Evil Doms

This is titled “Evil Doms” but it might also be titled “Snow storms and slaves, part 2”.  Part one is here.    There are a few ex-lover types out there, and you may recognize them..

One type makes you feel wonderful about yourself.  They are complimentary, and love everything about you.. they make you feel attractive and in return, because you feel so wonderful when you are around them,  you can not help but love them.  But they are calculating like an evil Dom or Domme.  They know how to make you feel wonderful about yourself, and they do it for as long as you are useful, and desired.  But because they are also uncaring in their calculations.  When something better makes itself available, you will dropped like last week stinky garbage.  The new object of desire gets their attention and too late you realize it was all empty flattery – but it was so sweet – you would go back if you could.

And another type is the fuck buddy.  Now there is nothing wrong with a fuck buddy if that is what you want.  But again, it is the rare person who holds a poly together well without attaching strings to the deal.  When a calculating person convinces you that you want sex, and they want sex, and there is no harm in a pleasant exchange, that can go well.  But if your life changes, and you try to pull out of the arrangement, the evil side can rear its ugly head and the calculating side begins to pull strings to sabotage whatever stands in the way… or worse… they turn up the heat on a person who has a hard time saying no to the point of forcing themselves on you.  They may not even accept consent as a requirement for sex.

Many of us have these types in our past.  I take care to shield Izrina from some of these types, but I can’t do it on nights like this.  Yeah, my fears came to past.  A couple of guys dropped in on the girls for some storm night drinking at the ranch.

A while ago, I bought Izrina a flashlight.  It’s completely functional,  but with a twist.  It also doubles as a stun gun.  Jam the end of it into an attacker, pull the correct trigger, and the threat is neutralized.  She didn’t have it with her tonight.  I wish she did.  Bugs me that my gut had this one pegged right, and I didn’t listen to it.

Nothing happened.  Izrina has been trained to report anything I might be interested in, setting aside a portion of her brain as a guardian working on behalf of Master.  I got the info I needed for tonight.  I’ll get the full details tomorrow night.  Dammit.  I feel torn between the feeling I let her down, and the feeling that she is big girl and needs to sometimes take care of herself if someone gets pushy.

I am not being rational right now.  I would wager every one of us has had at least one person in our past that betrayed a trust.  After that happens,  you never quite look at the trust you place in a partner, quite the same.   You can be honest, and direct, and it still doesn’t matter because it seems that everyone is vulnerable at some point in their life.  Everyone at some point makes a choice they wish they had not.  So you question if the person you are with, will have that weak moment with you.. and you base this thought on a past you wish you could let go of, but can’t.

The fact is, there are Dom like people out there that are evil.  Maybe even sociopaths.  They know the buttons to push, and are not afraid to push them to get what they want.  They may not call themselves Doms, but sometimes they do.

Let me be clear about the title.  Not all Doms are actually what we would want a Dom to be, and not all nillas are free of Dom aspects.  Some nilla people are total Doms, they just don’t know anyone in the life style, and never had anyone point out the being  Dom is OK as long as you remove some behaviors.  I know a few people who know nothing of BDSM, and yet these people are very Dominant with their partners. One is a close friend.  He doesn’t want to think of himself as “kinky” and doesn’t want to talk about it. Problem is, being a Dom without understanding it, may make you a border line abuser.  You both have to talk, and negotiate, and understand what you both get out of it, and most importantly, agree to consent.  Then there are people from the past that I won’t go into.

The key difference about a real Dom is that a real Dom is looking for an equitable exchange.. one that both of you find pleasurable.. and they are honest and trustworthy.   The same can be said for slaves.  Nothing is more important than trust.  Its the foundation of your relation.   Shatter that one too many times, and a person becomes damaged goods.. no matter how rational, intelligent, and caring a person may be.  One side of you will always want to treat a new partner as a clean slate, and another side of you will always see the human weakness that has soiled your past – and constantly worry for the future.  Trust shattered is bad.

The world could use a lot fewer people plying the tools of a Dominant, for their own selfish desires.

