Cup is half full

You cannot live on this earth for very long and not hear someone pose the question:  Is the cup half full or half empty?

It annoys me, this smug little bit of supposed philosophical inquiry.  Let me share with you what Master X does with those who choose to toy with me this way.  My response to this question is a question of my own:  Am I drinking from this cup or pouring into it?

You see, the cup is nothing until we interact with it.  Life is a series of interactions, people brought together by seemingly random events.  But nothing is random.  The red light you run puts you 60 seconds ahead on your schedule and places you one mile up the highway, where you might miss or be part of an multi-car accident.  Each decision takes us to the next, a series of domino, falling to the stored potential of gravity, triggered by the momentum of the last fall.

If I am drinking from the cup it is half empty.  I created this condition.  If I am pouring into it my cup is half full.  It is in that moment a statement of my interaction with it.

I don’t believe in empty cups.  There is no such thing.  My cup is always full, be it full of air or full of liquid, my cup runneth over.  I am ever thankful that I can be a vessel for all the love I can bear.  I am a conduit through which all possibilities can flow, I am tied to the infinite, as we all are.  It is just that some of us don’t see it as clearly as others.

In BDSM, I express my need to share this discovery, to know that in a very real way I have made at least one life better, I have passed on the secrets that have been revealed to me.  It pains me that more are not happy, more are not free from their self imposed chains.  We want so much.. a significant other, money, job, a home, children.. we want and we want.

We seek to fill our cups, but the cup was already full.  We displace that which was already there with the things we put into our cups.  Life is a mystery and it is not.  It is as simple as just living it, and it is not that simple.

When pursuing the mysteries of life; seeking higher truths, remember that every real truth is a paradox. This is why, the smarter we get, the less we know. ~Xtac Quote

There are no empty cups.  Cups are neither half full nor half empty.  Cups are an expression of our interaction with the world around us.  The trick to life is to learn to drink deeply from a cup full of air.  Master that my friends, and you have the world by the balls.

Carpe Diem.. Drink deeply..

The lover and the beloved

A young gentleman who reads this blog, wrote to me privately.  There is a young lady he would like to develop a closer, more personal relationship with.  There was a gentleman who had similar feelings and designs on a young lady who is a friend of my daughter’s. In my youth, I found myself in this situation numerous times.  Oddly, this problem no longer reaches me.

On a number of occasions throughout my life, I took a fancy to wild, care-free, beautiful women that I wanted for myself.  It seemed to me that the deep desire and passion that I had for these women was in itself something that should be, if not returned, at the very least valued.  When you hold unrequited love close to your heart, you wonder why the object of your affect does not appreciate all the love you could pour out upon them, if they only invited your love into their life.  You wonder:  Doesn’t all this love I have for them have value?   Sadly, the answer is no.

Loving someone who does not love you back is the sound of one hand clapping.  Unrequited love is extremely painful and it leads to jealousy.  It is the ultimate rose,  blossoming among thorns.  A beauty that tears at your heart, begging for understanding.  What would my older self say to my younger self, to help me understand?   The dawning of understanding came when I first read this passage from “The ballad of the Sad Cafe”:.

“First of all, love is a joint experience between two persons — but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involved. There are the lover and the beloved, but these two come from different countries. Often the beloved is only a stimulus for all the stored-up love which had lain quiet within the lover for a long time hitherto. And somehow every lover knows this. He feels in his soul that his love is a solitary thing. He comes to know a new, strange loneliness and it is this knowledge which makes him suffer. So there is only one thing for the lover to do. He must house his love within himself as best he can; he must create for himself a whole new inward world — a world intense and strange, complete in himself. Let it be added here that this lover about whom we speak need not necessarily be a young man saving for a wedding ring — this lover can be man, woman, child, or indeed any human creature on this earth.

Now, the beloved can also be of any description. The most outlandish people can be the stimulus for love. A man may be a doddering great-grandfather and still love only a strange girl he saw in the streets of Cheehaw one afternoon two decades past. The preacher may love a fallen woman. The beloved may be treacherous, greasy-headed, and given to evil habits. Yes, and the lover may see this as clearly as anyone else — but that does not affect the evolution of his love one whit. A most mediocre person can be the object of a love which is wild, extravagant, and beautiful as the poison lilies of the swamp. A good man may be the stimulus for a love both violent and debased, or a jabbering madman may bring about in the soul of someone a tender and simple idyll. Therefore, the value and quality of any love is determined solely by the lover himself.

I came to realize that there is in every great love, two parties: The lover and the beloved.  The lover seeks his or her happiness from the beloved.  The beloved is an object, something that brings forth happiness, simply from its possession.   The lover kisses and the beloved enjoys the kiss, but does the beloved feel love in return?  Often not.  Often the beloved realizes they are just the object that the lover obsesses over, and as such they feel a stripping away of themselves, they feel used and drained, as if the lover was a vampire sucking away at their happiness.

How then do we solve this problem?  How do we love without pulling at the one we love?  The answers are both simple and yet complex.  They can be summed up in simple quotes and yet if these quotes do not fill your heart with understanding then these quotes become mere words, useless and meaningless.

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. ~ Quote, Dalai Lama

Just remember that what you seek you will not find, but in the path of your happiness, when you are loving life the most, what you were seeking will find you. ~ Xtac Quote

These two quotes speak to me of the need to be who and what we are at all times, defining our worth by what we bring to a relationship, and not define our worth by the relationship itself. They tell me that we must take personal responsibility for our happiness.   That we must bring all the happiness we create in to a relationship, adding to and multiply the joy of another.  We must never simply take our happiness from a relationship.  We must be both lover and beloved.  You must add as much as you take, and your love is not what you add. What you add are moments of happiness that is long remembered later, laughter and life that is shared.

