Controlling Anger

Imagine you are captured and held hostage in some dark abandoned industrial looking place. You are tied to a chair and your captor walks in. You are pissed and you begin to hurl angry words.. and taunt them.. until you get a reaction. Which response would cause more concern?

1-Your captor show visible signs of anger.. fists clenched, shoulders raised, lines in their neck bulging.. or 2-they turn icy cold, a gleam in their eye, a cruel smile on their face?

When you give in to anger, you become unhinged. You are not truly in control and a person who knows how to use this can use it against you. But the second type.. the one who knows how to stay in control… that type can be dangerous.

You want to be the second type. First and foremost because what we do in BDSM is consensual. A Dominant to be good… must never lose control. Second, to control… you are much more effective when your submissive knows they’ve crossed a line because you suddenly become more quiet.. not louder.

Carpe Diem my friends, Be someone’s great day.

Joy of Collars n Sadists-part 3

Many days have passed since July 4th. Did we play afterwards? Of course.

Last night we hosted Dinner at HOX… we open our home on the third Sunday of every month. We played again after dinner.

We had brand new guests.. never seen before. It is always somewhat concerning when a new person or group comes to dinner. Will they fit in? Can we overcome any concerns? Will they come with baggage we don’t need at HOX? Will they be safe?

I am so happy this new couple came to visit. They traveled just under two hours (one way) to get to us.. so my slave and I appreciate the effort.. They had not seen fire play before and of course my girl is a fire slut.. so I agreed to do a fire scene/demo.

It was really a great evening.. just like the play after the collaring celebration. Jade Kitten visited for both.. and got a nice beating both times. I particularly like dancing with her as she purrs when she is enjoying the scene.. that feedback is very helpful for a person topping… and its quite sexy…

Last night my girl went down hard. Perhaps I waited too long to do her because after she hit subspace the climb back up to reality took quite a while… I helped by feeding her chocolates.

I love being among my own kind. I love sharing the discoveries that I have made on this long journey. When it comes to a dance.. or a scene.. or play.. whatever you want to call your sado-masochism I can still remember quite clearly from my early days – the struggle to hold onto the sense that I was still a good person. I had trouble reconciling this apparent love of hurting someone close to me with my own values. Do I really like to hurt people?

I think this is an important phase for any new sadist. All you know is, you shouldn’t do this to someone you care about. When you have little or no experience with masochists you have no understanding of just how and why they need what you are doing. You don’t have the foundation on which to reconcile your actions with your ethics.

Just as the man who does all kinds of perverted things with a girlfriend.. but then won’t fuck her after he marries her… Sadists sometimes do not make it past understanding the role they play in the life of their masochist.. and so they let them down.

Just as a submissive comes to understand that in their sacrifice.. in their giving to a Dominant.. an internal joy and pleasure is released… so too a sadist must often fight to give.. they must struggle to overcome these feeling about hurting someone else… particularly someone close to them.. until they finally understand that in this giving they can allow themselves to also feel joy.

It’s easy to feel joy in giving something good. To feel joy in being a sadist you simply must first understand the person you are giving to. You need to fully accept that for them your sadism is good. There are a host of reasons why a person can be a masochist. The list is too long to go into here. The most important thing that we as sadists really need to do.. is get to the point where we can allow ourselves a feeling of joy in our giving… and know in our heart it is appreciated.

Some may argue that what we should really do is get a masochist to help..because they are sick. It feeds your doubt. Don’t give in to your doubt. The body releases many wonderful chemicals during play. It is natural high. There are real benefits and if you are careful no actual harm is done.. but much good can result.

It can be a difficult road… But it is one that any caring person must travel and experience to become a good and valued partner to a masochist. Carpe Diem my friends.. be someone’s great day.

Joy of Collars-Mini Tale TWO

I held off on writing tale 2 and 3 since not a lot of people appeared interested… Not a lot of site visits or likes.. but then what-the-hell… I came back to my senses. This is for me. If people like it fine and equally fine if they don’t. It’s not about the number of readers.. it is about sharing with people who find value.

I am supposed to be working right now but I find myself thinking of my slave. I have been with her for years and yet I still think about her all of the time. Such lustful thoughts right now…

I am not bragging… I spent the better part of my life looking for this.. and so far it is real.. which shocks me. This late in my life I had nearly given up hope of finding someone that filled the hole where I needed someone. I guess I say “so far” because I really find it incredible…

At that brings me to a moment in our Joy of Collars celebration. This is difficult to write about. This moment lasted only seconds.. and yet it is written indelibly in my brain.

Izrina had finished reading her copy of the scroll that is sealed with the blessings of our friends. Her voice has faltered.. she had trouble finishing.. You’ve seen moment like these at funerals.. but this was not sad.. it was loving and overpowering.

Those around us were swept up in the feeling.. the emotions of the moment grabbed and held us. It was almost religious… a coming together of many. Then we turned the opportunity over to the group to share…

A young lady who is in service to a grey haired gentleman come for with a voice that wavered as well. She spoke of how grateful she was to find him, and to be in his service. The attraction is not money.. I know.. the attraction is found in the equity of their relation… the way he completes her as she completes him.

It was this moment that stands out in my mind. Not her words.. but the feeling of the crowd… You may or may not believe that a crowd has energy but I swear in that moment there was such a swelling feeling of connection. I am not doing this moment justice. I guess you had to be there.

Never give up on your dreams… Follow your head before you follow your heart. Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.

I’m angry

I don’t like blood, scat, or politics.. It’s all the same thing really…

Politics is a blood sport in which people behave like monkey’s pulling shit from their ass and then fling it at other people… You couldn’t pay enough to interest me in joining politics..