Snow storms and slaves

Snow storms are relative.   In some Southern states, 3 inchs of snow brings a city to a halt; as well it should when you don’t have snow removal equipment.  I assume in some Canadian towns, no one even bats an eye until the snow is half way up the tires.  Here, it depends on who you are.  Me.. I go out in all kinds of weather.  Other folks, no so much.

We were hearing that there was a fair size storm coming.. six inches or more – that’s fifteen centimeters if you prefer..  So I won’t see my slave tonight.  I’m kinda grumpy about that.

Her work put her up for then night.  Seems like a generous thing to do.  Here is the catch, if you don’t take them up on the offer..then you are not allowed any excuse what so ever for not showing up the next day.  It kind of a “Godfather offer”… You know.. the kind you can’t refuse.  They have extra rooms, it doesn’t cost them anything, and you can save gas, plus stay safe.. Unless of course you have a cranky Master at home.

Of course I want my slave safe, and staying with the girls at the ranch overnight in a storm can be kind of a fun adventure… but I love my control too much to be really happy about this.  There are male ranchers too of course, and I am not fond of the idea of her mixing alcohol with testosterone, especially when I am not around.  Showing a little lack of trust here I admit.  In my defense, there are many variables at work here, which of course brings me back to a lack of control over this situation.

Of course if I was really worried, I’d drive the two hours round trip tonight to get her, and the two hours round trip to take her back before the sun came up, but I’m just not that crazy.  So I have to put up or shut up.  I don’t like any of these choices.  Freaking snow storms..  bet we only get three inches..that’s 7cm to the rest of the world.   When the hell is the US going to crack that nut and finally go metric anyway?   Why am I working myself up over the metric system?   Bah… I’m just in a cranky mood.   See how fast my perfect little world comes unraveled?    Bored, and cranky.   Ah well.. the snow is pretty..   Maybe I’ll go for a walk in it…   before I have to shovel it..

Gym time, and abuse

So, I went to the gym today to abuse my muscles some more and after a good upper body workout, I moved to the treadmills to burn a few more calories.  Also to make sure that my heart stays healthy enough for sex.  That’s important too!

I unplugged my music and jacked into the TV attached to the treadmill.  While clicking through channels I came across a dialog in a cop show that made me stop and pause.


Investigator He’s using you!

Woman:   No, he loves me.  He would never leave me. He can’t leave me.

Investigator: That’s because you will do anything he says.

Woman:    You don’t understand what we have.  It’s beautiful!

InvestigatorOh Honey!  I’ve heard that so many times and its never true.


It was a brutal interrogation because they were trying to break her, to turn her against the man she loves.  They were trying to convince this woman that the man she is with is an abuser, using her, and he cared nothing about her. They are making her feel alone.  They had stripped away his protection, leaving her scared and vulnerable. At one point, she runs into her lover in the police station and she is frantic and he touches her face and she is suddenly calm, peaceful, happy, again.  He has incredible power over her and the police are horrified by the control he obviously possesses over her.  He just glares back at them, stoic and defiant. They see a monster, just as the screen writer has portrayed him.

Its my worst nightmare.  Another using authority higher than my own to come between my slave and I, exploiting her, turning her against me.  Making her think that somehow this beautiful thing that we’ve created is somehow all false.  That somehow its all just me, creating an illusion. This power I have is like that, the ability to change her moods, to make her happy, its like being an illusionist.  It all seems too good to be real.  What is real anyway?  What if it isn’t real?

An interrogation like that would tear me up inside.   I would be fighting with all my might to hold on to my beliefs, to keep from having my world torn down around me, by questions I already ask myself.  Being separated, knowing that she too is alone, that I am powerless to stop it, to heal it, to make it better would be a nightmare.  I need to know there is equity, that the happiness is mutual.

I know the show was entertainment and the script was designed to portray an especially clever villain but it made me angry.  There more kinds of love, than the script writer knows.  Control does not a villain make.

But the writer was also right in some ways.  It would be easy, no it IS easy, for an abuser to put themselves ahead of their slaves, to use the control a slave desires to surrender in abusive ways. Its also easy to paint us all the same way, we who would offer Domination, with one broad brush – or script.  I changed the channel.