Evil Doms

This is titled “Evil Doms” but it might also be titled “Snow storms and slaves, part 2”.  Part one is here.    There are a few ex-lover types out there, and you may recognize them..

One type makes you feel wonderful about yourself.  They are complimentary, and love everything about you.. they make you feel attractive and in return, because you feel so wonderful when you are around them,  you can not help but love them.  But they are calculating like an evil Dom or Domme.  They know how to make you feel wonderful about yourself, and they do it for as long as you are useful, and desired.  But because they are also uncaring in their calculations.  When something better makes itself available, you will dropped like last week stinky garbage.  The new object of desire gets their attention and too late you realize it was all empty flattery – but it was so sweet – you would go back if you could.

And another type is the fuck buddy.  Now there is nothing wrong with a fuck buddy if that is what you want.  But again, it is the rare person who holds a poly together well without attaching strings to the deal.  When a calculating person convinces you that you want sex, and they want sex, and there is no harm in a pleasant exchange, that can go well.  But if your life changes, and you try to pull out of the arrangement, the evil side can rear its ugly head and the calculating side begins to pull strings to sabotage whatever stands in the way… or worse… they turn up the heat on a person who has a hard time saying no to the point of forcing themselves on you.  They may not even accept consent as a requirement for sex.

Many of us have these types in our past.  I take care to shield Izrina from some of these types, but I can’t do it on nights like this.  Yeah, my fears came to past.  A couple of guys dropped in on the girls for some storm night drinking at the ranch.

A while ago, I bought Izrina a flashlight.  It’s completely functional,  but with a twist.  It also doubles as a stun gun.  Jam the end of it into an attacker, pull the correct trigger, and the threat is neutralized.  She didn’t have it with her tonight.  I wish she did.  Bugs me that my gut had this one pegged right, and I didn’t listen to it.

Nothing happened.  Izrina has been trained to report anything I might be interested in, setting aside a portion of her brain as a guardian working on behalf of Master.  I got the info I needed for tonight.  I’ll get the full details tomorrow night.  Dammit.  I feel torn between the feeling I let her down, and the feeling that she is big girl and needs to sometimes take care of herself if someone gets pushy.

I am not being rational right now.  I would wager every one of us has had at least one person in our past that betrayed a trust.  After that happens,  you never quite look at the trust you place in a partner, quite the same.   You can be honest, and direct, and it still doesn’t matter because it seems that everyone is vulnerable at some point in their life.  Everyone at some point makes a choice they wish they had not.  So you question if the person you are with, will have that weak moment with you.. and you base this thought on a past you wish you could let go of, but can’t.

The fact is, there are Dom like people out there that are evil.  Maybe even sociopaths.  They know the buttons to push, and are not afraid to push them to get what they want.  They may not call themselves Doms, but sometimes they do.

Let me be clear about the title.  Not all Doms are actually what we would want a Dom to be, and not all nillas are free of Dom aspects.  Some nilla people are total Doms, they just don’t know anyone in the life style, and never had anyone point out the being  Dom is OK as long as you remove some behaviors.  I know a few people who know nothing of BDSM, and yet these people are very Dominant with their partners. One is a close friend.  He doesn’t want to think of himself as “kinky” and doesn’t want to talk about it. Problem is, being a Dom without understanding it, may make you a border line abuser.  You both have to talk, and negotiate, and understand what you both get out of it, and most importantly, agree to consent.  Then there are people from the past that I won’t go into.

The key difference about a real Dom is that a real Dom is looking for an equitable exchange.. one that both of you find pleasurable.. and they are honest and trustworthy.   The same can be said for slaves.  Nothing is more important than trust.  Its the foundation of your relation.   Shatter that one too many times, and a person becomes damaged goods.. no matter how rational, intelligent, and caring a person may be.  One side of you will always want to treat a new partner as a clean slate, and another side of you will always see the human weakness that has soiled your past – and constantly worry for the future.  Trust shattered is bad.

The world could use a lot fewer people plying the tools of a Dominant, for their own selfish desires.

