  I’m a Master.. I can do whatever the hell I want to do!

Manipulation, trust & slave happiness

A psychologist would probably be horrified at the emotional manipulations I put my slave through, but it works for us. I wrote of trust, and how sometimes I might combine my sadist side with my gentleman side.  In a similar way, I sometimes appear to be mean to my slave, but I am in fact manipulating her emotional state into a different place, a better place, a better outcome, if you will.  I am not fond of calling this manipulation, as this conjures up all sorts of negatives but I don’t have a better word at this moment. What follows is a semi-fictional accounting of how this might work.


ANGRY – The door opened and my slave entered, tossing her keys in a way that told me she was clearly not in the best of moods.  A long day at work had resulted in this ugliness.  The energy coming from her was intense, negative, and poisonous.  She was ready to unload all of the anger and hurt that she had saved up from a tough day at work.

UPSET- Instead of consoling her I emotionally slap her.  Instead of agreeing that she had good reason to be angry, I disregarding her feelings entirely.   I order her to kneel in front of me and suck my cock.  As an obedient slave  with a lot on her mind, what choice does she have?  Upset, she must now shift gears from serving those who pay her, to serving the one she would have Dominate her.

UNHAPPY – This was not the greeting she expected, or wanted.  How could Master be so calloused, so uncaring, as to think only of himself when she needed to be comforted?  Best to perform this oral service and get it out of the way, then perhaps retreat into a hot shower followed by a  glass of wine.

DISTRACTED – Her heart is not in this service, as I knew it would not be.  Now I point this out to her, that she is not joyful in this task.  A handful of hair and I force her to stop.  Now comes the guilt, the sense that she has failed.  Perhaps a slight sense its my fault for not caring.  I send her to shower and to fresh up.

DISGRACED – I follow her to the bathroom, making sure she feels this strongly.  I remind her that a slave finds happiness in service.  I am driving home her sense of shame, her disappointment in herself. Indirectly, I am questioning if she is a slave.  I listen, poke, prod, until I know she wants to beat herself up.  But I won’t let her.  She may not punish herself.  That is my right and providence.  I just need her to want to punish herself.

HUMBLE – I leave her to finish her shower, and reflect on things.  I pour a glass of wine, set it beside me, and wait.  She emerges from the shower, steam rolling from the warm wetness of the room.  Her eyes turned down, she is humbled just a bit, uncertain where I will lead her next. There are lessons that run all through what I do.

REBORN – Again I have her kneel before me, I hand her the glass, command her to take a sip, then put it back down, and pat the couch indicating she should come sit beside me.  The person who walked in minutes ago, filled with anger and ugliness is gone.

HAPPINESS – Now finally she is in a frame of mind to come and be held, to feel protected, and let the day’s frustrations drop away.  I’ve manipulated her feelings up and down a roll coaster ride, and she has come to the end of it exhausted but ready at last to just let it all pass.  At times I may feel badly for what I put her through, but I do it for what is achieved.  In my arms she can now rest and be at peace.  I run my fingers through her hair and she stirs under my touch.  Gone is the anger, the negativity, the pain, and frustration.  We will discover tonight a deeper level of submission, a stronger bond, a more loving relation, in a home that is a shelter from the troubles of the world.  We will rediscover what is so easily forgotten in the drama of this world, that our happiness is found in the simple pleasures of this life.  If this is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

 

Slavery during personal tragedy

When you are the proud owner of a consensual slave, you will find yourself at some point dealing with a person who has suffered a tragic loss.  Now tragedies come in all sizes, large and small.  When a person loses a loved one, this is one of those large tragedies.  Even if we have a spiritual perspective on these things: that eternal life is ours and that we can not be separated forever by death, there is still the loss of your loved ones comforting voice, their laugh, and their warm embrace.  It brings into focus the question – what is real?  Too often, pain seems more real than joy.

The single most important thing I teach, is how to be happy. I insist on speaking of this to those close around me.  I desire that those in close proximity to me, be pleasant, happy, and fulfilled.  The two greatest things you can learn are “How to be happy”, and “How to make good decisions”.  Nothing else you learn is as important as these.  You would think every formal education system would include this in their curriculum.  Happiness no doubt eludes even you, my dear reader, from time to time.  For all my wisdom, it eludes me as well, when I lose my way.  As fulfilled as I am, there are times I lose my way, forget what I know, and what I have learned.