When I read that a hard core Owner and Master stepped down as a director of a MAsT chapter I was deeply saddened. Let me preface my thought on that by saying that I went to a lovely BBQ this weekend in which the Master of the house stated that he wanted to start a group dedicated to rituals, rules and protocols I applauded him.. but also warned that he may find that participation is light.

Anyone on Fetlife for even a short time knows that suggesting the there might actually be a definition for submissive or slave.. or that there might actually be best practices for those looking to guide someone through Internalized Enslavement (IE)… can bring down the wrath of the “N0-one-twue-way” Zealots.

Now I don’t know Vile on a personal level. I’ve never shared a meeting, workshop, or dungeon with him. I only know him from his writings – but what I have seen tells me that he has something that many are missing.. Balls of steel that are not afraid to live life on his terms.. and that is a lesson and a leader many need.

It pisses me off. What he stepped down for had ZERO to do with his qualifications. It has to do with diversity.. and you know what? Diversity is great… When you build a team based on what people bring to the table and nothing else.. you get diversity… Diversity is about building strength through the content of individuals and not their race, or orientations.

In business you HAVE to make room for the crazy, the insane, the impossible ideas or fall behind. One person wanted to fire his own rockets into space and land them again on a barge in the ocean.. crazy talk.. but Eon Musk did it and now his cost to space is lower than anyone else..

Fuck me… welcome to the cancel culture. Its sad.. what many fail to understand is that diversity creates strength but to be diverse means to hear all sides… to listen and not shame, intimidate, or blacklist. People who shame, intimidate, blacklist, and cancel are DESTROYING diversity not building it.

Only the wise see when they are being constructive and not destructive… We need a hell of a lot more wise people in our lives.. Destructive, anti-diversity in the name of diversity just took out a man with important wisdom to share.. God.. killing diversity to improve diversity.. the stupidity is staggering. I am pissed…

Daryl Davis is a rare and outstanding example of how we could all work towards a better, more caring, diverse community… His YouTube is worth your time spent listening… Carpe Diem my friends.. be someone’s great day!

Joy of Collars-Mini Tale One

Number one of a few little tales from our 2020 Collaring Celebration.

The Ceremony went well, with strong emotions flowing throughout and we retired for food. I brought desert before food.. individually wrapped brownies baked locally..

We enjoyed a meal at the fire, followed by play in the Dungeon, and we were winding down for the evening. a few of us seated in the dining room, with chairs open between couples..

I’m saving the play for later short tales..because what happened in the dining room still makes me smile.

I am not sure how we got on the topic of kinks and things we love but it was at this point that I mentioned that I always thought it was a sexy fantasy to have a secretary or slave provide oral service under your desk at work…

There is a bit of that “public sex” aspect to it, as well as the wonderful control. ( I love testing the limits of my control… ) As I ruminated over the aspects that appeal to me I complained that unfortunately what with all the cameras and corporate rules that I might never get to order that service in my office at work…

And then I noted however that fortunately my home office.. which was right here at the dining table.. could act as a substitute. And then I ordered her under the table.

As she obediently crawled under the table someone mentioned that she was going to ruin her beautiful dress, and I pointed out I cared more that she did as she was told…

You know that moment when you may have made things a little to uncomfortable for some and too hot for others? yeah.. that… Some persons shifted uncomfortably in their seats while others grinned like crazy people…

I’m grinning again now.. ahh… good times! It’s wonderful to have an obedient slave at your feet, nuzzling your lap. Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

The joy of a collar ( Year Three )

On July 4th, 2018 in the company of friends and with blessings from many, my slave received her final a collar.

This was our second renewal, and our third collaring celebration. Though the rose ceremony may be more dramatic, I chose the sand ceremony for the way it brings so many together in such symbolic and beautiful ways..

Since we are very big into meditation, and Tantric meditation in particular, we used colored sand.. one for each of the chakras. My slave read her vows to me from a small scroll which was placed into our bottle, and I did the same. Then friends and community leaders provided a blessing and poured their sand over our vows.. red, orange, etc. The result is that our vows are forever sealed, surrounded by the blessings or our friends.

The bottle sits on display in the dining room. Next to the bottle are two replica scrolls. These are tied and sealed for a year. On the fourth, we open them and read again the vows we gave.

It is funny, but after a year it can be difficult to recall what was written. When we open them, it is like discovering anew what we promised.

You know that thing that happens when someone is overcome with emotion? and tries very hard to compose themselves to continue speaking but has difficulty continuing?

Yeah.. that happens. It can be a very charged and powerful moment.. filled with the energy of our love and devotion.. amplified by those in the crowd caught up in the moment. You can feel the way the energy of that moment just lights up the area.

We encourage others to profess their appreciation for their slave, sub, owner, Master, partner. Often people are unprepared. or shy. This year however we were joined and I have to say the the feeling of persons professing the appreciation for their partner is something to be experienced.

Words cannot properly express what the heart feels at moments like these and the joy can be infectious..

I look forward to years to come.. with more and more people choosing to do a collaring.. or a renewal or join us in speaking up to express a special bond. So often there exists between those in the BDSM community incredible bonds that should be recognized.

Afterwards we enjoyed some food, snacks and beverages and put the Dungeon to good use. It was a real joy to lay hands on again. It is a delight to dance again after such a long hiatus.

Next year’s event is already posted. We will start just a little later to give more time for the day to cool down, the sun to start setting, and the fire and pathway lights to be more enjoyable..

We were blessed to be joined by so many wonderful people. From the bottom of my heart.. thank you for sharing this moment with us. Carpe Diem my friends.. be someone’s great day!