MY Master

One thing you will never hear Izrina say is:  My Master is awesome!  He’s just the best Master ever!  She is never going to ever say that.

It’s not that I am not amazing and awesome.. I am.  It’s just that she doesn’t use the word “my” very often.  She might say,  The Master I serve is awesome!  He’s the best Master ever!

It may sound weird, this addiction I have for words.  Understand that this is a thing that runs deeper than just playing with how we say a thing.  It cuts to the core of something she can never think.  She can not think that I am her’s.  She can not think that she has some leverage over me.  She can have no expectation of control over my wants or desires. I am not hers on any level.  Even my Domination is not hers.. it is MY gift, to her.

She is MY property.  She is there to serve and please me. If I stay late at a Dungeon as I often do, and she needs sleep because she must rise early to be at the barn, I might send her to the car to nap.  I get chatting, and I love being in the center stage, so it can become hard to leave.  I see her need for sleep though, and her need comes before what I want.  IF I can manage both her need and my wants, I will.  If you have not heard this before, these are the priorities of Ds in order

  1. The needs of the slave
  2. The needs of the Master
  3. The wants of the Master
  4. The wants of the slave

And what happens when a slave doesn’t like another slave and thinks that slave is cutting in on her territory?   Let’s examine that question, shall we?   Starting with “her territory”.  I don’t have to go any further do I?   You can see already where I would go with this.  IF there is no.. “MY Master”, then there is no “my territory”.  Izrina has jokingly said she’ll scratch the eyes out of any bitch who tries to cut in on the Master she serves, but she knows better than to say that in a serious tone.  It amuses me.. as a joke..

I have a “thing” for playing with Raven Pup.  It happened at the North East Power Exchange Competitions.   Raven and I had a wonderful scene and the scene that Izrina was promised didn’t happen.  There was drama afterward.  It wasn’t jealousy per se.   I won’t go into it but I am sure you can imagine where I stood on this.

Izrina gets it. She knows its my pleasure first.   She knows that I am “the Master she serves”..   She would never dream of saying “My Master”…. hmmmm unless her SAM side broke out and she was looking for a beating (SAM = Smart Ass Masochist).   Izrina is sisters with Raven.  We talk from time to time about how she feels about Raven in my life.   On the surface there appears to be no issues, but there is something else we must always be aware of.

A sidebar story about Izrina being a SAM:  On one evening Izrina was giving me a little lip as she sometimes does when her SAM side breaks out.  So I was all Dominant and having heard just about enough lip from her, I demanded in my most Dommly Dom voice..”Get your ass in the car now!”  So she did… she turned around bent over and just stuck her ass in the car door.  HA ha!  I am fairly sure that every time she bounced in the saddle of her horse for the next week, she went.. chuckle..ow…chuckle.. ow!  Bruises are a lovely way to remember the one you love!

When you DO find someone special and your life is freaking wonderful when you are with them, you can develop a fear of losing them.  We know that living a life in the shadow of fear is self destructive but we often do it anyway.  Fear has a way of creeping in, of convincing us that we are fools if we do not nurse fear.  Fear is the dark whisper that calls you to the shadows and you know you should not go, but you sometimes do anyway.

The idea of love being limited and a commodity to be fiercely guarded is a concept that I don’t understand. ~ Slave_Shylah

When we live without fear, when we allow ourselves to love someone more than we need them, when we act as conduits for the endless love that can pour through us…  then and only then can we an live up to this quote.  It is easier to say than to do but it is also worth fighting to achieve.  It starts with knowing that the person you are with truly loves you, that they will place no other above you, and that they are worthy of the trust you place in them.

Carpe Diem my friends.. Go be someone’s great day!

The one blog you should read…

If you never read another blog….read this one…

It’s the day after the North East Power Exchange competition and now that it’s over, I can finally talk about the struggle that Izrina faced leading up to it.  I ordered her to boot black and she was hoping she would not have to.. really hoping.  Problem is, I wanted this, and I wasn’t going to back down.

Why wouldn’t she want to, you might wonder?  She gets nervous, really nervous in the spotlight.  She argued that she wasn’t prepared, that she might embarrass us both, that I was setting her up for failure, and that it might trigger her hard  limit.  She has a hard limit on humiliation.  Oh!.. she really tried to argue her way out of it.   I am sure she considered every word I have uttered, in every lesson, in every principle I have ever laid down, looking for a loophole that would let her off the hook.

I rejected the notion that she couldn’t be prepared.  I assured her that I would be proud of her, that she could never embarrass me.  I explained that she could not fail if she pleased me – I am the only one she needed to please – I am the only one she can fail.