Snow storms and slaves

Snow storms are relative.   In some Southern states, 3 inchs of snow brings a city to a halt; as well it should when you don’t have snow removal equipment.  I assume in some Canadian towns, no one even bats an eye until the snow is half way up the tires.  Here, it depends on who you are.  Me.. I go out in all kinds of weather.  Other folks, no so much.

We were hearing that there was a fair size storm coming.. six inches or more – that’s fifteen centimeters if you prefer..  So I won’t see my slave tonight.  I’m kinda grumpy about that.

Her work put her up for then night.  Seems like a generous thing to do.  Here is the catch, if you don’t take them up on the offer..then you are not allowed any excuse what so ever for not showing up the next day.  It kind of a “Godfather offer”… You know.. the kind you can’t refuse.  They have extra rooms, it doesn’t cost them anything, and you can save gas, plus stay safe.. Unless of course you have a cranky Master at home.

Of course I want my slave safe, and staying with the girls at the ranch overnight in a storm can be kind of a fun adventure… but I love my control too much to be really happy about this.  There are male ranchers too of course, and I am not fond of the idea of her mixing alcohol with testosterone, especially when I am not around.  Showing a little lack of trust here I admit.  In my defense, there are many variables at work here, which of course brings me back to a lack of control over this situation.

Of course if I was really worried, I’d drive the two hours round trip tonight to get her, and the two hours round trip to take her back before the sun came up, but I’m just not that crazy.  So I have to put up or shut up.  I don’t like any of these choices.  Freaking snow storms..  bet we only get three inches..that’s 7cm to the rest of the world.   When the hell is the US going to crack that nut and finally go metric anyway?   Why am I working myself up over the metric system?   Bah… I’m just in a cranky mood.   See how fast my perfect little world comes unraveled?    Bored, and cranky.   Ah well.. the snow is pretty..   Maybe I’ll go for a walk in it…   before I have to shovel it..

Weakness, Conflicted

Its been nearly two weeks since my last post.  Thanksgiving travel is behind me and the day-to-day routines have returned.  Thanksgiving was nice.  My daughter traveled some five hours from one direction, and I traveled five hours from another, and we met at my sister’s for our traditional family get together for the Holiday.  Except the whole family doesn’t participate.. in fighting..  I’ll leave it at that.  Blood does not a family make.

My daughter and all of her friends are at college now, save one, who is going to college locally.  She asked to join me this year.  When she was younger, she would often come with us, two young girls in the back seat as we made the long drive.  We would stop along the way, more interested in having adventures than making some self imposed deadline.

Now she is eighteen, and it was somewhat odd to have this young lady who is nearly a daughter to me, in the front seat chatting away.  Her views are quite liberal, and we had many a spirited discussion.  At one point we traveled through two states and I didn’t even notice it.  She tends to dress in black, and chains and never wears a dress.  She wants to be a Dominant some day.

Everyone dresses up for the Thanksgiving meal, but the next day when she came out in dress (again), I blurted out “what are you wearing?”.   “Fuck you”, she said and closed her door.  I thought about it.  She caught me off guard.  She has always been gender neutral,  so it never occurred to me that she might want to be “pretty”.  I apologized.  Its odd.. I think she talks more candidly with me than anyone (except maybe my daughter), and yet I still don’t know if she likes boys or girls or both or neither.  I don’t think she knows.  I do know she definitely wants a slave-male or female.  That idea makes her smile.

Anyway, the trip is behind us, I am caught up on work, and now a cold has set in.  I got the flu shot so I don’t expect it to last long.  You know when you feel like crap, and you can’t breath, and when you cough it feels like your head will explode, so you try not to cough but have to, so you go back and forth between weazing and feeling your head explode?  Yeah, that’s the one I have.  I just wanted to fall asleep until it was over.  I was not good company, and no use at work.  This is where the title for this blog comes in.

I hate feeling weak.  Normally I refuse to give into to any weakness.  But there are times when your body needs rest and you should indulge it.  Normally when I am sick, I work, until my day is done and go straight home and straight to bed to try to get twelve hours sleep.  I repeat as needed.  Not this time.  It was all I could do to focus.  I was OK with allowing this weakness, of not pushing through it.  Then Izrina came home and began to care for me.  I was a Happy Master.   I got past my guilt of allowing this weakness.

