A last minute invite

My daughter’s friend asked if she could come over for seven pm protocol this evening.  We had chicken with veggies and chocolate ice cream for desert.   Conversation as you can well imagine frequently touched on the subject for which excitement is slowly building.. the upcoming final collar ceremony.

Some of the other friends of my daughters have been forward about asking if they could attend.  Funny story about one of those.  She took home the invite and her dad who is quite religious and narrow minded saw it and blew up.  Who was this freak she was hanging out with he wanted to know… he he…. I seem so mild mannered in my nilla persona…. She didn’t rat me out..

As we talked over dinner this other friend was clearly was interested.. so I did the straight forward thing and asked why she had not asked to be allowed to come… and her answer was the best answer you could hope for.  She assumed that if I wanted her there, I would have said so but she wasn’t going to insinuate herself into an invite.  How much nicer is it to invite someone like that, than someone who is a little more forward?

So I invited her.  To say she was happy and excited is an understatement.  She fairly danced her way through the rest of the evening.  Since this girl has been like a daughter to me, and since she would like to be a top and mistress, it makes sense.  I wanted to keep the nilla invites to a minimum, but in retrospect she has had a slave in the past so she’s not really a nilla.

I had a person offer to do some photography for the event but I decided to check with Dr Bob, a Dominant with a love of photography first.. he offered to share his photos but didn’t want the pressure of being THE photographer, so I offered the photographer an invite as well in exchange for services.   Looks like Izrina has two more invites to stamp, emboss, and calligraphy…. Not sure where she’ll find the time what with the pies she’s baking for desert… and the cleaning… and other prep work..

I’ve been promising Dr Bob a slice of her chocolate pecan pie… but when I told him on the phone that Izrina was going to bake some for the feast afterward, a cheer went up at the table… Might have to hide a slice for him!

But back to the last minute invite, it pleases me to see her so pleased.   I have good feelings about the vibe for this event.  Carpe Diem my friends..  Be someone’s great day!

Arts and crafts

The Sand Bottle is waiting for blessings from friends…


.. In another life it was a Tequila bottle ( shown for comparison ). 221 proudly displayed on the bottom in hammered copper..  I used a carefully crafted wooden anvil/form for that.


Cutting off the glass threads was the easy part.. Making a cork that wouldn’t rot and fall apart over time was the hard part.  Now it just needs one more embellishment.



A little copper ropework and the bottle is finished. Well, the soldering didn’t go so well.. but it looks ok.




The day the universe was kind

A dear friend in the community who goes by the name of Dr Bob warned me a long time ago that when I open my home up for meetings and to temporary slaves, that things will go missing.   I have long had that in the back of my mind but I am also of the opinion that things are just things and there is nothing so important that it need to be a crisis.

The universe however loves to teach us about our weaknesses and false ideas and so it is not surprising that last night one such lesson entered into my life.  Now the evening started pleasantly enough.  I completed the task of making a mold for the copper sheet that would fit under the sand bottle for the final collaring ceremony and had spent the day hammering and fitting and fitting and hammering until the copper fit well enough to the bottom of the bottle.

That task complete, I planned to pick up a small anvil the next day to give the copper a hammered look.  By then a small party was underway in the area where the dungeon will be and so I put my tools away and got out my violet wand kit and my fire kit and set out to have some fun.

Before that, I thought it best to hide my wallet, and Izrina’s final collar since drunk people with low ethics can’t resist pocketing shiny things.  So a few valuables securely tucked away I proceeded to wow and amaze the mostly nilla crowd with my equipment, and as you can image might be the case for most Dominant types, enjoyed the spotlight immensely.  Then I made my excuses, mixed a drink and headed off to bed with Izrina.


I planned to sleep in but the sound of the shower running in the bathroom made me wonder who had stayed over, so I threw on some clothes, started the coffee and sat down to check on another project.  Two cars were pulling out of the driveway, and two regular guests were sleeping off a night of debauchery.  Then I noticed that the cabinet that I had hid Izrina’s collar in was open, and on closer examination found that everything in it had been opened and gone through and the collar was missing.