I rejected the notion that this was a hard limit.  I can’t have her living under a rock.  I love the lime light way too much. She will just have to hide behind me while I go into those scary places and sometimes.. she’ll have to be in the spot light like she is today in this blog, like she was yesterday, sitting with her sisters under the boot black sign.

I would love someday for us to compete, and for her to stand beside me and speak freely about her side of the dynamic and what it means to her in the competitions… but we will see.. someday perhaps.  Izrina- when you read that my pet.. you do NOT have permission to worry yet..

In the days leading up to the event, she would worry, and I would remind her that making decisions was my job.  And she would worry some more and I would remind her that shouldering her worries was my job.  And so it went..

I don’t compromise with my slave, I compromise with reality. ~ Quote – Raven Kaldera, speaking about being flexible as a Master

I wasn’t going to compromise.

Some argue that submission does not take strength. It does. Dominance does not require strength. It requires the gentle patience to apply irresistible force to the strength of that submission, until it bends comfortably, happily, to your will. ~Xtac Quote

Now, here is something interesting dear reader, that I’ve touched on before:  Domination and writing blogs has a quirks..I wrote about these quirks here.   Two recent blogs, in light of all the above information, should now fit like puzzle pieces into the last few days of writings. First I wrote “Does your humility interfere with your slavery?” and then I wrote “I am ignoring you, slave!”.

I wrote those pieces a much for you, as for her. NOW, you can see how those pieces were influenced and shaped by our behind-the-scenes drama.  I was in the middle of being the irresistible force that I am, busy molding my slave into who I wanted her to be, but I couldn’t come out and say that.

If I posted that before hand I would have further* boxed her into a public humiliation if she exercised consent.  (*NPE had listed her.)  Knowing all this I felt that it was best to leave some room for consent.  If she exercised consent I would have owned up to it.  Its how we roll.  It wouldn’t have been OK, but it is a consensual slave’s right. So I danced around this Master slave battle of wills in my blogs and pressed on.

The humility piece was an indirect look at her worries and fears. The ignoring piece was about laying down the law and being that irresistible force.  Both was a veiled look behind the blog at our lives.  If you pick up nothing else from me, get this one.  You manage the mind of your slave, not their body.  Patience combined with a strong will are your most powerful tools.  Anger can be a useful tool but you should almost never need it.

On the day before the competition, she asked for permission to worry.  Let me say that again.. She asked for permission to worry.  I am so proud of that girl some times it make my heart ache.   I granted permission, but only for a couple hours because we had important preparations to make,

and then I said: The only way you could disappoint me is to not go.  Izrina replied:  You won’t let me.  

OK.. I wanted to cry.  Do you get the significance of the statement?  This is a highly intelligent woman.  She understands her power to exercise consent.   She studied law, she argues like a lawyer, she never goes into anything without research. She always has her facts down.  What would make her say “you won’t let me”?  Only this this: She was made incapable of exercising her right of consent by her powers of reasoning.  Because of that, in her mind, my will was in a very real way the only law that she could follow.  She would rather risk having a meltdown, than disappoint me.

She dressed in jeans for the boot blacking but for the dinner came out in a striking black dress.. simply beautiful.   There were workshops and some really exciting scenes and a wonderful burlesque show but we will get into all that in another blog.  I am dedicating this particular blog to the subject of Resolving Master and slave conflicts.  Here is a real world example of the things I preach about, the things that we go through, and how they might end.

Mine was a happy ending.  I couldn’t be more proud of my slave.  Oh..and I’m proud that I was honored to be a NPE judge, and all that “I’m awesome” jazz.. blah, blah, blah.. It’s not about me, like that.  It’s about me because of she who is my canvas.  It is a slave’s duty to make the Master they serve look good.  Izrina managed this time to exceed my wildest expectation.  Good girl!

I am ignoring you, slave!

Unbelievable! – Can you imagine a responsible Master saying to their slave, “I am ignoring you!”?  Neither can I.   At first blush, I would say NO Master would ever do that.  We are sworn to take away your burdens, to shoulder your worries, we listen dutifully and we act.

Truth is it happens, it happens all the time, and its not a bad thing.  A few years back in the “Cult of fury”  (a dungeon  that was discovered and closed down by panicky nilla’s), I watched as a friend did a scene with his bottom.  She whined and complained and he just ignored her and went on with the scene and I smiled.  It worked for them. I turn to that memory every now and then.

Its a fact that we have safe words because no doesn’t mean no.  In fact, its kind of hot when you ignore a No!, and keep on going.  It gives you that feeling of authenticity, it makes our consensual non-consent relations feel more real.

