Just me,  my dog, and my muse.  Thoughts flowing, partly directed by a love song in the background.  The singer is going on and on about how much he feels and more importantly, how much he wants this one girl.   I smile.  Most of what is hitting him so hard, and her for that matter, is our chemicals… those lovely juices the body has that creates the urge to merge.

In the traditional nilla world there are two stages..  Finding the one person you will marry, and then settling down with that one for the rest of your life.  The first half is a wild exciting ride but basically driving by looks and urges.   The second half is a lesson in learning to appreciate what you have.. and appreciate it more than the things you don’t have.

Of course there are swingers and poly people inside and outside the BDSM community, I am just talking about the straight as an arrow folks.

It is that second half that most people tend to fail at.  Sometimes they fail because they sink into an angry, confrontational, love hate with the person they are with.  Not enough hate to do something but not enough appreciation to be happy..  so they stay married and miserable.  They have no appreciation.

Some have lots of appreciation but experience failure because the one they are with realizes that they compromised too much.   Their better half moves on leaving half of a perfect union shattered and broken hearted.  Its all part of the failure to communicate.

BDSM folks have already done one thing.  They have admitted to themselves what they need in a partner.  They are no longer hiding the truth of who they are or what they want from themselves.

But that doesn’t make it any easier.  You have to take that honesty to the next level.  It is not enough to be honest with yourself.  You have to also be honest with your future partner.

The younger you are, the more likely your decision will be driven by looks and urges.  Right?  Not true.  Older folks often fool themselves into thinking what they want is young, firm, smooth… In short.. they are looking for the chemicals they themselves are missing.  Honesty with yourself is difficult but can be acquired at any age.

Once you get that far, the next level is to find someone you can be completely honest with… no compromises that you can’t live with.  Whatever it is that you want, you need to find someone who takes what you give and gives what you take.


I’ve said this many times and will continue to say so.   The three collars are a good idea.  The  Consideration collar to tell the world hands off… you are in negotiations.   The Training collar to signify you have come to a decision to see it this works.   The Final collar to signify that you two are entering into a long term relation.

Of course everyone is free to engage in BDSM however they want.  That would go without saying except that in today’s media rich world there are so many who would pounce on  select statements and pull it apart for sport.

What I am saying is this:  In my estimation some things are best practice.   It is best practice to be honest.  It is best practice to make sure you are honest with yourself first.  It is best practice to negotiate completely and fully.  It is best practice that during those negotiations you are honest as you know how to be with the person you are considering.  And finally, I would say it is best practice to celebrate the steps of those negotiations with collars.. three being just right for me.

Of course just like traditional nilla relations, you will have to work on appreciation after you start a long term relation.  This is critical to your long term success.

Carpe Diem my friends!  Time to pack up the toys and take Izrina to a kinky BBQ.  Go forth.. Be someone’s great day!