Understand the I spent years thinking about what my final collar would be.  When I ran across the black phoenix in an antique store, and negotiated its purchase for $90 I counted my blessings.  I had the antique center piece retro fitted with a slave like chain for another $100, and then added a solid sterling silver heart lock for another $110, plus a rework of the lock ends for another $10, so yeah..  $310.00 later I had THE perfect collar….  Which I proceed to show to everyone but Izrina.. leaving her to be tortured by wondering what this thing would look like.  THEN, three weeks ago I finally put it on display so her appreciation and anticipation could grow..

Missing!  Something that was one of kind was missing… It not just the money.. its the two years built up to this mounting wonder and anticipation.  I had not only carefully crafted the object but also the moment.  Shock, disbelief, sadness, and anger.  I clenched my fists and walked around and around the room shouting louder and louder.. No!  No! No!… Some fucking asshole rifled my dresser for something to pawn so they could get a couple hours high.   God fucking damn it!

I woke everyone sleeping in the house, I demanded answers… friends started calling friends and acquaintances…   I pictured my sweet slave, her golden hair framing her neck.. her neck that should have been graced by the black phoenix.. and then I collapsed into my chair and did something I haven’t done in eight years.. I cried.  and I cried..  Friends were coming in from everywhere.. we had this thing planned.. it was going to be perfect.. the final collaring of my love, my slave, my dear sweet property, the moment I crafted so carefully, the moment she deserved…. was in ruins.

I became aware that Izrina had woken up and was by my side, hugging me,  comforting me.  This was to be MY final collar, but it was to be HER glory… yet she wasn’t angry or sad she was supporting me, trying to lift me up.  I tried to pull myself together.   I repeated over and over the mantra.. its only a thing, its only a thing…. but then in my mind’s eye it would see my slave’s face and empty throat…  it was rough… very rough.

I got up, and walked and ranted, I raged, I told people making calls I would pay twice as much as any pawn shop to get it back..  We had to find the asshole… no charges would be pressed.. but we HAD to have it back…  I started to wonder what we would use as its replacement..  I turned to Izrina and said we have to order something immediately.. there is precious little time for it to be delivered.

I collapsed again at the table.  I wanted to beat my fists.  The hammered copper and sand and bottles across from me, mocking me with the perfect ceremony in ruins. I had planned to bring the collar with us today to get the ends refitted one last time.  Why? Dammit!

I don’t know how long it was in time.  It was an eternity in my morning.  Someone found it in a corner on the floor, in the future dungeon.  It was discovered that car glove boxes had been rifled too.  A guitar had been smashed to pieces just for entertainment…  But whoever the asshole was, they could not overcome the universe.  Just as they had found and pocketed this small trinket, the universe in an ultimate twist of ironic and karma laden fate had allowed the treasure to fall from their pocket… and back into my hands.

I was still shaken, and could not purge myself of the negative vibes coursing through me.  I begged to be excused, retired to the deck overlooking the valley and river to meditate.  Izrina retired to a smoke to calm her nerves.   I forced myself to let go of time, to let go of everything, and let my energy flow until I could feel the balance return.   Again, I don’t know how long it took… You kind of let go of time in meditation….  but when I was done I was high, peaceful, and centered.  I grabbed a coffee and joined others in morning conversation, easing finally into a morning turned suddenly normal again.

It is hard sometimes to understand why things happen.   I normally roll pretty well with the punches.   Like when the car port roof collapsed on my beloved mustang..  I dealt with that pretty well I think.   I will reflect later on why I dealt so badly with this one.  I like to think that things are just things…. but it would seem the universe needed to teach me something about that….

Carpe Diem my friends…. be someones great day.

Pleasures of OTK

Today I want to elucidate on the pleasures of OTK also known as Over the knee.  At first glance there is nothing especially kinky or cock hardening about OTK, but let me expand further on this subject and tell you why it makes me hard.