Have you ever noticed that when you are single, you can’t find someone to be with, but when you are with someone then suddenly you are surrounded by people who it would be nice to be with?  This happens exactly because what you seek you will not find, but in your content moments, what you were seeking finds you.

I often say that the person who is the life of the party, the one who is laughing and joking and doesn’t care if anyone likes them or not, is the one surrounded by people who want to be with them.  This person, who did not care if they had a friend in the world, has all the friends anyone could want.  The one who sits in the corner, envious of all that attention will have no friends.  No one wants to be with the brooding, needy  person in the corner.  The “life of the party” got this way because they let go, they did not cling to a desire, they made their happiness, they projected that strength, and in doing so drew others to them.

In love, I am like a mirror. This is not a simple metaphor. It has taken me years to understand how to be a good lover. A mirror lives for interaction. When engaged, it is present, totally in the moment, and when left, does not pine or cling for the next interaction. No, a mirror is, completely content to just be, and like a mirror, when a lover comes to me, I am truth reflected, need reflected. I am all that you bring: desire, passion, compassion. I am there for, and completely with you; focused on and in that moment. There is much more, but put simply, to be a good lover, I must be a mirror. ~Xtac Quote

The mirror metaphor is the absolute best guide I have come up with on how to be a good lover.  It shapes my interactions with more than a lover.  You need to be fully engaged with everyone around you, not in a speaking role but in a listening.  Like a mirror, you reflect that which is brought to you.   You need to make a full life, interacting with what ever life brings you, and you must make wonderful moments of what ever life brings you.  It is in this path of not clinging, but being fully there in the moment of each interaction, of making your joy and bringing it to each encounter, that you become the strong and desirable “life of the party”,  the one others gravitate to because you have something special to offer.

Like the delicate grip of a fencer, who must balance their swords without holding too tightly, if you would be a person who attracts what you desire most, you must let go before it can come to you.

Does that mean you will attract the one you have passion for?  Maybe not.  But if you are living a rich and full life, surrounded by happiness you have created, what does it matter if the plans you laid do not come to pass?  Don’t look further than inside you for happiness.

The universe is an amazing thing and often brings unexpected joys from unforeseen places.  Make your happiness, let go of what you think you must have, and embrace what you do have.. oddly you will find that by doing this, you will have more than you ever could have hoped for.

Attracting what you seek is not created by desire, neediness or plans.  What you desire comes to you by projecting quiet strength, confidence in yourself, humility, and appreciation for the little moments of life.  All of this is already inside you.  Remember that you are free to choose but not free to choose the outcome of your choosing. Let go of the outcome.  Love the little moments what ever they may bring.  In the pursuit of loving life, your happiness and much more will find you.

Carpe Diem my friends,  Go make a great day, by being someone’s great day.

The experience of Art

No, this not about age and experience, or the art of experience, rather it is about Art AS an experience.

Art takes life and forces us to re-experience it.  Its the child effect, seeing the world through eyes for which everything is new.  Art lets us experience sights, sounds, and textures in new ways, and that brings everything that has turned common and grey back to fresh and new…

You may think, I don’t get art..that’s fine.  But you’ve seen a child staring at an ant or something common, and you’ve heard the laughter of children.  Its infectious, this love of all that is new.  Now ask yourself: Isn’t that something you want to recapture for yourself?  Nurture the sense of wonder in the world through art.  That is its value to you. If you are going to have the ability to be responsible for your happiness, then the ability to take joy in the simple things in life through a fresh start each day, a view of small things through a child’s eyes, is key to this ability.  Remember to play as hard as you work.  Be as silly as you are serious.  Life is about balance.

I get a new piece of Art in my mailbox nearly daily.  I share this blog now, in case you would like to get a daily dose of Art too.  Some recent posts..

Photos of China’s Neon-Lit Alleyways by Marilyn Mugot

Wood Sculptures by Jaehyo Lee

Grey Matter(s): Photos by Tom Jacobi

River Art Murals by Greg Klassen

Its hit or miss, but most days the art is a hit.


 

And now we return you to our regularly scheduled BDSM beating and Domination, already in progress.  Hope you enjoyed this brief respite.  Hmmm  OK.. maybe not a respite.. more like an interlude…hmmm sojourn?   Ah hell.. Let the fun continue!

Your focus can solve or cause problems

This blog is about my brother.. a continuation if you will, of yesterday’s blog.  I am tackling this one though as I frequently do, via an indirect path.   I want to start with this video of Madonna’s woman of the year acceptance speech.

What everyone should do, is choose wisely, that which they focus their attention, passion, and energy upon. ~Xtac Quote

I have always liked Madonna.. Her music, her daring.  When she talks about the troubles of her life, that is what she is giving focus to..  and so we respond to it, we acknowledge that say, Prince had it better, easier, was more accepted.  That wasn’t my reality, I didn’t think, he was cool, but she is a slut..but she thought many of us thought that.. or at least enough to lash out at it.

I always thought of Madonna as a woman who was strong.  I thought of her as a person who didn’t care what other people think..   what other people think…

You see what I did there?  I began to shape your thoughts about this video, and who I am, by what I chose to focus on.

Often, what we focus on shapes the conversation.  What we give focus to becomes the backdrop against which all other things are discussed.  Highly successful people often flat out refuse to acknowledge failures.  Not because they didn’t happen, but because when you acknowledge failure, that is the beginning, the very first crack in the door to focusing on that failure.  It invites discussion and discussion invites examination, and more examination begins to take the form of focus, and focus shapes reality.

