MY Master

One thing you will never hear Izrina say is:  My Master is awesome!  He’s just the best Master ever!  She is never going to ever say that.

It’s not that I am not amazing and awesome.. I am.  It’s just that she doesn’t use the word “my” very often.  She might say,  The Master I serve is awesome!  He’s the best Master ever!

It may sound weird, this addiction I have for words.  Understand that this is a thing that runs deeper than just playing with how we say a thing.  It cuts to the core of something she can never think.  She can not think that I am her’s.  She can not think that she has some leverage over me.  She can have no expectation of control over my wants or desires. I am not hers on any level.  Even my Domination is not hers.. it is MY gift, to her.

She is MY property.  She is there to serve and please me. If I stay late at a Dungeon as I often do, and she needs sleep because she must rise early to be at the barn, I might send her to the car to nap.  I get chatting, and I love being in the center stage, so it can become hard to leave.  I see her need for sleep though, and her need comes before what I want.  IF I can manage both her need and my wants, I will.  If you have not heard this before, these are the priorities of Ds in order

  1. The needs of the slave
  2. The needs of the Master
  3. The wants of the Master
  4. The wants of the slave

And what happens when a slave doesn’t like another slave and thinks that slave is cutting in on her territory?   Let’s examine that question, shall we?   Starting with “her territory”.  I don’t have to go any further do I?   You can see already where I would go with this.  IF there is no.. “MY Master”, then there is no “my territory”.  Izrina has jokingly said she’ll scratch the eyes out of any bitch who tries to cut in on the Master she serves, but she knows better than to say that in a serious tone.  It amuses me.. as a joke..

I have a “thing” for playing with Raven Pup.  It happened at the North East Power Exchange Competitions.   Raven and I had a wonderful scene and the scene that Izrina was promised didn’t happen.  There was drama afterward.  It wasn’t jealousy per se.   I won’t go into it but I am sure you can imagine where I stood on this.

Izrina gets it. She knows its my pleasure first.   She knows that I am “the Master she serves”..   She would never dream of saying “My Master”…. hmmmm unless her SAM side broke out and she was looking for a beating (SAM = Smart Ass Masochist).   Izrina is sisters with Raven.  We talk from time to time about how she feels about Raven in my life.   On the surface there appears to be no issues, but there is something else we must always be aware of.

A sidebar story about Izrina being a SAM:  On one evening Izrina was giving me a little lip as she sometimes does when her SAM side breaks out.  So I was all Dominant and having heard just about enough lip from her, I demanded in my most Dommly Dom voice..”Get your ass in the car now!”  So she did… she turned around bent over and just stuck her ass in the car door.  HA ha!  I am fairly sure that every time she bounced in the saddle of her horse for the next week, she went.. chuckle..ow…chuckle.. ow!  Bruises are a lovely way to remember the one you love!

When you DO find someone special and your life is freaking wonderful when you are with them, you can develop a fear of losing them.  We know that living a life in the shadow of fear is self destructive but we often do it anyway.  Fear has a way of creeping in, of convincing us that we are fools if we do not nurse fear.  Fear is the dark whisper that calls you to the shadows and you know you should not go, but you sometimes do anyway.

The idea of love being limited and a commodity to be fiercely guarded is a concept that I don’t understand. ~ Slave_Shylah

When we live without fear, when we allow ourselves to love someone more than we need them, when we act as conduits for the endless love that can pour through us…  then and only then can we an live up to this quote.  It is easier to say than to do but it is also worth fighting to achieve.  It starts with knowing that the person you are with truly loves you, that they will place no other above you, and that they are worthy of the trust you place in them.

Carpe Diem my friends.. Go be someone’s great day!

The one blog you should read…

If you never read another blog….read this one…

It’s the day after the North East Power Exchange competition and now that it’s over, I can finally talk about the struggle that Izrina faced leading up to it.  I ordered her to boot black and she was hoping she would not have to.. really hoping.  Problem is, I wanted this, and I wasn’t going to back down.

Why wouldn’t she want to, you might wonder?  She gets nervous, really nervous in the spotlight.  She argued that she wasn’t prepared, that she might embarrass us both, that I was setting her up for failure, and that it might trigger her hard  limit.  She has a hard limit on humiliation.  Oh!.. she really tried to argue her way out of it.   I am sure she considered every word I have uttered, in every lesson, in every principle I have ever laid down, looking for a loophole that would let her off the hook.

I rejected the notion that she couldn’t be prepared.  I assured her that I would be proud of her, that she could never embarrass me.  I explained that she could not fail if she pleased me – I am the only one she needed to please – I am the only one she can fail.

I rejected the notion that this was a hard limit.  I can’t have her living under a rock.  I love the lime light way too much. She will just have to hide behind me while I go into those scary places and sometimes.. she’ll have to be in the spot light like she is today in this blog, like she was yesterday, sitting with her sisters under the boot black sign.

I would love someday for us to compete, and for her to stand beside me and speak freely about her side of the dynamic and what it means to her in the competitions… but we will see.. someday perhaps.  Izrina- when you read that my pet.. you do NOT have permission to worry yet..

In the days leading up to the event, she would worry, and I would remind her that making decisions was my job.  And she would worry some more and I would remind her that shouldering her worries was my job.  And so it went..

I don’t compromise with my slave, I compromise with reality. ~ Quote – Raven Kaldera, speaking about being flexible as a Master

I wasn’t going to compromise.

Some argue that submission does not take strength. It does. Dominance does not require strength. It requires the gentle patience to apply irresistible force to the strength of that submission, until it bends comfortably, happily, to your will. ~Xtac Quote

Now, here is something interesting dear reader, that I’ve touched on before:  Domination and writing blogs has a quirks..I wrote about these quirks here.   Two recent blogs, in light of all the above information, should now fit like puzzle pieces into the last few days of writings. First I wrote “Does your humility interfere with your slavery?” and then I wrote “I am ignoring you, slave!”.

