Discipline vs Punishment

November 27th, in brutal cold that froze guns and men alike,  120,000 Chinese troops began an offensive to kill 30,000 men that were part of the United Nations troops in the Chosin reservoir area.  The year was 1950.  The country was Korea.

American solders who had fought in World war II had seen their fair share of brutal conditions.  Now they faced a seemingly hopeless battle as the Chinese sought to encircle and kill them to the last man.

If the Chinese didn’t kill these men than the cold surely would.  The cold turned gun grease to jell, receivers jammed, guns didn’t fire, batteries failed, vehicles stopped working, artillery froze, in short, the men would fight the elements and their equipment as much as they would fight the enemy.  In the battles that followed there were many acts of bravery but somehow against overwhelming odds these men would inflict crippling losses on the Chinese while retreating under heavy fire. A lesson here is that retreat and a temporary loss can be part of a larger strategy that turns the final outcome.

What makes some men run into danger when others would run away?  Why would a man stand up in the middle of a hail of bullets so that mortar rounds can get a proper bead on the enemy?  What makes a man run through a killing field to his wounded comrades and bring them to safety?

Military training certainly is part of this.  It transforms teenagers into soldiers.  Certainly there is the sense in trust between men that fight side by side.  But that training also instills in them something they may not have had before: discipline.

When you think of the word Discipline, don’t think of punishment.  Think of the athlete who does one more lap around the track even though their  body is begging to stop.  Think of smoker who fights every day the urge to smoke and yet does not.  Think of the soldiers who faced fear and death but still moved forward.  Discipline is what makes us get the job done, its what makes us get up the next day, it makes us complete the task we would rather not, and keeps us from procrastinating.

When you think of BDSM and you think of Discipline, don’t think of paddles or spanking.  Think of the boring things that are expected to be completed, the things you might not have done if were not for discipline. Discipline is what keeps excuses at bay, it ensures that every inspection goes smoothly, it means that there will be no lapse in the protocol, rules, or structure of the house.  It means the rule of your law is a constant, never wavering absolute that can be depended upon.

You know what punishment is. Punishment might be used to create discipline, but don’t think of the two as one. True, they are related, but they are very different things.

You may be punished for a lack of discipline. But if you HAVE discipline, you won’t need to be punished. What is confusing is that sometimes punishment for a lack of discipline is referred to as “being disciplined”.  If you are being “disciplined” it doesn’t mean you are punished, it means that this quality that keeps you on track is being instilled in you.  Punishment is just one way of creating disciplined people.

To keep it easy to remember, just remember the discipline of an athlete, or the discipline of a soldier.  The internal fortitude they show is discipline.  You WANT to acquire discipline.  Something to keep in mind is that we who would be Masters must discipline ourselves before we can hope to teach discipline to another. If you would be a good Master, try to eliminate procrastination, and build your self discipline.

Carpe Diem my friends.. Now show some discipline, get going, get out there, and be someone’s great day!

White is the color of darkness

It snowed.. and snowed.. and snowed.. We had white out.  For a while we were getting three inches an hour.  I’m glad for Izrina’s safety, she got to the ranch after picking up some clothes and then slept there last night.  I really hate when this happens.

In the morning, I  got to work myself, but it was at just a little over half my my normal speed..  I am surprised they didn’t close the local interstates..  They were pretty slippery.  I had the whole building to myself… no one else showed up for work…. hmm,  until quite late when some of the evening crew showed up.

I don’t like when she stays at the ranch…I hate it.. but I allow it.  I hate the idea of her driving in terrible weather even more.   This is the second time this year that white powder has darkened my life by stealing my slave…. Freakin snow!

Have I mentioned in an earlier blog, that home is divided into five sections… one for each day of the week.  She is to pickup, clean, and dust each section on its appointed day.. and then I inspect it afterward.  That way it never gets too far behind.  I like schedules and plans.  Today was the kitchen area.  So when she got home.. finally….  I was torn between keeping to the schedule, and making up for the time I lost to the snow.. but I did the right thing..

Have you ever been on an exercise program or diet and one day you break it… just for that one day?.. and then the second day you are like  I’ll restart tomorrow?   Sometimes you put things off so long its hard to start again.  The thing is, you absolutely must stick to these things or procrastination takes over..  So when I said I did the right thing, what I meant was that even though I really really wanted to make up for time the snow stole from me, I shoved that in a box, let her finish her tasks, and then did my inspection.  If I didn’t and the schedule started to lapse, I would have no one but myself to blame.   Freakin snow!

