Pain, sadness, and loneliness

The shadow of my former self sat in darkness, a beer by his hand, wallowing in the sadness that sought to crush him. All love had left the room, every corner of his mind filled with broken glass that cut with every thought that moved.  He had no power, no glory, none of than which defined him when she was by his side.  The air filled with music, selected for the occasion, and he took deep ragged breaths, not quite crying..though the music filled his eyes with tears as he thought of all he had lost.  He took another sip of sadness, or maybe it was beer, and wrapped his pain like a blanket around himself, and tightened it around his neck, wishing to end his life.

No light reached him, no kind word could penetrate his mood. I see myself now, this sad pathetic creature, gnawing at his cold and broken heart, wishing to consume himself with his own pain.  I can see him so clearly and my future self wants to reach back into time..and slap the fucking shit out of that person, and then hold him.

I want to say to him, have you no small treasure?  Have you no small pile of golden memories to nurse with happiness?  Have you nothing to be thankful for?  Are there no flowers left in your world?  Is there no where you can go to hear the laughter of children? Can you not rise each morning and see the hope that begs you to take it into your arms?

I wish I could be sorry for you but I cannot, I want to fucking slap you.  You make me angry! This life you have been given is not about what you were getting but what you can give!  Have you nothing left to give?  Can you not lend a hand to an elderly person, hold a door for a stranger? Can you not rescue an animal from a shelter?  Are there no soup kitchens begging for volunteers?

Love is all that is worth living for, and worth dying for, but you are a blind fucking fool.  Love is not outside you!  Love comes from deep within you.  You were born as a conduit for love and yet you have shut yourself out from it. Love is like a light, and it longs to pulse through your veins,  to fill you with the pain of knowing that you can never, and I mean absolutely never be alone.

If you want to nurse pain, nurse the pain of the unbearable light of that mana.  You cannot contain all the love that will pour through you when you open yourself to that love. If you must nurse pain, nurse that pain.  When this light peels away the crust from your eyes, so that you see your fellow man through its eyes, and you suddenly love the saint and the sinner, when you see your fellow man struggling in the very pain you now hold, and  you love them for all their flaws and troubles.. then you will be lifted up, and sustained.

No, my former self, sitting in the darkness, nursing your pain.. I cannot feel sorry for you. I am angry with you. You need a wake up call, and I your future self am here now, finally to show you the way.  Your future is bright.. oh if you only knew the joy that you will feel some day.  Now dust yourself off…find that small pile of treasure you have conveniently hidden, and count your blessings.  Then, and only then.. go out and be someones great day.  Namaste!

Beauty ( and hope )

I am going to try to keep this one uncharacteristically short..  here goes..

I have a critical eye and I’m honest. If you really want to know if something makes you look fatter, or thinner or looks good, I’ll tell you honestly what I think.  Normally, I think I am fairly good as judging how a face or body stacks up against the general population.  And that goes for men and women.  Take the recently deceased George Michael.  If you asked me, I’d say he was hot in his day.  Same with Christie Brinkley.  These may not be your kind of beauty, but you can at least acknowledge I am in the ball park for generally hot people.

So when I look at my slave, do I see a drop dead gorgeous girl everyone wants?  No, I don’t.  But then to me, she is.  I have thought about this a great length.

On New Years Eve, as she sat beside me I turned and looked at her and so help me God she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.  Meanwhile, one part of me was staying objective.  One part of my mind was asking: Would anyone else agree?  So I looked objectively and I couldn’t find any reason another person wouldn’t agree. I can still see that moment in my minds eye.

It was the kitchen, she was sitting on my right as is her protocol.  On her right side, which was farthest from me, her hair hung down just past her eye and then over her breast in a photogenic kind of way.   On her left side, the side facing me, she had tucked her long hair behind her ear and the sparkle of a beautiful dangling earring shone in the light.  Her jaw line was well defined in the kitchen light.  Her lips were full, pouty, and her eyes were crowned by dark eyebrows that were not too heavy.  In short, her contrasts were striking.  She was breathtaking… and I told her so.. You just look so beautiful tonight.. I might have said.