First and foremost I am all about submission.  The “timid little girl” look that comes into a slave’s eye when they think I am displeased, is a pleasure to me.  So the very notion of commanding my girl to “come over here” spoken in a stern voice as I point at the floor in front of me, and then command her over my knee is cock warming right there.   That stern commanding does it for me right at the start.

Now comes the part where this slave is over my knee in a very submissive position.  They are face down, ass up, as I begin to slid down whatever clothing that may be in the way of my hand.  Again, this contact combined with the vulnerability and the disrobing is quite nice.

Now comes the touching, squeezing, probing as I work over that ass like a baker works bread dough.. and maybe further increase the vulnerability by spreading her legs and then slide fingers down between full cheeks into that small but glorious tuft of soft fur…  hmmmmm!

Hopefully there is wetness awaiting my eager fingers, perhaps that will come later.  Perhaps she turns and looks questioningly up at her Master, her ass and pussy exposed, her panties at her thighs, and says in a small girl voice.. “are you going to spank me now Master?”

Damn!  I am hard just typing this out, and its so much better in real life.  If this doesn’t get you excited, then I just can’t explain it better.  There is something really wonderful about OTK.

I Love you

Three little words that form the cornerstone of many a romantic entanglement:  I love you.

The words come easily to our lips.  Sometimes without thought or reflection on what we mean.  The words spill forth from emotional moments and sexual pleasure.  The real question becomes, Do I love you?

The answer is no.  Its not “I Love you”, it is “I Love owning you”.  The inclusion of this fourth word is everything.  I could not Love something that is not completely and totally mine.  Without owning you, Love for me loses so much meaning.

When I look across the bed at her sleeping form, her wonderful breasts, her face, her hair, I am filled with emotions.  I long for her, I want to stroke her, touch her, take her.  It is because I own her, that I know that none of this can be denied to me.  She is mine completely and so she is my most prized possession.

It is subtle, the difference between nilla and Ds.  In both we as men enter into our lover.  We come deep inside, and something more is left behind. We are always part of our partner no matter how far apart.  We are inside more than physically.  We embed ourselves deep into our partner physically yes, but also emotionally and spiritually.

The two become one in a way that stirs up discussions of psychology, philosophy, and spirituality.  Being deep inside your slave is a connection on many levels.

During sex as my brain retreated into the fuzzy warm pleasure of feeling my slave completely engulf my most intimate extension, I mused out loud.. I would love to stay inside you all day.  And then I laughed…  What am I saying? I said.  I am always inside you! You are never without me because you are part of me.  You are always an extension of my will and desire.. always…

Control, Ds and parenting

 I have long maintained the BDSM has something to share with the modern nilla world. The attempt to have a married couple share decisions in all areas of control simply does not work.  You can divide up areas of control but a vote by two leads to frustration.  Unless you both agree 100% of the time, two votes without a tie breaker is going to lead to fights.  At the end of the day someone has to have the final say in each area of control.. or there needs to be three votes.. a tie breaker.  Understand what I just said.  I didn’t say one person has to be in charge.  I said one person has to be in charge of each decision making area.

Enter yet another break down in the feel good world is children.  For the past four or five decades we have been giving more and more control to adults in training.. aka children.  CNN just published an article on this and I think it speaks volumes.

What we who are parents need to learn is that we must be absolute rulers where children are concerned, BUT we must also exercise that control in proportion to the amount of responsibility that our children display.  The more responsible the child, the less control we need exercise…but the notion that you have the final say in all things in your home has to be a firmly understood rule.  There can be no questioning a final decree.

The success of this general guideline is difficult.   There enters into the picture the child’s growing sense of ethics and moral decision making.  A child cannot be force fed your morals.  Ethics however MUST be a hard line.  You as a parent, however difficult it may be, must allow your child to develop their own morals while never wavering from absolute enforcement of ethics.  This requires considerable thought on your part, about what subjects fall under each category.