I was speaking with Vile, a blogger who I am on page with like ivory soap.. 99.9 percent pure, all good info, all the time.  He noted something similar.  There are times that he is exactly like I describe myself.. a slow, steady, unmovable force pushing until his slave molds comfortably, happily, to his desires. I bet Arianna ( his slave ) and Izrina could swap some great stories..

Support groups!  We don’t talk about THIS often enough. Sometimes we DON’T listen.  Oh we hear the protests, the No!, the objection to where we are taking you, but we are going to do it anyway. This is why slaves need support groups.. so they can get together and agree that we are assholes but they still love us.  A great slave will promote the one they serve in public, putting forth only the goods side. That is another reason why support groups are helpful.  We all have these things that we don’t talk about, like the times an Owner didn’t listen.  In the comfort of your fellow slaves company, then is a good time to share, to know we all experience similar things, and agree that its actually a good thing, and sometimes kind of hot.  It is also a time to find out when it is not normal and that might be bad… though if your owner isn’t keeping you from support, I doubt it.  Its the ones who don’t want you in support groups to watch out for.

Deal with it!  In the TPE (total power exchange) or CNC (consensual non-consent) agreement, you signed up for this.  You gave us all this power and we are going to make you do things, that you in your heart know you wouldn’t have done if it wasn’t for us.

Its not that we don’t listen, we do.. but and forgive me because I know you are not children so this makes a poor analogy, but we do sometimes treat you like children who are whining about chores.  We hear you and we are still going to make you do them anyway.  Sometimes the results are awesome.

The good side – She who is my canvas, Izrina, if she is NOT in the middle of being made to do something and therefore in a less generous mood.. will tell you that I have pushed her into many things and in many ways she is much better off for it.  Specifically in the areas of health and finance, I’ve made very useful changes in her life.

Speaking of Izrina, she has been listed as a Boot Black in the 2017 North East Power Exchange competitions schedules page (here).  She’s nervous, but once she is sitting with her sister slaves, that will calm right down.  I love to see slaves working and laughing together.

IMPORTANT STUFF!   I think its important to note that at times a CNC may appear to actually be NOT consensual.  Slaves whine, and complain, and object, and we go right on doing things anyway.

Sometimes its hot!..On your back wench and spread your legs!  Sometimes not so much.. My back is killing me.. can I just do oral service?

Sometimes Dominants appear to be insensitive, and on one level we are.  Its kind of like the old tough love thing, we have to harden ourselves to push you to the places you asked us to make you go.

Nothing is ever as easy or simple as it sounds. When you get right down to it, a real Dominant is always open to criticisms of abuse, both physical and verbal. A slave gives the gift of trust.  We don’t think about it very often, but in a way, a Dominant gives a lot of trust too.  We are often risking very real, legal intervention in our lives.  We take on this risk, in part because we too trust.  That is, we trust this won’t be turned against us.


When you hear bad things about Dominants, here are two quotes to go with it.

Remember this-EVERY accusation of consent violation has a predator and a victim..every one. The real question is, who is the predator and who is the victim? ~ Xtac Quote

If you ever hear a bad story about me understand that there was a time I was good to those people too, but they wont tell you that. ~ Author unknown

Related

The THREE slave areas of choice

An external slave, one who is enslaved by external forces, has no choices.  An internal slave, one who is enslaved by their own desires to engage in submission and consensual slavery, has a world of choices.. until one day.

One day that slave, having been responsible for years, and having honed his or her skills in decision making, and having protected the property that is their body, keeping it safe for the Owner who would one day take possession, finally finds and requests the gift of domination, and is scared and excited to find that Dominant has chosen to bestow that gift upon them.

On that day, when a slave enters into consideration, then training, to be a slave for the Dominant of their desire, on that day their areas of choice narrows significantly.

Some might argue, a slave makes one decision, the owner they would serve. I find that to be a simple and uncompelling concept and patently wrong… a slave does not choose the owner, that violates the very core of control.  I present to you a richer, more full look at the areas of choice a consensual slave has.. regardless of how their owner prefers to structure their TPE.


Who, What, When

Area 1)   Who gives commands – The consensual slave retains the choice of the individuals to whom they give their ultimate gift, the gift of trust. Once a choice is made, the consensual slave will make known their desire to submit, requesting the gift of Domination, mentoring, or protection. This choice may be negotiated away.