The rest of the evening was lovely.. I am thinking ahead now to Valentines day.. The girl does love her chocolate.. Oh.. and then I shoveled some more before bed… Freakin snow!

Manipulation and inspiration

Leaders inspire people to follow them.  Leaders have followers. That’s it, nothing more.  A leader doesn’t need a title or the gravity of authority to get people to follow them.  They can be high on the chain of command or low.  Often a leader IS someone lower in rank, a person working for someone in charge, but because that person is a leader, people follow, they do, for the leader.  It happens in the military and business, its a thing that at first blush may seem hard to pin down, but its really not as complicated as you might think.

There are only two ways to motivate people.. manipulation and inspiration.  If you want to be a leader, speak last, listen, compliment people, give credit for contribution and great ideas.  Hording all the credit for yourself doesn’t inspire people, but being selfless as you bring together all of the talents in a room. THAT inspires people.  They feel like they contributed to something that had meaning, that they achieved something on a personal level, because of the way the leader made them feel about their contribution.  We all want to feel like we accomplished something.  How many days did you work all day and feel like you accomplished nothing?   That sucks, right?

I am inspired.  Work has been satisfying.. because I lead, and because MY leaders recognized that, they left me with the feeling that my leadership, had value.  Even leaders need to feel inspired.  We all prefer inspiration over manipulation.  Life has been crazy busy but satisfying.. Its not how hard you work, its how satisfied you are afterward.


We are supposed to get between six and ten inches of snow over the next twenty four hours..  Damn… that’s a lot of snow.  I am not looking forward to shoveling that.  Izrina slept at the ranch again because of it.  I hate when that happens.  Time to put on a happy face and make the best of it.  I feel like an actor..  What’s my motivation?


And what does this have to do with BDSM?  Everything.  A slave is like the worker who needs a leader..so the Dominant must inspire.. they must craft their language and project a sense that what the slave does has meaning..  And the slave needs to do that same.. a slave needs to craft their language and project a sense that what the Dominant does has meaning.  Izrina often says.. A pleasure to serve.  I made myself some crackers and cream cheese tonight as Izrina soaked in the tub after a long day at work..  I thought about it for a moment, then brought her a small plate.  Hers had strawberry.. mine had jalapeno.  She smiled..I couldn’t use her line.. it just didn’t fit.  What was it I said?  Ah Yes, it was: A pleasure to bring happiness, to the one who serves.  Hey!  I’m a Master.. I can do whatever the hell I want to do!

No Excuses

I say this all the time but it bears repeating.. its the little things that are such a huge part of my satisfaction with my Master slave relation.

A gentleman hit my car recently, then proceeded to direct a lot of hostility towards me.  For me, this was an unwillingness to accept responsibility, a desire to blame someone or something else.

Serendipity happens. I often wonder why the people I come into contact with, were presented in that time and place. How will this weave into the fabric that will become the lessons of this life? ~ X Quote

When you screw up, sometimes you have to fall on your sword.  In other words, you have to be willing to accept your failure, and any pain and suffering that comes with owning up to it.  I become very unhappy with persons who present excuses and likewise, I am very forgiving for a person who shows they can own their actions.

So, X, you are probably wondering: Where are you going with this meandering? eh?

Well first, I could be upset about this mess my car is in.  It will be a major inconvenience, and a reduction in resale value and certainly cost me time and money I don’t want to spend on it.. but I would rather be happy.. so I choose to be.  Instead I am loving the simple interactions with my slave. Tonight, a simple thing is pleasing me immensely, especially after my run in with the afore mentioned hostility. Where we focus, plays a huge role in our happiness.

In public, my slave is very good with her protocols.  One protocol requires that as soon as I finish a plate of food, she take the plate away and put it under hers.   If you sit at a table with me, you will find I am always taking table real estate.. pushing salt, pepper and napkin holders back, to clear a larger area for myself.  It is just one more of my little Domination quirks.  And of course my protocols support that.  So tonight, after finishing a meal at home, a plate was not removed.  It was turkey tetrazzini by the way.. I do love that meal.  I would recommend you try the Stoffers brand and if you like it, then try a scratch made version.