Izrina however has reoccurring pain from a few teeth that should be pulled and because of complicated reasons, can’t be.  So every six months or so, she has these fits of pain.  Well in the middle of my “weakness”, she had one of those episodes.  I had just made peace with the notion of not going to work and now my slave needs me.  But I need to sleep and I mean really, really, need to sleep.  Dammit!   This is a lose-lose situation.  If I do stay up to comfort, my own health degrades while doing little to really help the situation.  If I do not stay up to comfort, I am being a terrible Master and the guilt I feel is quite strong.  So I am conflicted.  Weakness and conflicted, not good.

The harsh reality is that the best I can do is make sure she has an appointment with a dentist, and is taking pain meds at regular intervals.  There is a trick when normal pain meds won’t do the job.  You switch between two kinds of over the counter pain meds.

Lets say you have acetaminophen and ibuprofen, each of which should be taken every four hours.  You take your acetaminophen and two hours later you take your ibuprofen.  After that you take acetaminophen four hours after the last dose as recommended, and the same for ibuprofen, but you are actually taking a pain med once every two hours.  When my daughter was just two, and had a sustained fever of 104 for quite some time, we took her to the hospital and that is when I learned that trick.  Obviously you reserve such measures for serious occasions, but it does work quite well for short bouts of extreme pain.

What was my choice, you not doubt are wondering?   Did I stay up or go to sleep?  It was to get the rest I needed.  Izrina was constantly up getting more pain meds and it was hard to sleep, but we made the best of it.  When both of us have issues at the same time it is not a good thing.  At one point, she was curled up under my arm, and she began to cry from the pain.   Softly, because she didn’t want to wake me.   You can imagine how much that tore me up inside.

It would have been a wonderful thing to write about, if I had needed her support and she had been there for me in my hour of need.  Instead, we leaned on each other, neither quite up to the task and yet still coming together, like to war-weary soldiers wounded but keeping each other going.  Actually, this is something to be proud of in its own way.  My first thought had been that at times the support goes the other way, but really, when two people work to make a life together they never stop supporting each other no matter the challenges.  That should be the take-away from this.  The Master and slave relation should not interfere with the basic need to have someone who loves and cares for you.  Rather is should amplify and improve on it.

Izrina is now and always will be a slave in her heart.  I am her Master.  Sometimes I am human, and my strength to overcome the weakness of this body defeats my desire to always be strong.  But my will does not change, nor does hers.  We will always seek to be a Master and a slave, and we will always seek to support each other within our sacred roles. If the lines get blurred sometimes, you can chalk that up to the fact that no truth is ever simple nor black and white.  Such views are for the lazy of mind, and sheep.

She is off to work, has an appointment, and has her meds.  If the dentist can’t pull those teeth, maybe a root canal can be done so there are no nerves left to cause these issues.  There has to be a solution.  I am getting involved in the next visit.

All of this aside, I am encouraged by the days events.  If you have your health, you have everything.  Believe it.  Carpe Diem my friends.  Go make a great day!

When geeks collide

My slave and I are gaming geeks.  We both love Skyrim, and Minecraft.  If you haven’t heard of Minecraft, you can’t be reading this now, because the rock you are living under has no electricity.   Skyrim, if you are not familiar, is an incredible immersive fantasy game, rich with breathtaking scenery and endless hills and valleys to explore.  You can wander for days across this fantasy land as you build up the skills and possessions of a character who can be a hero, or villain, depending on how you feel like playing.

Now, you may be wondering, “Yes X, but what does that have to do with my throbbing sexual needs?   What about my deep lust for Dominance and submission?  When do we get to the good stuff? ”  Glad you asked.

Seventeen days ago, my slave and I underwent a little “adjustment” in her duties to correct an area I was not pleased with.  I have to say that since “Domination on Blogs, the quirks”,  the changes I’ve made have kept me quite happy.