So.. the highly successful focus on accomplishment, on achievement, on motivating people to focus on the goals they share.

You can quietly acknowledge to yourself, your failures.  Its important to be realistic, to know your limitations, to learn from past mistakes.  But we who would be successful, keep these to ourselves because what we focus on shapes our reality.

So it is, that when I focused on the negatives of my brothers text, he responded to my focus.  His first message was overwhelmingly positive, but I took two words and chose to describe them as “negative”.  His second message was a reaction and it was predictable if you gave this even a moment of thought.   No.. negative did not compound a negative.  Our second conversation was quite positive in fact.. but my focus had shaped the nature of our next discussion, the starting point where we would resume speaking.

So it is that what we focus on, can solve problems, or it can create problems.  When I walked past a pretty girl, projecting strength and authority and received in return a warm come hither smile.. I was experiencing the power of projection.  We project both non-verbally and verbally.. but we need to be aware that we are always projecting and what we project, people react to.

Let’s look at this another way… The man who admires his woman creates an inner beauty in her.  As you admire her, she responds and returns to you,  a more sexy and seductive woman.  The man who does not see his woman as desirable will ultimately reap what he sows and she will become as ugly inside, as he has made her feel on the outside.  Its another abject lesson in the power of focus.

Do we ignore reality to create a false focus?  Have you not been listening?  We create focus so that it may become our reality.

I like what Madonna said about not owning anything, that she owes all that she is to a high power.. I liked when she said, “I am a different kind of feminist.  I am a bad feminist”.   There!  I did it again.. I was shaping your opinions by making you react to my focus. Those were positives so your reaction should be positive. If I pick only negatives, you would naturally gravitate to my negatives.

I like when my brother said he liked my new quote.. that was a positive.  I’ll focus on those.   I won’t focus anything my brother or Madonna said that was negative.  Not because I wish to invalidate their experience or observation but because I don’t want to bring my focus on their negatives.  I don’t believe in giving energy to negatives.  I believe in action about negatives.. and if the time comes to act on a negative I will.. but I won’t give focus, and therefore a life and energy to negatives.

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet. ~ Quote, Mahatma Gandhi

And how does this apply to Masters and slaves?  It means that if you, as a Master, observe a negative in your slave, you either act on it to correct it, or you give focus to a positive in your slave.  Better yet do both.  You will be an infinitely better Master if you follow this advice.

And if you are a slave, and you feel negative feelings regarding your assigned tasks or yourself, you should act to change those feelings. You do this with by choising what you will give your focus to.  Make your focus be a positive perspective.

Gandhi was made to clean toilets because he was a lawyer and such work was beneath and him and it was reasoned that such a thing might break him.  He did of course live in a world divided by the caste system.  But he thanked his jailers and they could not understand how he had arrived at thanking them.  And he essentially said that they had shown him a trap he had created for himself, and when he saw it, he knew that he did not have to accept it.  So instead of focusing on the trap they laid for him, he focused on doing a very good job of cleaning toilets and taking pride in it.  By doing so, he could both avoid the trap they had laid to break him and still could honestly  say “thank you” to his jailers for what they had done for him. Not “to him”, but “for him”.

You see my friends, with focus and right thought, we can always find our happy place.  We can always give focus in a way that shapes a better reality.  Or we can help create our own problems..  The choice is entirely in our own hands.. Carpe Diem my friends.. Go be someone’s great day.

The cost of my world

My brother recently mentioned that he was thinking of writing.  He wanted to put some important thoughts to paper.  In the course of our conversation, I suggested he might want to check out my “core values” piece on my “about page” in my blog, this blog.

I hadn’t invited him to check it out before now, since my BDSM side seems to be a mild irritant.  Every time I would visit, some toy would come out of the bag.  Bull whips, or violet wands, or butterfly knives, or fire wands.. it was always something with me. So he asked me to please just tone it down a little.

So yeah, I wasn’t pushing my blog, but I thought the core values might be something he’d be interested in. I think he read a bit more than the “core values” piece because he made some very complimentary comments about the blog and among his text messages was one like this: “I was so impressed with the amount of time and thought you have put into the blog.  It seems to be a very stabilizing and clarifying force in your life.”

Hmmmm “stabilizing and clarifying”.  That part kinda felt like a negative.  Like somehow my life was this undulating mess of weirdness that needed focus and explanation to make sense.  So I did what I do.  I thought about it for a while.  Here’s what I think now.  In a sense, my life IS pure anarchy and insanity from certain perspectives and seeing this, I now have a new quote:

The price of admission into my world is, at the very least, to grasp the concepts of my reality. ~ Xtac Quote

Take a saying all too familiar in the BDSM community.  “I have found freedom in my chains”.  To most, this is at best asinine and at worst evil.  Yet we understand and accept it completely.  It makes perfect sense to those who crave the comfort of having someone else in charge.

In a very real sense, when I write, I am writing not just for those who understand the freedom of chains, but I also am trying to build a bridge across the gorge that stands between BDSM and those who’s reality is based on relations grounded in equality; who’s highest expression of social justice is to do battle with any inequality.

The battle for equality based on age, religion, gender, and sexual orientation has left some wounds that will take generations to heal.  As in any battle, neither side who has done battle, ever truly trusts the other.  It takes a fresh generation, born into a world without these wounds to create a world in which there are no battle scars to nurse.

Having fought so hard for the promise of equality, throwing it all way on some kink like power exchange must seem foolish and a betrayal to some.  My reality is not uniquely my own, but neither is it  a standard that can be easily accepted by those who worship at the alter of equality.  Now, I am not saying that is my brother’s reality.. I am just using this as an example.