An un-owned a slave can and must judge the Dominants they would offer their trust to.  Be it for a scene, or a protector, a mentor, or a possible owner, the consensual slave must exercise their first responsibility as a slave, drawing upon all the wisdom they have so far accumulated, in the selection of who to trust.   An owned slave may relinquish their responsibility to choose wisely who they will trust, giving that responsibility to the one they serve – all the more reason to choose wisely.  An owned slave may retain this area of choice completely, if it is negotiated as part of the TPE agreement.  If a slave gives this area of choice into the control of their Dominant, the slave no longer retains the right to chose who to trust, though they may still have a voice in the process. This is the first area of choice that any consensual slave starts with.  It may be negotiated away.


Area 2)  What commands are accepted – The owned consensual slave will faithfully execute all commands of the dominant they serve but will choose wisely the manner in which they resist commands that violate their responsibilities to the property, its values, and its ethics.  This choice may not be negotiated away.

A slave will ALWAYS be responsible for the commands they accept.  You must weigh commands against your values and ethics and those that don’t measure up must not be accepted.  You should not accept harm to the property that is your body.. Pain maybe, but no lasting significant harm.  Lastly, you may retain those areas that are agreed to under the four areas of TPE negation.

The responsible Dominant will understand a slaves values and ethics are a higher priority and might even test that a slave is still acting as the final arbitrator of right choice, and right action, as defined by the slaves personal values and ethics.  A good Dominant needs to know that the core values are intact.

Many a slave has committed acts they later regretted because they failed to exercise this area of choice. This area of choice MUST be retained.  This is the second area of choice for any consensual slave.  It may not be negotiated away.


Area 3)  When to withdraw consent – A consensual slave may choose to exercise the power of withdrawing consent, knowing that any time the power of consent is exercised, may be the last time they do so as an slave of that owner. This choice is fundamental to BDSM and is impossible to remove under the concepts of consensual internalized enslavement.

Any consensual slave ethically and legally retains the right at any time to withdraw consent.  Consensual slavery is founded on the concept in internalized enslavement.  To not acknowledge this is to shift into external enslavement – enslavement enforced not by desire, but by fear and intimidation – and it is evil.

The consensual slave can not control what commands they will be given or when.  They have submitted their body and mind into the will of another and given the ultimate gift of a slave, complete trust that this submission will be used honorably, in accordance with the four areas of TPE negotiation, and within the slaves core beliefs, values and ethics.

If an owner violates that trust, repeatedly and without repentance, it is encumbrance upon the consensual slave to exercise good decision making and withdraw consent.  The owner may in return choose to remove his or her collar.  These are decisions not to be taken lightly, but the right to withdraw consent is always present, always an option. Both slave and Owner would do well to remember this.   This the third area of choice for any consensual slave.  It exists always, in every minute of submission, even if that submission lasts a lifetime.


Being the arrogant pompous ass that I am, I like to think that this is a much better approach than the simple.. you are a slave.. you do everything I say thing.  Call it my version of best practices if you like.  Reality dictates that is this is just my opinion, but being a Dominant, I naturally think that I am brilliant and therefore this must be spot on. I am pleased with this final draft.

 

Related

 

Freedom

I was thinking about what I would say to a therapist, if I were to try to explain who and what I am.  My first thought was this:  I am the product of either environment or biological wiring, and I am looking for the person who has the opposite need to mine.  That is, to give the power I seek to take.

Then my mind wandered over all the pitfalls, the arguments that might be made why I should seek therapy, why I should try to change who I am.  The number one argument that came back why I shouldn’t change, is that I like who I am.

I don’t want to be like everyone else in normal society.  I like the idea that I can have the freedom to express myself in my weird kinky ways.  I like that what I am, and who I am with.  That we feel great isn’t something to fix.

I often come back to the quote from an acquaintance from Florida who said.. I have never been so free as when I am in my chains.  Or she said something roughly like that.

There is a freedom in BDSM.  A freedom of thought, a breakout from the norm, a feeling of oneness that happens when we are in the company of like minded people.  These are good people.  Solid dependable friends who often are brilliant, free thinking, responsible and loving people.  I have told this story often, of a gentleman who was 60 plus years old, saying goodbye in a parking lot after daring to come out to a Dungeon for his first visit, then joining us after for a midnight meal.. and he said something along the lines of:  I carried this burden all these years, I never knew there were other people like me, that it could be OK to be like this.  That is a moment etched forever in my heart.

The problem with freedom is, that it is nothing.  It is like pointing to the air and saying, all this is mine to breath. Its nothing and yet it’s everything.  But because its nothing we don’t take it seriously.  Everyone want something.. and we are all too willing to give up our freedom for something.  That’s the Dominant in me talking now.  The point is, consent NEEDS to count.  Consent is what makes it possible for us to enter happily into the systems of power all around us and consent to give up some of our freedom for something in return.. perhaps a job.. or a Master.

