Another HOX

Another HOX meeting..

But first, the promised picture of our newly collared pet…
Her scene name is “Princess X”

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“Princess X” inspects the candles before the next HOX meeting!

 

The latest meeting was a few days ago but it seems that I just can’t find any free time lately.   The meeting was wonderful even if we did end a little early owing to the bad weather and the drives home that folks had to make.

I brought up the subject of regret, which provided some lively conversation.  Its an interesting subject and one I may devote a blog to.  We learn from out mistakes and each bad decision is an opportunity to learn to make better judgements in the future… so when is it appropriate to regret?  When is it not?

What was particularly cool was that after the dishes were cleared away we did a bondage training/scene.  I love watching the faces of those learning and those experiencing.

Those that are learning are facing that interesting dip into “slave frenzy”.  Its a condition that many who are new to BDSM experience where you can’t get enough interaction and its all so freaking exciting.  You want to try it all and you want to try it all the time.

Then there are the moans and eye fluttering of those experiencing… that delicious moment where you can see their consciousness teetering in and out of that lovely head space we all crave so much.

Princess X didn’t get in the way as much as I though she might, which was nice.  Think I’ll keep this one short, so Carpe Diem my friends.. go be someone’s great day!

 

 

A new collaring at HOX

I met this stunning beauty with red hair, collared her and took her home to the House of X.  Now…

Izrina and I are not Poly.  Izrina didn’t pout.  In fact, I think Izrina might love her more than I do.  So now I am the Master of two girls in HOX.  It was a long drive out to pick her up so Izrina and I made a day of it.  Her previous owner seemed to approve of us, so that went well.  Before you the wrong idea, my newly collared pet has four feet.

The newest family member at the House of X is a long haired miniature Dachshund.   Izrina thinks she looks more like a Cocker Spaniel.  Maybe.

My first interest was in her training…  a strict regiment of control, praise, and carefully timed treats.  I started with laying out the plan and making sure Izrina knew to follow it.  Izrina was more interested in snuggling and nose kisses.  I pointed out to Izrina that I am her Master but so is she.   Did that make her a Master too?

Nah… Izrina is an Alpha slave.. or will be one day..  That title fits her best.   We had a lot of fun though with the whole collaring, Master, pet terms.  More than one joke there.  Lots of training and attention to follow, which from my perceptive is just plain fun.

She is so tiny and precious.  Every one who sees her wants to hold her and breaks into the whole cuddling baby talk thing.    It heart warming.  I’l post a picture in my next blog.

Life is good.  Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.

 

 

 

 

I live it, then I write it.. sometimes

If you ever read my first blog or two, somewhere in there I stated something along the lines that I wasn’t seeking an audience.  I am not looking to build my fan base, or pump up my numbers.  I live it, then I write about it.  If that interests you, great.  If not, move on.  I simply can’t invest the emotional resources into caring if anyone else cares.  This blog is all about the value you may find in what I can share, the insights that may help, nothing more.  I like to help.  Its the gift that gives back.

Dear reader, know that my real life as a Master and slave owner is more important than all the electronic world can ever be.  Don’t be sad though, I love that you visit or comment.  I am just trying to explain me..

I don’t live for text.  I don’t have a Facebook account.  I don’t twitter.  Sometimes, very rarely, I snapchat.  Some days I don’t get to my email, or my blog.  Snail mail forget about.  That can pile up quite a bit before I get to throwing out all but the one of two of any interest at all.  I often delete notification of blogs I might have read, because I am that far behind on my electronic life.  Its my real life I live for.

If you look forward to my next install, I appreciate that. It means a lot to me.  If something I have to say has value for you, that pleases me.  I like to think I have learned a thing or two along the way and have a few valuable nuggets to share. That plus its good when we find someone that clicks with the way we think.

You may have noticed there are times when I don’t write for days.  Sometimes weeks.  Hell, I had a few periods where I didn’t check my electronic life for a couple months.  It happens with me.  When you read, you please me.  When you interact you become important to me.  When you become very important, I invite you into my world.

In my world there is always lots to keep up on in my second, electronic life. When I do get to my electronic life, its about this blog, and other peoples blogs, and of course my Fetlife presence as Xtac, the leader of DSG and course the House of X.  Perhaps I am too busy.   I don’t think I checked my gmail in about two weeks.  Tonight we go to a munch.  Busy, busy..

I like it this way.  You don’t need to hear from me all of the time.  I imagine it is nice to get a periodic,  thought out blog, rather than something you have to keep up with.  I am not here to prove something.  I don’t have something to share everyday.   I am here to take my real life, share it when something interesting happens, and see if there is something we can learn.

Here is the thing to remember.  If you made it here, I am honored to have your visits and thoughts.  If you made it into my inner circle I am honored to be there for you.  You will know you are there because you can just call me.   If you live nearby, you can visit any time. If we are friends call me or visit.  Dinner is at 7.   I make exceptions for friends.