Understanding my reality comes at a price.  Equality is NOT my highest expression of social freedom.  It (equality) is merely the starting point, the place from which you can negotiate any life you wish. You have to understand certain things to grasp my world.  When I Dominate my girl, I am giving her a gift.  That is so alien to some, that while they may hear the words, they may not be able to accept this as reality.  It is more like a fantasy, an alternate universe, a mental aberration, anything other than something that fits neatly into the world they understand.  How can anyone appreciate, being bossed around?  Can they truly be thankful for that?  The answer is, Yes!  (followed by Thank you Master)

So in some ways, I am clarifying my thoughts, aligning them with others, looking for the bridges to other ways of thinking. Not that I plan to cross over.. I am very happy on my side of those bridges.  I like my reality.  I love my way of looking at things much better, thank you very much.  I don’t expect to be able to be freely “out of the closet” with my way of living any time soon though. Maybe not even in my lifetime.

It would be cool is I could walk down the street with my slave and instead of holding hands I would have her on a leash and a collar.. and people would say.. awww… they look so cute together.  See?  Alien thoughts.  You see something like that and your first thought isn’t how in love we are.

Maybe someday, but that reality is so far off in the future, even I can’t imagine a day when that might happen.

Carpe Diem my friends, Go be someones great day!

Respecting diversity ( a rant from my muse )

Respect for diversity is good, its even better as respect for diversity of thought.  ~ X Quote

If you have followed me from the beginning, somewhere I MUST have pointed out that I believe it is my parental duty to teach only two things to teach my daughter.  The second lesson is how to make good decisions.  In a nutshell, one of the principles of making good decisions is to not get your advice from an echo chamber.  The council you seek is important.  How you weigh that council is important.  You need advice from your friends, AND your enemies.  Diversity of thought is not just good behavior, its a brilliant principle of living a life guided by wisdom.

Let me say this in simple words…  Being sensitive to some people does not give you the right to be insensitive to others..  We call that being a jerk!  It seems that somewhere down the road of instilling respect for diversity, a moral high ground of opinions was established and any thought contrary to the selected line of thinking, was considered fair game for disrespect.

Now while the word “moral” is still fresh, I need to go off on this tangent.  I don’t believe in morals.  I believe in ethics.  Moral behavior tends to be more about proper behavior but ethical behavior seeks equity  as judged within the context and values of the parties involved.  Read my lips..  “moral anything” is bullshit!  Go fling your cow patties someplace else.

I am not a fan of hatred either.  Even of people that “deserve” to be hated.  You have to understand that hate is a poison and a disease.  It hurts the one who holds it and if a person is not cured of their hatred, eventually hatred will kill its host.  Step one is to free yourself from moral superiority.  Then any other sense of superiority.  The right path is a healthy dose of humility and respect for diversity.

One question I wish I could answer is:  When did it become OK, to hate people that “deserve” it?  I think it was so slow a process, we never noticed it happen. Like the infamous frog in the slowly boiling water, we were just too stupid to see it or jump out of the freaking pot.

The war of the sexes was when I first started to notice.  Maybe ten years ago, many a commercial made fun of men. It was part of the process of marketing to women..Hey! Its a huge market, so its OK, right?  But who decided that hating on men endeared the average woman to your products?   Blonde jokes and men who don’t stop for directions..  We pick at each other and don’t give it any thought at all to it.  Racial, religious, aging, fat people, rude people, where do we not feed a secret prejudiced?  And who the hell gets to decide the criteria that makes a person fair game for hatred?  Does anyone not see the foolishness of these thoughts?  Some days I just want to yell… let me off.  The diatribe is just so venomous.

And when the hell did we start thinking that giving respect was somehow weak or foolish?   You must give respect because of who you are, not because of who you are giving it to.  Respect can be lost though, and what do you do then?  You cut that influence out of your life.  When you see dishonesty and hatred, distance yourself from it but do it with a carefree heart.

Or.. and this is a really big but..you can get into the face of really serious oppressors and demonstrate your capacity for love and patience.  But that is a dangerous game.  There are some very dangerous dangers haters and suppressors in the world and it is right to be careful and cautious.   Some places are more dangerous than others. We sometimes forget that our values are not universal.  You can’t judge what others will do, based on what you think everyone should do.

Keep in mind that if  you are free to protest where you are with relative safety, than you are already in a pretty good place. Its the places you are not safe to protest, that need the most work.  That is so logical it almost shouldn’t need to be said.

I wouldn’t recommend for example, that women stage a peaceful protest in a country steeped in Sharia Law.  But… if you really want to fight oppression, shouldn’t you do it where oppression lives?  Wouldn’t it warm your heart to see a little girl power in a Sharia Law country?  I mean if it didn’t turn into a stoning and blood bath, it would be nice.  If my reference to Sharia Law makes you think I am picking on Muslims not so.  I dislike oppression and hatred from anyone.

I Googled places not safe for women to travel alone. Would you believe that India and Mexico were both very high on the list of places where women that travel alone get raped?   Look these are just statistics..I am not putting emotion into it.  I would love to see real hatred faced with peaceful protests in places that really suppress freedom. Take Russia’s open hostility to gays.  Now there is a place to go and peacefully protest, if you want to really want to stare down oppression of LGBT rights. 

It takes real courage and commitment to go into a lions den and face down haters without giving in to hate yourself.  Most people are better suited to just distance themselves from it, and even then they have a hard time doing so with a light heart.  If you can face hatred with love, bravo!   Its a rare individual who can walk away from hatred without wearing some, even more rare to face it boldly with love.