I wrote those pieces a much for you, as for her. NOW, you can see how those pieces were influenced and shaped by our behind-the-scenes drama.  I was in the middle of being the irresistible force that I am, busy molding my slave into who I wanted her to be, but I couldn’t come out and say that.

If I posted that before hand I would have further* boxed her into a public humiliation if she exercised consent.  (*NPE had listed her.)  Knowing all this I felt that it was best to leave some room for consent.  If she exercised consent I would have owned up to it.  Its how we roll.  It wouldn’t have been OK, but it is a consensual slave’s right. So I danced around this Master slave battle of wills in my blogs and pressed on.

The humility piece was an indirect look at her worries and fears. The ignoring piece was about laying down the law and being that irresistible force.  Both was a veiled look behind the blog at our lives.  If you pick up nothing else from me, get this one.  You manage the mind of your slave, not their body.  Patience combined with a strong will are your most powerful tools.  Anger can be a useful tool but you should almost never need it.

On the day before the competition, she asked for permission to worry.  Let me say that again.. She asked for permission to worry.  I am so proud of that girl some times it make my heart ache.   I granted permission, but only for a couple hours because we had important preparations to make,

and then I said: The only way you could disappoint me is to not go.  Izrina replied:  You won’t let me.  

OK.. I wanted to cry.  Do you get the significance of the statement?  This is a highly intelligent woman.  She understands her power to exercise consent.   She studied law, she argues like a lawyer, she never goes into anything without research. She always has her facts down.  What would make her say “you won’t let me”?  Only this this: She was made incapable of exercising her right of consent by her powers of reasoning.  Because of that, in her mind, my will was in a very real way the only law that she could follow.  She would rather risk having a meltdown, than disappoint me.

She dressed in jeans for the boot blacking but for the dinner came out in a striking black dress.. simply beautiful.   There were workshops and some really exciting scenes and a wonderful burlesque show but we will get into all that in another blog.  I am dedicating this particular blog to the subject of Resolving Master and slave conflicts.  Here is a real world example of the things I preach about, the things that we go through, and how they might end.

Mine was a happy ending.  I couldn’t be more proud of my slave.  Oh..and I’m proud that I was honored to be a NPE judge, and all that “I’m awesome” jazz.. blah, blah, blah.. It’s not about me, like that.  It’s about me because of she who is my canvas.  It is a slave’s duty to make the Master they serve look good.  Izrina managed this time to exceed my wildest expectation.  Good girl!

Ghosts of Christmas past


Today I would like to share a semi-fictional story, based on a real event.
It all begins at a Christmas party, many years ago…


GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS PAST –  a semi-fictional tale.

He strode into the room, feeling all of the power and confidence of his position.  A fairly young manager, who worked out regularly, his strength showed not only in his presence, but in the muscles that rippled under his tailored shirts.

The room was filled with friends and associates.  Most were people that normally, you not spend a lot of time with.  Others you would.  All were brought together by this little Christmas gathering.  A pair of folding tables, draped in holiday covers and laid out with pot luck foods was the center of attention.   Over weight people, eating and drinking too much gathered here.  The room was filled with that background buzz of people making small talk, their tongues loosened by alcohol, as they wandered about with plates of small portions.  It was Christmas that had brought them together.  In one corner, a tiny fake Christmas tree adorned with lights blinked like a shrine to this gathering of mismatched people.

He quickly surveyed the room, picking his order of attack.  Which people to shake hands with first and get it out of the way. Which people to pigeon hole, to work during play, and which to hang with later.  Plus, he needed the all important corner to commandeer, a place gather his minions.

It was later, after his minions had made their worship known, as he held court in the corner, that he noticed her.  A tall, beautiful woman leaning uncomfortably alone, against a wall across from him.  She was not unknown to him, but the opportunity to socialize with her had never presented itself before.

She was nervous, and ill at ease.  At first it was this shy discomfort that attracted the attention of his Dominant nature.  But as he looked again, he realized that there was more here than natural submissiveness.  She was a breathtaking beauty with red hair and curves that made him swear softly under his breath  God! the body on this woman!

Her freckled, small town girl face, framed by sweeping long locks of straight red hair, held beautiful eyes that turned down shyly at contact.  He gazed more intently at her and she flinched under the attention.  She wore a loose fitting dress whose plunging neckline allowed him to view delicious cleavage formed by rich full breasts, trapped in a bra underneath.  His gaze now swept up and down.  She had a flat stomach, and hips that flared out nicely, complimenting those wonderful breasts in graceful sweeping curves that defined her ample feminine form. High heals drew his attention to long lean legs that disappeared under a skirt just short enough to make him believe that a wonderful mound of womanhood awaited just above thighs that didn’t meet-unless crossed and pressed tightly together.  He drank in this beauty and felt a familiar throbbing in his lower extremities.

Dismissing court, he made eye contact once again, which she promptly broke, looking down shyly.  It only fueled his desire more.  He strode purposely towards his prize, she with her heart aflutter as he approached.  She looked up in a serious of short glances, each time he was still staring, still coming closer, still approaching until his neatly polished boots appeared in her downward gaze.  She pressed her back against the wall as if it would shield her from his presence, but it only served to square her shoulders, and make her breasts more prominent.  He didn’t lean in or put a hand against the wall to trap her.  He didn’t look down to steal a glance at the cleavage, the ample breast between them.  He moved slowly, disarming her.  Slowly he stripped her of her fears and apprehensions, laying her bear.

