For the love of Collars

Izrina and I have a private special place where we performed her collaring ceremony. We love to share this space with others and we celebrate here each year. (We are open to anyone wishing to perform their ceremony here).

In 2020 we did a massive amount of work to stabilize the cliff edge and built a BDSM symbol/platform for our yearly celebration.

For 2021, I wanted to put in steps leading up the hillside to the bank that overlooks the ceremony area and put in a horseshoe shaped level area with concrete benches for our guests.

We got a head start on that project by putting in the steps and starting the leveling this year. Its a lot of work involving pickaxe, and shovel, and hauling blocks and concrete back through the woods so it won’t be done quickly. I’ll post a picture when we get to the top of the stairs (if we get that far this year) and then again next spring when the benches are in.

I love our life together.. thank God Izrina is part farm girl. This project has her working pretty hard, though at 25 years younger she should be able to keep up. Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!


I try to not write more than once a week so as to not make reading a chore but I just engaged with someone in which I stressed what I think is important and my top two were collars and the four areas of negotiation. I got to thinking its been a while since I commented on this… so here goes.

COLLARS, part 1 – Modern BDSM folk tend to make fun of those of us who talk about certain old ideas like the three collars. They will refer to it as idiots who believe in the “One Twue Way”. Wrong. ANY undertaking will have best practices. If you have the opportunity to learn from the mistakes of others by studying best practices, you should.

NEGOTIATIONS – That brings us to negotiations. If you are going to be a slave or a Master you MUST understand each other. This requires time and in depth discussion. You can’t just start “training” a slave to suck cock and think your work is done. Before any training starts you need to ask questions like: What are you looking for? What is your past experience? What worked? What Failed?, Why?, What are your hard limits? Do you accept being pushed on fears and limits?

You need a framework, a list of subjects to cover, and understand. I wrote a piece some time ago on the “four areas of negotiation” to help folk think beyond just controlling the body and the mind. Negotiation is a very critical “best practice”.

COLLARS, part 2 – And that takes us back into why the three collars are a best practice. Again, I wrote on the Three Collars. The three collars are consideration, training, and the final collar.

The reason why these are important is because Negotiations are important. Each collar represents an different phase in your negotiations. When you are considering a slave, you are saying “hands off” to other Doms but you are also dipping your toe in the water. Are there any things that surface immediately that are going to put this relation on the rocks. I for example would NEVER get past.. “I don’t swallow”. If a prospective slave won’t perform full oral service to my satisfaction, we can call it quits right there.

A collar of consideration lasts as long as it takes to determine that a relationship is worth looking into. There is also virtually no commitment with a collar of consideration. If you want out, you just bow out. No big deal.

When and IF you feel fairly comfortable with moving into training THAT is when its time to upgrade. The first collar could be a week or a few weeks.. or longer.. or shorter. Its all about how you feel its going. There really is no reason for a Dom to order oral service until a slave is in training. There is no reason for a Dom to skip over a consideration collar. Slow but steady wins the race.

A slave who is looking for a LTR and meets up with a Dom who wants to jump straight into oral training or something along those lines with no discussion should back out immediately. This is not a Dom who is thoughful in their mastery. No one needs another heart break so break it off and move on. Taking your time just makes sense.

Training like consideration will last as long as it takes. I trained my slave for years for a variety of reason. You can back out of a consideration collar or a training collar.. A training collar should not be backed out of as easily as a collar of consideration but a final collar should not be broken at all if possible so take your time in training.

When vanilla’s date, they put their best foot forward. A guy may dance and a girl may go to a sport event but neither wanted to. They did it because they wanted the other person so they compromised. Later their real side comes out and they no longer want to do what they used to do. Doms and slaves can be the same. It takes time to get to the “real” person.

In training, do not compromise. People don’t generally change so don’t try to change someone. If you are going to break the relation, training is the time to do it. Doms should show some fucking backbone and not wimp out on demands. If you are a slave and the personal training is not getting it done you have to get out of your submissive role long enough to let them know you are leaving. You have to speak up. If you are going to piss off a future partner then training is when that needs to happen.

The final collar is a momentous occasion. It is the prize at the end of a long road. It deserves celebration. Ideally it should be the final collar a slave ever takes. Like marriage, it may not last forever, but we hope for our final collar to “be the one”.

My slave was collared on the Fourth of July, the US holiday that celebrates freedom, because as a slave she finds freedom in her chains. We celebrate every year since. Maybe we’ll see you one year at our celebration. Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.

New Toys

I learned a very long time ago that when you have a new toy that you need to be careful with it at first until you fully understand what it is capable of.