And what if you are the person who hates the haters?  Whatever your twisted logic, then you are part of the problem. Round and round it goes.  Hatred and more hatred.  You have to be the person who stops it.  Each person who just says no to hate, who’s message of tolerance and love comes through clear in their protest,  is another finger in the dam.  If you can not protest with love in your heart, don’t fucking do it.

If you value respect, and diversity, and honesty, that does not mean that you must give bullets to your enemy.  Freedom sometimes gets deadly serous. The refugee crisis is proof that more people choose to distance themselves than fight back.  Anyone can choose to resist being pulled in, resist interacting with them.

It may help to let yourself see the sad pathetic, hate diseased person they are.  You may need to see this first, before you can send love and pity their way.. from a distance of course.. because they probably won’t understand and possibly hate you even more.

In stark reality, if a person wants to kill or convert you, you have three choices.. kill them first, or convert them first, or distance yourself.  If you are backed into a corner though, then it is self defense time and all rules of ethical behavior are off.

It’s strange that to protect ourselves from that which we do not believe in, we must sometimes adopt the methods of the very people we disagree with.  Life is really fucking strange at times.  I wish we lived in a world where more people embraced diversity and love.  Strangely, this forum, the internet, has that capacity to make the world one large melting pot, to bring us all closer together..

Why this subject, and why now?  When I started writing I haven’t a clue.   Something told me I should have this rant so I did.  It seemed to align somewhat with recent news but not on either side of the political coin.  I believe in serendipity.  Things happen for a reason.  Somewhere, somehow, this rant makes sense.. I just don’t know why yet.. and maybe I never will.. But I trust that things have a way of happening when they should, even if we don’t understand the bigger picture.  So I listened to my muse.   Wow.. got all metaphysical on you.. sorry.. I’m done with the sharp words.. If you need me, I’ll be the one in the corner playing with knives instead. I’m complex like that.  Carpe Diem my friends..  Go be someone’s great day.

Company lunchroom (& BDSM)

So.. I was in the company lunchroom, preparing a sandwich and as I was cutting it in half before bringing it back to my desk, I thought.. this would make a pretty good play knife.. nice balance, no serrations, kinda sharp, I’d have to be very careful.

And then I thought.. who the hell thinks of these kinda things in the company lunchroom?  And then I thought, I do.. you dark bastard…

Pain, sadness, and loneliness

The shadow of my former self sat in darkness, a beer by his hand, wallowing in the sadness that sought to crush him. All love had left the room, every corner of his mind filled with broken glass that cut with every thought that moved.  He had no power, no glory, none of than which defined him when she was by his side.  The air filled with music, selected for the occasion, and he took deep ragged breaths, not quite crying..though the music filled his eyes with tears as he thought of all he had lost.  He took another sip of sadness, or maybe it was beer, and wrapped his pain like a blanket around himself, and tightened it around his neck, wishing to end his life.

No light reached him, no kind word could penetrate his mood. I see myself now, this sad pathetic creature, gnawing at his cold and broken heart, wishing to consume himself with his own pain.  I can see him so clearly and my future self wants to reach back into time..and slap the fucking shit out of that person, and then hold him.

I want to say to him, have you no small treasure?  Have you no small pile of golden memories to nurse with happiness?  Have you nothing to be thankful for?  Are there no flowers left in your world?  Is there no where you can go to hear the laughter of children? Can you not rise each morning and see the hope that begs you to take it into your arms?

I wish I could be sorry for you but I cannot, I want to fucking slap you.  You make me angry! This life you have been given is not about what you were getting but what you can give!  Have you nothing left to give?  Can you not lend a hand to an elderly person, hold a door for a stranger? Can you not rescue an animal from a shelter?  Are there no soup kitchens begging for volunteers?

Love is all that is worth living for, and worth dying for, but you are a blind fucking fool.  Love is not outside you!  Love comes from deep within you.  You were born as a conduit for love and yet you have shut yourself out from it. Love is like a light, and it longs to pulse through your veins,  to fill you with the pain of knowing that you can never, and I mean absolutely never be alone.

If you want to nurse pain, nurse the pain of the unbearable light of that mana.  You cannot contain all the love that will pour through you when you open yourself to that love. If you must nurse pain, nurse that pain.  When this light peels away the crust from your eyes, so that you see your fellow man through its eyes, and you suddenly love the saint and the sinner, when you see your fellow man struggling in the very pain you now hold, and  you love them for all their flaws and troubles.. then you will be lifted up, and sustained.

No, my former self, sitting in the darkness, nursing your pain.. I cannot feel sorry for you. I am angry with you. You need a wake up call, and I your future self am here now, finally to show you the way.  Your future is bright.. oh if you only knew the joy that you will feel some day.  Now dust yourself off…find that small pile of treasure you have conveniently hidden, and count your blessings.  Then, and only then.. go out and be someones great day.  Namaste!

Quotes by XTAC ( Ecstasy)

Last addition was in 2019, December 3rd.

What is quote worthy?

What makes a thing quote worthy? Like all quote worthy comments, its elegant simplicity belays the deeply profound thoughts that arise, the more you ruminate upon it. Or it is just wisdom so important, its a keeper.

Over the years I have written and spoken a lot so by shear volume I have to have said something useful a few times.  Every now and then when it happens that I think…Hey! That’s pretty good.. I write it down in my list of quotes.  Over the years, this list has gotten to be quite long, so you may not want to consume this whole thing in one bite.

That being said, two blogs ago when I listed my favorite quotes by others, I promised that I would share my own quotes list.  Now is that later I mentioned.  You may want to bookmark this page because I add to it all of the time and because once in a while, some of this stuff is an inspirational “pick me up”.  You can also find this again quickly by clicking on the “About” section at the top of any page, My Quotes are linked there.