There is freedom in giving up freedom when WE have the ability to choose our submission. Freedom is important my friends, but not in grand terms.  Important freedom isn’t being able to do what ever I want.  The freedom I am speaking of is self determination, the right to decide how your thoughts, body, and determination will be put to use.  Its about deciding who you have become, who you NEED to be.   It doesn’t matter if we crave power or crave to give it away.  If you take an honest look around, everyone gives up a part of themselves for something.  The ultimate expression of freedom is consent.  THAT is a lesson we in BDSM have to share.  Tomorrow I consent to go to work, and do what is necessary, and do that happily because I recognize my freedom to choose.  I choose this job, and this life.  I choose to be a Master at home and a Dominant 24×7.  Life is good.   Carpe Diem my friends.. go be someone’s great day!

Sex and Oral Service

It seems sex has been on my mind quite a bit lately.  In the season of Christmas, when our hearts should be turned to charity and friendship, I did write a piece regarding the holiday spirit, but in retrospect its humorous because then I followed it up with a piece of hard porn.  Ha!  Inappropriate again!  Seems to be my way.  Freaking charming and disarming and then wildly weird (to most) and off topic, and inappropriate.  Yep, that’s me.

I was curious how the hard porn piece would be received by my readers, and interestingly, the statistics that came back from WordPress indicate that it was barely read.  The title however never indicated that it might be sexual in nature.  I mean, who would think that a title like “Ghost of Christmas past” would be hard porn? If you didn’t read the Ghost one, but are reading this one because of the title, maybe people DO pick what to read entirely by subject line.

Be warned people!  My subject lines almost never help describe the real content. More often, they are lead ins, or off tangent from the meat of the subject.  Bet you just thought – here he goes again… but nope

Yeah, we are four paragraphs in, and if you are wondering, when is he going to get to the good stuff, the sex and oral service stuff, well here we go… I am not false advertising this one, honest!


Izrina didn’t care for the Ghosts piece.. guess she isn’t a porn person.. Odd… shouldn’t I know that?   Bad “M”, bad!   So we had a discussion about “oral service”.  In conversation, she had referred to a blow job as a present.. and I stopped her at once, not happy with that nomenclature.

Time out for one itsy-bitsy cute thing.. When I told her I didn’t like her calling it a present, she did that slave thing.. the deer in the headlights thing..  the one where you can just read the panic in her eyes for doing or thinking something Master doesn’t like.. its just so fucking cute.. I love slaves.. I love the care and concern for Master’s pleasure and the burning desire to never disappoint, and all that.  Really, when this is your life, and its really what you are all about.. moments like that are just too delicious.. I know it was just a brief moment but moments like that are everything to me… and back to oral service...

So anyway, her momentary panic aside, I sat her down to explain what I meant.  My pet…I said, I have lived in slave relations and I have lived in vanilla relations.  You are quite right that a blow job is a present…IF you are in a vanilla relationship.  ( The panic again in her eyes – so cute! ).

You see, there is nothing more wonderful in a vanilla relation when either side performs oral sex for the other, and then lets them drift off into sleep, or ride out the wonderful waves of that orgasm, without any strings attached – no need to return the favor – no need to stop riding that wonderful place that orgasms take us.  So yes, in a vanilla relation, that is a gift.  In a nilla relation, I  have ALWAYS refereed to oral sex that has no expectation of return as a gift.  So in that sense my pet, it is a present.  The dawning of understanding my thoughts became clear in her eyes.

But in a Master-slave relation, that takes on a whole new dynamic. In a vanilla relationship, both parties are seeking for equality.  In a Master-slave relationship, their is an expectation that the Master will USE the slave and at times there will be no equity in simple terms.   We know that our exchanges are in uncommon currency.  Our equity is one that is difficult to understand, sometimes even by our kinky friends.  Panic passed, all was right in our world again, and Master was pleased with his slave.

NOTE: For a deeper dive into my feelings on uncommon currency, read my core values and beliefs or Uncommon currency.


Why do I think this way, you may ask?

In a M/s relation, a blow job is service. It can be ordered.  Its why I refer to it as oral service.  Now if a slave is suddenly overcome with appreciation for the gift of domination and wishes to express that with some oral service…. well that is cock worship.

Words and definitions.  They are meaningless until they have action.  But in a sense they are everything because they set our minds into a framework.  Words are the basis for a mindset.