Many years ago Izrina and I were at a convention and we came across “Jay the traveling fool” who had this lovely chrome paddle. It was big, heavy, and shiny with neat holes drilled through. “Ohhh Shiny, can I try it out?” I asked? Sure, Jay said, and I order Izrina to assume the position and hiked up her skirt. I was on my third whack when I noticed tears running down her cheeks that was smearing her mascara.

What this thing did was.. because of the weight and momentum, when it contacted the glutenous maximus the skin kind of popped up into the holes leaving marks like a lascivious octopus had attacked. They were now oozing and bleeding. Lesson learned.

Here we are years later and a good friend Deka gave me a flogger which had many heavy throws on it but more importantly each ended in a shiny chrome rivet. I was fairly certain that bad boy was going to break skin.

Yesterday was HOX open house and we did a fire demo and I decided to see just what this baby would do. I had three volunteers but I wanted to start on my slave first. If I’m going to draw blood I need that damage to be on my property until I know exactly what to expect.

I have two favorite floggers I call sting and thunk. One is big fat elk skin throws while the other is thinner throws. I like to say one is my all day flogger though my slave will tell you that I can make either sting.

The new flogger felt more like thunk. Lot of throws that covered a whole shoulder blade. I like to try to be very precise in my strikes but this new toys threw such a wide spread that at first I had to really concentrate on my accuracy.

Her skin grew a nice pink very quickly.. what I call “painting”.. and I was able to very easily cover my canvas in color. I expected some dots where the rivets struck but the color was actually quite even.

I picked up the intensity and still no broken skin but since my girl is a fire-slut I didn’t go any further and finished with fire.

Jade was next and she can really take a beating. I unleashed even harder with her and still no broken skin though.. this time… I did get a few small dots here and there. Jade would be disappointed if she left without marks so I switched to a cane for her.

We didn’t have a mistress in attendance for Lewis so I offered and he accepted. I watched his body language closely but wasn’t sure if his moans were from bearing the harder strikes or pleasure. We talked afterwards so I better understood his needs.

All in all I’d say the new toy is a real jew in the toy box. I’m looking forward to giving my slave a leather and metal massage again soon. Carpe Diem my friends, be someones great day!

A new friend

ONLY one hundred miles from New York City but it gets pretty rural out here in the Hudson and Delaware valleys. Particularly in this part of Pennsylvania. Lots of trees and waterfalls.

Any event we want to go to usually involves at least a one hour drive. There are a few kinky people in the area and we are getting to know more all of the time thanks to HOX. I was going to write about one new friend but really there are many more that deserve attention.

Tony, a relatively new Dom who is learning the ropes in work shops. Jade Kitten whose furry side is very pleasurable for a sadist.. she mews when beaten and gets louder the more she like it. Deka who has friends and acquaintances all up and down the east coast and even some out west.

And then there is MasterZ and his slave (under consideration) who is yet to be given a name. They are in negotiations still. He doesn’t advertise events on Fet. He just throws a party and people show up.

He has a sprawling homestead on 15 acres with a horse and multiple buildings, and a massive dining, living, and kitchen space where people can mingle. A huge deck, hot tub, swimming pool and huge bar complete the setup. Evenings are friendly, relaxed, and fun. If you camp, you can setup a tent with the others who will be staying for breakfast.

He is looking to set up protocol workshops since he is particularly annoyed that he constantly runs into folks who have not been exposed to the value of some of the “best practices” many of us have learned.

HOX was on hold during the first few months of Covid but we are back. Between HOX, summer recreation, friends, house projects, and Covid we’ve been crazy busy.

You probably noticed I have not posted much lately but rest assured our Master/slave life continues in full swing. Real life seems to have taken precedence over writing which is a problem I’m sure more people would like to have, what with Covid and all.. Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day! 


If you have a Fetlife account you can see our HOX history here:

When a slave acts like a Dom

My slave Izrina is an extension of my will. Just as my arm extends to grasp what I desire, her will bends to the pleasure of the Master she serves. I love her dearly.. she is my greatest treasure, my most important possession.

Now my doctor recently ordered me to lose 20lbs. Not a problem I thought. I headed to the gym but not only has it been closed since March, there is a for sale sign up.. Covid has not been good for any of us.

So we took to nightly walks, and added dieting. The walks are nice and we both could stand to lose some weight, so hand in hand with the puppy in tow we do our stroll. It’s nice.. the setting sun, the sounds of woodlands, the crunch of gravel roads..

I have a weakness though for pizza and chocolate. Recently my slave has been… well almost ordering me to step away from the goodies. When I point out that I am the Master, she tells me that she is only reminding me of what my goals are and I can do as I please. Right…

It bugs me.. I don’t take well to this “reverse”. It would seem she is much more than an extension of my will. Sometimes she is my will power.