Related:  Quotes by others


Xtac Quotes
Presented in the order they were created

I can not create a minute, even the minutes of my life belong to a higher force. The only thing I truly own, are my choices. ~Xtac Quote

I truly believe that the Ds lifestyle, if executed honorably, is a home for the heart like no other. If founded with honesty, and built with trust, and entered into with a sincere desire to serve other, each according to their sacred role, no nilla relationship can compare. ~Xtac Quote

Evil in this life is a self inflicted wound in the spiritual world” ~Xtac Quote

The strength I draw from, helps me to be supportive in a calm, reasoned, loving way, no matter how you pummel me with your needs or your pains. But that strength is a double edged sword. Just because I won’t abandon you, doesn’t mean I am weak, and it doesn’t that I will take you back if you leave. Never mistake my kindness for weakness. ~Xtac Quote

With my fist, I can only take the pleasures that are demanded or which I beat from you, and so become a slave myself. But when I take your neediness with an open hand and feed you the pleasure of your submission, I create a desire to return. This is how I become the Master. ~Xtac Quote

Explained: This is about internal slavery vs external slavery.  The Master who takes without consent becomes the slave. They are wrong, and they know it, and must forever live with the knowledge that their world is tenuously held together by force, anger and evil. They are a slave to that which is required to keep it together.  Now this is true throughout the full spectrum of consent.  At one end is the domestic abuser (external control).  At the other end is the mutually happy Ds couple (internalized control).  There is every possibility in between, but to become a Master, you must learn to internalize slavery; learn how to feed your slave on the pleasure of their own submission.

I have found, that almost every submissive has a secret key locked away in her heart and her mind, begging to be found. Any master can have her pleasures, but only a great Master can find the key, and when he does, she comes undone, but is forever more, held in the grip of the man that set her free. Given time, that Master is usually me. ~Xtac Quote

A true slave, in every fiber of their being, feels nothing without the ability to serve. Serving is happiness, and only a Master makes this possible. Serving a Master is our gift. Trusting the Master to use your service well, is your gift. ~Xtac Quote

A true slave does not give the gift of service, they give the gift of trust. ~Xtac Quote

In love, I am like a mirror. This is not a simple metaphor. It has taken me years to understand how to be a good lover. A mirror lives for interaction. When engaged, it is present, totally in the moment, and when left, does not pine or cling for the next interaction. No, a mirror is, completely content to just be, and like a mirror, when a lover comes to me, I am truth reflected, need reflected. I am all that you bring: desire, passion, compassion. I am there for, and completely with you; focused on and in that moment. There is much more, but put simply, to be a good lover, I must be a mirror. ~Xtac Quote

“Comfort the afflicted, afflict the comfortable. A creed for the responsible Sadist, if ever there was one. ~Xtac Quote (first sentence is part of a Finley Peter Dunne quote regarding newspapers)

I truly regret, there is not enough of me to go around. ~Xtac Quote

Judgement will not be passed upon you from my behavior, so stop trying to take responsibility from me. Own your own choices, prepare yourself for judgement, keep God in your way, and I’ll do the same. ~Xtac Quote

Submission is not weakness. It takes more strength to be submissive than Dominant. ~Xtac Quote

“It takes more strength to be a slave than a Master. You may disagree but it is the slave who demonstrates strength and courage with their commitment to an uncommon currency; the currency of trust, honesty, and love” ~Xtac Quote

It is strange to a Nilla, that in bondage, a slave finds freedom. But in keeping boundaries, these same people create a prison from which their hearts are never truly free. This is a sadness that pains and frustrates me. I wish they could see, what I see. ~Xtac Quote

Eternity and infinity hold all possibilities and in a state of all possibilities existing simultaneously, rationality can not function. ~Xtac Quote

A very small segment of the population understands that reality obeys the observer. That is fortunate. This knowledge was not meant for everyone. ~Xtac Quote

What everyone should do, is choose wisely, that which they focus their attention, passion, and energy upon. ~Xtac Quote

I refer to Love as a noun, but it only has real meaning as a verb ~Xtac Quote

We are all students of life. ~Xtac Quote

When pursuing the mysteries of life; seeking higher truths, remember that every real truth is a paradox. This is why, the smarter we get, the less we know. ~Xtac Quote

I must remember to be thankful you can interfere in my life. Free will enables us all to grow. Be careful how you use it, however. That sword cuts both ways. ~Xtac Quote

Great leaders (and Dominants) do not shy from conflict. They do however attempt to make the outcome of conflicts constructive, rather than destructive. ~Xtac Quote

When this is your orientation, your passion is the journey of a lifetime. We are all on different points in this journey, but we share the same road. ~Xtac Quote, speaking on bdsm

Doing the right thing, is always the right thing to do. ~Xtac Quote

What is right, is always right in front of me, if I listen. ~Xtac Quote

Truth is personal. People rarely share the same truths. This is because each of us lives in our own world. ~Xtac Quote

I find that when my choices are not aligned with my alliances, it often confuses both my friends and enemies and that is OK. Owning a decision made upon independent and original thought is never going to be easy. ~Xtac Quote

When you approach each decision upon its own merits, this results in an apparent inconsistency and that is as it should be, for real truth often seems counter intuitive. ~Xtac Quote

Figure out how your audience needs to hear your message and it will be heard. HOW you say something is nearly as important as what you say. ~Xtac Quote

Hate only hurts the one that holds it. ~Xtac Quote

The only titles of value are those acquired thru recognition by others. One claims that title by exercising that recognition, not asserting it. ~Xtac Quote