By sharing with your child, your own investigations into your decision making, you help them better prepare for the time when they too must enter the world of adults and make responsible decisions. This process however cannot lapse into slippage of your ultimate control. This principle works as well for children as it does in Ds.

Ideally, there is a slide that begins around the age of 14 in which less and less control is applied and the teen displays more and more good decision making with the new found freedom and responsibility.  Hmmm or there is that thing that happens when a dog is set lose for the first time and can’t stop running… You have to make allowances for the misbegotten notions of teens that 1-they know everything and 2-want to try every thing they were ever denied by you to find out if you knew what you were talking about. In Ds however, this slow release of control is reversed and more and more control is exercised over time.

In both children and Ds it is best not to apply too many changes in control, too fast.  These things take time and its best for each new change to have time to become a well adjusted practice.

Never forget that with freedom comes responsibility.  It is perhaps for this very reason that so many have found their way to BDSM, where a person can experience more responsibility as a dominant, or less responsibility as a slave.


Here is that article from CNN

Why the old way of parenting no longer works

(CNN)Every couple of years a book or article arrives diagnosing parents with catastrophic spinelessness. The power pyramid has been inverted, they warn, and the children are in, and therefore out of, control.

“Command. Don’t ask. Never negotiate,” instructs Leonard Sax in his 2016 book “The Collapse of Parenting,” in which he blames parents for a number of society’s ills, including obesity and mental illnesses.
I know reading such indictments of me and my peers will, despite my instinct to dismiss them, produce feelings of shame and ineptitude. I read them anyway, drawn to their specious certainty about a possible world in which children always do as told and teeth-brushing takes 2½ minutes.
And then, as predicted, comes the self-scrutiny.
While my husband and I are pretty good about standing by a “no,” we do allow for some conversation and negotiation on our way there. Are we ceding too much ground? Also, when it comes to our daily eating and sleeping routine, we lean a little toward flexibility — and away from structure. While more rigidity might establish more parental authority, it would also generate more insanity as we’d all struggle to uphold the systems we put in place. How bad is it to allow life, and all its attendant feelings and chaos, to occasionally get in the way?
According to Katherine Lewis, author of the new book “The Good News About Bad Behavior,” it’s time to let go of these concerns. “The command and control, the ‘I’m in charge’: it doesn’t work,” she said.

Say goodbye to ‘Father Knows Best’

Lewis wrote her book in response to what she sees as a crisis of self-regulation among kids today. This, she explains, is the reason why nearly half of today’s children will develop a mood disorder, behavioral disorder or substance abuse problem by age 18.
There are four forces behind this, including the rise of social media and web culture, which has us “always looking outside ourselves,” along with the decline of community and unstructured play time. Today’s children tend to roam the world as independent contractors, and are taught to focus more on individual achievement rather than their contributions to family, neighborhoods and friends.
The last force in Lewis’ quartet? Parents. Lewis said that while she doesn’t blame us, many parents would benefit from rethinking our approach to discipline.
One of the first steps, she explains, is separating our ideas of parental authority from the days of “Father Knows Best.” While this authoritarian approach worked in the past, it’s ineffective for today’s generation of young ones who are far more comfortable with collaboration.
“There are no longer these straight lines of authority. The boss is no longer in charge of the dad, the dad is no longer in charge of the mom, and the mom is no longer in charge of the kids. They are growing up in a culture of democracy and equality and they feel that,” she explained, referring to the changes in workplaces, homes and schools that have led to more decision-making by committee.
Lewis explained that while authoritarian parenting did often help children do better at school and stay out of trouble, it often left them emotionally scarred. This was the reason that many parents in the 1980s, who were raised by authoritarian moms and dads, took the opposite approach and moved to a more permissive parenting style.
“But the pendulum swung too far. This is where the cult of self-esteem came from, and the trophies for everyone,” she said. Today’s parents, she explained, are looking to foster a “close connected nurturing relationship, which science tells us is good for their well-being, while also having consequences that children would respect.” This is a parenting style many refer to as “authoritative.”
The key to getting today’s children to behave is forgoing the fear-based methods of yesteryear and helping them learn how to self-regulate instead. Lewis’ book wisely refrains from prescribing one particular method, and instead looks at a number of approaches to helping children learn self-control and how they play out in different scenarios. The one constant is finding a way to present them with consequences instead of punishment: the more natural the better.
“Punishment is something imposed on a less powerful person by a more powerful person. It sets up our children to want power and control,” she said. “Consequences teach us a lesson, and allow children to learn by the situation. What happens when I forget my sweatshirt? I am a bit chilly. It’s a cleaner lesson, and works much faster.”
For younger children, who tend to have worse judgment than their older counterparts, Lewis recommends creating a consequence contract. Together, parent and child can identify the bad behavior before it arises and then the child can suggest what he thinks the repercussion should be.

