Time to write something I would rather not. I would much rather tell you that I never screw up, that I am always perfect… but then only a fool would believe such a thing. I like to project competence that inspires confidence. I’m going the other way on this one.
To be in control, you must first and foremost be in control of yourself. On not one, but two occasions recently someone has punched my buttons. Punched them hard. When someone throws anger at you, combined with harsh words, and your defense goes up, everyone has to choose a way to react.
Some might react by withdrawing, preferring to not engage and let the offending party slide out of their sphere of influence. Others, and particularly Dominants, will want to take another course of action. That action however is going to be shaped by the control you exert on yourself.
If you take a deep breath, consider your options, and speak in strong terms in a soft voice, that would be best. If however you let your emotions get the better of you it is very likely you will end up in a shouting match, each side dropping into the abyss of volume, anger, and insults.
I am embarrassed to say that on these two occasions my behavior was closer to the latter than the former. No insults, but definitely more volume.
That being said, I am not really too upset with myself. I realize my error and I’ve taken time to reinforce in myself the need to not allow my buttons to be triggered. I’ve taken steps to see that it doesn’t happen again. I’ve also apologized for the exchange. It can be very uncomfortable to be in a room when two titans clash.
I could explain how it happened, but then I could slide into excuses and reasons to minimize my own failures. If someone comes out angry there is a good chance that I consider that to be bullying and I am not going to stand for it or back down. But by the same token, I can’t say a fucking thing about it if I am no better. So how do you become better?
You become a better person by only using anger as a tool. You wield it without any real emotion or attachment. You should take it out and use when you need to really get someone’s attention, but you should never actually wear it. You should never actually allow the emotions to own you. You have to display anger, not be angry. There is a huge difference.
Plus, a very cool and collected person is much more scary. Now there is a goal to shoot for wouldn’t you say? Instead of getting angry you can unleash your inner sadist and take control of the situation intellectually, with quiet intimidation. Tell me that doesn’t sound appealing? It’s actually quite fun to be calm while another person is unbalanced and screaming.
Truth be told I’m making a bigger deal of this than it really was. These were relatively small events but they are large to me because I see them as a failure on my part. I am trying to be the best Master I can and a community resource to be looked up to. I will use these experiences to be a better me. Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.