No Excuses

I say this all the time but it bears repeating.. its the little things that are such a huge part of my satisfaction with my Master slave relation.

A gentleman hit my car recently, then proceeded to direct a lot of hostility towards me.  For me, this was an unwillingness to accept responsibility, a desire to blame someone or something else.

Serendipity happens. I often wonder why the people I come into contact with, were presented in that time and place. How will this weave into the fabric that will become the lessons of this life? ~ X Quote

When you screw up, sometimes you have to fall on your sword.  In other words, you have to be willing to accept your failure, and any pain and suffering that comes with owning up to it.  I become very unhappy with persons who present excuses and likewise, I am very forgiving for a person who shows they can own their actions.

So, X, you are probably wondering: Where are you going with this meandering? eh?

Well first, I could be upset about this mess my car is in.  It will be a major inconvenience, and a reduction in resale value and certainly cost me time and money I don’t want to spend on it.. but I would rather be happy.. so I choose to be.  Instead I am loving the simple interactions with my slave. Tonight, a simple thing is pleasing me immensely, especially after my run in with the afore mentioned hostility. Where we focus, plays a huge role in our happiness.

In public, my slave is very good with her protocols.  One protocol requires that as soon as I finish a plate of food, she take the plate away and put it under hers.   If you sit at a table with me, you will find I am always taking table real estate.. pushing salt, pepper and napkin holders back, to clear a larger area for myself.  It is just one more of my little Domination quirks.  And of course my protocols support that.  So tonight, after finishing a meal at home, a plate was not removed.  It was turkey tetrazzini by the way.. I do love that meal.  I would recommend you try the Stoffers brand and if you like it, then try a scratch made version.

So I asked Izrina:  Do you think that the protocols you do in public, you should also do at home?   She had finished sooner and now looked up from a suduko puzzle she was working on.  She looked around, trying to figure out what she had missed.  It took her only a second to realize where I was headed with this.  The empty plate quickly vanished.

No excuses made, just a quick acceptance of the way we are.  No anger at herself, that might be redirected at me.  Just Master and slave, doing their thing.  I love that she attends to me, and is fast to respond to my desires. Was I angry that a protocol had to be reminded?  Of course not.  I was enough that she sheeplishly, and submissively corrected the oversight.  She fell on her sword, and hoped for the best outcome.. and got it.

And she?  Does she love this?  Hmmm.  Yes.  It makes family uncomfortable when I order her, use her, but her eyes light up, and she fairly purrs afterward, when its time to curl up at Master’s feet.  Equity of exchange.  The trust she offers is exactly the right thing to exchange for my gift of Domination.  I wonder sometimes what jems I could offer to help others find this happiness?

Is it just finding the right person, or is it a philosophy and way of life that facilitates this, or maybe its a little of both?  Both I think.  Opportunity is nothing without the will and ability to capitalize, and visa-versa.   I wish more people could have this, feel this.   I understand that a TPE or CNC life is not for everyone, but it certainly is the key to MY happiness.. and to that of my slave.  Life is truly good my friends, Carpe Diem!

An early Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving.  Its a time of good food, and good company.  Of course in other countries, its on different dates and known by other names, like the Harvest Festival.   For me, growing up in the US, it comes at the end of November, and on a Thursday morning, the kitchen begins to fill with wonderful smells: Turkey and mashed potatoes, the drippings turn into gravy.   Hot dinner rolls, melting with butter, stuffing, veggies, and cranberry.  Its an all day affair of cooking, eating, and cleanup.  Then the left over turkey sandwiches, and late night snacking begins.   You sneak down to the fridge, select a few things, pop them into the microwave and enjoy another mini feast.

I will be on the road this Thanksgiving.  My slave has to work or she would be with me.   It drives me nuts.   There are times I simply hate her job.  I know she loves what she does.  If she didn’t, I’d have made her quit a long time ago.  Horses can be an addiction, I know, I get it.   I just don’t share the attraction for their particular “perfume”, or the bruises and pains that always accompany being that close to a half ton animal with a mind of it own.  My property is constantly reporting a new bruise.  Not being with me for Thanksgiving is just one of the many annoyances.

So, completely under her own desires, she drew up plans to serve me an early Thanksgiving meal this weekend, before I left.  That was sweet.   It started early, as these days always do, and went on for hours and hours.   When our plates were ready, she slipped into a sexy little blue dress, and served in high protocol fashion.  I thought the dress up was a really nice touch.  I like a formal dinner.  Afterwards, she cleaned up, served desert, and asked for permission to let the desert dishes wait for tomorrow.  I allowed this indulgence.   I normally insist that no dishes be left in the sink, unwashed.

It is at times like this, when such incredible care and service have been provided, and when I look at the thought and detail that she puts into my happiness,  that I sometimes question the equity of our arrangement.  When I hold her, and she melts into my arms, and I feel what I feel, and I feel what she is sending back to me,  any doubt goes away.

