It IS about the pussy

I hope Vile, a blogger I respect and appreciate.. has a sense of humor about this. He has put out a number of pieces now in which he states firmly. .It is not about the pussy.. 

I was completing an interview with him and one question was about being a Bedroom Dominant, and I stated for the record that sex is not what I am about.  But I felt like I had to justify my answer, like there was something wrong with that.  You DO need to justify yourself if sex isn’t your main drive.  People honestly don’t understand.  In quite a few ways it IS about the pussy.  I’ve been thinking about that.

It bothered me. I did my thing.. where I hold a question for a while.. I taste it, I put it on, I wear it for a while,  I turn it inside out and try it on again, I mulled that question over and over until it was  rags and somewhere along the line my muse came to me and said.. What the hell are you doing?  You already know the answers.  You just have to trust that you know it and trust that your ethics and heart will guide you well. 

Right!  You know what?  There is nothing wrong with BDSM not being about the pussy.. but then there is also everything wrong with it.  A friend and Master was approached by a slave who wanted to serve him.. So he agreed to a trial and invited her to his house.  She was excited.  He had her clean his house.  Now she was less excited. The experience made her more reflective about serving this Master.. see?  Sometimes it IS about the pussy..

I suspect that is exactly why he had her clean his house.  Not to be a prick, or because he needed that but because he was testing her.. to see if for her, it WAS about the pussy and the beatings.  Brilliant really, you should make a note of that idea.  Most guys WOULD crawl on broken glass to get some ànd some slaves will walk out if service isn’t sexual.

Its not just the Dominate who can fixate on sex.  If a Master isn’t taking possession of your body to use it, and maybe abuse it, ask yourself: Do you feel a little less like a slave who is desired?  We all need to feel valued.  So ask yourself:  Would slavery get a bit old if sex was not part of your submission?

When a Dominant expresses desire for you by taking hold of your ass, whispering an earthy “mine”, doesn’t that feel wonderful?   For some people there is something about the feeling of taking.. and being taken.. that incredible passion that strips bare all of our humanity and leaves us as exhausted puddles of satisfied flesh.  If your answer is:  Oh God yes!  then the honest answer is that yes sex IS important and it needs to be acknowledged.  Many slaves who aren’t getting pounded aren’t going to stick around.  I know I don’t have that problem with Izrina.  She is well tested.

Orgasm denial can be about torture, control, AND testing.  At the end of the day though, there has to be some release.  Sex is a requirement for nearly everyone.  Orgasms are a healthy need.

Both Dominants and slaves have to ask themselves if sex is the most important part of their desire.  You need to know.. You have to question and ask.. Do you care more about a good beating than anything else?  Is the most satisfying reason for all this submission is between your legs?  It works both ways. What is your hierarchy of needs?

Its true –  When sex is good it’s only 10 percent of a relation and when its bad its 90%.

When you ain’t getting some, sometimes its all you can think about. You know its true.  It’s all around you .  People who are so fucking desperate to get some really satisfying sweaty sex, they would do almost anything.  It becomes an obsession.  But its like Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs.   Once you have fulfilled your greatest need, you move on to the next.  It’s why I created Xtac’s hierarchy of needs.  Even though I pkace sex on the same level as control and beatings, sometimes sex  is all I can think about.

Look..there is nothing wrong with sex being a huge part of BDSM.  Especially if you are young and full of cum.  Or an old horner fucker.. Hell, forget age..  The “little death” is an “out of body” experience that is addictive. We all know this.  You don’t need me to tell you that.  But you do need to think about where it fits in your personal hierarchy of needs.  You need to have a discussion about that and its needs to be an honest one.

The Dom who starts your training by having you wear no panties might be into making you feel vulnerable to his control. That could be a good sign.  But the Dom who’s first training involves learning to suck cock his way has revealed a fateful flaw.  His personal hierarchy of needs is out of whack.  Consent, trust, negotiation, and control all come first.

I actually agree with Vile that “It’s not about the pussy.   I have no problem ordering Izrina to do her daily chores because I know as a Master it is my sacred duty to provide that sense of control and Domination that rounds out the experience.  So its off to the kitchen for her.. in a skimpy little number.. red silk tonight…  hmmm why is she so fucking hot when she is being all domestic?  What IS it about secretaries and domestic help that is so fucking hot?

hmmm  why are those curves under silk so mesmerizing? – as she bends to clean the silk hikes up, revealing that lovely line between ass and thigh…  sigh.. and what lies between…   mine for the taking..  I need only command…  mmmm… slipper silk sliding over butt cheeks…  hmm slippery is a word I can get behind..  A Master should never deny himself the pleasure of taking what is his…. Right?   There is that dilemma again. Lord give me strength!  Sometimes it’s just so hard (pun intended). Come on! (Opps! Puny again)...surely you can see that sometimes  it IS all about the pussy!