Carpe Diem my friends. Be someone’s great day!

Controlling Anger

Imagine you are captured and held hostage in some dark abandoned industrial looking place. You are tied to a chair and your captor walks in. You are pissed and you begin to hurl angry words.. and taunt them.. until you get a reaction. Which response would cause more concern?

1-Your captor show visible signs of anger.. fists clenched, shoulders raised, lines in their neck bulging.. or 2-they turn icy cold, a gleam in their eye, a cruel smile on their face?

When you give in to anger, you become unhinged. You are not truly in control and a person who knows how to use this can use it against you. But the second type.. the one who knows how to stay in control… that type can be dangerous.

You want to be the second type. First and foremost because what we do in BDSM is consensual. A Dominant to be good… must never lose control. Second, to control… you are much more effective when your submissive knows they’ve crossed a line because you suddenly become more quiet.. not louder.

Carpe Diem my friends, Be someone’s great day.

Joy of Collars n Sadists-part 3

Many days have passed since July 4th. Did we play afterwards? Of course.

Last night we hosted Dinner at HOX… we open our home on the third Sunday of every month. We played again after dinner.

We had brand new guests.. never seen before. It is always somewhat concerning when a new person or group comes to dinner. Will they fit in? Can we overcome any concerns? Will they come with baggage we don’t need at HOX? Will they be safe?

I am so happy this new couple came to visit. They traveled just under two hours (one way) to get to us.. so my slave and I appreciate the effort.. They had not seen fire play before and of course my girl is a fire slut.. so I agreed to do a fire scene/demo.

It was really a great evening.. just like the play after the collaring celebration. Jade Kitten visited for both.. and got a nice beating both times. I particularly like dancing with her as she purrs when she is enjoying the scene.. that feedback is very helpful for a person topping… and its quite sexy…

Last night my girl went down hard. Perhaps I waited too long to do her because after she hit subspace the climb back up to reality took quite a while… I helped by feeding her chocolates.

I love being among my own kind. I love sharing the discoveries that I have made on this long journey. When it comes to a dance.. or a scene.. or play.. whatever you want to call your sado-masochism I can still remember quite clearly from my early days – the struggle to hold onto the sense that I was still a good person. I had trouble reconciling this apparent love of hurting someone close to me with my own values. Do I really like to hurt people?

I think this is an important phase for any new sadist. All you know is, you shouldn’t do this to someone you care about. When you have little or no experience with masochists you have no understanding of just how and why they need what you are doing. You don’t have the foundation on which to reconcile your actions with your ethics.

Just as the man who does all kinds of perverted things with a girlfriend.. but then won’t fuck her after he marries her… Sadists sometimes do not make it past understanding the role they play in the life of their masochist.. and so they let them down.

Just as a submissive comes to understand that in their sacrifice.. in their giving to a Dominant.. an internal joy and pleasure is released… so too a sadist must often fight to give.. they must struggle to overcome these feeling about hurting someone else… particularly someone close to them.. until they finally understand that in this giving they can allow themselves to also feel joy.

It’s easy to feel joy in giving something good. To feel joy in being a sadist you simply must first understand the person you are giving to. You need to fully accept that for them your sadism is good. There are a host of reasons why a person can be a masochist. The list is too long to go into here. The most important thing that we as sadists really need to do.. is get to the point where we can allow ourselves a feeling of joy in our giving… and know in our heart it is appreciated.

Some may argue that what we should really do is get a masochist to help..because they are sick. It feeds your doubt. Don’t give in to your doubt. The body releases many wonderful chemicals during play. It is natural high. There are real benefits and if you are careful no actual harm is done.. but much good can result.

It can be a difficult road… But it is one that any caring person must travel and experience to become a good and valued partner to a masochist. Carpe Diem my friends.. be someone’s great day.

Joy of Collars-Mini Tale TWO

I held off on writing tale 2 and 3 since not a lot of people appeared interested… Not a lot of site visits or likes.. but then what-the-hell… I came back to my senses. This is for me. If people like it fine and equally fine if they don’t. It’s not about the number of readers.. it is about sharing with people who find value.

I am supposed to be working right now but I find myself thinking of my slave. I have been with her for years and yet I still think about her all of the time. Such lustful thoughts right now…

I am not bragging… I spent the better part of my life looking for this.. and so far it is real.. which shocks me. This late in my life I had nearly given up hope of finding someone that filled the hole where I needed someone. I guess I say “so far” because I really find it incredible…

At that brings me to a moment in our Joy of Collars celebration. This is difficult to write about. This moment lasted only seconds.. and yet it is written indelibly in my brain.