He talked not about himself, but instead struck her with a constant stream of questions about herself.  She found herself loose tongued, in a way that only too much alcohol normally made her speak.  He kept her off balance, one moment free and easy, and in another he would touch her forearm, a contact that froze her for a moment.  He never quite felt harmless, yet he never left her uneasy for more than a brief moment.  And so it went, moments of ease and nervousness.  The room and its people ceased to exist.

The evening melted away, in a dance of hot exchanges, her universe engulfed by this intriguing person.  Party goers began to make their exits,  and he made his first command of the evening.. stay and help me with the cleanup.  She nodded.  Maybe because in her heart she was submissive, or perhaps she was drunk with the wine of this man’s power, but she gave of herself willingly, eagerly.  It wasn’t a demand, yet she felt compelled just the same.

When the last of the party goers had left the building, and the doors were locked, he took her by the hand and lead her deeper into the building, she in tow, nervous but obedient.  She followed meekly into a room with wood walls and he closed the door behind them.  He turned to face her and backed her up into a wall, his thigh between her legs.  He looked down at her, that beautiful face framed in wonderful long flowing red hair, that fell about her shoulders and down into that gorgeous cleavage.  NOW he allowed himself the luxory of drinking in her beauty, of gazing on that wonderful cleavage.  She breathed heavy now, completely drunk in her submission. No words were exchanged.  She understood as he did, that they were two of a kind, each in their own way.

So it was that when he pressed ever so gently on her shoulders, she instantly fell to her knees, knowing his wordless desire, and was willing to obey.  She removed his cock. Her submission alone had made it hard and throbbing , and she took him into her mouth.  In that moment, as her lips closed in delicious submission to his pleasure, he knew as she did, that she was his to command.  He let her feel him, taste him, and reveled in feeling of having this woman on her knees before him.

It is odd that there was no discussion, no negotiation, no reaching of an understanding.  So sure of their desires were they, that words were not needed. He pulled her up to him, his mouth now hungry for hers.  He tasted her lips, her tongue, as he pressed her once more to the wall.  He cupped her breasts, full hands, which sought through the material of her dress and bra for hard nipples underneath.

One hand stole under her dress.  Her panties were soaked with the excitement of this encounter.  He understood now he must make her his.  One last time against the wall, with a handful of hair and soft kisses at her neck he pressed against her, then lead her to a nearby desk by the grip on her hair.  He pressed her head forward, driving her over the desk, lead by his grip on her hair.  He released her and now she lay before him, her breasts pressed against the wood of the desk, her back rising with heavy breaths, and her ass held high by those long shapely legs.

Her skirt rode up high in the move, giving him the smallest glimpse of wet panties over her perfect mound.  He paused, letting her feel her submission, her exposure, letting her feel cool air on her wetness.  He paused to admire the perfection of her lines, the way her thighs and ass cheeks met, and framed the dripping  sex he would soon possess. In spite of his hunger, he paused to make her feel the choice, her choice, to continue this dance or not.

What went through her head as she stayed frozen there with her breasts pressed against the desk?  What did she feel with her ass  exposed to him,  her sex freely offered to do with as he pleased?  Perhaps she felt fear mingled with excitement, or maybe just excitement at the thought of the control this man had over her. Whatever she thought, she did not move.  She remained frozen in place for his use.  Breathless, she awaited for his continued pleasure to take her.

She didn’t turn to look at him, but closed her eyes, blind and waiting in her personal darkness for the feel of his touch.   She waited for him to use her.  She waited, lost in the darkness of her unconditional surrender, freely giving of her body anything his pleasure would take from her, and he smiled at that.  He touched her and she breathed deeper, her knees trembled and buckled ever so slightly.

He trailed a hand up her thighs, under her skirt and then knelt to better appreciate that which he would now take.  As he slowed pulled her panties down, to reveal her wet and waiting womanhood, crowned by a small tuft of red hair, she moaned softly in anticipation.  She smelled wonderful.  He gently bit her ass, then licked and sucked at her clit, mixing little bits of pleasure and pain.  A gasp escaped her lips and she grasped the edge of the desk harder, fairly trembling now.

It is hard to say which was more drunk with lust in that moment. He with his throbbing need to be inside her,  to feel the grip of her wetness around him.  Or she driven mad by the slow conquest of her being, the need to feel him take her completely.  He stood suddenly, decisively, his cock already out, wet from her mouth.  He slide the head ever so softly between the her lips, wetting himself further with her juices.

He slid into her ever so slowly, at first, lips wet with anticipation parting to hold him.  Eyes closed, ever fiber of her being attended to the sensation of that penetration, of her grip on him, as his irresistible force met the movable object of her being.  With an unexpected change, he thrust suddenly into her, and she gasped.  He buried deep, his hardness penetrating her deeper than she could ever remember, his pelvic bone grinding into her, seeking to go deeper still, and she felt the last vestiges of self control leave her.  The moment was ecstasy unleashed, her tight wet grip, pliable and yielding to the hard and throbbing domination that slide into her, as he took her utterly and completely.

It was the first and last penetration, the alpha an omega, the crumbling and making of her world.  She was his completely, the two made one.  It was the first of many a dangerous encounter, sexual adventures in places partly public.  There is a thing about power and attraction.  Ideally, we move slowly, taking our time as we get to know another person.  And sometimes we are overcome by the momentum of a moment.  We succumb to dangerous desires,  as both Dominant and submissive.  It is not important if we are impulsive or not, if we succumb to the lust of the moment or not.  What is important is that we make good choices, ones that we can live with later.  Not long later I wrote this:

I have found, that almost every submissive has a secret key locked away in her heart and her mind, begging to be found. Any master can have her pleasures, but only a great Master can find the key, and when he does, she comes undone, but is forever more, held in the grip of the man that set her free. Given time, that Master is usually me. ~Xtac Quote

Carped Diem my friends, and a merry kinky Christmas!

