It was my pleasure to guide a very new BDSM couple through their first negotiation last evening. Izrina out did herself in a marvelous meal of mayo-crusted chicken, mashed potatoes with mushroom gravy, ranch veggie medley, and slow cooker Apple Crisp for dessert.
After 7pm protocol, we settled in to discussions. They will not be doing a CNC. She is the top, he is a sub, but not a slave.
I started by reviewing submissive responsibilities.. To follow the directions of the one they serve to the best of their ability.. but then to put the protection of the property that is their body ahead of that, and their own personal ethics ahead of that. If an owner would do real harm to their property a sub or slave must protect that property until their Dom is thinking clearly again. Similarly, if a Dom would order a sub or slave to steal and that is against their personal ethics, those ethics must win out. This is why it is so important to make sure of your choices in a partner and to talk. BDSM does not ensure a one-size-fits-all situation. To find out if your needs and wants will dovetail takes talk.. lots of talk.
Next we talked about a sub or slave’s choices..the power that is always wielded by the nature of our consensual slavery. First and foremost, the sub or slave must choose who. They hold the power over who they would approach and ask for the gift of Domination. A Dom cannot impose their will until the slave or sub offers their submission. The slave holds the right.. the responsibility to choose wisely and to not give away the property that is themselves lightly. Next a sub or slave must negotiate what will be given. This includes hard limits.. likes and dislikes.. a discussion of how partners will achieve mutual happiness in their relation. Lastly, the sub or slave always holds to power to withdraw consent. It is a nuclear option, bound to be destructive to the relation, but present none the less. Every Dom must be prepared to back off if such an option is exercised.
We talked about the four areas of control… Mind & Body…Finances… Children & Pets.. and Religion. The last three went quickly since they were on the same page. She would retain control of financial decisions, he would manage them, and report on his activities. Mind and Body took a bit longer since trust and honesty was a big point and she wanted full access to his thoughts with no option to deny access ( I allow Izrina to ask to retain information given to her in confidence. )
Finally, we got into the fun stuff. Rituals, rules, and protocols. We used a printed copy of Izrina’s and then highlighted the keepers, scratched out some, and added new. It was quite the marked up doc by the time we were done, but I think they have a good start. It will be his responsibility now to type it up.. they’ll keep it on a google drive.. where it can be recalled and updated. I know they are off to a good start. I hope they are very happy together.
Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!