Izrina had finished reading her copy of the scroll that is sealed with the blessings of our friends. Her voice has faltered.. she had trouble finishing.. You’ve seen moment like these at funerals.. but this was not sad.. it was loving and overpowering.

Those around us were swept up in the feeling.. the emotions of the moment grabbed and held us. It was almost religious… a coming together of many. Then we turned the opportunity over to the group to share…

A young lady who is in service to a grey haired gentleman come for with a voice that wavered as well. She spoke of how grateful she was to find him, and to be in his service. The attraction is not money.. I know.. the attraction is found in the equity of their relation… the way he completes her as she completes him.

It was this moment that stands out in my mind. Not her words.. but the feeling of the crowd… You may or may not believe that a crowd has energy but I swear in that moment there was such a swelling feeling of connection. I am not doing this moment justice. I guess you had to be there.

Never give up on your dreams… Follow your head before you follow your heart. Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.

I’m angry

I don’t like blood, scat, or politics.. It’s all the same thing really…

Politics is a blood sport in which people behave like monkey’s pulling shit from their ass and then fling it at other people… You couldn’t pay enough to interest me in joining politics..

When I read that a hard core Owner and Master stepped down as a director of a MAsT chapter I was deeply saddened. Let me preface my thought on that by saying that I went to a lovely BBQ this weekend in which the Master of the house stated that he wanted to start a group dedicated to rituals, rules and protocols I applauded him.. but also warned that he may find that participation is light.

Anyone on Fetlife for even a short time knows that suggesting the there might actually be a definition for submissive or slave.. or that there might actually be best practices for those looking to guide someone through Internalized Enslavement (IE)… can bring down the wrath of the “N0-one-twue-way” Zealots.

Now I don’t know Vile on a personal level. I’ve never shared a meeting, workshop, or dungeon with him. I only know him from his writings – but what I have seen tells me that he has something that many are missing.. Balls of steel that are not afraid to live life on his terms.. and that is a lesson and a leader many need.

It pisses me off. What he stepped down for had ZERO to do with his qualifications. It has to do with diversity.. and you know what? Diversity is great… When you build a team based on what people bring to the table and nothing else.. you get diversity… Diversity is about building strength through the content of individuals and not their race, or orientations.

In business you HAVE to make room for the crazy, the insane, the impossible ideas or fall behind. One person wanted to fire his own rockets into space and land them again on a barge in the ocean.. crazy talk.. but Eon Musk did it and now his cost to space is lower than anyone else..

Fuck me… welcome to the cancel culture. Its sad.. what many fail to understand is that diversity creates strength but to be diverse means to hear all sides… to listen and not shame, intimidate, or blacklist. People who shame, intimidate, blacklist, and cancel are DESTROYING diversity not building it.

Only the wise see when they are being constructive and not destructive… We need a hell of a lot more wise people in our lives.. Destructive, anti-diversity in the name of diversity just took out a man with important wisdom to share.. God.. killing diversity to improve diversity.. the stupidity is staggering. I am pissed…

Daryl Davis is a rare and outstanding example of how we could all work towards a better, more caring, diverse community… His YouTube is worth your time spent listening… Carpe Diem my friends.. be someone’s great day!

Joy of Collars-Mini Tale One

Number one of a few little tales from our 2020 Collaring Celebration.

The Ceremony went well, with strong emotions flowing throughout and we retired for food. I brought desert before food.. individually wrapped brownies baked locally..

We enjoyed a meal at the fire, followed by play in the Dungeon, and we were winding down for the evening. a few of us seated in the dining room, with chairs open between couples..

I’m saving the play for later short tales..because what happened in the dining room still makes me smile.

I am not sure how we got on the topic of kinks and things we love but it was at this point that I mentioned that I always thought it was a sexy fantasy to have a secretary or slave provide oral service under your desk at work…

There is a bit of that “public sex” aspect to it, as well as the wonderful control. ( I love testing the limits of my control… ) As I ruminated over the aspects that appeal to me I complained that unfortunately what with all the cameras and corporate rules that I might never get to order that service in my office at work…

And then I noted however that fortunately my home office.. which was right here at the dining table.. could act as a substitute. And then I ordered her under the table.

As she obediently crawled under the table someone mentioned that she was going to ruin her beautiful dress, and I pointed out I cared more that she did as she was told…

You know that moment when you may have made things a little to uncomfortable for some and too hot for others? yeah.. that… Some persons shifted uncomfortably in their seats while others grinned like crazy people…

I’m grinning again now.. ahh… good times! It’s wonderful to have an obedient slave at your feet, nuzzling your lap. Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!