In a nilla relation, a blow job can be a gift or a present, but I NEVER want to hear those words from my slave.  She may ask for permission to show me worship.  She may be ordered to perform oral service.   But she may never think she is giving me something, because I already own it.  When she gives me worship.. THAT is a gift.. the gift of her trust, love and devotion.  It’s subtle but important.  These are the uncommon currency that she gives to me.  A simple blow job as a gift from a slave??? Bah!!!  The thought leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

The mindset of Master and slave is clear.  I own her.  I own her body, and her mind.  She must set aside a part of her mind as the guardian that will report all things to Master, and especially note that which the Guardian thinks Master will want to know.  The Guardian will report damage to his property.. bruises, cuts and scraps.  A Master needs to know when his property is damaged.  I do not own her mind body and SOUL..  Her soul belongs to a higher power, but thankfully, this slave I own has chosen me to be her spiritual leader.  That was an important negotiation for me.. because BDSM and my spiritual quest are co-mingled.

Life is my spiritual path, but BDSM is how I share it. In this life, I serve by leading those who serve. I see the ying and the yang through out life and in BDSM, I can express it with passion and compassion, two sides of the same, each of us in our sacred role. ~ Xtac Quote

I would encourage you, if you are in a M/s relation, to never allow the scales or your exchange to tip.  A slave should feel grateful for the gift of domination.  They should never, and I mean NEVER, feel like they are giving more than they are getting.  That leads down a very bad and dark road my friends.  It takes some original thinking to realize what you value, and then place your happiness around receiving the things that you value.

This goes for Masters and slaves.  If you as a slave don’t like being used.. here I go.. you are not really a slave.  I am going to upset some people with that comment but I don’t care.  If you don’t like being used, then every time Master uses you, you are going to build up resentment for the inequity in your relation and eventually its is going to drive you apart.  And if a Master can’t use you then he doesn’t really own you.  If he doesn’t own you, then you are a submissive, not a slave.  So I stand by my statement.  A real slave in their heart desires to be property, and to be used for the pleasure of their Master.  Anything less and you are a submissive, not a slave.  Its fine.. submission comes in all levels and each to their own.  Be happy with who and what you are.. but don’t tell my slave, you are a slave, if your Dominant doesn’t own your body and mind.

So, my friends.. I do tend to go on, don’t I?  Here’s to Masters every where, using their slaves for oral service, or perhaps receiving the pleasure of worship.  And here’s to the slaves on their knees, tasting their submission in their Master’s pleasure..quite literally.  And here’s to the nilla’s with their presents and gifts – may they someday awaken to a greater world in which they realize we all live in systems of power, and then find pleasure  in that knowledge.  With their personal boundaries they have built a box from which their hearts can never truly meet.  I wish they could see what I see.  Carpe Diem my friends… go be someone’s great day!

“This slave”

I got a text, it read:

“This slave needs a nap”

Because I tend to reflect on every aspect of my Master/slave relation, this short sentence is fodder for a blog.

At first, the nilla side of me noticed the third person speech, and flinched at the raw objectification.  But she IS an object, albeit a very valued one, but an object none-the-less that I possess for my use.  Izrina talks in third person, because she is property, because she is not allowed to say “my Master” or “my anything”.  She talks of herself as an object, because I am crafting a mindset that is not for some, uncomfortable for others.

Almost as quickly, the Dominant side countered with: “Of course she speaks in third person. That is how the mindset is created.”  It is through words and actions that we create the conditions where that which we desire is comfortable, and normal.  It is through our daily exchanges, that we sometimes forget that others do not share this love or mindset.  In fact, shifting between nilla and Ms thinking can be awkward at times.

And then the Master in me judged my accomplishments with this slave.   The things she did without thought now, the things that needed reminding.  I  thought of the many reflections, like this one I was undertaking now.  I thought of the dozens of adjustments to my style, to the manner in which I brought forth my canvas, my creation, she who would be my perfect slave.

And then my all too human side thought…. God, I don’t ever want to go through all that training again.  Not when I have right here the perfect slave for me.  I grinned at that, and was so amused, I shared it with her later.  Partly because I know it would reassure her to know she is perfect for me, and partly because she needs to know that it is no accident – that it takes work to get to this point, and partly because when she realizes the first two things, she could worry less about what it would take to lose me.

Some slaves may worry about being perfect.  I find that to be normal.  But it is the Master’s place, honor and privilege to decide if a slave is “worthy”.  No slave should presume to make such a decision for an owner.  It is enough to trust, so that the owner may shoulder the decisions and worry.  Getting to the point beyond worry, where you both are comfortable and happy, takes a lot of work, and that too is normal.  Izrina knows that she may not punish herself, that too is my privilege.  There is so much to learn and unlearn. Izrina knows all this but still needs reassurance from time to time.