So I asked Izrina:  Do you think that the protocols you do in public, you should also do at home?   She had finished sooner and now looked up from a suduko puzzle she was working on.  She looked around, trying to figure out what she had missed.  It took her only a second to realize where I was headed with this.  The empty plate quickly vanished.

No excuses made, just a quick acceptance of the way we are.  No anger at herself, that might be redirected at me.  Just Master and slave, doing their thing.  I love that she attends to me, and is fast to respond to my desires. Was I angry that a protocol had to be reminded?  Of course not.  I was enough that she sheeplishly, and submissively corrected the oversight.  She fell on her sword, and hoped for the best outcome.. and got it.

And she?  Does she love this?  Hmmm.  Yes.  It makes family uncomfortable when I order her, use her, but her eyes light up, and she fairly purrs afterward, when its time to curl up at Master’s feet.  Equity of exchange.  The trust she offers is exactly the right thing to exchange for my gift of Domination.  I wonder sometimes what jems I could offer to help others find this happiness?

Is it just finding the right person, or is it a philosophy and way of life that facilitates this, or maybe its a little of both?  Both I think.  Opportunity is nothing without the will and ability to capitalize, and visa-versa.   I wish more people could have this, feel this.   I understand that a TPE or CNC life is not for everyone, but it certainly is the key to MY happiness.. and to that of my slave.  Life is truly good my friends, Carpe Diem!

A strong will

Jian Ghomeshi won his appeal.  His lawyer, a woman, is now being threatened with losing speaking engagements.  Her presence is a little too strong.. After reading a few news articles, I wrote this:

If you advocate change, you do it by changing laws, and you start preparing to change laws by listening to your opponents. Insisting opposing views be silenced and going to counselors for therapy if things don’t go your way, is counter productive to your desired outcome.

I explained all that, because if I just came out with that quote, you might think I was speaking of the US election.  I was not.. but the same holds true.

This is very much why some religious folks turn me off.. the idea that everything that God said in a religious text is true and they have an absolute moral imperative to hate on the non-believers, is part of what is destroying us from within.  What started as a hippy-counter culture-movement to greater love and appreciation for the dignity of our fellow men is devolving.

Being sensitive does not entitle you to hate on the insensitive. ~ Xtac Quote!!

Love and peace is great until we start to feel a level of moral superiority and then the slippery slope to absolute evil and suppression starts.  The very notion of “hate crimes” scares the hell out of me.  We can now pass judgement on a persons thoughts and prosecute for that?  Shouldn’t their actions be the only reason to prosecute?

Think about it.. Free people just want to be left alone and want to leave you alone as well.  The philosophy is, your business is your business.  The more we muck around in other people’s thinking, the more entitlements and evil we insist on “for the common good”. Action my friends, is the only truth.  Prosecute people for what they do to you, not for what they think or didn’t do for you.  Freedom is nothing, and yet it opens your world to every possibility.  That’s a scary proposition, but one any Dominant will embrace.  Wow!

Just wow… I think in my kicking around this sticking point, I just hit on a problem vexing the world forever.   Maybe Aristotle had it right after all.  Part of society is comprised of Dominants that want total control over all aspects of their life without intervention and part of society is comprised of persons that want to be shielded and cared for, and that is the basis for all of our basic conflicts in fundamental thinking regarding the ideal form of government.  Democracy puts these two basic needs in conflict.  So we experiment with fascism and representational government.  Now there is a thought to chew on.  My mind is on fire.


I was getting ready to head out and Izrina began to put on her coat.  Her car was parked a bit away and she was clearly thinking that if I was leaving, I could drop her at her car.

I simply HATE topping from the bottom, and I hate when my slave assumes that I will do something before she has asked.  Here is why.

AFTER she has put her coat on, if she THEN asks if I’ll take her, the good guy in me has this feeling like I have no choice but to make her happy.  But the Master in me wants to prove I am in charge and is inclined to say no, even if I might have been happy to do this favor.  For the Master in me, now it has become less about what I would do and more about showing that I will make the decisions. I simply won’t be topped from the bottom.

So I said, you appear to think I will drop you off at your car.  And she said, “Do what ever pleases you Master.”

Have I mentioned I love this girl?   I thought about it for a moment.  It WOULD please me to drop her off.  It would please me to open the car door for her, and to see her safely to her car.  Now I was only a little frustrated.  I needed to convey that I wouldn’t be topped from the bottom.  But she clearly would accept  any decision I made.  How can you fight with that?  You can’t.  Take a note.. Always getting your way can sometimes cause a short circuit in your brain.