I see people all around rising up, starting groups and blog sites.  Everyone is carving out a place.   Some electronically.  I don’t care.  I am not going anywhere and I am not competing for attention.  My follower count goes up and down.  Not important.  If this works for you, you’ll stay.  If not you will move on.   Real friends are a bit like lovers..you can’t force the relationship.  It has to just happen.. and when it does it often lasts a lifetime.

If any of the folks I call friends want to call or visit they will be welcomed.  If I can help, it’s my pleasure.  Better to have a small group of dependable friends than a large group of strangers on a list of friends.  Regardless of how life goes, Let me always be remembered for.. Carpe Diem.. be someone’s great day!

 

 

Johnny Cammareri

Great munch last night.   I do love my peeps… and to talk.. and be in the center of things… wow..  didn’t take long for my Dom side to come out did it?

Dom definition – Doms are grandiose with a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. Doms are frequently described as arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. 

Actually that is the definition of a narcissist but its still pretty spot on.  Except for the empathy part.  A Dom is complicated in that way.  We care deeply about other people but with a tough love that makes it appear we don’t care.  Things will get done or heads will roll!

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On to Johnny Cammareri….  Johnny is a character in the movie “Moonstruck” which stars Cher and Nicolas Cage.  Johnny is also a subject that came up in the car last night.  Loretta tells her father she is going to marry Johnny and he says: Johnny Cammareri?! But he’s a big baby! And why isn’t he here when you’re telling me this?

A big baby?  That’s one way of putting it.  The answer to her father’s question is because he is in Sicily to see his mother who is dying.  His mother runs his life.  Loretta has become a second mother to him.  She looks for ways to give him orders.  She knows he needs this from the women in his life.  He has no backbone where his mother is concerned.   I got to wondering.

How many stypes still obey their parents every word?  How many Dominants have had to compete with a parent for control of their stype?  What kind of issues did that raise and how were they solved?

I don’t think Johnny’s fictional character is a submissive.  He is something else entirely.  He seems to have an unresolved Oedipus complex.  Freud suggested that boys who do not deal with this conflict effectively become “mother-fixated”  and will seek out romantic partners who resemble their opposite-sex parent.  Sounds like Johnny.

Some aspects of Doms and stype play with this stage in development.   The Daddy Dom and some age play certainly hint at it.  But in a more healthy way I think..  There is none of that unresolved, pent up issues of a true complex.

When I met Izrina her Aunt had much more control over her than I did.  She and her Aunt were very close.  At that point in our relation, I felt like I was competing for control.  I felt that her Aunt’s orders came first, my second.

At the start of our relation that might have been a fair assessment.  Her aunt and I did have one brief run in.. before her fight with cancer  Towards the end she needed 24 hour assistance.   There was a period… after the start of the cancer but before the 24 hour need…. where it was nearly impossible to separate what was care and what was control.  Of course I would be a shallow asshole to deny or question a need and of course I didn’t object  Had she lived it would have been interesting to see how that played out.  We will never know now.  A little of our early history there.

Our history suggests to me that it is plausible that in some cases an stype might be firmly under the control of parents or other family members.  The ways such a situation could play out are endless.  The Dominant needs to be in full control, and come first.   We must cut off other controls without disturbing the support and affection from family.  That is a very delicate dance.  It has to be done in a way that gently but firmly makes the family members see that they were controlling and no longer will be.

Family will come to understand that they can have access but no influence. Some family members won’t be able to see the controlling side of themselves and not adjust well.  They may redirect anger or frustration at the Dom, as if the stype has no say in this.   Some may feel it is their right or be unable to let go of control.

I have mixed feeling about denying access under extreme situations.  At the end of the day a slave has to learn to stand up for themselves and to put a Master first.

The truth is that some stypes have not yet learned they have a say in things.  Even at age 40 or 50.  A person who is an stype in their core will never be completely comfortable with exerting their will.  It is an acquired ability.  This ability though is important because without it many an stype will be taken advantage of.   A Master who knows what they are doing, will help a slave find that inner strength.  You want a slave to be able to stand up for themselves, but also trust and follow your judgement completely.  It goes back to the difference between abuse and consent.

I talked at length with a male sub who sat across from Izrina and I at the munch last night.  His stories were sad in the sense that he has not yet found a Mistress that he can make a long term equitable relation with.

The gentleman sitting across from us had been taken advantage of many times.. one time by a woman cheating on her husband.. who lied that the he was a lawn care person she had hired.. or by pro-doms who squeezed him for work and money with no equity in the relation.  Remember that equity is the expected outcome.  What you receive from a Ds relations should be as valued by you, as what you give.  The relation may not be equal, but the give and take is equitable.

There are always undercurrents of power and emotional forces at work when a child takes a lover.  How an stype and their Dom reach equity and deal with family is interesting.  Lots to think about there.   But back to Johnny…

I have great respect and caring for the submissives in my acquaintance… male and female. I have no respect for Johnny.    Interesting…  Wherein lies the difference?  That lead to some lengthy reflection.  Which is why I ended up in a long, out loud, examination of my feeling and thoughts in the car.  Izrina mostly just listened.  She’s like that.

Carpe Diem my friends.  Be someone’s great day.