What a DOM can do

We were at a munch the other day and a DOM said.. a DOM can do whatever they want…which got me thinking.  Let me share.

Many years ago I was discussing cutting a slave.  My take on it was that a slave can have hard limits and if something was not negotiated earlier, than it needs to be even if the final collar has been put on.

The Dominant in question however felt that a slave has one shot as negotiating and after that it is up to them to trust that the Master/Owner they serve will do as they please with their property but will never cause permanent harm.

These are two approaches which lead to two very different real world outcomes in the Master/slave relation.  If you ask anyone in the community about this the responses you will get will be as numerous as the people in it.

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I dislike open ended answers to terms that describe a person.  “It depends on the person” works for how you do things, but not so much for me on other things.  So when I heard this comment it got me to thinking that therein lies the answer that bridges that cutting discussion and more generally about slaves, hard limits, and negotiation.

It is possible for a Dominant to do anything they please and still respect hard limits.  A Master/Owner has to just not box themselves in to limits on their powers..  In particular we must be free to get from one play partner what we cannot take from another.

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This observation steers us into the course of poly play.  I also understand that some persons want an exclusive, non-poly relationship.  Life is always so complicated…   So here is what I am thinking now….

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No Dominant should ever box themselves into agreeing to a monogamous relation where play is concerned.  EVER!    A slave needs to understand that a Master is going to do what a Master is going to do.  It can’t be stopped.

The best they can do is hold onto that relation as long as it remains equitably pleasing.   Notice that I said nothing about body fluid bonding.  I am still of the mind that a Dominant can accept an agreement to be body fluid bonded with only one partner, but aside from that I am of the mind that no other restrictions should ever be accepted.  Some things can be retained as special… like hard limits, or sexual intimacy.

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What should a slave accept?   A slave should come to terms with the nature of the relation.   This is no vanilla world we live in.  If you want a vanilla style relation than stop saying you want to be a slave…  You are more submissive than slave-like if you want to make demands and place restrictions on an owner.

It is a harsh reality and I am sure many would want to argue this point but I would say that we have these terms for a reason.. and that reason is to understand what it is we are describing.   A descriptive term has no value if what it means changes from person to person.

If you are a submissive than you have discovered a part of yourself that can be truly fulfilling.  And if you wish to take it to another level that too can be a wonderful thing.  But it is very important to not dilute this term by staying a submissive but calling yourself a slave.

A slave has given all to a Master.  A slave still has the right of consent, though in a much diminished state.  A slave has a responsibility to protect the property of the Master they serve even if they must oppose the Master they serve.. until that Master comes back to their good senses.  A Master who would truly damage their most valued property has lost their way.  They have lost sight of the sacred foundation of their relation : consent based on equity of exchange.

This is the foundation of consensual slavery.  A slaves ALWAYS has the right to invoke their right to consent at ANY TIME.  Its an atomic option to used with incredible restraint as anytime this is invoked it may be the last time as as slave of the Master.

None-the-less.. it is always within a slaves right for as long as the relation exists.  Just remember a Master or Owner is just that.  Owners will be hedonistic, demanding, and perhaps even a little bit of a sociopath about what they will do.

A Dom is going to do what they want.  A Master/Owner more so.  You have to deal with that.. in the context of your negotiations of course.  Consent comes first.  What you must also realize is that anything you take off the table through negotiation and consent, your Owner may pursue elsewhere.  Consider it motivation to keep your hard limits to a short list.


Carpe Diem my friends.. be someone’s great day.


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