Creating a consequence contract

While allowing older children to sort out conflicts on their own can be an effective way of presenting them with natural consequences and reducing future arguments, little children are ineligible for a mostly hands-off approach. This is especially the case in families like ours, where a big age gap gives the older child an unfair advantage.
When his little brother was around 6 months old, our 5-year-old son decided, likely subconsciously, that he was finally sturdy enough for roughhousing. And so roughhouse he did, often taking it too far despite our admonitions to be gentle. For the past six months we had tried both rewards and punishments to stop him from hurting his now 1-year-old brother, and neither worked.

Time is up for timeouts

As per Lewis’ recommendation, we gave the consequence contract a shot. Our son chose a “timeout,” a decision that made me laugh on account of the fact timeouts are now considered retrograde. But if that is what he wanted, I figured, then that is what he should get. (Lewis would later explain to me that there is a difference between forcing a hysterical child into a room alone and allowing a compliant one to take a breather. She called this a “positive timeout.”)
Reader, it worked. Not as a panacea, because there is no such thing when it comes to regulating most adults’ emotions, let alone our children’s. But the positive effect was undeniable. When our son’s playful horseplay with his little brother morphed into something more sinister, we told him it was time for a little break in his room, “like we agreed on.” Each time he went, without resistance. When it was over those bad impulses had been purged, and he was calm and ready to rejoin the family.
While the frequency with which these skirmishes happen has just slightly decreased, the speed at which we as a family are able to move through them has dramatically increased. We used to give him a number of warnings, and when those weren’t respected, get angry. We’d then all be sucked into an emotional black hole for around 20 minutes, where we’d waste a whole lot of energy and patience. Now, one little kick or forceful “hug” (chokehold), and he’s off to his room for a couple of minutes. That’s it.
If this is as good as it gets for the time being, we’ll happily take it. The fact that our son goes into his room without any resistance shows us that he understands the need for self-regulation, even if he can’t always achieve it. As Lewis explained, change takes time, and our approaches to behavioral problems will likely require a fair amount of experimentation, forgiveness and patience along the way.
“Our lives are messy, and our homes should not be shrines to perfection. They are places where we go to experiment,” she said. “Our kids are always changing. This is not a static situation.”

Old fashioned wedding nights

On the eve of an old fashioned wedding the blushing bride consummated the union in a long awaited submission of her body.   Yeah, I’m not doing that with this blushing bride to be.

Oh, I intend to consummate my slave after her final collaring, no doubt about that, but I am definitely not waiting to use that luscious body.  So this evening as I slid into that warm wet wonderful vagina and soaked up the glorious heaven that is the submission of my slave the thought occurred to me that this is where I belong..  deeply embedded into my slave, her soft moans reassuring me that her pleasure equals mine.. and the occasional gasp that tells me I am deep enough.