Times when this happens, my heart tugs at me, full of love and appreciation for this property I own.  I know that others might not agree.  She’s isn’t firm like an 18 year old, or fat free, but I am simply struck at times with her beauty just the same. Many are the times I have simply been over-whelmed with feeling for her, and my critical eye is once again struck with her beauty.  But then other times not.  Is it simply what I am feeling that makes me see?

Its been said, love is blind.  Its been said that we see our lovers through rose colored glasses.  I get it.  At such times, I might be under an influence but if I am, it’s too deep for my objective side to untangle.  Maybe I am “Shallow Hal” under the influence.. I don’t care.  I like it. AND there is something to learn here.

If we can learn to love another person for who they are, to be attracted on all levels, to be infatuated for who they are, isn’t that a good thing?  Does it really matter what anyone else thinks?  There is hope for us all.  I am quite a bit older than Izrina, yet she loves me in return.  As a Master, I think I’m a catch, but not so much for my age.  BDSM seems to have more than its fair share of people who are attracted on a level that makes them seem an unlikely match. A word of cautions about “finding” that special someone, in the form of a quote:

Just remember that what you seek you will not find, but in the path of your happiness, when you are loving life the most, what you were seeking will find you. ~ X Quote

Let’s revisit the question: Would everyone else desire her as well?  If we are talking about TPE Masters, the answer is  “Hell yes!” A Master who has gotten past the stupid notion of collecting a stable of hot bodies, and is ready to get serious about finding the slave that will fit, THAT Master would simply love to own my property. She’s valuable property, and I know it.  It needs to be said, and I know it, that a huge part of my attraction is the slave that she is, the submission she gives with such grace.  It is her inner beauty that attracts me first. There are some outwardly beautiful women that are ugly and repulsive to me.  Beauty starts from the inside and flows from there.

All of this is  just one more reason why BDSM is the only way of life for me.  It is one more reason why I think we have answers for nillas if they could hear. Its why, if you haven’t found the one yet, there is still hope.  Attraction in BDSM runs much deeper, and when you connect on that level, any person can become more beautiful than you can imagine.  I know. I am speaking from experience here.  If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right, baby, yeah!

Failure!.. Thought this would be a few paragraphs.. Ha!  Never give a soapbox to a Dominant!  Carpe Diem, my friends.. Nameste.

X says ~ Must see videos

OK.. now, thanks to emdimensional, I have TWO highly recommended, must see videos.

The first, The Butterfly Circus.. I have long promoted.  This is absolutely for everyone.

Eternity and infinity hold all possibilities and in a state of all possibilities existing simultaneously, rationality can not function. ~Xtac Quote

I have long maintained that we are children of God, free to roam all time and all space and for whom all things are possible.  Imagine my surprise after nearly sixty years into this life, to finally find a kindred spirit. If any of my thinking upsets your beliefs,  then you may not want to watch this new X ~ must see:  The egg

 

The infinite monkey theorem states that book “War and Peace” could be typed entirely by shear random coincidence, every dotted period, every comma, every letter, every space, every page of that monstrous long book, by a monkey, given an infinite amount of time.

People do not realize how silly it is, that the deeds of one human lifetime should earn you an eternity of hell or heaven.   A human lifetime is so utterly insignificant a span of time, an utterly small, microscopic, speck, a super micro particle on a speck, compared to the incredibly vast, boundless expanses of eternity.

To put a feeble analogy on it, it is like you own every bit of gold on the earth, the coins, the bullion, the nuggets below the ground and above.  Plus all the gold in the universe.  Rooms filled with gold.  Mansions filled with gold.  So much gold you can build streets and walls with it. Cities with it.   All that gold is this precious gift we call life.

And God says.. here is a speck.. let me see how you use my gift.  I am taking one fleck from one of my thousands of piles of gold dust that I will give you… one fleck only.. I want you to spend it.  And if I like the way you spent that fleck of gold I will let you keep all of the gold in the universe -an eternity of life, my most precious gift to you.  But if you spend it poorly I will take it all away and I will torture you for every fleck of gold that I took away, I will send you to hell for all eternity. You will never have anything to spend again ever and you will suffer.  You get everything or nothing based on that one small fleck.  If you spend it poorly it all goes away.  No second chances.  No opportunity to show you learned your lesson.  I won’t check on you again, to see if you are now a better person.  You will waste away, far from my eyes.