Carpe Diem my friends.. Go be someone’s geat day.

 

 

Sex and Oral Service

It seems sex has been on my mind quite a bit lately.  In the season of Christmas, when our hearts should be turned to charity and friendship, I did write a piece regarding the holiday spirit, but in retrospect its humorous because then I followed it up with a piece of hard porn.  Ha!  Inappropriate again!  Seems to be my way.  Freaking charming and disarming and then wildly weird (to most) and off topic, and inappropriate.  Yep, that’s me.

I was curious how the hard porn piece would be received by my readers, and interestingly, the statistics that came back from WordPress indicate that it was barely read.  The title however never indicated that it might be sexual in nature.  I mean, who would think that a title like “Ghost of Christmas past” would be hard porn? If you didn’t read the Ghost one, but are reading this one because of the title, maybe people DO pick what to read entirely by subject line.

Be warned people!  My subject lines almost never help describe the real content. More often, they are lead ins, or off tangent from the meat of the subject.  Bet you just thought – here he goes again… but nope

Yeah, we are four paragraphs in, and if you are wondering, when is he going to get to the good stuff, the sex and oral service stuff, well here we go… I am not false advertising this one, honest!


Izrina didn’t care for the Ghosts piece.. guess she isn’t a porn person.. Odd… shouldn’t I know that?   Bad “M”, bad!   So we had a discussion about “oral service”.  In conversation, she had referred to a blow job as a present.. and I stopped her at once, not happy with that nomenclature.

Time out for one itsy-bitsy cute thing.. When I told her I didn’t like her calling it a present, she did that slave thing.. the deer in the headlights thing..  the one where you can just read the panic in her eyes for doing or thinking something Master doesn’t like.. its just so fucking cute.. I love slaves.. I love the care and concern for Master’s pleasure and the burning desire to never disappoint, and all that.  Really, when this is your life, and its really what you are all about.. moments like that are just too delicious.. I know it was just a brief moment but moments like that are everything to me… and back to oral service...

So anyway, her momentary panic aside, I sat her down to explain what I meant.  My pet…I said, I have lived in slave relations and I have lived in vanilla relations.  You are quite right that a blow job is a present…IF you are in a vanilla relationship.  ( The panic again in her eyes – so cute! ).

You see, there is nothing more wonderful in a vanilla relation when either side performs oral sex for the other, and then lets them drift off into sleep, or ride out the wonderful waves of that orgasm, without any strings attached – no need to return the favor – no need to stop riding that wonderful place that orgasms take us.  So yes, in a vanilla relation, that is a gift.  In a nilla relation, I  have ALWAYS refereed to oral sex that has no expectation of return as a gift.  So in that sense my pet, it is a present.  The dawning of understanding my thoughts became clear in her eyes.

But in a Master-slave relation, that takes on a whole new dynamic. In a vanilla relationship, both parties are seeking for equality.  In a Master-slave relationship, their is an expectation that the Master will USE the slave and at times there will be no equity in simple terms.   We know that our exchanges are in uncommon currency.  Our equity is one that is difficult to understand, sometimes even by our kinky friends.  Panic passed, all was right in our world again, and Master was pleased with his slave.

NOTE: For a deeper dive into my feelings on uncommon currency, read my core values and beliefs or Uncommon currency.


Why do I think this way, you may ask?

In a M/s relation, a blow job is service. It can be ordered.  Its why I refer to it as oral service.  Now if a slave is suddenly overcome with appreciation for the gift of domination and wishes to express that with some oral service…. well that is cock worship.

Words and definitions.  They are meaningless until they have action.  But in a sense they are everything because they set our minds into a framework.  Words are the basis for a mindset.