When people make decisions about what is right thought and right behavior, and construct a framework for enforcing what they believe, zealots are born. This is the cauldron from which many a poisonous religious and governmental brew is born. ~Xtac Quote

The truth is, Love and Empathy guide us to what is right, not people. The more we deviate from this truth, and the more complicated our explanation, the more likely we have let passion, blind compassion. ~Xtac Quote

It is fair and actually the most honest thought you can have, to acknowledge that every encounter between two people seeks to an exchange of some sort that is, if not equitable, then advantageous. ~xtac quote

Ethics is a way of assessing if claims of an inequitable exchange have merit, and the degree of outrage and action that should result. Morality however is bullshit. ~ Xtac Quote

Cheaters ALWAYS prosper, until they get greedy, THEN you catch them at it. ~ Xtac Quote

What people do reveals what they really think and feel. Even if we do not ignore the words and do not observe actions consciously, we still know this instinctively. This is why trust takes so long. ~Xtac Quote

Some people will say anything, its what they will do that is limited ~ Xtac Quote

Life is my spiritual path, but BDSM is how I share it. In this life, I serve by leading those who serve. I see the ying and the yang through out life and in BDSM, I can express it with passion and compassion, two sides of the same, each of us in our sacred role. ~ Xtac Quote

Many people will offer advice on what you should believe or do. Politely but firmly reject any advice you have carefully considered before. But if the advice is new, be prepared to reevaluate your thinking. Don’t allow appearing to have been wrong, to get in the way of actually being right. ~ Xtac Quote

Remember this-EVERY accusation of consent violation has a predator and a victim..every one. The real question is, who is the predator and who is the victim? ~ Xtac Quote

I am thankful for beautiful skies, my inner guide, and the universe through which I offer myself as a conduit. I am thankful for my canvas, she with whom I practice serving those who serve. I am thankful for that which gives meaning to my life.  I am thankful for those who have shared moments with me, letting me be part of their life.   As I become part of their life so too they have become part of mine.  ~ Xtac Quote, Thanksgiving 2014

Place your head before of your heart, before you place your heart before your head. Respect is not earned, its a reflection of your own values, but trust, that is earned. Once earned though, you must follow your heart. ~ Xtac Quote

Argue to the intelligence of your point not to people. If you find yourself in a cage with monkeys, what would the point be to trying to convince them to stop throwing shit? ~ Xtac Quote

I firmly believe that some sacred cows were meant to be made into hamburger before consumption. ~ Xtac Quote

You must understand that some beliefs are at war with each other. ~ Xtac Quote

BDSM is what we make of it. As we travel on this journey together, we all find what it means for us personally, what works for us, what makes us personally come alive. Where it gets interesting, is when we try to explain to others what we think and why its worth sharing. Then it gets very interesting indeed. ~ Xtac Quote

It might be said that the Utopian ideal of universal equality is a path that leads to anarchy. It is only through equality AND consent that we can happily enter into a larger group to find our place in the natural structures of power that we create together. ~ Xtac Quote

The most important part of giving, is the taking. ~ Xtac Quote

It can be terribly frustrating to have something of value to say and no one will listen. This then is the truth of giving and taking. Taking is the most important part of giving. ~ Xtac Quote

When we understand that taking is the most important part of giving, suddenly we see why a Master or Owner is important to a slave. The owner is what gives meaning to the deep and abiding need to serve. ~ Xtac Quote

If you don’t think ideas are dangerous, make a list of words ending in “ism”. Every “ism” has followers willing to bitterly fight and possibly die over words. ~ Xtac Quote

Our value is determined by what we bring to a relationship, not the relationship itself. ~ Xtac Quote

Some argue that submission does not take strength. It does. Dominance does not require strength. It requires the gentle patience to apply irresistible force to the strength of that submission, until it bends comfortably, happily, to your will. ~Xtac Quote

Hatred is a self inflicted sickness of the body and mind. If you hold hate it will grow stronger. The more you embrace it, the weaker you become. Like all sicknesses, if it is not beaten, hatred will ultimately consume its host. ~Xtac Quote

When I say stype, I am saying I know that you identify as a submissive or a slave and fit into what we all recognize as one of those labels but that I am not judging. I am removing the choice of submissive or slave so that I can have a dialog in which we better understand you without the label, how your level of submission and obedience guides your self-identity. ~Xtac Quote

What is the value of a word if that word has no value until the person using it personally defines it? Welcome to the complex world of subs and slaves. ~Xtac Quote

If a word has no meaning until the person using it personally defines it, then why even have that word in the first place? What is the value of a word that has no value? None. Words such as slave, consensual slave and submissive need definitions ~Xtac Quote

You must ever be mindful to manage the mind, not the body of the slave. ~Xtac Quote

Pick your audience. Words have cultural and emotional associations in addition to their literal meanings and connotations. Or just say fuck it, today I don’t care if the monkeys are going to fling shit ~ Xtac Quote

Carl Jung says that “where power predominates, there love is lacking.” I say: “Power without consent promotes evil, but power with consent promotes love.” ~ Xtac Quote

The highest form of society is not based on gender or equality, but on consent. ONLY when our right to consent is not suppressed, can love and power coexist within the natural systems of power all around us. ~ Xtac Quote

Only through consent can we create the opportunity to experience unbridled love and power together. ~ Xtac Quote

I am instantly suspicious of any person that seeks real power, power that cannot be contested, because I believe their personal motivations are far from altruistic ~ Xtac quote

Power exercised without consent begets evil ~ Xtac Quote

To fight evil, we must become the evil we fight. To not fight is to have the good we possess extinguished. What choice then is left to us? ~ Xtac Quote

Plans are just a framework on which life happens. Might as well enjoy the ride. ~ Xtac Quote