And if you spend well, then the test is over and you can spend billions and billions of specs. I won’t check if you spend them badly because the test was is over.  I don’t care about all the other gold I gave you, just that one tiny speck.

Put into another analogy, it would be like trying to decide if a person stays in jail for life based on their behavior in the first five minute after birth.

It would be like deciding if a you loved or hated a person based on the first syllable out of their mouth.  Not even the first word.. Just the first syllable of the first word. Hate or love forever, based on that.

Does that seem to you like a test filled with compassion, love, understanding and above all forgiveness?  Does this seem like a test you would impose on your children.. children you profess to love?

Wait.. it gets better.. God won’t tell you the rules personally, no he sent many messengers and each has a different set of rules.   Yeah… when you think about eternity, much of traditional religions sort of fall short for a thinking person.

Here is another thing about eternity.  Think of standing on a set of train tracks on a flat plain.  For as far as you can see, the tracks disappear into the distance.   You turn the other way and again, the tracks disappear into the distance.  So you think, in one of these two directions is the beginning, the start of the these tracks.  Logically we know that there is a beginning and an end.  But eternity has no such concept.  The tracks go forever in one direction and forever in the other.  No beginning and no end.  As it was in the beginning, so it is now, and ever shall be, world without end.  Time can go forever in both directions which means, that which exists now, may have always existed.  Somethings didn’t have to come from some place.. they just always were.. always existed.  There is no start, no creation, only a cycle of destruction and rebirth.  Its mind blowing.

Then there is infinity.  Eternity blows your mind about time, but infinity blows your mind about space.  If buzz light year can go to infinity and beyond, then he will be traveling forever.  Like the monkey theorem, if space is infinite, that means eventually, completely by random chance, somewhere else is a planet just like this one.

If you travel to infinity, you find world after world, and some will be like this one, and another, another.  Some will be exact copies, down to every leaf on a tree and every leaf that has fallen.  Every rock in place, and rain drop falling.  If infinity and eternity are real, there is not a copy of you running around on another world, there are many copies of you running around on many worlds.

We are not talking about science fiction here, we are talking simple logic.  If there is no end to time and no end to space, in either direction, then all things are possible.  Its the monkey theorem.   Again, when I talk about eternity and infinity, I am not talking religion.  But when I think about eternity and infinity, it shapes my thinking, especially around religion.

If you are wondering if I believe in God, my simple answer is yes.  My complex answer is no.  I do not have faith.  I have person experience that tells me there is something, what most might call God, that does exist.  I have tasted love and light so complete it is beyond words.  I don’t need faith.  I don’t have answers or words. I DO have knowledge based on experience.  Its why I must be the spiritual leader in my M/s relation.  I can help guide a person to their own experience, but I can not say what that person’s experience will be, what words they will put to that direct knowledge.  It is why I mingle BDSM with tantra meditation. Sorry to get all mystical there.

Normally, I try to put these ideas into more practical terms..  we have two great quests in life.. to learn to be happy, and to learn to make good decisions.  That’s easy to explain.  Easy to teach.  And on that path, we learn of power and love.  We learn of passion and compassion.  Of the ebb and flow of the universe, the value of things, the ying and the yang, that which we are here to do.. to become better children of God, or the universe.. if that works better for you.  Nameste.

 

A side note:  Like the concept put forth in the egg, I believe we each live in our own universe, but unlike the egg, I believe we run into other souls… kind of like a venn diagram.. but I won’t go into that now.  Its enough for me that the egg opens people to the concepts of eternity and infinity.  Its bad from my point of view, because it teaches us we are alone with God.. I don’t believe that.  And most of all, it is bad because we could be seeing the birth of a new religion. 

 

 

Merry Christmass

A Merry Kinky Christmass my friends… because everything is better when it ends with some “ass”. Especially a red ass.

During the Holidays, I like to sit and watch those schmaltzy Christmas movies.  It puts me in a frame of mind that believes there is hope for the whole world.