It’s not fair to you, my steady followers to not explain.  What I was unhappy with, was the lack of detail in housekeeping.   I like a home to be neat, tidy, and presentable enough for company at any time.  Its the small things: dust that builds up, chrome that is splattered, baseboards that haven’t been cleaned, things that are not organized.   The little things add up, and the collective is messy.   A home should be a place of comfort, a refuge from the storms outside,  a retreat where you love your environment, and the person or persons you share it with.   I can’t be comfortable if the place isn’t spot on.  I’ve lived with disasters.  I don’t want that ever again.

I took responsibility for this.   If things didn’t get done, its because I wasn’t managing properly.  Izrina is first and foremost a slave.  I just needed to set expectations.  I expect anticipatory service, and I expect what pleases me would be done by a slave who loves to please, but no one is a mind reader.

There is a lazy side to managing that sometimes does not want to deal with things.  To be a good Master, or manager for that matter, you cannot let things slide. I was unhappy, and things needed to change.  When things do not get done, a strong willed person steps in and makes changes.

I need to say these things to reveal to you, what it is like in an ongoing, every day Master – slave relation.  Even when its perfect, you still have ups and downs.  Of course when things are perfect, a “down” side is more like disappointment than a total unhappy meltdown – especially if you don’t let things slide.

So I instituted a schedule.  Cleaning will happen every day, five days a week.  It will start each Monday, at the desk in the living room.  Five areas, one for each weekday, arranged in a logical, clockwise order around the home.

After week one, no dust, and everything was neat and shiny.  By week two, cleanup was a matter of finding something to clean.  By week three, cleaning turned to just a little tidying up, and organizing.   The home is now something I am very proud of, and more importantly, when I come home I look around; I am at ease.  It pleases me, and my pleasure, pleases her.   I don’t feel the need to get back up and have this or that handled.  Everything is on a schedule, and looks great.

At first, cleaning every day takes time away and at the end of a long day at work, you don’t want to give up that time.  Later, when there is little left to do, those few minutes of maintenance are easy.  She has a new appreciation, I think, for our home, and what she does in service to me.  We still have our down time, and that brings me back to our gaming geek side.

Oh, we are geeks.. believe me.  She has a book with over a thousand pages, on Skyrim.  She studies and take notes for when I give her some play time.  When she started a new diet recently, she poured over books, wrote shopping lists, collected recipes, and all of it was recorded in a notepad, in handwriting that is neat, and oh so tiny..  OCD, yeah, we got that.

Now that my daughter is away at College, finances are very tight and we are spending even more time at home.  That means more time to clean, and experiment with food, and play games.  Now of the electronic games, I will often have a bath drawn, and have a drink brought to me, then release her to play Skyrim.   I’ll do some Sudoku, to keep my mind limber, and then kick her off the game to go make supper, at which point its my turn to de-stress by killing monsters and exploring.

As a Dominant, I can play all I want and leave her to find something else with which to amuse herself.  I can be greedy, and hog all the play time for myself.   But gaming can be a terrible addiction.  You get to a point where you have things you want to achieve in the game and you can go hours before you notice the amount of time that has gone by.. unless you are the person waiting for your turn.. then time goes very, very slowly.   I know this.  I have that addiction too, and when I am hogging all the game time, I think about these things.

As I was sipping my drink tonight and preparing to kick her off the game, a thought occurred to me.    I wonder how many Master and slave relations have had fights because the Dominant was greedy and monopolized the entertainment?   I know it seems like a silly thing, but when you get home, and the cleaning and chores are all done, we all need something to entertain us, something to fill the hours with.

Often Master and slave entertainment is TV, in the form of sports, or a movie.  But it might also be surfing the net,  writing, painting, reading, or gaming.   Some of those things you may have to wait your turn for.  I wonder..  how do other Dominants and slaves reach a compromise on TV, or games, or the computer?   Or do they compromise at all?  Are some slaves secretly very unhappy because of the greedy hogging by the Master?   Should a Master give up time, say on a computer, if there is just one, and they are not ready to give it up?  Should a slave have to wait until Master leaves, to watch the movies and entertainment they like?