A side note:  This happened in what we might call the golden age of sex, when one night stands were common – before aids and herpes where known.  This was a time when a shot of penicillin would cure any STD out there. Today, reality dictates we are much more cautious in our trysts.  I often wonder where the sexual revolution would have taken us, had these diseases never happened?  Also, this was before Izrina.  I have been this way as long as I can remember.

Anger

If you didn’t read my previous post, please do first.  Its here.

Now.  Some might think I  wasn’t strong because I didn’t blow up, that I didn’t show that asshole the Master and Dominant that I am.  Others may think that if you are not angry at injustice, then the injustice may not be real.  In court, if you show no emotion, its a bad thing for the jury.  Trust me, there was plenty violence and aggression hurled my way and it could very easily have turned into ugly uncontrolled rage.. on his part. Not mine.  But why not? you may ask.

If any of that previous blog sounded weak, I am writing this now to correct your terrible understanding of how a person in control really works.

In retrospect, I am extremely pleased with my performance.  There is a thing that happens sometimes, when you are completely reasonable with an  unreasonable person, and it makes them angrier.  Obviously when that happens, they were trying to provoke you.  That didn’t happen though.

I kept my voice stead, I fought back the screaming voice inside of me, I addressed the gentleman as “Sir”, and did my level best to keep the tone civil.  In short, he was out of control, and from a thinking person’s perspective, that is an opportunity for YOU to be more fully in control.  It is as if they have placed themselves blindfolded on a narrow board and with the most gentle of touch you can cause them to sway this way or that.  You MUST have control of yourself first, before you can see and leverage a position like that.

A great Dominant will be like that.  They are annoyingly calm, slow to anger, but you can still tell when you have displeased them, because the intensity and focus goes way up.  When that happens, you just know you are in trouble with them and at that point, if you haven’t gotten control of yourself, that Dominant is going to manipulate you like a marionette.

Anger my friends is a tool.  Sometimes we pull it out of box and we show it to people to get their attention.  But anger should never be worn.  It must be something that is displayed but not allowed to be part of yourself.  Not sure how I can explain this better.  It is like you become an actor, and you use the anger you should be feeling, to create the perfect scene for that moment in your life.

When as a Dominant should you show anger?  Almost never.  It might be misunderstood for a lack of control.  When you cannot control yourself, everyone knows that you are weak.  But there are times when you have not been able to achieve a certain level of focus from someone, and they need to know they have gone so far as to create a situation where you will actually be angry.  For a person that knows you, this can be a very scary moment.  All the more reason to have yourself under control.

Fear and intimidation can be useful tools.  Never turn away a tool.  Every thing has its time and place.  But of all the tools in your Domination toolbox, these are the ones that should be left to rust.

So yes, in retrospect I am very pleased with my performance.  I will tell you that afterward, after I was away from mister angry, I had my own moments of pent up rage.  I wanted to smash walls, and break things with a bat, but I kept it bottled up until it passed.  Oh I felt it alright, but I was better than that, and I am proud of it.  That opportunity for anger is now in the past and the pride I feel at the control I managed over him and myself, won’t allow me to even come close to being angry now.  Don’t think that control is easy.  It is not.  Nor is it easy to hide when you are controlling yourself.  You have to control yourself without looking like you are trying.  Never let them see your cards.  Hope that gave you something worthy to think about.  Carpe Diem my friends!  Go be someone’s great day!

 

Related

Evil Doms

This is titled “Evil Doms” but it might also be titled “Snow storms and slaves, part 2”.  Part one is here.    There are a few ex-lover types out there, and you may recognize them..

One type makes you feel wonderful about yourself.  They are complimentary, and love everything about you.. they make you feel attractive and in return, because you feel so wonderful when you are around them,  you can not help but love them.  But they are calculating like an evil Dom or Domme.  They know how to make you feel wonderful about yourself, and they do it for as long as you are useful, and desired.  But because they are also uncaring in their calculations.  When something better makes itself available, you will dropped like last week stinky garbage.  The new object of desire gets their attention and too late you realize it was all empty flattery – but it was so sweet – you would go back if you could.

And another type is the fuck buddy.  Now there is nothing wrong with a fuck buddy if that is what you want.  But again, it is the rare person who holds a poly together well without attaching strings to the deal.  When a calculating person convinces you that you want sex, and they want sex, and there is no harm in a pleasant exchange, that can go well.  But if your life changes, and you try to pull out of the arrangement, the evil side can rear its ugly head and the calculating side begins to pull strings to sabotage whatever stands in the way… or worse… they turn up the heat on a person who has a hard time saying no to the point of forcing themselves on you.  They may not even accept consent as a requirement for sex.

Many of us have these types in our past.  I take care to shield Izrina from some of these types, but I can’t do it on nights like this.  Yeah, my fears came to past.  A couple of guys dropped in on the girls for some storm night drinking at the ranch.

A while ago, I bought Izrina a flashlight.  It’s completely functional,  but with a twist.  It also doubles as a stun gun.  Jam the end of it into an attacker, pull the correct trigger, and the threat is neutralized.  She didn’t have it with her tonight.  I wish she did.  Bugs me that my gut had this one pegged right, and I didn’t listen to it.

Nothing happened.  Izrina has been trained to report anything I might be interested in, setting aside a portion of her brain as a guardian working on behalf of Master.  I got the info I needed for tonight.  I’ll get the full details tomorrow night.  Dammit.  I feel torn between the feeling I let her down, and the feeling that she is big girl and needs to sometimes take care of herself if someone gets pushy.