We are supposed to be full of Christmas cheer now, right?  I want to share words of inspiration, but then I think.. Its a Christian Holiday.  What do Jews or Muslims think of this whole “Christ-Mass” thing?  And I think of the terror attacks that will be planned around mass gatherings.   And I think of the snarls of traffic with frantic people rushing to get a gift that may be returned, or thrown out.. and I wonder.. is Christmas really so different from any other day?  Perhaps it shouldn’t be.  In 2014, I wrote this on Thanksgiving:

I am thankful for beautiful skies, my inner guide, and the universe through which I offer myself as a conduit. I am thankful for my canvas, she with whom I practice serving those who serve. I am thankful for that which gives meaning to my life. I am thankful for those who have shared moments with me, letting me be part of their life, as I am part of theirs. ~ Xtac Quote, Thanksgiving 2014

So today is Christmas.  Some will spend it alone.  Some will tear open gifts and sit in piles of wrapping paper.  Some will be thankful its over.  Some will get in cars and make trips to family members they may or may not want to see.  Me, I will spend it with people that are important to me, and I will do nothing special, which will make it extra special.  My daughter and my mother will get together and bake a new cake recipe.  And my daughter will make memories that will make her cry when Grandma has passed on.  Life always ends.

We often go about our Christmas “to do” list like good soldiers following orders.  We often do these things with eyes closed, not sure why we do them. Let me tell you why.  Yes, Christmas is commercial, and Yes, Christmas is in large part about gifts.  It IS a time of gift giving.  So let’s think more about giving, shall we?  When you give, you can give of your money, or time, or talent.  Of the three, time is the most precious gift.

Sometimes we give because we can’t wait to see the smiles our gift will bring.  And sometimes we give for the joy we hope it will bring.  Sometimes we give for the warm, smug feeling that tells us what good people we are for giving.

There was a homeless gentleman I passed every day on the way to work, and I would pick up a carrot cake, or some other packaged food, so he could tell I had not messed with it, and hand it to him as I passed. Some days, I included a few dollars. I could easily have fallen into the trap of feeling smug about this.  Giving, if we do it for the wrong reasons, can be a bad thing.

If we look at what we have, and what others have, and what stuff we want to move from our pile to another’s, we are looking at gifts as a cold truth with a closed heart.  When you give, what you gave is no longer yours.  It belongs to someone else now.  You should have no expectations of control over the thing that is no longer yours. The truth is, most of us expect something in return for a gift.  We hope the gift brings joy, or finds a place in their home.  We hope for an equitable exchange, warm feelings in return for our generosity.  Often, we have expectations of an immediate return on our gift, even if we don’t consciously express it or think about it.

Ask yourself, why WOULD you give if your gift was just thrown away?  Why would you give if no appreciation was expressed?  Ah, now we get to the heart of Christmas!

Christmas and giving are NOT about the joy you create, or what happens with your gifts.  When you give, you have become a conduit for the light of the universe.  What you give, you receive back three fold.  Not from the person that you gave to, but from the boundless love that you have made yourself a conduit for.

When you are selfless, as any slave knows, you have tapped into something bigger than you or the person you have served.  You are a mystic, a shaman, a priest of the universe.  Not in some intangible way, but in a way that fills you with light and lightness.  Your heart is free, you are warmed with an irresistible urge to smile,  you like scrooge are happy beyond measure and you can’t explain it.  But you know it is real because you feel it.

You can’t bottle it, you can’t sell it, and you can’t give it to someone else.  When you experience being a conduit for love, this is your personal gift from somewhere beyond.  You can’t make people believe in it.  Nor can you make people experience it, even if they give.  A person who refuses to open their heart can give, and then sit unhappy that giving was a miserable experience.  No, you must open your heart to the experience, to feel love pouring through you.

So as you go to visit, as you sit with friends, as you watch gifts unwrapped, open your heart to a bigger picture.  This IS a time when the hope of the whole world rests in our hands.  It is a time when we can peel back the veil and see the what happens when we think beyond our own little lives.  We can FEEL the reality that can’t be shared.  We can feel the experience that is open to any who allow it.  It is a time when we can help others to see that there is more to life than collecting a pile of stuff.

We have only so much time in this life.  Every second is a gift.  We can not create for ourselves, one more second of time than we will have.  We own nothing.  Not even our bodies.  These too shall return to the earth.  We own only one thing, my friends.  Our decisions.  This Christmas, I encourage you to look at your decisions and make good ones, especially with your time.  Spend it with people who matter.  Give and hold nothing back.  Let yourself be free of your worries.   Be a conduit for all the good this world deserves, and if you should find yourself weeping, it will probably be for joy.  Joy for the smallest moments that are so huge.  Carpe Diem!   Merry Christmas!  Go be someone’s great day!