Its super hot, to say I am going to use you as my sexual toy.   I am going to fuck you any time I want and you will experience being a thing for my sexual amusement.   I will use your mouth, and your gentiles any time it pleases me.  You will not protest when I choose to undress you, and caress the parts of your body I desire, to finger and fondle because I can, and because every part of your body is mine.   Yeah, that’s hot.  I don’t see any downside at all there.  But this is an activity where attention is being paid.  Its quite different if you are being ignored.

Its not so hot to be sitting beside a person engrossed in a football game, that you care nothing about, and get no attention.  It is not so hot to be at the feet of a Master who is playing a video game, and all you want is your turn, so you are fidgeting and waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Sometimes a full time relation is not as glamorous as the picture we paint in our heads.  Is it a slaves place to be bored and ignored, if the Master is happy?  I guess it depends on the Master and slave.  I know slaves who crave objectification, for whom being ignored is fine.  Others, not so much.  Yeah, it depends.

My solution for us is the “smoking jacket and pipe”.   That plus I do at times give up my control of our gaming entertainment.   After all, the goal is mutual happiness.  Some days, I am happy to give Izrina the controls, take her lap as my pillow and nap, while she gets her “fix” for some of her wild Skyrim addiction.  I think the real key is attention.  A Master needs to put down the remote periodically to direct, inspect, praise, and maybe enjoy a little Ds quickie.  The answer could be as simple as directing your slave to  paint or undertake some other project or hobby at your direction-something that becomes pleasure, and extends the control.  Control should be felt at all times, when you are living it.

If the picture I have painted here seems less than ideal for your personal preferences, that’s fine.  I works for us.  As I noted it earlier, “it depends”.   I couldn’t be happier and if her happy little sighs as I stroked her this evening is any indication, then she is quite happy too.  Life is too short to live for the future.   You have to find your happiness right here, right now, in the little things.  I couldn’t be more pleased.  Pleased with the home, pleased with my slave, pleased with how proud she is when she pleases me,  pleased with the comfort and love I feel when we are doing nothing special..  Odd… Just as a slave finds freedom in her chains,  I find so many special moments, when nothing special is happening.  Carpe Diem my friends.. Go make a great day!

Domination on Blogs, the quirks

I have to tell you that part of my control has to do with timing.  I will reveal information when it has the most use and impact.  If you read yesterday’s blog, you know that Monday I was unhappy but doubled down on the things I wanted addressed and yesterday was better.  I kind of released that information early though, before it had a conclusion.  I ended like this:

This evening was nice.  Tomorrow, if my expectations are met, they will be better still.  Or they might be worse.  I expect better though.

So I telegraphed my thoughts.  Problem is, my slave reads this blog too.  There is every likelihood that by those words, she might alter her behavior.  I don’t want that.   I would prefer to wait and see what kind of response I get from earlier interaction.  How else can I judge the effectiveness of my corrective application?

I am a Dominant that is very much into the pleasure of understanding my slave, and finding her buttons, and knowing how to to push them to get the results I want.   Having a blog can work both ways.  It can be a method of praise, or embarrassment.  What I write here, can influence in a very real way our relation.  I am always cognizant of this when I write here.

It is one of the quirks of having a public blog, that it work for or against your plans.  Worse, the written word is fraught with misunderstandings that just don’t as easily exist when you can see and hear a person.  A simple written: I love “this”, can cause a person to wonder:  Did I do “this” without realizing?  Was it a good thing?  Was it a bad thing ?  Is “this” a hint?  Am I supposed to be doing something?  Do I do this “thing” enough?  Do I do it too much?  Yeah, a blog can be a quirky thing, for a Ds relation.


 

For my blog followers who are wondering how this drama concluded tonight: The area I wanted corrected was handled far better than my expectations.  I am a very happy M tonight.  Even more so, because she was too busy to get to the blog to read.  Which means the things that influenced that behavior were in no way related to this blog.  Double bonus points!   Yep, I am very happy indeed.

I’m not ready to brag about what a good girl she is, or mention how pleased I am to have such an obedient and pleasurable slave, nope.  No such puffery here for her to read.  There is always time for back sliding and this particular area I am addressing is important.  If it stays attended to well, and for a period of time, THEN maybe I’ll make such comments.

