Goodbye Norma Jeane

Candle in the Wind

Goodbye Norma Jean
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the treadmill
And they made you change your name


And they made you change your name…

I have long maintained that in BDSM there are certain key lessons that folks who have been doing this for awhile can and should pass on.   I am not talking about a “one twue way”.   I am talking about “best practices”.  Things that have been hard learned from years of experimentation and now deserve elevation into the pantheon of great ideas.

One such idea is the three collars.  Not because it is a tradition, but because BDSM is based on consent arrived at through negotiation.  The three collars are a solid process that records progress of those negotiations, recognizes commitments completed, and serves as a goal and opportunity to celebrate.

Another such idea is the removal of the name of a slave.

Why?  Why do we as Owners take away the name of prospect?   It is very simple and yet fundamental.  An Owner will shape a slave into an extension of their will, perfectly adapted to their needs and wants.

Nothing is so personal, so integral to identity.  Your name is the core on which you hang all of what you think and feel about yourself.  Taking away a name begins the process of re-writing a new page over what used to be.

The process of a Master taking possession of a new slave and training that slave is not an endeavor to undertake lightly.   Trust, honesty, communication, these are required if a deep and un-abiding rapport is to be established.    I will tell you.. a person may say anything but their actions speak the truth.  To know a person you must see what they do and that takes time.  During the time of training it can be both exciting and disturbing for the slave.  An Owner to be must be prepared for the inevitable concerns…. and again for that we turn to previous experience.. lessons hard learned over the years.

When you first start your journey into BDSM slaves get “slave frenzy” and Doms get “Dom frenzy”.  Now that you found your people you can’t get enough and you want it all right away.  Try to put on the brakes and take it slow or you will find yourself making a commitment to the wrong person.  Even in BDSM it takes time to find the right fit for you.

Slaves…  you have the responsibility to protect the property that is you until the right Owner is found for that property.  You must talk and judge.  You have no obligation that you have not committed to and you shouldn’t commit if you haven’t judged.  You hold the power of consent.  Take time and use it wisely.

It is probably no mistake that Hollywood changed the names of its stars.   A new identity needed to be established both in the mind of the star and the mind of people who knew the person before stardom.   Creating a star involves great expense in time and resources and to some degree I am sure Hollywood moguls wanted their stars to be receptive and even submissive to their plans.  In short, they wanted their stars to behave in a some what slave like manner when interacting with them.

The seeds of power run all around us.  From parent to police to employers.  We live in a web of power exchanges.  Its not kink, its life.  Make a study of power and where you want to be in those webs and you become a student of life.


Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!