Goodbye Norma Jeane

Candle in the Wind

Goodbye Norma Jean
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the treadmill
And they made you change your name


And they made you change your name…

I have long maintained that in BDSM there are certain key lessons that folks who have been doing this for awhile can and should pass on.   I am not talking about a “one twue way”.   I am talking about “best practices”.  Things that have been hard learned from years of experimentation and now deserve elevation into the pantheon of great ideas.

One such idea is the three collars.  Not because it is a tradition, but because BDSM is based on consent arrived at through negotiation.  The three collars are a solid process that records progress of those negotiations, recognizes commitments completed, and serves as a goal and opportunity to celebrate.

Another such idea is the removal of the name of a slave.

Why?  Why do we as Owners take away the name of prospect?   It is very simple and yet fundamental.  An Owner will shape a slave into an extension of their will, perfectly adapted to their needs and wants.

Nothing is so personal, so integral to identity.  Your name is the core on which you hang all of what you think and feel about yourself.  Taking away a name begins the process of re-writing a new page over what used to be.

The process of a Master taking possession of a new slave and training that slave is not an endeavor to undertake lightly.   Trust, honesty, communication, these are required if a deep and un-abiding rapport is to be established.    I will tell you.. a person may say anything but their actions speak the truth.  To know a person you must see what they do and that takes time.  During the time of training it can be both exciting and disturbing for the slave.  An Owner to be must be prepared for the inevitable concerns…. and again for that we turn to previous experience.. lessons hard learned over the years.

When you first start your journey into BDSM slaves get “slave frenzy” and Doms get “Dom frenzy”.  Now that you found your people you can’t get enough and you want it all right away.  Try to put on the brakes and take it slow or you will find yourself making a commitment to the wrong person.  Even in BDSM it takes time to find the right fit for you.

Slaves…  you have the responsibility to protect the property that is you until the right Owner is found for that property.  You must talk and judge.  You have no obligation that you have not committed to and you shouldn’t commit if you haven’t judged.  You hold the power of consent.  Take time and use it wisely.

It is probably no mistake that Hollywood changed the names of its stars.   A new identity needed to be established both in the mind of the star and the mind of people who knew the person before stardom.   Creating a star involves great expense in time and resources and to some degree I am sure Hollywood moguls wanted their stars to be receptive and even submissive to their plans.  In short, they wanted their stars to behave in a some what slave like manner when interacting with them.

The seeds of power run all around us.  From parent to police to employers.  We live in a web of power exchanges.  Its not kink, its life.  Make a study of power and where you want to be in those webs and you become a student of life.


Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

Hate vs Critical thinking

There is a Fetlife post that a few friends have been clicking “love” on.   You need a Fetlife account to go there, but this is the link:

The Problem with Self-Claimed Kink Leadership


People post these kinds of things all the time.   They are rants about dirt bags, cheaters, fakes and phonies.  People who need to be called out on for their shit, but also these are observations so others can recognize these problem people when they come across them.  You have to have this kind of critical thinking or people will walk all over you.

From Master to slave..  you have to have a backbone.  Even a slave has to stand up to the Dominant who has not negotiated in good faith or the owner who would damage the property.   Being non-violent does not mean you can’t be confrontational.

The problem is that hate hurts the one who holds it.  To do critical thinking means keeping your objectivity.   Instead we often dwell on a thing, holding it close, and then become emotionally attached.  Once feelings arise towards something you disagree with passion for the subject arises.  Now you are bordering on hate.

To do critical thinking without hating means to observe, identify, and dismiss.  You see what is wrong, you make a critical analysis to cross check your thinking, then you dismiss it and exclude it from you life.. you let go of it.  You do not hold onto it.  Just let it go!  The world doesn’t need more people crusading against this or that.

It feels to me that if you have given enough thought to the kind of person to be shunned, and especially if you have started a crusade against that type, that you may have crossed the line into hating…. When you observe yourself crossing the line and correct yourself there is a danger in this too.  To become a pacifist is not the ideal choice either.  There are times when violence must be met with violence.  Hate must be met with loving confrontation.  Check yourself at the door.. your heart must be pure to confront without hating.

Its odd that we as a society kill people who kill, as punishment.  Truth is, life is messy and seeking absolutes are a fools game.  Sometimes you have to go against logic and beliefs to do what is right or needed.

Walking the line between hate and critical thinking is simple.  You know in your heart when you have become caught up in negative feelings.  Negativity is poisonous and yet often seductive.   It’s so easy to get up in I’m right.. we’re right.. and that makes it all OK.  It’s never OK to suppress those feelings that something isn’t quite right.  If what you are doing gives you a twinge reexamine right away.  If you sense a growing hostility in yourself to one you opposite, reexamine right away.  Better to back out than try to make changes with hate in your heart.  Another self-check is this.. are you looking for the good in the thing you disagree with?  If you are not trying to balance.. that is.. simply dismissing possible counter-arguments.. then you may have crossed that line.  A balanced person listens to and considers all points of view.