OK.. maybe one little praise.  Tonight’s dinner was steak and veggies.  I pretended to be gaming while she prepared my plate.  I enjoyed the busy little dance back and forth, some pepper on this, a bottle of olive oil to add a splash to that… just back and forth attending to the plate with great care and attention to my preferences… and there it was… that love you feel that just overwhelms you.  The sense that your life is absolutely perfect, and before you is a person that completes that life, who in ever fiber of your being, just feels right for who and what you are.

Better to live in those magic small moments when nothing important happens, than to live for any imagined, great future.  Living for the future is a terrible waste of the present.  Tonight I am just incredibly pleased, and that is enough.  Carpe Diem my friends.  Go MAKE a great day!

Slaves don’t screw up, part 1

In keeping with this whole “Dom’s don’t cry” theme I think its about time we flipped over the cards and showed the other side.  Normally, I don’t allow anything but the good side of my Ds relation to be revealed in this blog.  And there is plenty of good stuff to talk about.

Work today basically sucked, but I had a hot tub and a cold drink waiting for me to relax with, just as I ordered, which pleased me greatly.  Supper too was exactly as requested and again, I was quite pleased.

But I have this thing going on for the past few days that frankly is pissing me off.  If you have read my blog much, you will know about our two daily rituals, Daily appreciation, and Daily Gratitude.  The day starts with the first and ends with the second.  Lately, Izrina has been skipping her Daily Gratitude ritual.

This triggers my Dom side to get serious.  First I am unhappy, displeased, and generally shocked.  What I do when a slave doesn’t behave like a slave is stick to the program and refuse to let it go or overlook it.   I am going to be the Dom I was meant to be, and nothing changes that.  So I check my anger, I draw my patience, and I point out what was missed, and I wait for this to be corrected.  And it does get corrected, because nothing else will get my attention until this is done.

But in the meantime a whole host of things are happening inside me.  First, I am thinking, “How the hell can this happen?  Am I not clear, do we not do this every day?  What possible reasoning could there be that allows this failure?  Does she not know that I won’t let this slide?  How could she not know I am going to double down on this?”

I know it can be difficult at times to shift into gratitude mode and to think of three things that actually were nice in a rotten day can be a chore, but that is the whole point.  When life is rough, we have to work at the mental shift, we have to put effort into changing our focus. This is important.  I am not going to let it just drop.  Again, wth???

While I am checking my anger, and  working my patience, I am now at a disadvantage regarding finding my own happiness.  I guess I could be happy that I have material to work on, but ignoring a standing ritual shouldn’t be one of those areas I need to fix or work on, or so I reason.  So I just am annoyed and puzzled. But I won’t let things make me, I make me, so now I invest effort into not being annoyed.  And that need to put in effort leads to a new annoyance which I must erase.  And so it goes, the trigger that causes me to work harder at being both Dom and spiritual leader.  In most respects, and most times, she is a perfect slave.

So yes, sometimes there is trouble in paradise.  Some times a perfect slave does screw up and frankly I can’t say I know exactly why.  I am generally fairly good at reading her mind but this one has me stumped.   It happens from time to time, things just like this and I just wonder.. where did my perfect slave go.. and when will she be back?  Why is this stranger challenging me?

Like I said earlier, normally, I don’t allow anything but the good side of my Ds relation to be revealed in this blog – but I don’t want you to get the impression that screw ups never happen or that everything is always perfect.  The fact is, sometimes slaves do screw up, but with patience and determination I can make it right, but I can’t get inside her head when she isn’t acting “all slave like” – and that pisses me off too.

Like I also said earlier, I personally have a lot to be grateful for tonight, and I will be damned if this one thing will get in the way of a good mood or an otherwise wonderful evening.  It is what it is and I’ll deal with it.  Carpe Diem my friends!

Slavery during personal tragedy

When you are the proud owner of a consensual slave, you will find yourself at some point dealing with a person who has suffered a tragic loss.  Now tragedies come in all sizes, large and small.  When a person loses a loved one, this is one of those large tragedies.  Even if we have a spiritual perspective on these things: that eternal life is ours and that we can not be separated forever by death, there is still the loss of your loved ones comforting voice, their laugh, and their warm embrace.  It brings into focus the question – what is real?  Too often, pain seems more real than joy.

