Honestly, an elderly uncle

I have family.  So who doesn’t?  I find myself an odd mix of both disliking people and loving to be the center of attention.   Perhaps it just that I dislike feeling like I have answers so few others see or agree with, so it frustrates me.

My real family is in the BDSM community.  My blood family are like strangers.  Some I like, some I don’t care to associate with, but virtually none do I have in my core circle of friends.  Of the relatives I like, one is an elderly Uncle.

He is a man’s man.  He is a camper, and outdoors man,  He can live off the land.  He’s made mistakes eating the wrong mushrooms, but he’s also quick to find food where you see none.  He’s a hunter, an artist, a guitar player, and a cigar smoker.  His wit is sharp and his smile and laugh constant.  He runs his house.  He is a product of the 1950s.

His first and only wife dotes on him.  She is less talkative.  She takes her lead from him.  They own a VW camper and still use it.  I think she would prefer a hotel but he is in charge.  Truth be told, he thinks he is, and this is where the tale turns to a cautionary one for all Dominants.

His wife controls the flow of information to him.  She shields him from bad news.  The kids funnel news through her while he putters and does his thing.  When they have bad news she shields the kids from it.  She doesn’t let them worry about their father.  She cares for him but in a sense, she is really in control.  When you control information, you control everything.

The sheep who blindly believe every bit of news presented, prove that.  You must always question every detail of every story, because everyone around you is retelling what they know, or what they want you to know, not what is.  There is a disturbing trend of getting our news only from those we agree with.. not good.

So now we come to the BDSM part of this.  It is nice to have a slave that takes care of your needs, who comforts and shields you.  A doting slave is a pleasure.  But a slave can also be silently in control and unless you are cognizant, you will miss this fact.

This situation is natural.  As a Dominant, you are in control.  You exercise this through careful thought,  Being human you sometimes become annoyed.  Then you are putting forth negative vibes and your slave is going to want that to stop.  They will do things to make it stop.

Your displeasure is a whip that cuts to the soul of a slave.  This can be a tool but it must never be used without careful thought.  It should therefore go without saying that should never loose your temper.  That is really bad. When you lose control of yourself, you lose control of your slave.  You control a slave by being a steady unmovable rock, not by outbursts.

Your slave is going to love certain aspects of your domination.. the sex obviously.. and possibly the mind games.   But other aspects not so much.  The insistence they stop what they like to do and start chores is one example of how you become no fun.

You are your slaves conscience, telling them to do what they know they should be doing.  Unlike their conscience however, they can not ignore you.. so there can be minor resentment.  Of course completing a task leads to the satisfaction of achievement and once realized, there can be a grudging love for your dominance in spite of of it all.

Every slave is going to have a little calculating in them to see what they can change.  What they can change is never your orders.  They can try to prevent you from giving orders by pouting and other means.  What they can change is the information they give and how they give it.  Therein lies the need to be one step ahead.

Like my uncle, a man’s man who is the king of his castle, you may feel in charge but you have to always question if this is true.  I am sure there are very success relations where the slave knows that they can outwit their Master and enjoys it.. maybe not consciously but on some level.

I on the other hand feel repulsed by the idea.  It runs counter to what I think a slave should be and feel.   To my mind, a slave should draw comfort from the strength of a Master, and know that every command is meant to bring pleasure to the Master or to make the slave better in some way.

Pleasing the Master feeds the need to serve others, while betterment is a grudging pleasure.  The mindset of a slave,  driven to please,  enamored with the strength and tuff love,  is one that leaves no room for beating the Master at his own game, at least as I see it.

That is not to say that a slave doesn’t occasionally get over on a Master.  It happens.  We are human.   We will from time to time not anticipate, or misunderstand.. and there it is again.. the need for information.   Information, data, it is key to control.  You have to suppress your Master need to talk, and be the center.  With your slave you have to find time to be silent and listen.  This is important so let me repeat.  You have to be silent and listen.  You need to get deeper inside your slave than anyone before.  You need to nurture an environment where they speak free and easy.

What my aunt does is wrong.   Withholding information does more than retard control.  It is a form of lying.  Certainly not as bad as telling a bold faced lie, but it is a grey area..  It is something we do with those we do not trust.  You have a right to protect yourself.   You shouldn’t give your enemies information they can use against you.

It is OK to withhold information from someone who would harm you.  But someone you love shouldn’t harm you.  Someone you trust, you must trust completely.   It is hard to open ourselves to another, to tell them everything.  This is what you must do however.  More importantly, it is something you need your slave to do. This comes with a risk.