I’m reminded of a passage from “The Screwtape Letters” (excellent book).  There was a woman who was certain she was going to heaven.  She was very pious and all she asked for in life was some weak tea and properly made toast.   Not too much to ask for such a giving person.  Problem was, no one could make the tea or the toast just right and so she was justified in being an absolute terror to all around her.  Why couldn’t she just get this one LITTLE thing???  Was it too much to ask to have a bit of weak tea and some properly made toast???

Ah, the slippery slope.

Hold love to your hearts.   Hold those close to you who know what it means to Love and Love well.   Exclude from your life those that are negative and poisonous, but not with attachment….   Just make a critical decision and let them go.  Save passion for the good things in life.  Be mindful of that which you hold close, and then just seize the day my friends… Be someone’s great day!




Protocols are often a very personal thing… things that the Master has selected and wants.   There is a rather well read post called “128 rules for slaves”.  I have heard people make fun of it but I think they misunderstood.  The author never meant for people to follow all those rules.  Instead, this was supposed to be a grab bag of ideas.. things that you and your slave might want to adopt.

That being said, I recently updated and republished slave Izrina’s rules, rituals, and protocols.  After some thought, I am going to publish the first three pages of her doc.  As with the 128, these are what this Master wants.  I share these to give ideas but under no circumstance should anyone think this is “how its done”.  This is my thing, my rituals, rules and protocols.. nothing more




Rituals, Rules, Protocolsxtac
For Slave Izrina
Ver 04 ( 2019 0915 )

=== === === === === === === === ===

  1. Physical contact whenever possible.  When in public this includes legs touching, holding hands, or hand on thigh.  In private or with like-minded individuals in worship position.
  2. This slave must ask permission before pleasuring herself.  And will ask at least once a month, each orgasm a gift of desire for Master.


=== === === === === === === === ===

  1. Morning Ritual: Each morning Master and slave will reaffirm their commitment to the principals of consent.
  2. 7PM protocol (Ritual): Each evening this slave will consider her day and provide the Master with three things she appreciated. The Master requires this for the happiness and well-being of this slave.
  3. Evening Ritual: This document will be kept by the bed. This slave  must read her protocols every evening before sleep (Only the protocols section)


=== === === === === === === === ===


  • General protocols
      1. Within the negotiated hard limits of this relation, this slave will be prepared to provide any service Master requires of it, including any sexual service commanded of it, at any time or place of Master’s choosing.
      2. This slave must look at Master when He is talking with her, but she must look down when Master is talking to her.
      3. This slave will acknowledge all commands with “Yes Master” (or yes in public).
      4. When walking, this slave must walk slightly behind and to Master’s right.
      5. When walking away from Master, this slave will walk heel to toe (so Master can better admire the view)
      6. This slave must sit at Master’s feet when appropriate, otherwise she must always sit on his right unless otherwise instructed.


  • Anticipatory Service
    1. This slave will be continually conscious of Master’ desire for food and drink.  If his drink is empty she will inquire if she can refill it for him. After delivering a drink this slave will inquire if she can do anything else for the Master she serves.


  • Actions when Master is away
    1. This slave will not put anything into her mouth without first texting Master what she is eating and how much she is eating
    2. This slave must send a text when she is leaving the house, When she gets to her destination, when she leaves her destination and when she gets home if Master is not there.
    3. When Master arrives from being away, this slave must present Him with his drink at the door in worship position..


  • Gentleman Sadist
    1. This slave must hand Master her coat to put on.
    2. Master opens doors for His slave.
    3. Master opens the car door for His slave.
    4. Master buckles His slave’s seatbelt.
    5. This slave cannot get out of the car until Master has unbuckled her seatbelt and opens the car door.


  • Dining protocols
    1. This slave must prepare Master’s drink.
    2. Slave will offer Master a bite of her food and wait for permission before starting eating
    3. When Master is done eating, this slave must clear the table in front of Him indicated by crossing of silverware.


  • 7PM protocol (Dining In)
    1. China, flatware, and candles will be prepared from the 7pm protocol shelf, ahead of dinner
    2. Dinner will be server promptly each evening at 7pm
    3. Dinner will be served “buffet style” allowing Masters and Owners to be served by their slaves
    4. Master will present his vest to be put on by his slave, before dinner starts
    5. Master’s slaves will show honors before being granted a seat at the table.
    6. Before this slave is seated, Master will offer to have his slave server Masters and Owners who attend without a slave
    7. After dinner is completed, all China, flatware, and other items will be lovingly cleaned and returned to their shelf
    8. 7pm Protocol China and flatware will never be used for any other purpose


  • Dining Out
    1. This slave must give Master 3 choices for her meal.
    2. This slave must give Master a bite of her food and wait for the coded permission “It’s delicious” before eating.


