Reflecting on race

BDSM is not without its arguments over what should or not be said or done or in some cases even thought.  We engage in a battle of words over age and gender, and best practices all of the time.  Starting a conversation in Fetlife is likely to draw down a whirl-wind of opinions of which some can be quite heated and turn personal and nasty.

Why this subject?  Neighborhoods in Minneapolis are in flames.  I has caused me to reflect on race and the police in general.  It freaks me out sometimes when I find myself as an older Euro-American man, talking with a younger Afro-American person of any gender.  OK.. I am just going to say white and black..

I am very conscious of the horrors visited on black women during the times of American slavery.  Women were often used by the Master and his male children as sex toys and when a child was born.. and the Master saw his own face in that child.. he still left that child in slavery.  Often the child was sold so he didn’t have to think about it and his wife didn’t constantly see it.

I can’t even begin to touch the emotional pain I feel trying to grasp what it takes to sell your own child in slavery so you don’t have to look at them.  Worse.. their female children were lighter skinned and therefore even more likely to be sexually assaulted.

Here we are one and a half centuries later and though all of the guilty have long since died or are extremely aged, the embers still burn.  So when I talk with a black man or woman about the joys of consensual slavery.. yeah… I am often very weirded out when talking with someone new to me.   Not surprising really.. each generation of humans comes along every 20 years and it really hasn’t been that long that segregation was seriously shut down.. what.. maybe three generations?

That being said.. this thing about cops.. it has just as many facets.  On one level I want to support the men in blue.. and on another I don’t.   I know at least part of the problem.  Police look for criminals.

If I am the only one in their view so that I am their only target then they are looking for criminal activity in me.  It makes me very uncomfortable because I know that nearly anyone can be confronted with something if you look hard enough.  I don’t like to be around Police.  They make me nervous.  I can count on one hand the number of times a cop was actually helpful and not intimidating.

By the same token, if I was in a rough neighborhood filled with gang members I would like to see a cop around.  I thought a lot about that and I realized the reason I would welcome a cop in that situation is because I am not nearly as likely to get the scrutiny that the thugs will.  I’ll be viewed as the person to be protected.. and isn’t that what black people have been saying all along?

In any situation, the police are looking for criminal activity.  When they have a choice between people to take a better look at.. they must make decisions about who looks like they are more likely a threat or engaged in criminal activity.   I don’t know what the police are trained to look for.. I’m not a cop.. but I can easily see how.. if you stop 100 people and find a problem with 25 of them.. and the greater portion are black..  you begin to develop a pattern which leads to certain conclusions.

NYC had stop and frisk laws.   Not a bad idea as long as you stop an equal percentage of each race.   Grandma in the walker and business man in the suit needs the same treatment as the white or black dude with his pants half down around his ass.  So where would that leave us?   Probably with Grandma and the business man being found with nothing.  What about the “gangsta”?  Probably more had some weed on them than Grandma.. maybe not.  At least you can show the stats of who was stopped and what was found.. a before and after and those are facts not prejudice.

Not that I am entirely for “the rule of law”.  The prohibition period was moronic.   The anti-marijuana laws are more of the same.  Why the hell can’t someone with advanced cancer seek assisted suicide?   I am strongly in favor of the concept of “my body-my choice”.

If my slave consents to assault leading to bruises that is between us.. or should be..  Assault like that by the way would most likely involve a whip or strap.  When laws are passed that abridge my right, or my slave’s rights, to choose what is done with our body I think it is inherent to peacefully resist that law.

I watched a video as people walked through broken windows and came back out with handfuls of goods.   I felt the urge that anyone in that situation would… Why not me too?  Everyone else is…  I could feel how compelling that urge would be.

I like to think that mask or no mask I would resist the urge to get some free goodies.  I like to think that I would shake my head and just walk away.  That’s because I know that later and forever I would deeply regret my choice in that moment.  The thing is.. you never really know what you will do in a situation until you face it.

I understand that people have passion and they are angry.  I do not believe however that is justifies violence and destruction.  Doing the right thing is always the right thing to do.  We must always strive to rise above.  Being a better person means you take the high road, ethically speaking.  Above all, joining a mob and participating in such a group is very likely to lead to you being swept up into emotions that lead to actions you will later regret.