Domination on Blogs, the quirks

I have to tell you that part of my control has to do with timing.  I will reveal information when it has the most use and impact.  If you read yesterday’s blog, you know that Monday I was unhappy but doubled down on the things I wanted addressed and yesterday was better.  I kind of released that information early though, before it had a conclusion.  I ended like this:

This evening was nice.  Tomorrow, if my expectations are met, they will be better still.  Or they might be worse.  I expect better though.

So I telegraphed my thoughts.  Problem is, my slave reads this blog too.  There is every likelihood that by those words, she might alter her behavior.  I don’t want that.   I would prefer to wait and see what kind of response I get from earlier interaction.  How else can I judge the effectiveness of my corrective application?

I am a Dominant that is very much into the pleasure of understanding my slave, and finding her buttons, and knowing how to to push them to get the results I want.   Having a blog can work both ways.  It can be a method of praise, or embarrassment.  What I write here, can influence in a very real way our relation.  I am always cognizant of this when I write here.

It is one of the quirks of having a public blog, that it work for or against your plans.  Worse, the written word is fraught with misunderstandings that just don’t as easily exist when you can see and hear a person.  A simple written: I love “this”, can cause a person to wonder:  Did I do “this” without realizing?  Was it a good thing?  Was it a bad thing ?  Is “this” a hint?  Am I supposed to be doing something?  Do I do this “thing” enough?  Do I do it too much?  Yeah, a blog can be a quirky thing, for a Ds relation.


 

For my blog followers who are wondering how this drama concluded tonight: The area I wanted corrected was handled far better than my expectations.  I am a very happy M tonight.  Even more so, because she was too busy to get to the blog to read.  Which means the things that influenced that behavior were in no way related to this blog.  Double bonus points!   Yep, I am very happy indeed.

I’m not ready to brag about what a good girl she is, or mention how pleased I am to have such an obedient and pleasurable slave, nope.  No such puffery here for her to read.  There is always time for back sliding and this particular area I am addressing is important.  If it stays attended to well, and for a period of time, THEN maybe I’ll make such comments.

OK.. maybe one little praise.  Tonight’s dinner was steak and veggies.  I pretended to be gaming while she prepared my plate.  I enjoyed the busy little dance back and forth, some pepper on this, a bottle of olive oil to add a splash to that… just back and forth attending to the plate with great care and attention to my preferences… and there it was… that love you feel that just overwhelms you.  The sense that your life is absolutely perfect, and before you is a person that completes that life, who in ever fiber of your being, just feels right for who and what you are.

Better to live in those magic small moments when nothing important happens, than to live for any imagined, great future.  Living for the future is a terrible waste of the present.  Tonight I am just incredibly pleased, and that is enough.  Carpe Diem my friends.  Go MAKE a great day!

Obscurity, revisited – shhh! The secret of happiness revealed.

I was re-reading my last post, finding and correcting the spelling mistakes that I always seem to find AFTER I click post, and this hit me:

Its been another great day as a Master and property owner.  As she left for work this morning, I said, see you tonight.  She said, I wish I had a remote that allowed me to fast forward to then.  It made me smile and be warmed.

You may not see anything wrong in that statement but Izrina would catch it right away.  If SHE said this, I’d be on her right away.  The part of this that would cause this is “It made me smile”.   I try to strike that kind of language from my world, and hers.

Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing should “make me” anything.  I will “make me”.  I will choose what I attach focus to, and what I dismiss.  It is by this action that I create a happier me.  It can be an effort, but what I get in return is exactly what you want.. Its what anyone reading this wants.

Oh sure, you may be alone and want a Master, or a slave. You may want to be held, or have better sex.  You may want a sexier car or maybe just one that is more dependable.  You may want to own your house, or have a second one for rental income or a vacation spot.  I could guess forever at what you think you want, but here is the point: You want these things because you want happiness.  Really, all you want is happiness.   Does it matter where you find it, if you have it?

What I might have said was: I focused on those words, and felt warmed by them.  THIS would be more in keeping with what I teach.  “Made me” is so very hard to drive out of your language.  I’ve been at it for years and it still creeps in from time to time.