  • Bedtime
    1. This slaves bedtime will be affirmed each evening based on need and next day activities.  The Master requiring his property to get sufficient rest for continued good health.
    2. If Master is in bed first and slave is joining shortly after, this slave must ask permission to join Him before getting into bed.
    3. If Master is in bed first and slave will be joining much later, slave will come to Master and kneel beside the bed before being released to complete her evening activities.
    4. If this slave goes to bed first, Master tucks her in – current evening activities permitting.  If Master is engaged, slave will use the “speak sign”, then inquire if Master can attend to this slave’s bedtime protocol.



=== === === === === === === === ===

  1. Slave will be attempt in all ways to make Master shine before his peers and their fellow slaves
  2. Slave will remain attentive, and ready to serve at any moment
  3. Slave will use “speak sign” to ask for permission to speak when Master is speaking with another.
  4. Slave will look to Master to see what level of Honors to give any Dominant he speaks with.
  5. Slave will honor other Dominants at level Master specifies: Level 1 for dominants we don’t know; level 2 for friends; level 3 for Dominants Master respects. level 4 for Master.. knees apart…
  6. Slave will NEVER show honor to other Dominants with knees apart, this being a signal that she is available for sexual service.
  7. Slave will honor other Dominants by not walking between Dominants.




Carped Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

Smores at HOX – a volunteer opportunity

We have a lot of brush cleaning and fire pit restocking to do….

So we opened an opportunity for all volunteers and voluntolds to help out.  The sign went up at 2pm but frankly I wasn’t loving having it up that long in the broad daylight.  I am thinking of coming up with a sign that is less obvious about what is going on.

My thought was to use the leather patch design I’ve been working on.  Imagine this but without the lettering:


Might be an arbor day thing or a tree hugger thing for anyone would know.  Meanwhile down i the playroom the welcome mat is out…


Last night was so much fun, and there is still so much work to get done, that I’ve decided to extend the opportunity into today as well.  Last night we worked, and then feasted, and had an awesome evening of wine and BDSM conversation.  I also now have music capabilities for these events.

Life is GOOD!  Carped Diem my friends, be someones great day!

Borrowing an idea

It’s been said that “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”.   Feel me breath ( one of the most fabulous places on this earth )  has long offered wrist bracelets for guests and I am thinking that now is the time for HOX to do the same.  I just placed an Amazon order for a bunch of wristbands in all colors, 100 of each.

I also am creating a sign for HOX to make it easy for folks to figure out what is going on, and so they can quietly remind themselves without having to ask.  Here is that sign:


Our color code will be slightly different from FMB, but that is because of my OCD.  I like the idea of a switch being purple because blue + red makes purple… makes sense to me!

I won’t go into the FMB colors and their meanings.  We borrowed what we could while sticking to the idea that a switch should be between a top and a bottom, where color is concerned.

Yup, things are really coming together.  This Friday I am throwing a SMORES at HOX labor party for volunteers and voluntolds.  We gotta restock the wood pile for those evening bonfires, and that means brush and sapling clearing.

Carpe Diem my friends!  Be someone’s great day!

Picking up speed

Open house last night was freaking awesome.

So many people, that parking is becoming an issue.  Its easy enough to get all the cars in but letting people out that want to leave early is a hassle since we have to park single file.  If the highway construction ever finishes, we can put the early leavers on the roadside.

First, there was tons of great food.. veggies for the vegans, meats, seafood, and salads.. plus chips, brownies, and other snack stuff.  Later I broke out the sandwich bars, plus strawberry short cake and chocolate eclair ice cream bars..   We never got to roasting smores over the fire which still had embers the next morning.    Dinner conversation was lively.   Nice mix of seasoned folks and newbies.

One gentleman in particular was interesting.. He was young, fit, and quiet but definitely interested.  Took a while to get to know he was hetero, into Ds and interested in rope.

Tickle Boy did a very nice foot fetish scene in the bedroom, while ImpishSoAndSo gave our young hero a 101 workshop on the finer points of rope.

Mistress Muroidea who is still in training and up until now has only been able to practice on the male gender finally got the opportunity to get her sadist kink on with a bunny of the same sex.. very hot stuff.. both for her and to watch.  She got in a little cane work, some flogging, and some Florentine practice..  I was very happy for her.  She nearly floated as she bounced out to her car.