If you haven’t seen the old black and white movie “To Kill a Mockingbird”, watch it.  Justice is a fickle thing.  Mob mentality always thinks it is doing the right thing but it often leads to greater injustice.  When you are emotional and angry is EXACTLY the time to take a breath and think.  No matter how flawed our system is.. and believe me I think it is flawed – we must let the system work.   ( See Blackstone’s ratio or Blackstone’s formulation).

The cop who put his knee to that mans throat needs to go down.  I know that police stand up for other police even when they know they have a bad apple among them.  It’s like a code of blue.  That has to change.  I just hope the violence ends, and justice is served.

Do not despair.  We who would hold onto what is right and good and just will prevail.  Let your heart not be troubled.   Seize this day and make it good.  Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!



3 am

3 am… I woke from a dream in which my uncle had died..

It caused me to reflect on my life.. and I resolved to do more meaningful things with the time I have left, but then I checked my social media, and Fetlife, then my work email.. responded to some unattended work.. did some approvals and lined up work for the morning and here it is 4 am..

I dived right back into the mess.  I wonder.. people say they are too busy..  I say I am too busy…  are we?    I mean, I get up at 6:30 am.. then either do some yard work.. or check social media.. then it’s online work from home at 7:30..  by 9 I’ve had a quick shower and its the drive into the office.  I use the time in the car to call family.. family is important.. Usually I’m too busy to leave the office.. I keep a min-fridge and microwave in my office and grab something healthy without stopping.. Home by 4:30.  I use that drive time to call friends..if they are available.. or I listen to music.  At home its right into my grunge jeans to do yard or auto projects.. by 6:45 it’s time to prep for 7pm protocol.  A few quick checks on the work I do for a living.. Then a few slow moments for dinner, after which it’s a few glorious moments.. 15 to 20 in a hot bath while I soak out the sore spots.. then its a final check on work for a living… before a final check on social media.  Bys 9 pm, or 9:30 I have maybe 60 mins or less that I don’t know what to do with. The other night I indulged in 15 minutes of Netflix.. a show on how to prepare meals quicker and more efficiently.. yeah..  I don’t know how to relax.

I have to find more time for friends..  but where do I find that time?  I quit literally am booked solid.   Any time I could really give, would usually come out of lunch I force myself to take, or time I would be sleeping.  Sleep.. I’ve always needed 8 to 9 hours.. Not sure why.

I woke at 3am.  My uncle had died.  It was not a morbid or sad death.  He had a large field and he had redirected some of a stream to run into a smaller stream that crossed his field and emptied into a series of small ponds filled with fish and frogs.. an arched bridge and other little landscape details.. a very beautiful achievement.  He had been sitting admiring the creation of his life when he passed.  He looked very peaceful.  I am trying to create a beautiful place too.. but the beauty I create will be passed on to others when I pass.. I think it is important that we leave the world a better place when move on.

Some things we only have so much of.  I’ve heard that a woman has all the eggs she will ever have already.. when they are gone the are gone.  Time is like that.   We do not own our time.. each minute is a precious gift…  We cannot own our time we can only receive and spend it wisely.  Therein lies the heart of my soul searching.  Am I spending the time I have been given wisely, choosing to share these thoughts with you at 4:30 in the morning when I could be snuggling up to my slave?   Decisions, decisions.. it all comes down to decisions.

Life is meant for dancing..  we should not worry about the decisions.  We should free our hearts and just dance through life.  It is OK to let the currents of our associations and will bounce us along the stream of our life.  No moment spent with a friend or nature is wasted even if you fall asleep..  or pass away as my uncle did in my dream..  Nothing is ever really created or destroyed and we only just barely understand what that means…  but as the children of the universe that we are, it’s not important to worry ourselves with meaning.. we are meant to dance… and dance I shall until my last breath.  I will dance with joy, I will dance with determination,  I will dance with freedom,  I will dance to share..  Time to return to the warm embrace of sleep and my slave…

Carpe Diem my friends.. be someone’s great day!