I am not being rational right now.  I would wager every one of us has had at least one person in our past that betrayed a trust.  After that happens,  you never quite look at the trust you place in a partner, quite the same.   You can be honest, and direct, and it still doesn’t matter because it seems that everyone is vulnerable at some point in their life.  Everyone at some point makes a choice they wish they had not.  So you question if the person you are with, will have that weak moment with you.. and you base this thought on a past you wish you could let go of, but can’t.

The fact is, there are Dom like people out there that are evil.  Maybe even sociopaths.  They know the buttons to push, and are not afraid to push them to get what they want.  They may not call themselves Doms, but sometimes they do.

Let me be clear about the title.  Not all Doms are actually what we would want a Dom to be, and not all nillas are free of Dom aspects.  Some nilla people are total Doms, they just don’t know anyone in the life style, and never had anyone point out the being  Dom is OK as long as you remove some behaviors.  I know a few people who know nothing of BDSM, and yet these people are very Dominant with their partners. One is a close friend.  He doesn’t want to think of himself as “kinky” and doesn’t want to talk about it. Problem is, being a Dom without understanding it, may make you a border line abuser.  You both have to talk, and negotiate, and understand what you both get out of it, and most importantly, agree to consent.  Then there are people from the past that I won’t go into.

The key difference about a real Dom is that a real Dom is looking for an equitable exchange.. one that both of you find pleasurable.. and they are honest and trustworthy.   The same can be said for slaves.  Nothing is more important than trust.  Its the foundation of your relation.   Shatter that one too many times, and a person becomes damaged goods.. no matter how rational, intelligent, and caring a person may be.  One side of you will always want to treat a new partner as a clean slate, and another side of you will always see the human weakness that has soiled your past – and constantly worry for the future.  Trust shattered is bad.

The world could use a lot fewer people plying the tools of a Dominant, for their own selfish desires.

When geeks collide

My slave and I are gaming geeks.  We both love Skyrim, and Minecraft.  If you haven’t heard of Minecraft, you can’t be reading this now, because the rock you are living under has no electricity.   Skyrim, if you are not familiar, is an incredible immersive fantasy game, rich with breathtaking scenery and endless hills and valleys to explore.  You can wander for days across this fantasy land as you build up the skills and possessions of a character who can be a hero, or villain, depending on how you feel like playing.

Now, you may be wondering, “Yes X, but what does that have to do with my throbbing sexual needs?   What about my deep lust for Dominance and submission?  When do we get to the good stuff? ”  Glad you asked.

Seventeen days ago, my slave and I underwent a little “adjustment” in her duties to correct an area I was not pleased with.  I have to say that since “Domination on Blogs, the quirks”,  the changes I’ve made have kept me quite happy.

It’s not fair to you, my steady followers to not explain.  What I was unhappy with, was the lack of detail in housekeeping.   I like a home to be neat, tidy, and presentable enough for company at any time.  Its the small things: dust that builds up, chrome that is splattered, baseboards that haven’t been cleaned, things that are not organized.   The little things add up, and the collective is messy.   A home should be a place of comfort, a refuge from the storms outside,  a retreat where you love your environment, and the person or persons you share it with.   I can’t be comfortable if the place isn’t spot on.  I’ve lived with disasters.  I don’t want that ever again.

I took responsibility for this.   If things didn’t get done, its because I wasn’t managing properly.  Izrina is first and foremost a slave.  I just needed to set expectations.  I expect anticipatory service, and I expect what pleases me would be done by a slave who loves to please, but no one is a mind reader.

There is a lazy side to managing that sometimes does not want to deal with things.  To be a good Master, or manager for that matter, you cannot let things slide. I was unhappy, and things needed to change.  When things do not get done, a strong willed person steps in and makes changes.

I need to say these things to reveal to you, what it is like in an ongoing, every day Master – slave relation.  Even when its perfect, you still have ups and downs.  Of course when things are perfect, a “down” side is more like disappointment than a total unhappy meltdown – especially if you don’t let things slide.

So I instituted a schedule.  Cleaning will happen every day, five days a week.  It will start each Monday, at the desk in the living room.  Five areas, one for each weekday, arranged in a logical, clockwise order around the home.

After week one, no dust, and everything was neat and shiny.  By week two, cleanup was a matter of finding something to clean.  By week three, cleaning turned to just a little tidying up, and organizing.   The home is now something I am very proud of, and more importantly, when I come home I look around; I am at ease.  It pleases me, and my pleasure, pleases her.   I don’t feel the need to get back up and have this or that handled.  Everything is on a schedule, and looks great.

At first, cleaning every day takes time away and at the end of a long day at work, you don’t want to give up that time.  Later, when there is little left to do, those few minutes of maintenance are easy.  She has a new appreciation, I think, for our home, and what she does in service to me.  We still have our down time, and that brings me back to our gaming geek side.

Oh, we are geeks.. believe me.  She has a book with over a thousand pages, on Skyrim.  She studies and take notes for when I give her some play time.  When she started a new diet recently, she poured over books, wrote shopping lists, collected recipes, and all of it was recorded in a notepad, in handwriting that is neat, and oh so tiny..  OCD, yeah, we got that.

Now that my daughter is away at College, finances are very tight and we are spending even more time at home.  That means more time to clean, and experiment with food, and play games.  Now of the electronic games, I will often have a bath drawn, and have a drink brought to me, then release her to play Skyrim.   I’ll do some Sudoku, to keep my mind limber, and then kick her off the game to go make supper, at which point its my turn to de-stress by killing monsters and exploring.

As a Dominant, I can play all I want and leave her to find something else with which to amuse herself.  I can be greedy, and hog all the play time for myself.   But gaming can be a terrible addiction.  You get to a point where you have things you want to achieve in the game and you can go hours before you notice the amount of time that has gone by.. unless you are the person waiting for your turn.. then time goes very, very slowly.   I know this.  I have that addiction too, and when I am hogging all the game time, I think about these things.