We embrace things or not. We give focus to things or not.  And when we embrace or focus on a thing, does it “make us” still?  To answer that question, I would point out that a Master may give oral service to a slave and still be in control.  A slave can give oral service to a Master and still be a consensual slave. Neither was ultimately “made” to give service.  Both chose to embrace it.

Through consent the slave chose to be Dominated.  The oral service was by extension, a choice.  The Master chose to exercise their Dominance in this manner and perhaps was a bit sadistic with the orgasm, to use that control further.  Both performed the same service, yet their head was in a completely different place.  When we consent, when we give focus to a thing, it no longer “makes us”.

When we say, this made me, or that made me, we are giving up control to every possible good and bad thing in our life.  But when we give focus to the good and dismiss the bad, we take control of our happiness, and our lives become more rich and full. Effort is rewarded.  You will find it easier to ignore the bad, and enjoy the good over time.  No doubt about it, the phoenix has risen.  Got to finish up a little house repair, and then its time for a motorcycle ride I think.  Life is good!

Do you “get it”?

Being happy is a hard thing to learn.  To find your happiness, you have to let go.  There is no trust, no faith, no complex dogma, no concept to embrace.

If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans ~ Sno Quote

When bad things happen, how can we still be happy?  How can we be happy with the pain, suffering, death, and evil all around us?  Doesn’t it seem crazy to be happy when we are faced with so much to make us sad?  Yes, yes it does.

Maybe you “get it” and maybe you don’t.  IF I explain how to “get it”, I am using words from my place of being, and these words are processed by your mind, to help you reach your place of being, when all you really just need to do is just “be it”.

 


If you watch this, tell me, do YOU “get it”? – It is not easy to be happy.  Even if you get close, you can still struggle.  Here is someone struggling to “get it”.  I come back to this video from time to time to find my center.

 


A worthy question.  If I “get it”, why do I write these words? –Good Question! (Thank you, my mind).   I have no emotional investment in their success.  Partly, these words are directed to my slave, my responsibility is to her.  Her happiness is a source of my happiness.  I would lead her spiritually, guide her to happiness, to a more complete union with that which we are all children of.  I would see her happy, and a being who helps others find their way, through service, wisdom, and just being.

So to answer my question. I write these words to remind myself what I teach.  I write these words to share.  I write these words in hope of a better world.  And I write these for my slave, who pleases me greatly.

Sweet Evenings

When you dedicate your life to happiness.. you can annoy the hell out of everyone around you!  Woo Hoo!

This is really a continuation of my last blog: sweet mornings. If you haven’t read it, you may want to go to page one first.  THIS blog is mostly about two things:  meals and dishes.  And happiness of course.  Its always about finding our happy place.  I don’t have to find her happy spot, I think I know where that is (wink wink).


So I finished work and today it was my turn to be in a foul mood when I came in the door.  Diner was in progress, dvd was queued up, and drink ready.  I drew a bath to unwind, drink was served ( in perfect protocol fashion I might add ), and between trips to the kitchen, my slave listened dutifully as I explained my frustrations.  I ended  my narration with, and now I need to do what I teach, practice what I preach, and let it go.

Since my frustrations were all based on assumptions with the way plans would go, it was easy to just concentrate on what was in front of me, here and now, and enjoy how perfect this moment was, if I just let go of the future and plans.  Sometimes finding your happy place takes effort.  Not so tonight.  Even I was amazed at how easily I went from frustration, to happiness, just by shifting my focus to the evening and how wonderful my slave was striving to make it.  And that brings us to meals and dishes.


Dishes first.  This morning as mentioned, there was a small infraction made with regard to my standing commands regarding dishes.  This is where I get to say for the first time in this blog what a good girl she was tonight.  As I sat to enjoy the movie we would share tonight, she asked if she might get up to clear away the dishes used so far in the preparation of tonight’s meal.  I was pleased.  So much so, I had to take a peak.  The sink had maybe a dish or two, which when you hear about the meal is no small feat.  I was very pleased indeed.  Such a good girl.  I decided since she was trying so hard to make amends, it would not be necessary to continue this mornings discussions with a punishment. Score one for a great evening for both of us.