Deka manned the grille and did a marvelous job.  He rolled in with a big cooler filled with meats and seafood.. all his donation…  There is tons left over.. He kind of went overboard on the supplies..  but no one left hungry that’s for sure.

We played a little with the violet wand.. just some demo…  Izrina threw in some boot blacking for those interested.  I finished the evening with a little fireplay for Izrina.  She must have really been needing it because she dropped so hard into subspace that she didn’t even twitch when I ran chocolate under her nose…

I didn’t even bother to dress her.. just spooned her into bed and let her crash.  The events at HOX are definitely picking up speed..  Good times!

Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.



So here it is, the new HOX (House of X) St Andrews..  all ready for those fun evenings with my slave and friends.


But wait!  There’s more.. notice high up on the black back rails there are two threaded fittings… and what is the X on the floor for MasterX?

Glad you asked.  those are legs.  When you flip the whole thing down it becomes a station for fireplay or violet play!


Yup!  Life just keeps getting better and better!

Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

A teaser….

As I mentioned, the St Andrews is coming along beautifully..  but its slow going due to the detail work..

A little teaser.. we just finished detailing the trim that goes around the Fire\Violet wand table it becomes when its laid down.

The trim is done in Red Mahogany stain with green and gold inlaid highlights.  Once the urethane covers it, this should really pop!



Carpe Diem my friends.. Be someone’s great day!

All things, Saint Andrews

I had a request to provide a “How to” for making a St Andrews cross.

What’s in a Name? – The St. Andrew’s Cross, crux decussata, X-cross, X-frame or saltire cross is a common piece of equipment in BDSM dungeons. It typically provides restraining points for ankles, wrists, and waist. When secured to a saltire, the subject is restrained in a spreadeagle position. 

St Andrew was the first disciple of Jesus Christ, being baptised by John the Baptist, and he was the brother of Saint Simon Peter. He was born between 5 AD and 10 AD in the Middle East where Palestine is now, specifically in Bethsaida, a village on the Sea of Galilee.  When he refused to stop preaching Christianity, he was ordered to be crucified.  It is said that he requested an X-shaped one as he felt unworthy to die on an upright one like Jesus did.

A funny story… Many years ago I was in a dungeon which is now gone.. another victim of nilla’s with pitch forks and torches.   The Saint Andrews cross I was using was securely fastened to the wall in a converted factory…. but the wall was just an eight foot high divider and when my slave started to thrash about the wall began to move.. a lot.. which caused the owner to peak in to see what the hell was going on…  He just shook his head and backed out of the room again.   On our next visit the Saint Andrews had been moved to a more secure wall.

There are many ways you could do this, but whatever you do make sure your Saint Andrews can withstand the temors of a great scene.  That means stable, anchored, and hardware with good ratings.

You can dress this up further as I will point out in a future post.  A lower back pad at the center is a nice touch.  For me the main point to this “furniture” is two fold.  First, it starts the scene in a lovely head space and second, it is there to catch a slave when they start to subspace…so use good wrist cuffs.


A picture is worth a thousand words..




I used 2″ X 6″ boards, stained with Red Mahogany on the “X”, and painted the supporting rails in a diminutive slate grey/black so the “X” pops.

Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

BBQ time! Play time in the playroom!

We had a lovely Fourth of July Collaring celebration and before the summer passes its time for one last big BBQ/get together.   Good food and lots of it…good company and lots of it… good play..  yeah!

The firepit has a new breather pipe to keep a stack of logs burning all night.  Fill the Tiki lights and we’ll have a great hangout.. besides the two decks, playroom and scenic/celebration area.   I’m building a rather lovely St Andrews for the play room.  I’ll put up pictures soon.  In the up right position is looks like a regular St Andrews, but screw in two heavy steel pipe legs and it flips down to become a table for Violet and fire play.

My daughter flew in from California for two weeks and its been a whirlwind of activities – between work, time together, and the HOX projects.  She has always leaned towards being a Dom, and now that she has a new boyfriend who has expressed an interested in BDSM it will be interesting to see how that relationship develops.   BDSM does not define her life as it does the lives of my slave and I..  so it will be interesting…

If being a Dom or a submissive is more of an orientation than a kink.. you would never find someone you like first and then see where if BDSM could be part of your life.   You would find someone that is into BDSM, and then see if that person could be part of your life.  But you probably already knew that… just stating the obvious.

I am really, really happy with the new BDSM furniture.   the playroom needs a lot of work, so for now we’ll just put a carpet remnant on the floor, and some drapes on the walls.  Can’t wait to put up the pics..   I have my slave doing some fine detail/paint work on the table edging and I have some other final touches to complete.. maybe another week and its ready.. just in time for people to play during the BBQ…  Life is good!

Carpe Diem my friends..  Be someone’s great day.