Some bottoms don’t seem to need aftercare. Right after a scene they pop right up and are speaking and talking right away. Others go into a stupor and can take anywhere from ten minutes to an hour before they seem ready to communicate with the world again.
Some tops don’t do aftercare. They have a line out the door and the next “customer” so to speak is waiting. Or maybe they just can’t be bothered.
Be sure you include after care in your discussion when negotiating consent for a scene in a dungeon. When a bottom who comes out of a stupor.. alone and un-cared for.. or worse on a cold floor without a blanket… is probably going to get mixed signals about how good the scene was.
Its OK to have a dungeon buddy who handles the aftercare.. but if you need aftercare.. make sure someone is seeing to it.
EDSO – Endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin… four key chemicals involved in all of this. The first two you can give yourself. The second two require interaction with others. For a much more detailed explanation, and when you have 46 minutes free.. See this YouTube video Simon Sinek: Why Leaders Eat Last.
The experience of S&M has a two fold whammy. First, the experience is intensely personal.. Like a patient and nursed bond…. the bottom and the top experience a connection and both of giving trust and receiving trust.. as well as a release and healing.. that some might call spiritual.
It may seem odd to call S&M healing, but it is a documented fact that in some places of the world caning was used as relief for depression. It goes beyond the first part of the experience and delves into the second part of the experience – the EDSO chemicals.
For this reason I have always provided my Fet account information to anyone I play with, asking them to send me a Fet mail the next day telling me how they are doing. If I can’t be there in person, I can be at the end of a pouring out onto paper. This is part of the responsibility of a Dom or Domme.. to consider the needs of those you play with.
And now we get to the subject I had an epiphany on last night. I wrote about Dom Drop here before. That article is here: Dom Drop
As is so often the case, I am happy to say that my perspective has evolved with experience and thought. I believed when I wrote my first piece on this subject, that Dom drop had only one element.. the first one.. the deep and abiding connection of trust and healing that an S&M scene provides.
I now believe otherwise. If you watch the video on EDSO, you will note that only the last two chemicals relate to interaction with another. Of those two, I want to focus on oxytocin. To hear Simon on Oxytocin, jump to this part of his video.
Oxytocin is released through a number of ways. One way that this is released is with touch – a hug, a handshake, and more. When you do bondage, of this comes into play.. the touching, snugging, the sensation of rope on skin. It happens all through your BDSM play.
Human generosity can also trigger Oxytocin. You could give large sums of money so that others might help cleanup an inner city block.. or you could give of your own time and energy. The latter has more meaning to us even though more could have been done by hiring lots of people.. It is your person generosity that triggers Oxytocin. It why I always say.. be someone’s great day.
Even just witnessing acts of generosity uplifts the human condition. Not in some metaphysical way.. it is real.. and chemical… it’s Oxytocin at work building a better humanity.
All of these things take time. That’s the sacrifice of a Dom.. they show they care not by what they can do with power of money but because they give of their most precious commodity.. the one that is limited and finite.. their time.
Oxytocin also limits addictions. Oxytocin boosts your immune system and makes you healthier. Oxytocin increases our problem solving and creativity.
What does all this have to do with my change in thinking on Dom Drop? Oxytocin is a absolutely a chemical involved in the Dom side of the equation… so where I used to feel that only one area of the S&M experience was triggered in a Dom, now I feel there is also a chemical side.. which makes me believe that it entirely possible for Dom drop to be more intense.
Carpe Diem my friends… here it comes… Be someone’s great day!