Adults don’t make children, children make adults ~ Xtac Quote

I do not fear death, only the pain required to pass through it. I welcome death, the moment when I can again be in the light. ~ Xtac Quote

Much in the way that a slave finds greater freedom in their chains, a thought we understand and agree upon, it too can be said that a much needed cathartic release may require the quiet aftermath of being broken, when all struggles surrender to peaceful acceptance. ~ Xtac Quote

The pleasure of slavery can not exist without consent but true slavery can not exist with consent. It would seem a paradox impossible to resolve, but it is not. ~ Xtac Quote

Serendipity happens. I often wonder why the people I come into contact with, were presented in that time and place. How will this weave into the fabric that will become the lessons of this life? ~ Xtac Quote

You can not teach orientation ~ Xtac Quote

Just remember that what you seek you will not find, but in the path of your happiness, when you are loving life the most, what you were seeking will find you. ~ Xtac Quote

Respect for diversity is good, its even better as respect for diversity of thought. ~ X Quote

Being sensitive does not entitle you to hate on the insensitive. ~ Xtac Quote

Opportunity is nothing without the will and ability to capitalize on it, and visa-versa. ~ Xtac Quote

When reaching for goals, gauge your progress by each success-no matter how small- AND each setback.  Each success tells us that if we did it once, we can do it again.  Each setback provides knowledge that puts us closer to our next success. The only real failure, is to give up. ~ Xtac Quote

Believe, or do not believe, there is no middle ground ~ Xtac Quote

The complexity of a slave’s mind or any mind for that matter, holds the fascination of this Master.. incessantly. ~ Xtac Quote

The cure for radical points of view is almost always for you to do the very thing thing you are trying to stop. ~ Xtac Quote

In every Ds relation there are three participants.. the Dominant, the submissive, and the relation. All three have needs. ~ Xtac Quote, from ideas put forth in a munch discussion.

Being a parent often means putting your children first. Good stuff to consider when negotiating a M/s relation. ~ Xtac Quote

All things in their time.. fast may win the race, but slow and steady wins it all. ~ Xtac Quote

The price of admission into my world is, at the very least, to grasp the concepts of my reality. ~ Xtac Quote

This body has been good to me but it is others who will miss it when its gone, not me. ~ Xtac Quote

What we DO in BDSM might not be for everyone, but what we know is. ~ Xtac Quote

It is by knowing that the laugh of a child, like the eclipse, is a once in a lifetime event never to be repeated in quite the same way.. that we learn to embrace each moment with equal joy and awe at the wonders large and small around us. ~ Xtac Quote after 8/21/17 eclipse

You need to understand that to love someone is to bring your happiness to them so that joy is multiplied. If you NEED someone else to find happiness, then you are sucking at them, pull all of your happiness from them like a leech, and this is destructive. ~ Xtac Quote (Added at the suggestion of slave Kit)

What you would call “good” or “bad” is often simply the objectification or your own feelings about that thing. ~Xtac Quote

You should only feel “guilty or sorry” if you consciously do something wrong. The alternative is being conscious and doing right.  Avoid at all costs simply reacting while suppressing any real thought, leaving yourself feeling conflicted. That is the path to an unhappy life.  ~ Xtac Quote

To do “wrong” is to break your person code of ethics in the pursuit of your desires.  To do “right” is to pursue your pleasure within the boundaries of your personal ethics.  The world has been and always will be in search of a universal set of ethics. ~ Xtac Quote

…to be worthy of a title like Master, you must also have a certain degree of humility, a willingness to earn recognition. ~ Xtac Quote, as recorded by Master B.

Men want a good girl who is only naughty for them, and Women want a bad boy who is always nice to them. ~ Xtac Quote -that is true more often than not..


Think Clinton, or clitoris, whatever works ~Xtac Quote

  • Note: if we are friends, ask what this means, but be prepared. The explanation takes a few paragraphs. The short version is this: “Hold your head high, try to keep your dignity and sense of humor, no matter how bad it gets.”

Voting – because opinions are a curious thing!

Purpose – The link to this page will be found at the top of every post along with other useful links.  This page has one purpose.  To bring together all blogs that request your vote. That way, all past, present and future votes can be found in one place.

FUN! – I am a curious fellow.. in many ways.. but that’s a longer discussion.  For me, thinking and observing and observing and thinking about people is fun.  I write for fun, and these surveys or polls are for fun.  I could give a rat’s ass about proving a point.  I beg you to join in that fun as we explore what our lives and desires mean.  Hmm however if I knew who I was speaking to.. that request might take a more commanding tone…

PM me with suggestions! If you want to see another survey, private message me on Fetlife. I am XTAC there as well as here.


Survey 01 – Identity ResearchIs there a connection between BDSM self-identity and politics?   Help explore that question together!

Survey 02 – Sorry.. I’m busy with my slave right now.. come back later.

 

 




Transparency – To my knowledge, this is entirely anonymous.  This long-ass, boring section to designed to let you know everything I know about these polls.  I am big on transparency and earning trust, so here goes.   I have looked and can’t find anything in this WordPress tool that tells ME who voted or how.  If I find out otherwise, I’ll post that information.  That being said, the internet is funded by advertising.  I can’t promise that WordPress or some other entity isn’t interested and able to link votes to WordPress accounts. If I find out otherwise about others I’ll post that as well.  Not sure who would want to know or why but I am suspicious by nature.   Oh, also this..The totals must be in a database somewhere, but it was mentioned that your vote is held on a cookie which is why you can’t vote twice.. Cookies are stored on YOUR computer.  These cookies should expire in about a week. Good tech info for you to have.