So I explained the turmoil she created by putting on her coat before asking, and I explained how she defused it by the way she replied, and I made it clear that she should not expect to get every thing she asks for.  The only frustration remaining was that her reply told me she already knew this.  That of course leads me right back to testing if she really would accept any decision “because it pleased me”.  And why should I have to do what doesn’t please me, just to test if she accepts the decision?  Better if we skip these things and never imply an outcome is anticipated – but – that really was a good reply.

The little minx knows me too well. I think she is starting to anticipate and read me as well as I have read her all these years.  We are becoming like a well oiled machine whose gears mesh perfectly, each complimenting the other in pleasing ways.

So there you have it dear readers, some insight into a very brief but deep exchange that is all just a moment in the 24×7 existence that can be yours, if you make the dream reality. I suppressed the desire to spank her on the spot and showed her to the car. That Ds quickie just made me horny.   Life is truly good.  Carpe Diem my friends…. go make a great day!

Manipulation, trust & slave happiness

A psychologist would probably be horrified at the emotional manipulations I put my slave through, but it works for us. I wrote of trust, and how sometimes I might combine my sadist side with my gentleman side.  In a similar way, I sometimes appear to be mean to my slave, but I am in fact manipulating her emotional state into a different place, a better place, a better outcome, if you will.  I am not fond of calling this manipulation, as this conjures up all sorts of negatives but I don’t have a better word at this moment. What follows is a semi-fictional accounting of how this might work.


ANGRY – The door opened and my slave entered, tossing her keys in a way that told me she was clearly not in the best of moods.  A long day at work had resulted in this ugliness.  The energy coming from her was intense, negative, and poisonous.  She was ready to unload all of the anger and hurt that she had saved up from a tough day at work.

UPSET- Instead of consoling her I emotionally slap her.  Instead of agreeing that she had good reason to be angry, I disregarding her feelings entirely.   I order her to kneel in front of me and suck my cock.  As an obedient slave  with a lot on her mind, what choice does she have?  Upset, she must now shift gears from serving those who pay her, to serving the one she would have Dominate her.

UNHAPPY – This was not the greeting she expected, or wanted.  How could Master be so calloused, so uncaring, as to think only of himself when she needed to be comforted?  Best to perform this oral service and get it out of the way, then perhaps retreat into a hot shower followed by a  glass of wine.

DISTRACTED – Her heart is not in this service, as I knew it would not be.  Now I point this out to her, that she is not joyful in this task.  A handful of hair and I force her to stop.  Now comes the guilt, the sense that she has failed.  Perhaps a slight sense its my fault for not caring.  I send her to shower and to fresh up.

DISGRACED – I follow her to the bathroom, making sure she feels this strongly.  I remind her that a slave finds happiness in service.  I am driving home her sense of shame, her disappointment in herself. Indirectly, I am questioning if she is a slave.  I listen, poke, prod, until I know she wants to beat herself up.  But I won’t let her.  She may not punish herself.  That is my right and providence.  I just need her to want to punish herself.

HUMBLE – I leave her to finish her shower, and reflect on things.  I pour a glass of wine, set it beside me, and wait.  She emerges from the shower, steam rolling from the warm wetness of the room.  Her eyes turned down, she is humbled just a bit, uncertain where I will lead her next. There are lessons that run all through what I do.

REBORN – Again I have her kneel before me, I hand her the glass, command her to take a sip, then put it back down, and pat the couch indicating she should come sit beside me.  The person who walked in minutes ago, filled with anger and ugliness is gone.

HAPPINESS – Now finally she is in a frame of mind to come and be held, to feel protected, and let the day’s frustrations drop away.  I’ve manipulated her feelings up and down a roll coaster ride, and she has come to the end of it exhausted but ready at last to just let it all pass.  At times I may feel badly for what I put her through, but I do it for what is achieved.  In my arms she can now rest and be at peace.  I run my fingers through her hair and she stirs under my touch.  Gone is the anger, the negativity, the pain, and frustration.  We will discover tonight a deeper level of submission, a stronger bond, a more loving relation, in a home that is a shelter from the troubles of the world.  We will rediscover what is so easily forgotten in the drama of this world, that our happiness is found in the simple pleasures of this life.  If this is wrong, I don’t want to be right.