Before I begin this story let me preface it by saying every coin has three sides… Heads, Tails, and the edge… Only some is ever visible. The point is, you never know how complete your information is. This is especially true when you only saw or heard one side of a story, which is the case here. That being said, this is an excellent story to share.
We had just come back from camping and frankly I wasn’t feeling all that well. Maybe it was the cold air, or the effort to share blankets with Izrina, or the shivering dog moving in and out from under the sleeping blankets.. or maybe breathing the smoke of a wood fire… or any of that on top of not feeling my best earlier that week.. Bottom line, I needed some echinacea and some rest.
The text came in asking “can I stay at the house?”. “Of course”, I responded, “you come here any time you need to.. what’s up?” “My boyfriend (aka her Dom) got aggressive”, she replied. I turned the matter over to Izrina to follow up on and headed to bed for that much needed rest.
When I woke Izrina had a big fat goose egg of information for me. Zip, zero, nada information. Nothing to me in text either. So when I could follow up, I started with .. You can’t call me with an emergency and then not send any more information. Hope my tone was clear…
I heard from her almost immediately after that and she apologized.. had no service.. but would get back to me. A short time later I did get the full story.. or at least her side. What I heard pleased me with the wisdom she had shown.
She is OK with some pretty serious stuff.. like face slapping for example.. so I was curious what “aggressive” meant. I thought maybe he had crossed a hard limit or broken some negotiated agreement.
What “aggressive” meant was that he had been angry.. in volume, tone, and body language and she felt uneasy as a result of it. So she left, went to visit a girl friend, then returned with her company to get her stuff. She spent the night away from the house.
First… As difficult as it may be, a Dom should never lose control to anger. I will be the first to admit that there are times I am less than pleased with Izrina. It pisses me off when my expectations are not met or a clear command is not completed.
But if I raise my voice it is with control. Sometimes we need to use all the tools in the tool box. There are times a person needs to see and feel that you are not happy. Its a fine line.. one I talk about at length here.
That she recognized he was not in control and took action is something to be proud of. That she faced the situation and went back into it in a manner that was safe was smart. There is a lesson here for every new slave, submissive, or other stype. You are not a doormat. You have the right to exercise your power of consent at any time. When a Dom has lost control to anger, assume you are not safe because they are in reality, not in control of themselves. This is bad.
I don’t want to belabor the story or the point. What they had.. and probably still have was something wonderful. Getting a handle on anger.. learning to control yourself.. is something that can take practice and time. It is a skill set that every would be Dom must undertake to master.
There are two important lessons here and they bear repeating. 1-A Dom must not give in to anger because then they are quite literally not in control of themselves.. and therefore should not be controlling anyone else. 2-A sub, slave, or sType is not a doormat. You have a right to judge if your negotiated agreements have been crossed.. and if your Dom is truly in control of themselves. If either has happened, you should take actions that minimize your risks until you can both be level headed.
It is worth saying that everyone has low points in their relation. One of you has to be level headed. Ideally the Dom is the one that does this but it doesn’t always work out that way. It is important when looking back on what you have, and what you might give up, to judge things like repeated unrepentant behavior. It is also important to be honest with yourself.. is the relation really giving you what you need… feeding the soul of who you really are?
The House of X was founded to support. If we end up with a house guest, that is always fine. Of course that would be within the rules of the House.. No doormat here either. Carpe Diem my friends.. May your journey bring you to many wonderful, warm acquantances.. and in the meantime, don’t forget to be someone’s great day!