In a nilla relation, a blow job can be a gift or a present, but I NEVER want to hear those words from my slave.  She may ask for permission to show me worship.  She may be ordered to perform oral service.   But she may never think she is giving me something, because I already own it.  When she gives me worship.. THAT is a gift.. the gift of her trust, love and devotion.  It’s subtle but important.  These are the uncommon currency that she gives to me.  A simple blow job as a gift from a slave??? Bah!!!  The thought leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

The mindset of Master and slave is clear.  I own her.  I own her body, and her mind.  She must set aside a part of her mind as the guardian that will report all things to Master, and especially note that which the Guardian thinks Master will want to know.  The Guardian will report damage to his property.. bruises, cuts and scraps.  A Master needs to know when his property is damaged.  I do not own her mind body and SOUL..  Her soul belongs to a higher power, but thankfully, this slave I own has chosen me to be her spiritual leader.  That was an important negotiation for me.. because BDSM and my spiritual quest are co-mingled.

Life is my spiritual path, but BDSM is how I share it. In this life, I serve by leading those who serve. I see the ying and the yang through out life and in BDSM, I can express it with passion and compassion, two sides of the same, each of us in our sacred role. ~ Xtac Quote

I would encourage you, if you are in a M/s relation, to never allow the scales or your exchange to tip.  A slave should feel grateful for the gift of domination.  They should never, and I mean NEVER, feel like they are giving more than they are getting.  That leads down a very bad and dark road my friends.  It takes some original thinking to realize what you value, and then place your happiness around receiving the things that you value.

This goes for Masters and slaves.  If you as a slave don’t like being used.. here I go.. you are not really a slave.  I am going to upset some people with that comment but I don’t care.  If you don’t like being used, then every time Master uses you, you are going to build up resentment for the inequity in your relation and eventually its is going to drive you apart.  And if a Master can’t use you then he doesn’t really own you.  If he doesn’t own you, then you are a submissive, not a slave.  So I stand by my statement.  A real slave in their heart desires to be property, and to be used for the pleasure of their Master.  Anything less and you are a submissive, not a slave.  Its fine.. submission comes in all levels and each to their own.  Be happy with who and what you are.. but don’t tell my slave, you are a slave, if your Dominant doesn’t own your body and mind.

So, my friends.. I do tend to go on, don’t I?  Here’s to Masters every where, using their slaves for oral service, or perhaps receiving the pleasure of worship.  And here’s to the slaves on their knees, tasting their submission in their Master’s pleasure..quite literally.  And here’s to the nilla’s with their presents and gifts – may they someday awaken to a greater world in which they realize we all live in systems of power, and then find pleasure  in that knowledge.  With their personal boundaries they have built a box from which their hearts can never truly meet.  I wish they could see what I see.  Carpe Diem my friends… go be someone’s great day!

When being a Master is no fun

That’s right boys and girls, pull up a chair and let ol’Master X learn-a-tate you.  Some days its just no fun being a Master.

If you are young and full of cum, it seems like having a slave who will serve you dinner on bended knee and then suck your cock while you watch football is something you might have to slap yourself for, just to make sure you are not dreaming.

Yeah, having a slave is great.  You can fuck her in the shower, and over the kitchen counter,  test every bit of furniture in your house, leave a spot here, a spot there,  and maybe if you are feeling naughty, test your friends bathroom together, or maybe some other semi-public place that isn’t yours.  Sure, who can get enough of that great sex, whenever you want it, however you want it?  I love the feeling of something wet around my cock when we are both feeling a bit naughty.   Its exciting.

But here is the thing.  You should not be asking for sex for the first thirty days of having a slave.  I know, you are thinking, but X, have you lost your fucking noodle?  I have this sweet young tidbit here, all firm, wet and waiting, eager to go, and you want me to just hold my dick myself and fap off??? What the fuck X?

Lets look at this three years from now.  Do you plan to be with that same wench, or are you just going to dump her when she bores you?  Come on, be honest.  You know bitches are a pain in the ass, even ones that say they want to be a slave, so do you plan on just fucking it and forgetting it, or are you thinking of actually giving something back?  Truth is, you probably want to just fuck it as long as its easy.  Hell, who wouldn’t want that.

But I am here to tell you that every relation, and I mean every freaking one, even the Master slave ones, are work at some point.  Sorry bucko… there ain’t no Disney land of fairy fucks that slave until you are bored and then go poof and disappear.  You gotta be a prick to get rid of them and guess what?  Everyone eventually knows you are a prick.  You can ride that gravy train just so long and then everyone has your number.  Everyone knows you are Sir Master asshole prick numero uno.

Look, I’m not saying you gotta give up all that fine ass to be a great Master.  I am just saying that you have to put away your teenage thinking on this one and get ready to be real about it.  Being a Master means a lot more than just getting some ass.  An acquaintance of mine has had a slave for over decade and you think every time he walks into the bedroom looking to get some, his slave is eager and ready?  Fuck no.   But he’s in charge and if he wants sex, he’s going to have some.  Even ten years later.  How many husbands get to say that?

