Bright sunshine over lazy curling smoke from embers of the fire that men and women huddled around the night before. The hunters return. The biggest, the strongest, the alpha’s of this prehistoric human tribe rest.. one of them is injured and those that stayed behind now begin to strip the carcass of its fur for clothing, stoke the fire again to begin cooking, while the injured is attended to. Soon the smell of the meal fills the clearing and stomach grumble, mouths water, at the thought of the feast about to begin.
The bigger, stronger, alphas could easily throw others aside and take the best of the feast for themselves.. but they don’t. Those that stayed behind willingly choose the best cuts, and feed the alpha’s first. But why?
The answer is known to those that lived together as a tribe 50,000 years ago. When night falls and stealthy predators circle in the darkness outside the ring of heat and light of the fire, when danger presents itself it is the alpha’s that run forward first. They are bigger, stronger, and better fed but it comes at a cost. They are the ones that will sacrifice their lives so that others may live. They have these perks because it makes them more capable of doing what they are meant to do.. to rush to danger, to risk themselves, to put the safety and security of those they protect, first.
When an executive gets a huge bonus because they let go hundreds or thousands of employees… when they sacrifice others for their own benefit they are not leaders.. and we know this instinctively. We have a visceral anger because we know it not how humans are supposed to work together.
Soldiers are natural leaders. They know that you must leave no one behind. They are prepared to lay down their own life so that others may live. They follow the unspoken code of leaders that is written deep in our DNA.
In BDSM we have priorities that are natural to this system.
- The needs of the slave
- The needs of the Owner
- The wants of the Owner
- The wants of the slave
Above all the Owner, Master, Mistress puts the needs of their charge first. A need is more important than a want. If a slave needs, a great Owner will sacrifice a want for the needs of the slave.
Leaders don’t get to do less work, they have to do more. That work may simply be listening, learning, planning, and strategizing or it may be a bigger sacrifice. A leader must always be the one with their ear to the ground, ever alert so that they can fulfill their sacred duty to protect those they lead.
A young Dominant may think they want lots of slaves so that they are pampered and cared for and don’t have to do any work. Such thoughts are like the executive who sacrificed their employees for their own benefit. It doesn’t work that way. Be careful what you ask for or you may get in over your head. More consensual slaves means lots more work.
Remember that equality is where we start in BDSM, equity is our goal… We want an equitable relation in which BOTH partners have their basic desires fulfilled. This means work on both sides of the dynamic.
Carpe Diem my friends.. Be someone’s great day!