The single most important thing I teach, is how to be happy. I insist on speaking of this to those close around me.  I desire that those in close proximity to me, be pleasant, happy, and fulfilled.  The two greatest things you can learn are “How to be happy”, and “How to make good decisions”.  Nothing else you learn is as important as these.  You would think every formal education system would include this in their curriculum.  Happiness no doubt eludes even you, my dear reader, from time to time.  For all my wisdom, it eludes me as well, when I lose my way.  As fulfilled as I am, there are times I lose my way, forget what I know, and what I have learned.

Happiness is always just a change in perspective away.  Saying this is much easier than being this. I keep a sports car, a convertible, for pleasant drives on summer days.  One particularly bad winter, the shelter in which it is kept partially collapsed.  My daughter was greatly concerned for how I would handle this.  I like to think that I rose to the challenge, and demonstrated back to those around me, what I preach.  Granted, losing a beloved possession is not the same as losing a loved one, but neither is it a simple thing to find our happiness when faced with these kinds of things.  It helps to think of these things as a challenge to prove that we can walk the walk.  Hmmm – losing a beloved possession.  That phrase takes on special meaning when you are a slave owner – but I digress.

My slave has had losses recently.  She is a person who values her privacy.  She doesn’t like when I share tidbits from her life, but I do it anyway.  I reason, that if I own her, I own it all.. I own her body, her mind, and her will.  All are mine to do with as I please, and we need to get past any point where this is contested.  It needs to be accepted with trust and simple humility.  But this slavery is also consensual and mutual happiness is the goal, so I balance her desire for privacy – to some degree – with my desire to share with others what I have learned.  Having said all that, I will tell you now that my slave has suffered both large and small tragedies in recent months.  You need to know that much, for me to explain how I dealt with it, and how the lessons learned might apply to you if you have a similar situation arise.

Immediately after her loss, her life was thrown into disarray.  I saw two ways to bring her through this valley of darkness.  One way was to impose greater structure and control onto her life.  This way would be appropriate if she needed to bury her pain, and shelve it for moments when she could deal with it by herself, in small doses, at appropriate times.  Much like returning to work right after a funeral, busy hands and minds are often the best medicine for grief.

The other way was to loosen the control and structure over her life, allowing her to be less of a slave and more of person who could come to me seeking understanding and comfort.  The latter choice, to walk away from my dynamic, troubles me deeply but I also recognize that no one plan fits all slaves.  Inside the complex mix of desires, needs, wants, philosophies, understandings, beliefs, and all the other things that makes up a personality, each slave has their own perfect buttons that unlocks who and what they are.

I will tell you that some protocols slipped.  Sometimes she was irritable with me.  These are things I would normally never tolerate.  Yet I knew, deep inside that she was in that valley of the shadow of death, and I knew what she needed, and when.  This is all rather vague instruction on how to fix the problem, I will grant you, but as I observe often, you must direct the mind of a slave not the body.  You must Master the tools of observation, of patience, and of calculated and artistic manipulations that bring about in your property, your canvas, your great achievement:  The creation of a slave who is perfect for you, and who in turn is as mutually happy with the result.

In time, the protocols all came back stronger than before, the slave at my feet more sure of who and what she was, and what she wanted.  I like to think that two faced as one, this challenge.

Why now?  Why do I suddenly want to write of this now?  Because a minor tragedy is faced.  A small trinket of great sentimental value was lost.  I will use this loss as yet an opportunity, to speak of being pleasant, and of being responsible for our own happiness.  I will use this as a chance to teach that which is easy to say and hard to do.. that happiness is always just a change in perspective away.

Life is not static, there are no dependable constants in all of the things around us that most consider to be real and valuable.  But when we consider that things that CAN be constant, we touch on things that are harder to hold up as real.  When we place our trust in uncommon currencies, like the exchange of love for example, or the value of satisfaction in honest labor, these are things that ARE constant.  We can always have them.    When we pour out love into the world, it comes back to us in surprising ways.