We have so many protocols, rituals, and rules, but collectively they shape our lives… both our lives, and we are much happier to live this way.  It took me quite a while to find the right material from which I could create this slave.  It is not always an easy thing to do, to find someone who compliments you, but I wish you all, the very best of luck in that search.   I can say this.  It is worth the patience and effort.  Carpe Diem my friends,  Make a great day!

Domination on Blogs, the quirks

I have to tell you that part of my control has to do with timing.  I will reveal information when it has the most use and impact.  If you read yesterday’s blog, you know that Monday I was unhappy but doubled down on the things I wanted addressed and yesterday was better.  I kind of released that information early though, before it had a conclusion.  I ended like this:

This evening was nice.  Tomorrow, if my expectations are met, they will be better still.  Or they might be worse.  I expect better though.

So I telegraphed my thoughts.  Problem is, my slave reads this blog too.  There is every likelihood that by those words, she might alter her behavior.  I don’t want that.   I would prefer to wait and see what kind of response I get from earlier interaction.  How else can I judge the effectiveness of my corrective application?

I am a Dominant that is very much into the pleasure of understanding my slave, and finding her buttons, and knowing how to to push them to get the results I want.   Having a blog can work both ways.  It can be a method of praise, or embarrassment.  What I write here, can influence in a very real way our relation.  I am always cognizant of this when I write here.

It is one of the quirks of having a public blog, that it work for or against your plans.  Worse, the written word is fraught with misunderstandings that just don’t as easily exist when you can see and hear a person.  A simple written: I love “this”, can cause a person to wonder:  Did I do “this” without realizing?  Was it a good thing?  Was it a bad thing ?  Is “this” a hint?  Am I supposed to be doing something?  Do I do this “thing” enough?  Do I do it too much?  Yeah, a blog can be a quirky thing, for a Ds relation.


 

For my blog followers who are wondering how this drama concluded tonight: The area I wanted corrected was handled far better than my expectations.  I am a very happy M tonight.  Even more so, because she was too busy to get to the blog to read.  Which means the things that influenced that behavior were in no way related to this blog.  Double bonus points!   Yep, I am very happy indeed.

I’m not ready to brag about what a good girl she is, or mention how pleased I am to have such an obedient and pleasurable slave, nope.  No such puffery here for her to read.  There is always time for back sliding and this particular area I am addressing is important.  If it stays attended to well, and for a period of time, THEN maybe I’ll make such comments.

OK.. maybe one little praise.  Tonight’s dinner was steak and veggies.  I pretended to be gaming while she prepared my plate.  I enjoyed the busy little dance back and forth, some pepper on this, a bottle of olive oil to add a splash to that… just back and forth attending to the plate with great care and attention to my preferences… and there it was… that love you feel that just overwhelms you.  The sense that your life is absolutely perfect, and before you is a person that completes that life, who in ever fiber of your being, just feels right for who and what you are.

Better to live in those magic small moments when nothing important happens, than to live for any imagined, great future.  Living for the future is a terrible waste of the present.  Tonight I am just incredibly pleased, and that is enough.  Carpe Diem my friends.  Go MAKE a great day!

Obscurity, revisited – shhh! The secret of happiness revealed.

I was re-reading my last post, finding and correcting the spelling mistakes that I always seem to find AFTER I click post, and this hit me:

Its been another great day as a Master and property owner.  As she left for work this morning, I said, see you tonight.  She said, I wish I had a remote that allowed me to fast forward to then.  It made me smile and be warmed.

You may not see anything wrong in that statement but Izrina would catch it right away.  If SHE said this, I’d be on her right away.  The part of this that would cause this is “It made me smile”.   I try to strike that kind of language from my world, and hers.

Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing should “make me” anything.  I will “make me”.  I will choose what I attach focus to, and what I dismiss.  It is by this action that I create a happier me.  It can be an effort, but what I get in return is exactly what you want.. Its what anyone reading this wants.

Oh sure, you may be alone and want a Master, or a slave. You may want to be held, or have better sex.  You may want a sexier car or maybe just one that is more dependable.  You may want to own your house, or have a second one for rental income or a vacation spot.  I could guess forever at what you think you want, but here is the point: You want these things because you want happiness.  Really, all you want is happiness.   Does it matter where you find it, if you have it?

What I might have said was: I focused on those words, and felt warmed by them.  THIS would be more in keeping with what I teach.  “Made me” is so very hard to drive out of your language.  I’ve been at it for years and it still creeps in from time to time.

We embrace things or not. We give focus to things or not.  And when we embrace or focus on a thing, does it “make us” still?  To answer that question, I would point out that a Master may give oral service to a slave and still be in control.  A slave can give oral service to a Master and still be a consensual slave. Neither was ultimately “made” to give service.  Both chose to embrace it.