As I was sipping my drink tonight and preparing to kick her off the game, a thought occurred to me.    I wonder how many Master and slave relations have had fights because the Dominant was greedy and monopolized the entertainment?   I know it seems like a silly thing, but when you get home, and the cleaning and chores are all done, we all need something to entertain us, something to fill the hours with.

Often Master and slave entertainment is TV, in the form of sports, or a movie.  But it might also be surfing the net,  writing, painting, reading, or gaming.   Some of those things you may have to wait your turn for.  I wonder..  how do other Dominants and slaves reach a compromise on TV, or games, or the computer?   Or do they compromise at all?  Are some slaves secretly very unhappy because of the greedy hogging by the Master?   Should a Master give up time, say on a computer, if there is just one, and they are not ready to give it up?  Should a slave have to wait until Master leaves, to watch the movies and entertainment they like?

Its super hot, to say I am going to use you as my sexual toy.   I am going to fuck you any time I want and you will experience being a thing for my sexual amusement.   I will use your mouth, and your gentiles any time it pleases me.  You will not protest when I choose to undress you, and caress the parts of your body I desire, to finger and fondle because I can, and because every part of your body is mine.   Yeah, that’s hot.  I don’t see any downside at all there.  But this is an activity where attention is being paid.  Its quite different if you are being ignored.

Its not so hot to be sitting beside a person engrossed in a football game, that you care nothing about, and get no attention.  It is not so hot to be at the feet of a Master who is playing a video game, and all you want is your turn, so you are fidgeting and waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Sometimes a full time relation is not as glamorous as the picture we paint in our heads.  Is it a slaves place to be bored and ignored, if the Master is happy?  I guess it depends on the Master and slave.  I know slaves who crave objectification, for whom being ignored is fine.  Others, not so much.  Yeah, it depends.

My solution for us is the “smoking jacket and pipe”.   That plus I do at times give up my control of our gaming entertainment.   After all, the goal is mutual happiness.  Some days, I am happy to give Izrina the controls, take her lap as my pillow and nap, while she gets her “fix” for some of her wild Skyrim addiction.  I think the real key is attention.  A Master needs to put down the remote periodically to direct, inspect, praise, and maybe enjoy a little Ds quickie.  The answer could be as simple as directing your slave to  paint or undertake some other project or hobby at your direction-something that becomes pleasure, and extends the control.  Control should be felt at all times, when you are living it.

If the picture I have painted here seems less than ideal for your personal preferences, that’s fine.  I works for us.  As I noted it earlier, “it depends”.   I couldn’t be happier and if her happy little sighs as I stroked her this evening is any indication, then she is quite happy too.  Life is too short to live for the future.   You have to find your happiness right here, right now, in the little things.  I couldn’t be more pleased.  Pleased with the home, pleased with my slave, pleased with how proud she is when she pleases me,  pleased with the comfort and love I feel when we are doing nothing special..  Odd… Just as a slave finds freedom in her chains,  I find so many special moments, when nothing special is happening.  Carpe Diem my friends.. Go make a great day!

Domination on Blogs, the quirks

I have to tell you that part of my control has to do with timing.  I will reveal information when it has the most use and impact.  If you read yesterday’s blog, you know that Monday I was unhappy but doubled down on the things I wanted addressed and yesterday was better.  I kind of released that information early though, before it had a conclusion.  I ended like this:

This evening was nice.  Tomorrow, if my expectations are met, they will be better still.  Or they might be worse.  I expect better though.

So I telegraphed my thoughts.  Problem is, my slave reads this blog too.  There is every likelihood that by those words, she might alter her behavior.  I don’t want that.   I would prefer to wait and see what kind of response I get from earlier interaction.  How else can I judge the effectiveness of my corrective application?

I am a Dominant that is very much into the pleasure of understanding my slave, and finding her buttons, and knowing how to to push them to get the results I want.   Having a blog can work both ways.  It can be a method of praise, or embarrassment.  What I write here, can influence in a very real way our relation.  I am always cognizant of this when I write here.

It is one of the quirks of having a public blog, that it work for or against your plans.  Worse, the written word is fraught with misunderstandings that just don’t as easily exist when you can see and hear a person.  A simple written: I love “this”, can cause a person to wonder:  Did I do “this” without realizing?  Was it a good thing?  Was it a bad thing ?  Is “this” a hint?  Am I supposed to be doing something?  Do I do this “thing” enough?  Do I do it too much?  Yeah, a blog can be a quirky thing, for a Ds relation.


 

For my blog followers who are wondering how this drama concluded tonight: The area I wanted corrected was handled far better than my expectations.  I am a very happy M tonight.  Even more so, because she was too busy to get to the blog to read.  Which means the things that influenced that behavior were in no way related to this blog.  Double bonus points!   Yep, I am very happy indeed.

I’m not ready to brag about what a good girl she is, or mention how pleased I am to have such an obedient and pleasurable slave, nope.  No such puffery here for her to read.  There is always time for back sliding and this particular area I am addressing is important.  If it stays attended to well, and for a period of time, THEN maybe I’ll make such comments.

OK.. maybe one little praise.  Tonight’s dinner was steak and veggies.  I pretended to be gaming while she prepared my plate.  I enjoyed the busy little dance back and forth, some pepper on this, a bottle of olive oil to add a splash to that… just back and forth attending to the plate with great care and attention to my preferences… and there it was… that love you feel that just overwhelms you.  The sense that your life is absolutely perfect, and before you is a person that completes that life, who in ever fiber of your being, just feels right for who and what you are.

Better to live in those magic small moments when nothing important happens, than to live for any imagined, great future.  Living for the future is a terrible waste of the present.  Tonight I am just incredibly pleased, and that is enough.  Carpe Diem my friends.  Go MAKE a great day!