Because life is not static, neither is blind devotion to an inflexible dynamic a good thing.  This needs to be a flexible thing. Yes, your protocols need to be consistent, and you will need to be an irresistible force,  but the times in which you bring to bear the full force of that indomitable spirit, must be flexible.  I have spoken on this many times before. No matter where your slave’s mindset is at the moment, there needs to be knowledge that while Master may be gentle, Master is always there waiting to take possession, to control what is his through consent.

I can not tell you exactly how to bring YOUR slave back from a tragedy, but I can tell you that if they truly consent to giving all that they are to you, and desire this deeply, and if you stay in your sacred role, and have the intelligence, patience and compassion to deal with their needs, you can not only help them through, but also make stronger your slave’s understanding that they have chosen wisely, the Master to serve.

Carpe Diem!

 

 

 

I am offended

If a tree falls in the woods doe it make a sound?  There is a science that boarders on philosophy and religion that says a thing is neither black nor white until it is observed. If that is correct, then the answer is no.

More importantly, if observation creates reality, how much of the reality we see around us is created by the desire to see what we want to see?   And why am I asking these questions?  I had a conversation with an activist who directed quite a bit of micro-aggression at me.  It has caused me to do quite a bit of thinking.

Not too terribly long ago in  a BDSM support group for Afro-Americans*, I used the term Orientals.  I had not gotten the memo that this was politically incorrect now.  It makes sense though.  Americans hail from America.  Africans from Africa.  Europeans from Europe.  Australians from Australia.  People from Asia probably shouldn’t be called anything but Asians.

.*The group mentioned in paragraph three was the “The Dark Lair”, lead by SirGuy of NYC, and this was a wonderful experience.  Let me also give a shout out to SirGuy who is a hell of a great person. If you are near the NYC area, I strongly recommend attending Dark Lair workshops that are open to you.  I definitely learned quite a bit and was made to feel quite comfortable even with my gaff.   Their Fetlife page refers to the group as primarily for blacks and people of color.  So I should have just said black.  But for the last twenty years I have been trained to say Afro-American and now I carry a fear of saying the wrong thing.  I am constantly trying so hard to not be judged as prejudice that is boarders on uncomfortable and so it makes me doubly upsetting therefore when I am accused of being insensitive.  Maybe I should just stop trying, stop caring, and go with what i know is in my heart, assuming that if someone is going to hate me, they are going to no matter how hard I try or what I say.

If Martin Luther King were alive today, he might quite famously say:  People should be judged by the content of their character and not by the color of their skin, or their gender, or their age, or their sexual orientation. I don’t like feeling that I might be treated as a  prejudice idiot because I don’t know the language.  I hate walking on egg shells and there are so many strewn about these days.  Ageism, sexism, racism, the list goes on and on.

There is a concept that I feel is being lost and its this:  Though I may disagree with you and possibility even be deeply offended by what you say, I will defend to the death your right to say it.  At one time this might have included “hate speech” but no longer.  We are creating categories of speech and thought that are not permitted and its dangerous territory because there are so many activists whose reality sees some speech and thought as too dangerous to be allowed.  The important question becomes, who gets to decide this?  If I think something is wrong, of course I think THAT needs to be shut down but if its my personal area of offensive activism, then I don’t want MY speech and thought to be limited.

My area of activism is consent and BDSM.   The funny thing is, even in my own camp with my own kind, I will be at odds with some people that will disagree with my conclusions or think differently about what changes should be made.  Even in your own camp there is always some discord.  Some days I just want to move to Alaska with my slave, and spend my days working hard to sustain us, and my nights in ecstasy.  Or maybe Canada.  Nobody I know hates the Canadians. Oh wait, they are from the American continent, which makes them Americans too, right?  Ow! My head hurts now.

If you don’t think ideas are dangerous, make a list of words ending in “ism”. Every “ism” has followers willing to bitterly fight and possibly die over words. ~ Xtac Quote

What people do reveals what they really think and feel. Even if we do not ignore the words and do not observe actions consciously, we still know this instinctively. This is why trust takes so long. ~Xtac Quote