He might say, how about if I give you fifteen minutes to get in the mood, or he might say, if you aren’t going to enjoy this, what’s the best orgasm you can give me, and still be in the mood for it?   He’s going for options they can both be happy with.  His slave isn’t the young artisan well of wetness from ten years ago, but still, that is still some good ass, and both are living up to their sacred roles.  If control, given or taken is your kink, sex is always good, when you make a Master slave relation work.


Now slaves.  You are probably wondering:  Yes X!, that’s all fine and dandy but where is my tidbit in all this diatribe?  What sage advice have you for this wet and willing slut?  Well my eager little flogger bunnies, now that we have talked about it from a Dom perspective, let’s just look at it from the other shall we?  Hmm that would be the side that looks up through shy eyelashes, and a coy smile that betray a warm and willing submission, yes?

When you first meet Mr Sir Master, the Dommliest Dom of all creation, all fierce, intimidating and just fucking hot as hell, sure you want to jump him.  Who wouldn’t want Mr bad boy to get a firm hold on you and make you his breathless sex toy?  Its perfectly naturally to want to nurse that weak kneed, wondering what he’ll do with this slave, excitement of being taken and used again, and again and again.  It’s hot, hot, hot, to find the bad boy of your dreams standing over you, rough in some ways, gentle in others, that makes your heart race, and your blood pound.  Its good to get a good pounding.  Its good to discover you are wet and willing at the drop of a hat.  There is nothing wrong with begging to be used, taken, and having it leave you exhausted, dripping, and full; satisfied to the core.

But again, that is the heat of the new Master, the excitement of sex, the smell and the love of it.  Where is he going to be in three years?   What happens when he comes in, and just wants his dinner and to watch football?  Are you going to nag?  Does the dream turn into just another crappy boyfriend?   What assurances do you have that there is more meat on the bone, than just his dick?   Is there any substance to your Master-to-be?  Does he have the other staying power, the one that holds back a temper, and puts up with your shit when your slave side is hiding?  Will he love you right on through a crisis?  Is THAT guy inside the Master you want to fuck?

Those answers can’t be found under a man.  Looking up at him is great, but don’t do it naked.  At least not at first.  The answers you seek are found standing beside him, BEFORE you’ve given consent.  If you are going to be a slave, be one, all in, nothing held back.  Make your body a gift, but don’t do it on day one.  You need time to come to that decision. You know that trust takes time and you know trust is absolutely fucking key to a Master slave relation.  Do the math.  Add it up.  Time+Trust=Answers.  You need time to evaluate this person who says they are a Master.  You need to find out if you and they are compatible.  There are worse things than being alone.

Don’t be the slave with the Velcro collar either.  The slave who is serially monogamous.  The one who had and slept with five Masters this year, but never while wearing someone else’s collar.  Oh yeah, she was like, “totally true” to those Master she served.  She was always faithful to the collar, right up until the time she took a new one.  Don’t think that shit won’t stink after a while.  If that’s the way you roll, people will come to expect it, and the Masters who come looking for you, will probably just be looking for some ass.  If you want more, expect more.


Look.  I’m talking to Masters and slaves now.  Damn, I know its hard to not go straight for the hot fuck.  We all want that.  Hell, I’ve made more than my share of impulsive choices in the past, but its behind me now.  I know better.  I not be young, but I’m still full of cum, and I can control it.  If you want to build something that lasts and keeps on getting better, you gotta step up and demand better… or walk away.  You can do that, if you don’t give in to impulse.  And if your red flags are flying, you can realize that its not the right time and place for you to be with a particular person, and just walk away.. politely of course.

Why the title and blog tonight? My slave ticked me off again. Yesterday in fact.  I wasn’t happy, she wasn’t happy.  But I stayed a Dominant.  I  laid down new expectations and doubled down on things.  She had a very hard time with her evening ritual : Daily gratitude.  When you are having a bad day, finding things to be grateful for is hard.  But she came through.  (Good girl my pet, every day we get a little better).

This evening was nice.  Tomorrow, if my expectation are met, they will be better still.  Or they might be worse.  I expect better though.  At the time it was no fun.  Looking back though, this kind of control and adjustment and new control is EXACTLY what I am about, and in retrospect, it will have been fun.  Every relation has work to be done, and if you are not with a person who can do or will do the work, then move on.