Slaves don’t screw up, part 1

In keeping with this whole “Dom’s don’t cry” theme I think its about time we flipped over the cards and showed the other side.  Normally, I don’t allow anything but the good side of my Ds relation to be revealed in this blog.  And there is plenty of good stuff to talk about.

Work today basically sucked, but I had a hot tub and a cold drink waiting for me to relax with, just as I ordered, which pleased me greatly.  Supper too was exactly as requested and again, I was quite pleased.

But I have this thing going on for the past few days that frankly is pissing me off.  If you have read my blog much, you will know about our two daily rituals, Daily appreciation, and Daily Gratitude.  The day starts with the first and ends with the second.  Lately, Izrina has been skipping her Daily Gratitude ritual.

This triggers my Dom side to get serious.  First I am unhappy, displeased, and generally shocked.  What I do when a slave doesn’t behave like a slave is stick to the program and refuse to let it go or overlook it.   I am going to be the Dom I was meant to be, and nothing changes that.  So I check my anger, I draw my patience, and I point out what was missed, and I wait for this to be corrected.  And it does get corrected, because nothing else will get my attention until this is done.

But in the meantime a whole host of things are happening inside me.  First, I am thinking, “How the hell can this happen?  Am I not clear, do we not do this every day?  What possible reasoning could there be that allows this failure?  Does she not know that I won’t let this slide?  How could she not know I am going to double down on this?”

I know it can be difficult at times to shift into gratitude mode and to think of three things that actually were nice in a rotten day can be a chore, but that is the whole point.  When life is rough, we have to work at the mental shift, we have to put effort into changing our focus. This is important.  I am not going to let it just drop.  Again, wth???

While I am checking my anger, and  working my patience, I am now at a disadvantage regarding finding my own happiness.  I guess I could be happy that I have material to work on, but ignoring a standing ritual shouldn’t be one of those areas I need to fix or work on, or so I reason.  So I just am annoyed and puzzled. But I won’t let things make me, I make me, so now I invest effort into not being annoyed.  And that need to put in effort leads to a new annoyance which I must erase.  And so it goes, the trigger that causes me to work harder at being both Dom and spiritual leader.  In most respects, and most times, she is a perfect slave.

So yes, sometimes there is trouble in paradise.  Some times a perfect slave does screw up and frankly I can’t say I know exactly why.  I am generally fairly good at reading her mind but this one has me stumped.   It happens from time to time, things just like this and I just wonder.. where did my perfect slave go.. and when will she be back?  Why is this stranger challenging me?

Like I said earlier, normally, I don’t allow anything but the good side of my Ds relation to be revealed in this blog – but I don’t want you to get the impression that screw ups never happen or that everything is always perfect.  The fact is, sometimes slaves do screw up, but with patience and determination I can make it right, but I can’t get inside her head when she isn’t acting “all slave like” – and that pisses me off too.

Like I also said earlier, I personally have a lot to be grateful for tonight, and I will be damned if this one thing will get in the way of a good mood or an otherwise wonderful evening.  It is what it is and I’ll deal with it.  Carpe Diem my friends!

Doms don’t cry, part 3

Just when you thought the “Dom’s don’t cry” series was done, ta da!  Yes, rising from the dead like some Halloween fright, is yet another chapter in this series.


In “Doms don’t cry, part 1”, I spoke to the fact that if you are not compatible in a Ds kind of way, a Dom just has to suck it up and get on with life.  We might encourage begging, it feeds the power dynamic, but begging is destructive when we do it.

In “Doms don’t cry, part 2”, I spoke to my human side, the Dom that is a loving father and Dad.  We are all people, Mothers, brothers, sisters, fathers, best friends, with someone and it can pull us out of our “persona”.


Tonight, we need to take another look at the “tough guy” side of being Dom.  There is this thing that sometimes happens, where we are at first not eager to let the real bad boy out, so to speak, because we know we need to be a little flexible.  As Raven Kaldera put it:

I don’t compromise with my slave, I compromise with reality. ~ Quote – Raven Kaldera, speaking about being flexible as a Master.

So while yes, in a CNC or TPE we can order anything we desire, we also understand the importance of an equitable exchange, that the relation is pleasing to both parties.  And that is where the rub comes in.  Let’s face it, if I can order a blow job anytime I want, I am damn well going to.  But there is a certain degree of uncertainty that comes with being sexually selfish.  While we want to take, and use, and demand sexually, and we should without apology,  we might not always be so forthcoming about how we feel. 

There may be an uncertainty.   It is not uncommon to put up a strong front, to demand from our slaves total access to their thoughts, but not do the same with our own feelings.  We may not want to let things show which may appear weak, or “less Dommly”.  We might even shy away from doing things we want, because it may appear to be a less in control kind of thing.  Both things are completely wrong for a Dom to do.

First, yes, if you get angry you need to check that and approach problems with a cool head.  But you also need to let your feelings show.  It is fine to withhold your reasons for your decisions, you need not explain yourself, but it is also unfair to withhold the vital clues that help a slave better understand you.  You should allow yourself the freedom of showing your feelings.  More importantly, if you are not being brutally honest with your slave about your feelings, you may lie to yourself and make compromises you and they regret later.

The second thing that is wrong to hold back on is when you want something, but think it may appear less in control, so you do not demand this thing you want.  I am here to tell you that you can order anything, and still be in control.  You CAN be a masochist and a Master.   The difference is that you order what happens to any degree you wish to control it.  You can suck dick or eat pussy and still be in charge.  And you can prove it by not stopping until you feel like it, which can turn an orgasm into torture. The difference between a slave giving oral, and a Dominant, is the control, and the reason for doing it.  If you do it because you want to, and for control, you are Dominant.  If you do it because you were ordered to and to please, you are submissive.  Control is felt.  You know when you are being controlled, even if it is subtle and manipulative.