From the perspective of a Dominant, the mindset of a slave is very odd.  Not in the sense of caring for another or pleasure from creating pleasure.  Good Dominants and slaves share these simple pleasures.  No, its the pleasure that a slave often finds in tasks under direction of another, that is foreign.

I do however have memories from which to draw upon, that relate to this.  In my first years as an employee, I worked in a mail room and the labor was very manual, very much about moving heavy sacks around, and completely free of any thought.  It was simple but satisfying.  I enjoyed laughing and joking with co-workers and there was something simple yet satisfying in the labor.  The love of labor, and a labor or love – these are the roots of it.

Perhaps it is not odd that all the service, and my extreme satisfaction with her tonight, made her quite horny.  I’m grinning now..  It was a really, really, good day, start to finish.

She is off to work now.  Barn duty starts early.  She will come home smelling of horses, and if happiness was not easily found at work, I trust she will make it a good day anyway, because Master demands it.  We are blessed.  Happy Thanksgiving my friends, Carpe Diem!  Go make a great day!

Domination on Blogs, the quirks

I have to tell you that part of my control has to do with timing.  I will reveal information when it has the most use and impact.  If you read yesterday’s blog, you know that Monday I was unhappy but doubled down on the things I wanted addressed and yesterday was better.  I kind of released that information early though, before it had a conclusion.  I ended like this:

This evening was nice.  Tomorrow, if my expectations are met, they will be better still.  Or they might be worse.  I expect better though.

So I telegraphed my thoughts.  Problem is, my slave reads this blog too.  There is every likelihood that by those words, she might alter her behavior.  I don’t want that.   I would prefer to wait and see what kind of response I get from earlier interaction.  How else can I judge the effectiveness of my corrective application?

I am a Dominant that is very much into the pleasure of understanding my slave, and finding her buttons, and knowing how to to push them to get the results I want.   Having a blog can work both ways.  It can be a method of praise, or embarrassment.  What I write here, can influence in a very real way our relation.  I am always cognizant of this when I write here.

It is one of the quirks of having a public blog, that it work for or against your plans.  Worse, the written word is fraught with misunderstandings that just don’t as easily exist when you can see and hear a person.  A simple written: I love “this”, can cause a person to wonder:  Did I do “this” without realizing?  Was it a good thing?  Was it a bad thing ?  Is “this” a hint?  Am I supposed to be doing something?  Do I do this “thing” enough?  Do I do it too much?  Yeah, a blog can be a quirky thing, for a Ds relation.


 

For my blog followers who are wondering how this drama concluded tonight: The area I wanted corrected was handled far better than my expectations.  I am a very happy M tonight.  Even more so, because she was too busy to get to the blog to read.  Which means the things that influenced that behavior were in no way related to this blog.  Double bonus points!   Yep, I am very happy indeed.

I’m not ready to brag about what a good girl she is, or mention how pleased I am to have such an obedient and pleasurable slave, nope.  No such puffery here for her to read.  There is always time for back sliding and this particular area I am addressing is important.  If it stays attended to well, and for a period of time, THEN maybe I’ll make such comments.

OK.. maybe one little praise.  Tonight’s dinner was steak and veggies.  I pretended to be gaming while she prepared my plate.  I enjoyed the busy little dance back and forth, some pepper on this, a bottle of olive oil to add a splash to that… just back and forth attending to the plate with great care and attention to my preferences… and there it was… that love you feel that just overwhelms you.  The sense that your life is absolutely perfect, and before you is a person that completes that life, who in ever fiber of your being, just feels right for who and what you are.

Better to live in those magic small moments when nothing important happens, than to live for any imagined, great future.  Living for the future is a terrible waste of the present.  Tonight I am just incredibly pleased, and that is enough.  Carpe Diem my friends.  Go MAKE a great day!

Core Values and Beliefs

ZEALOTRY!  –  This life I lead has religious overtones.  Use my blog widget to search my blog for the word zealot.  I am one for BDSM.  The word seems to keep coming up.  So excuse me if this bores you, but I have been thinking lately about what defines me, what my core values and beliefs are that have made it possible for me to be so blessed.

This blog started with a comment by my slave. – As she was fulfilling her gratitude ritual, one of her three things was “when crying turns to laughter”.  She is a wrangler, rides horses, and she had a little girl that was so scared she was crying and hiccuping.  She brought her horse up beside the girl, and by the end of the ride, the girl was laughing.  My reaction was too fold.  First, I was pleased.  She should be in service to the universe, finding her pleasure in these very kind of moments.  But there is also a danger when we do well and we know we have done so.  We must avoid pride.  Its an odd dance.  We must know that we have value, and hold that to our heart, but take away from it not pride which is poisonous, but the joy that we create with that value.  We must see not the value of our relations, but the value we bring to relations.  Like all things of value, its a complex, delicate dance.