To have someone in which you can confide is a rare blessing but it is a dangerous gamble.  Someone who loves and cares for you even after knowing all your darkest thoughts and moments is what you need to achieve.   Getting may destroy what you already have but consider this.. if you can not love a person for who they truly are.. did you ever really love the real person at all?  The way takes patience, forgiveness, and above all, total honesty.

Carpe Diem my friends.. Go be someone’s great day.

 

 

Another munch – with an evil bastard

When you are first looking for kinky people it doesn’t matter how young or old you are, just dipping your toe into the kink community can make you nervous.  After a few years t becomes almost humorous thinking back on it.  Watching the people at their first munch and being much further down the road, you know the pattern you are going to see and you can even get a vicarious thrill sharing in all of the discoveries they will make.

If you have the opportunity to watch a toddler you can’t help but smile at the constant fascination with everything because literally everything is new. Your own perspective is adjusted, and you are warmed by this.  So too, new community members are wonderful to be around.

Without newbies, its just another dinner with good friends.  A warm social gathering in which kink doesn’t need to be the focus of your conversation because we all know each other and our various inclinations.   Some like myself are drawn to TPE while others have a lifelong love of rope, or still others are looking to dive deeper into their sado-masochist selves.

So I take Izrina to munches and we share with old friends and make new ones.  We have three steady events every month.  The first Friday is LOL, or Love Of Leather.  Formed by a leader who has since passed on, this group has moved far beyond just leather.  Then there is the second Friday of every month and that is Pike Co NEPA.   Its a relatively small group.  If you regularly attend munches you will notice that attendance swells and dwindles from time to time.

Dungeon membership is the same.  There are always the newbies, eager to try everything, showing up everywhere and then disappearing again.  Some surface again and others do not.  I often wonder if BDSM was a passing fancy or if they just settled into a comfortable long term relation and no longer needed company.

Then of course is the House of X DAsT meeting every third Sunday.  We have not seen much in the way of attendance but Izrina and I still purchase a few Pizza pies and put out the sign at the top of the driveway.  We’ll do this indefinitely and hopefully  build a group of our own.  I truly would like to be a community resource but I am new to the area and we’ll see.

Plus there is always drama in every community so I would prefer to build a small trusted core than treat this like a commercial venture.  Like my blog, it is more about staying true to myself than what I achieve.

This past Friday was the second and so that meant NEPA.  We met a nice couple  Two women who were just getting started.  The talkative one I took to be the Dom but when I asked it was the quiet one who was in charge… interesting… it is often the other way around with the Dom leading a shy and reclusive subby.

There was a gentleman who was looking to change the direction he traveled to be with community because of issues with his old community.  He had opened his home for play and stuff went missing.  It happens.  Best you can do is keep your valuables in a locked room when you open your home to parties.  When he confronted the party that logically were the culprits, it didn’t go well.  Now there is tension.

The highlight though of my evening was torturing Izrina in public.  We didn’t get our plates until 8pm and she was starving.  Our protocol requires her to feed me a bite of her food and we have a code that tells her she can start eating.   That code is for me to say the bite was delicious.  If I say anything else, she has to feed me another bite and so on.  Its a little game I play with protocol and how I torture her in plain sight with no one knowing I’m doing it.

The group had a large turn out and we had five tables pressed together with Izrina and I at one end.  When the food arrived I got up to make my rounds, shaking hands and saying good evening.   Izrina waited patiently at the far end.  Now I could have shared with her that I intended to torture her but its more fun to watch her trying to decide if I forgot her or not.

Then I took a seat at the opposite end and began a spirited discussion with the folks there.  Now she leaned forward and fixed an evil eye on me, glaring down the entire length of the table.  I mentioned to the folks I was speaking with that Izrina looked very unhappy at which time about half the table suddenly warmed up to what I was doing.  I waved at her.

Now she knew I was torturing her and had not forgotten her.  She glared the more.  Faces at the table looked at Izrina and then to me and back at her.  Finally I called down the length of the table.. Hungry? I asked… Yes, she replied.  Well it looks delicious, I said.  She took this as her queue and dived in while those in the know had a good chuckle.  The lady next to me said.. You are a evil bastard.  Thank you, I said with a smile.  And proud of it.

Later at home I told Izrina that torturing her in public had been the highlight of my evening.  She smiled.  She knows how I love my little games.

Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.