So yes, a Dom is always in charge, leading, guiding and coaching.  And yes, a Dom may choose to be stoic, silent, reserved, when in their estimation the situation calls for it.  But a Dom can also let you see them get mad, chuckle, laugh, and yes cry.   A Dom is defined by the Dominance they make others feel and a great Dom can do it in an instant, with a word or a look.  Carpe Diem my friends!  Make a great day!

Slavery during personal tragedy

When you are the proud owner of a consensual slave, you will find yourself at some point dealing with a person who has suffered a tragic loss.  Now tragedies come in all sizes, large and small.  When a person loses a loved one, this is one of those large tragedies.  Even if we have a spiritual perspective on these things: that eternal life is ours and that we can not be separated forever by death, there is still the loss of your loved ones comforting voice, their laugh, and their warm embrace.  It brings into focus the question – what is real?  Too often, pain seems more real than joy.

The single most important thing I teach, is how to be happy. I insist on speaking of this to those close around me.  I desire that those in close proximity to me, be pleasant, happy, and fulfilled.  The two greatest things you can learn are “How to be happy”, and “How to make good decisions”.  Nothing else you learn is as important as these.  You would think every formal education system would include this in their curriculum.  Happiness no doubt eludes even you, my dear reader, from time to time.  For all my wisdom, it eludes me as well, when I lose my way.  As fulfilled as I am, there are times I lose my way, forget what I know, and what I have learned.

Happiness is always just a change in perspective away.  Saying this is much easier than being this. I keep a sports car, a convertible, for pleasant drives on summer days.  One particularly bad winter, the shelter in which it is kept partially collapsed.  My daughter was greatly concerned for how I would handle this.  I like to think that I rose to the challenge, and demonstrated back to those around me, what I preach.  Granted, losing a beloved possession is not the same as losing a loved one, but neither is it a simple thing to find our happiness when faced with these kinds of things.  It helps to think of these things as a challenge to prove that we can walk the walk.  Hmmm – losing a beloved possession.  That phrase takes on special meaning when you are a slave owner – but I digress.

My slave has had losses recently.  She is a person who values her privacy.  She doesn’t like when I share tidbits from her life, but I do it anyway.  I reason, that if I own her, I own it all.. I own her body, her mind, and her will.  All are mine to do with as I please, and we need to get past any point where this is contested.  It needs to be accepted with trust and simple humility.  But this slavery is also consensual and mutual happiness is the goal, so I balance her desire for privacy – to some degree – with my desire to share with others what I have learned.  Having said all that, I will tell you now that my slave has suffered both large and small tragedies in recent months.  You need to know that much, for me to explain how I dealt with it, and how the lessons learned might apply to you if you have a similar situation arise.

Immediately after her loss, her life was thrown into disarray.  I saw two ways to bring her through this valley of darkness.  One way was to impose greater structure and control onto her life.  This way would be appropriate if she needed to bury her pain, and shelve it for moments when she could deal with it by herself, in small doses, at appropriate times.  Much like returning to work right after a funeral, busy hands and minds are often the best medicine for grief.

The other way was to loosen the control and structure over her life, allowing her to be less of a slave and more of person who could come to me seeking understanding and comfort.  The latter choice, to walk away from my dynamic, troubles me deeply but I also recognize that no one plan fits all slaves.  Inside the complex mix of desires, needs, wants, philosophies, understandings, beliefs, and all the other things that makes up a personality, each slave has their own perfect buttons that unlocks who and what they are.

I will tell you that some protocols slipped.  Sometimes she was irritable with me.  These are things I would normally never tolerate.  Yet I knew, deep inside that she was in that valley of the shadow of death, and I knew what she needed, and when.  This is all rather vague instruction on how to fix the problem, I will grant you, but as I observe often, you must direct the mind of a slave not the body.  You must Master the tools of observation, of patience, and of calculated and artistic manipulations that bring about in your property, your canvas, your great achievement:  The creation of a slave who is perfect for you, and who in turn is as mutually happy with the result.

In time, the protocols all came back stronger than before, the slave at my feet more sure of who and what she was, and what she wanted.  I like to think that two faced as one, this challenge.

Why now?  Why do I suddenly want to write of this now?  Because a minor tragedy is faced.  A small trinket of great sentimental value was lost.  I will use this loss as yet an opportunity, to speak of being pleasant, and of being responsible for our own happiness.  I will use this as a chance to teach that which is easy to say and hard to do.. that happiness is always just a change in perspective away.

Life is not static, there are no dependable constants in all of the things around us that most consider to be real and valuable.  But when we consider that things that CAN be constant, we touch on things that are harder to hold up as real.  When we place our trust in uncommon currencies, like the exchange of love for example, or the value of satisfaction in honest labor, these are things that ARE constant.  We can always have them.    When we pour out love into the world, it comes back to us in surprising ways.

Because life is not static, neither is blind devotion to an inflexible dynamic a good thing.  This needs to be a flexible thing. Yes, your protocols need to be consistent, and you will need to be an irresistible force,  but the times in which you bring to bear the full force of that indomitable spirit, must be flexible.  I have spoken on this many times before. No matter where your slave’s mindset is at the moment, there needs to be knowledge that while Master may be gentle, Master is always there waiting to take possession, to control what is his through consent.

I can not tell you exactly how to bring YOUR slave back from a tragedy, but I can tell you that if they truly consent to giving all that they are to you, and desire this deeply, and if you stay in your sacred role, and have the intelligence, patience and compassion to deal with their needs, you can not only help them through, but also make stronger your slave’s understanding that they have chosen wisely, the Master to serve.

Carpe Diem!