Through consent the slave chose to be Dominated.  The oral service was by extension, a choice.  The Master chose to exercise their Dominance in this manner and perhaps was a bit sadistic with the orgasm, to use that control further.  Both performed the same service, yet their head was in a completely different place.  When we consent, when we give focus to a thing, it no longer “makes us”.

When we say, this made me, or that made me, we are giving up control to every possible good and bad thing in our life.  But when we give focus to the good and dismiss the bad, we take control of our happiness, and our lives become more rich and full. Effort is rewarded.  You will find it easier to ignore the bad, and enjoy the good over time.  No doubt about it, the phoenix has risen.  Got to finish up a little house repair, and then its time for a motorcycle ride I think.  Life is good!

Protocols that slip into obscurity

Tonight Izrina started to nod off in my arms, that lazy droopy eyed state she gets, where she talks in slurred speech as if drunk with sleep.. she’s so cute..  then, I asked for her gratitude ritual.

I mentioned earlier in the blog “Slaves don’t screw up, part 1”, that sometimes this ritual doesn’t happen the way I want.  Since I went public with that, I have been especially attentive to this ritual.  Like the captain that burned his ships so there was no turning back for the army, being public about this ritual has caused me to feel extra committed to its attention.

Now tonight, as she was just about to become incapable of coherent speech, I asked for her gratitude items.  It was to my recollection, one of the nicer moments in our day.  She searched her memory for something pleasant from the day and offered her first gratitude.  I asked questions about that and we talked a bit.  And so it went, three things she felt grateful for in her day, three conversations.

I am ever mindful of how she finds happiness.  It should be from simple pleasures, and pride should never play a large role.  It pleased me to have this opportunity to find good in our lives, and for me to be my Dominant self, guide and mentor, as we discussed the good in her day.  I provided thought on each one, and was especially pleased with some.

Having completed her gratitude ritual, she was free to nod off and she dropped into sleep almost immediately.   I however lay awake, thinking about how warm and nice that exchange had been.. and how it lay in sharp contrast to my feelings on this matter earlier.

I had some reflection to do.  How was it possible for me to feel one way on one day, and so vastly different on another day.  Was I unfair previously?  Had something changed?   What could be learned, to make all future rituals this pleasant?

It struck me that the key difference was the personal nature of the exchange.  Our schedules do not always align.  She has to be up very early.  Barns and horses do not function on a 9 to 5 schedule.   So we often resort to text.  I am not one of those people who hates technology.   Quite the opposite, I love and embrace it.

But it is not just technologies fault for the frequent lack of personal approach.  I think moving forward, when she must turn in early and I will be up a while, I will add a new protocol.  She won’t just ask for permission to go to bed ahead of me,  I will also have to tuck her in.  As I recall, this was an early protocol that I’ve let lapse and that is part of the problem.  When we go sleep at the same time, the protocol for her to join me in bed is firmly in place.  She always kneels by the side of the bed and requests permission to join me.

But when she goes to sleep first, well that protocol needs attention.  If we can’t sleep on the same schedule, we can still make time to make something special of that moment.  We can take time for me to tuck her in, for me to sit and listen to her rituals, and to send her to sleep with a warm exchange.  Our lives will be better with this protocol firmly back in place.

And for the times when I can’t be there when she sleeps,  that is when the ritual lapse has  happened.  That is the real area of concern. Text is available, but isn’t sent.  It may seem odd to make such a big deal about such a little thing, listing three things you are grateful for.  But this is part of what defines me.. the need to have these rules, rituals, and protocols, and have them obeyed with consistency.  One more thing, just to be clear, it is not excusable for a requirement to not happen, just because I am not home.

All of this is why we need to keep the list short.. If you can’t remember all of your rules, rituals, and protocols, how can you be sure that there is consistency?   The lapse of the tuck in protocol highlights this.  If you can’t keep a protocol, don’t start it in the first place.. or officially retract it. Nothing is worse for a Master or a slave, than letting a protocol just slide into obscurity without conversation.

Its been another great day as a Master and property owner.  As she left for work this morning, I said, see you tonight.  She said, I wish I had a remote that allowed me to fast forward to then.  It made me smile and be warmed.

In retrospect though, I should have talked more about that.  Our happiness can not be found by waiting for someone or something.  It must be found in every moment.  And if someone or something pleasant awaits in our future, we shouldn’t rush the opportunities of now, to get to some future promise of happiness.  Doing so only makes now unbearable.  Better to put effort into making every moment full of joy.   Life always presents challenges with opportunities, how we tackle them makes all the difference.  Carpe Diem my friends… Go make a great day.