Happiness is always just a change in perspective away.  Saying this is much easier than being this. I keep a sports car, a convertible, for pleasant drives on summer days.  One particularly bad winter, the shelter in which it is kept partially collapsed.  My daughter was greatly concerned for how I would handle this.  I like to think that I rose to the challenge, and demonstrated back to those around me, what I preach.  Granted, losing a beloved possession is not the same as losing a loved one, but neither is it a simple thing to find our happiness when faced with these kinds of things.  It helps to think of these things as a challenge to prove that we can walk the walk.  Hmmm – losing a beloved possession.  That phrase takes on special meaning when you are a slave owner – but I digress.

My slave has had losses recently.  She is a person who values her privacy.  She doesn’t like when I share tidbits from her life, but I do it anyway.  I reason, that if I own her, I own it all.. I own her body, her mind, and her will.  All are mine to do with as I please, and we need to get past any point where this is contested.  It needs to be accepted with trust and simple humility.  But this slavery is also consensual and mutual happiness is the goal, so I balance her desire for privacy – to some degree – with my desire to share with others what I have learned.  Having said all that, I will tell you now that my slave has suffered both large and small tragedies in recent months.  You need to know that much, for me to explain how I dealt with it, and how the lessons learned might apply to you if you have a similar situation arise.

Immediately after her loss, her life was thrown into disarray.  I saw two ways to bring her through this valley of darkness.  One way was to impose greater structure and control onto her life.  This way would be appropriate if she needed to bury her pain, and shelve it for moments when she could deal with it by herself, in small doses, at appropriate times.  Much like returning to work right after a funeral, busy hands and minds are often the best medicine for grief.

The other way was to loosen the control and structure over her life, allowing her to be less of a slave and more of person who could come to me seeking understanding and comfort.  The latter choice, to walk away from my dynamic, troubles me deeply but I also recognize that no one plan fits all slaves.  Inside the complex mix of desires, needs, wants, philosophies, understandings, beliefs, and all the other things that makes up a personality, each slave has their own perfect buttons that unlocks who and what they are.

I will tell you that some protocols slipped.  Sometimes she was irritable with me.  These are things I would normally never tolerate.  Yet I knew, deep inside that she was in that valley of the shadow of death, and I knew what she needed, and when.  This is all rather vague instruction on how to fix the problem, I will grant you, but as I observe often, you must direct the mind of a slave not the body.  You must Master the tools of observation, of patience, and of calculated and artistic manipulations that bring about in your property, your canvas, your great achievement:  The creation of a slave who is perfect for you, and who in turn is as mutually happy with the result.

In time, the protocols all came back stronger than before, the slave at my feet more sure of who and what she was, and what she wanted.  I like to think that two faced as one, this challenge.

Why now?  Why do I suddenly want to write of this now?  Because a minor tragedy is faced.  A small trinket of great sentimental value was lost.  I will use this loss as yet an opportunity, to speak of being pleasant, and of being responsible for our own happiness.  I will use this as a chance to teach that which is easy to say and hard to do.. that happiness is always just a change in perspective away.

Life is not static, there are no dependable constants in all of the things around us that most consider to be real and valuable.  But when we consider that things that CAN be constant, we touch on things that are harder to hold up as real.  When we place our trust in uncommon currencies, like the exchange of love for example, or the value of satisfaction in honest labor, these are things that ARE constant.  We can always have them.    When we pour out love into the world, it comes back to us in surprising ways.

Because life is not static, neither is blind devotion to an inflexible dynamic a good thing.  This needs to be a flexible thing. Yes, your protocols need to be consistent, and you will need to be an irresistible force,  but the times in which you bring to bear the full force of that indomitable spirit, must be flexible.  I have spoken on this many times before. No matter where your slave’s mindset is at the moment, there needs to be knowledge that while Master may be gentle, Master is always there waiting to take possession, to control what is his through consent.

I can not tell you exactly how to bring YOUR slave back from a tragedy, but I can tell you that if they truly consent to giving all that they are to you, and desire this deeply, and if you stay in your sacred role, and have the intelligence, patience and compassion to deal with their needs, you can not only help them through, but also make stronger your slave’s understanding that they have chosen wisely, the Master to serve.

Carpe Diem!