So I find myself wanting to list my core values. Here is what I came up with:

  1. Equality  – Thou shall strive at first meeting, to neither take, nor give authority, treating all persons as an equal in authority to yourself, and will continue to do so until a shift in power is arrived at in a consensual manner.  Equality is not the highest form of exchange, equity is.  Equality is merely the starting point from which all human exchange should flow, and it should flow, to equity.
  2. Respect – Thou shall strive at first meeting to give utmost respect, as a sign of who you are, indicating that you understand equality, and the need to understand one another.  Often the distance between your beliefs may make respect difficult. It is not necessary to agree with a person, to respect their logic or core belief.  Remember that the degree of effort you put into giving respect, is a reflection of who you are. Respect earned is necessary to establish honesty, with which you may achieve trust, and trust is a perquisite to a higher state of exchange, an equitable one.  Respect given and earned, removes barriers to your potential exchanges.
  3. Consensual Power Exchange – Thou shall strive to find your place among others in the structures of authority that surround us. These structures exist for many reasons.  From police, to parents, from employers to politicians, from judges to generals, we are surrounded by people with certain authority.  If these structures align with your values, you will acknowledge and consent to accept authority or consent to give authority within them. You will peaceably resist all exchanges of authority that do not align with your values, or are forced upon you, or to which you will not consent. Thou shall be mindful that love and power exchanged can only exist together, with consent.  Where power is taken without consent, love is absent.  Dominance and submission is just a natural extension of the power systems around us and teaches us something of the world we would create with others.
  4. Honesty – Thou shall be honest both with yourself and others when negotiating an exchange.   Avoid persons who have demonstrated they can not be trusted as they may misuse your honesty.   Thou shall strive to avoid dishonesty created by pride.  Thou shall strive to avoid dishonesty created by false modesty. Thou shall strive to be honest about the value you bring to an exchange, without listening to either pride or false modesty.  Thou shall be  mindful that honesty does not require that you to respond to a demand for information, but trust does.  The building blocks of trust, are honesty.
  5. Uncommon currency – Thou shall be mindful of the currency you deal in, whether it be common like gold, silver, paper, goods, and services, or uncommon like support, love or feelings.   Thou shall place your highest value on all things which bring happiness into your life, treating this as the favored currency of your life.  Let that which makes you happy, be an important currency of your exchanges with others.  Thou shall be mindful of the value placed on each currency by both you and those you exchange with.  You shall be mindful that the value of currency changes, what is valued today, may not be the same at the next exchange.  Avoid persons who do not understand the value of uncommon currency.
  6. Equity of exchange – Thou shall strive to seek in all exchanges with others, an equitable exchange, negotiated in good faith, with all terms honestly disclosed.  Thou shall seek to make exchanges in which both parties feel the exchange was fair and ideally mutually beneficial.  When an exchange becomes inequitable, it should be renegotiated or terminated.  Any past inequities perceived to exist before renegotiation, should be forgiven.
  7. Avoid inequity –  Thou shall avoid inequity of exchange and people who practice it.  To knowingly take more than you  offer in exchange through deceit or force, is evil. Thou shall keep in mind that equity, is measured in many currency and often uncommon currency leads to those outside your exchange, to not understand the equity you agree to, which is to say: Only those in an exchange can say if it was equatable or not.  Thou shall only judge the equity of your own exchanges, unless called upon to mediate.
  8. Gratitude – Thou shall be grateful.  You can not add another minute to your life, nor take any possession with you when you die.  You will be grateful for every minute of life, and for the moments you created happiness for yourself and others.  Thou shall be mindful that gratitude given, like so many other things given, is actually a gift to yourself.
  9. Life’s greatest lesson is how to be happy – Thou shall strive to understand happiness, what it is, and how to get it.  This is the great struggle of your life and it has nothing to do with what anyone else does. Thou shall learn to make joy at every opportunity, and share it with others. Let your joy spring not simply from pride in what you do, but also from the happiness you create by what you do.  Be mindful that things, and others, can not make happiness for you.  Thou shall never allow yourself to be too busy, to stop and smell the roses.  That is to say, to stop and take time to be grateful for, and appreciate the small joys of life.
  10. Life’s second greatest lesson is how to make good decisions – Thou shall make a study of your decisions. Thou shall seek council from friends and enemies, and strive to learn from each mistake and success of all humanity. Thou shall put aside regret, and never forget that the one thing you own forever, are your decisions.  Learn to make good ones, regret no past mistake, and strive to make ever better ones.

You will notice these beliefs, or values apply to more than BDSM, and that is exactly what they are meant to do. This is not sexy, or exciting and you might find it boring, but I never stop thinking about the world I want, and the lessons I would use to craft my perfect slave, so I must think beyond BDSM, to values that apply more or less universally, and tie together my complex life, in all its facets.

These might as well be my ten commandments.  So I wrote them that way.  They form the foundation of my life, and the lessons I teach.  These core beliefs form the basis for nearly all that I do and they shape my decisions, and the lives that result from it.

Whatever road you choose, my friends, I wish you happiness.  Carpe Diem!