Meal next.  Tonight she served “bacon wrapped chicken cordon bleu” with “scalloped potatoes”, and for desert: “key lime pie”, all made from scratch.  As delicious as this meal was, the pleasures of this fine meal don’t begin to cover all the service behind it.  First, where a meal is concerned, I don’t like to pick my next meal.  I like to be surprised, but in a way that will please me.  You see the problem?  Any slave worth their salt will be horrified by the command to “please me but I wont tell you how”.   The desire to please, combined with the fear of failure, and the complete lack of direction is just about a slave’s worst nightmare.  I know this.  Chalk it up to just another of my traits as a WEM (wicked evil man).

Now my property is clever.  Maybe too damn clever for her own good.  Oh yes, it does get her into trouble at times, but we are working on that.  Just the same, it makes her especially valuable property and she rose to this particular challenge.  She has poured over cookbooks, notebook in hand, and had me categorize every imaginable meal into categories of frequency.  As I sat otherwise distracted she would nudge me.. “potatoes au gratin”, she asks, is this something you would eat anytime, once in a while, hardly ever, never?  I consider my answers carefully, knowing it will be a lifetime decision.  “Potatoes”, I believe I might have said, “is something I like in nearly any form.. mashed, baked, fries, sometimes as a soup”.  She cocks an eyebrow.  “So that is anytime?” she asks.  And so it goes in the notes.

So you see, this clever girl has done the impossible.  She keeps me surprised with exceptional anticipatory service that never fails to please me.  And she had the dishes cleared before desert..lets not forget that.  And that brings us to the meal.  The chicken, cheese, and bacon was perfect. Crispy, gooey, juicy, such succulent morsels that combined into one heavenly combination.  The potatoes were warm, not hot, a slight miscalculation in timing but this combo was her first try and they were delicious.  The pie is something I had not tried before.  Key lime pie sounded good but I think it got a question mark in her little book of Master’s pleasures.  It was simply delicious.   And she made enough for left overs of everything.  I am soooooooo getting into that meal a second time!

It has been said that the way into a man’s heart is through his stomach.  I understand.  Food is certainly a sensory garden worthy of indulgence in quality, not quantity.  Again, its about the small things, the taste and the textures that one can indulge in.   Its about culture and refinement over barbarian excess.  Not that I don’t enjoy camping, hiking, or kayaking.  I’m as happy on a my motorcycle, as I am at an elegant social or and executive conference.  Its not the sophistication of simple things, its the simple things themselves.

So, with the meal finished, we settled in to watch the rest of tonight’s installment of a series we are going through.  I had none of that terrible bloated feeling that you get when you ate too much.  Rather, the portions were just the right amount.  My taste buds are still singing the praise of this gustatory indulgence.   All of which brings me to my second opportunity to say what a good girl she is, but then, we know that don’t we?

Now comes the best part of the evening.  The work done, the dishes cleared, and my property under my arm, both of us are happy and content. I simply love when she is curled up at my feet, or under my arm, purring in response to Master’s touch.   And  what of tomorrow’s worries?  The ones I walked in with?  Not a problem  We are brilliant.  We’ll figure it out.  Carpe Diem!

 

Sweet mornings

One thing I can not abide is dishes left in a sink.  Any time my slave does this, she can fully expect me to say something about it.  Now I will never say, “That makes me mad”.  I don’t believe in letting anything “make you” anything.  I will decide what “makes me”.  What I will say is: “That does not please me.  Now I’ll have to work at finding my happy place”.  I might also ask a question:  “Shouldn’t you be trying to make it easier for me to be a happy person?”

Language is a funny thing.  Where our words go so do our thoughts and visa-versa.  When we invest emotion into our thoughts it shifts our focus and much of our reality, so I work hard at words.

So I chastised her this morning.  She gave the worst possible answer: “I didn’t think you’d check.”  I’m chuckling now.  Wrong answer!  So I said in my most evil Master voice, “Expect the unexpected” and pounced on to her, and attacked her neck.  Which of course lead to squeals and giggles.  And so I left her this morning with a smile on her face.

As I drove into work, the thought of her smiling in bed, warmed me.  Don’t get me wrong.  This misbehavior thing is not done yet, but it is for now and the thought of her happy and relaxed on her day off pleases me.  The WEM will rise again!