Home..  the thought crossed my mind… this is my slave, my property, and I am home when I am in here deep inside her…  I said the words and then grinned..  there is no place like home.  Now, I didn’t click my heels three times, or return from the land of OZ.. but the vision of Dorothy did flash through my mind…. No, you weren’t there, or you, or you…  but I was amused…

Busting out giggling in the middle of wonderful sex doesn’t do much for your partners self esteem, and that didn’t happen but I did chuckle under my breath.  An orgasm or two later and lying exhausted and satisfied those words still ring true.. there’s no place like home!

I’m so excited, just can’t hide it

The plans for Izina’s final are coming together nicely.  There are so many wonderful community members coming, its hard not to be excited.  Best of all, my protege will be represented… woo hoo… Flying in from the West Coast.. how sweet is that!


Here are the details, some private info withheld..


Please arrive between noon and 1pm that day. We will entertain on the deck until the ceremony starts.

The address is withheld.. We are approximately four miles up that road. There is a dirt road across from the house. Park along the dirt road, or on the side of the main road in front of my neighbors fence – as long as you have your car completely off the road.

Photographs for your personal use are permitted. Persons wishing to not be photographed will be offered a red wrist bracelet. We ask that you share the good ones with persons who attend, but not with others unless permission is first sought.

Dress is black or leather. Casual or dressup is fine. We care more about the color than the clothes. Be aware that Izrina will be the only one wearing a red dress.

SAND for blessings
these are the colors and the associations that we are recognizing. Your blessing does not have to align with your chosen color. It is more about pouring from your heart, than a uniformity.

Red – genitals – Sexual, conditional love < Name withheld
Orange – hips – power < Name withheld
Yellow -stomach – health < Name withheld
Green – heart – balance, wisdom > Name withheld
Blue – throat – communication < Name withheld
Violet – third eye -soul, spiritual < Name withheld
White – Crown – agape, unconditional love < Master X and Izrina

This will be a simple ceremony…
Slave Izrina will read her vow of submission
Master X will read his vow of Domination
Vows will be tied and placed into the sand jar
Guests will read their blessings, and pour their sand over the vows
Izrina will show worship, and receive her collar
Her training collar will be retired with the vows and blessings
We will then have pizza, chips, and burgers on the deck

Drink and simple food will be provided.
You do not need to bring a dish, or gift, though food will not be rejected.

The ceremony will be held on a cliff face in the back yard, rain or shine. Bring an umbrella if you don’t like standing in the rain.



We are still repairing and under construction, some area won’t be ready, please bear with us. The house is small, so expect it to be crowded.


I think it’s time to get ready

My love is alive (Gary Wright )

=== === === === === ===
Well I think it’s time to get ready
To realize just what I have found
I have lived only half of what I am
It’s all clear to me now

My heart is on fire
My soul’s like a wheel that’s turnin’
My love is alive, my love is alive, yeah, yeah, yeah

There’s something inside
That’s making me crazy
I’ll try to keep it together
‘Cause what I say may not happen the same way
Now could be forever

My heart is on fire
My soul’s like a wheel that’s turnin’
My love is alive, my love is alive, yeah, yeah, yeah

There’s a mirror moving inside my mind
Reflecting the love that you shine on me
Hold on now to that feeling
Let it flow, let it grow, yeah, yeah

My heart is on fire
My soul’s like a wheel that’s turnin’
My love is alive, my love is alive, yeah, yeah, yeah
=== === === === === ===

Sand Ceremony

As mentioned, we will be doing a sand ceremony for Izrina’s final collar.  Dress will be black or leather, but she will be wear something red.  Speaking of colors, these are the colors and the associations that we are recognizing:

Red – genitals – Sexual, conditional love < taken
Orange – hips – power < taken
Yellow -stomach –  health < taken
Green – heart – balance, wisdom >available
Blue – throat – communication < taken
Violet – third eye -soul, spiritual < Reserved <
White – Crown – agape, unconditional love < taken


Once we firm up who is contributing blessings, we’ll get to other guests.  Hoping someone special from the West Coast can be a contributor.