HisLordshipUK wrote a piece on Dom Drop, and rather than fill his blog with my own thoughts, which I have a LOT of for this subject, I thought I would write here. A nod though for the inspiration, here is his blog on Dom Drop.
The desire for an equivalent –We WANT to empathize with our bottom. It seems heartless to tell a slave in sub drop this is their own burden that they are suffering alone. There is almost knee jerk reaction to saying you are not feeling the same intense sense of separation that a slave in sub drop feels. So we look to bridge this gap, to reach out, to let our charge know that we understand what they are going through.
Then there is that thing where one person describes a condition, and you begin to notice similarities, and suddenly you think you have this condition too. Its part empathy and part psychosomatic. Like a father to be with pregnancy sympathy pains, the brain has the power to create what we think.
No equivalent – Brace yourself.. The truth, I have long suspected, is that there is no equivalent for Doms to sub drop. Sub drop we know quite well. It is that moody period that comes after the body has been filled with its own lovely chemicals, and an intense and intimate encounter ends quite abruptly. It is a time when continuity is broken and an emotional peak is replaced with vast emptiness.
Certainly we who top have our own side of the intense and intimate encounter, and yes we often pour considerable exertion into it but we are not going to pull the kind of endorphin rush.. or its aftermath crash, that the bottom does. It makes the equivalent hard to compare. Not that we can’t have a sense of broken continuity, but I don’t think it would be on the same level unless the Dom is exceptionally empathetic.
An unemotional comparison – I think that if we were truly scientific about this.. double blind studies, lots of data, and impartial analysis, we would find huge differences between the emotional impact on the sadist, verses the masochist. That we are intensely compatible and exceptionally happy together does not change the fact that our needs, experiences, and reactions will be worlds apart.
It is in fact this difference that is the foundation that creates our attraction. But it also means that like the women of “Dune” in the sisterhood of the Bene Gesserit, who could not go into a certain dark place, there are also parts of our lives that will be shared, but not completely “grokked” by our partners.
Despair not, ye who enter here – BDSM is a place for the heart like no other. We share a raw, open, connection that is very deep and meaningful. Our partners ARE the ying to our yang. Though we could not be more different, as Masters and slaves, we also could not be closer.
And yet we are often very similar too. The care, devotion, and attention a Master lavishes upon his or her slave is oddly akin to the devotion a slave craves to lavish upon a Master. Its a complex world, this business of trust and empowerment we exchange.
But just as a man will never know what it is like to have a period, it too may be true that sub drop is a direct result of masochistic pleasures.. meaning that chemical build up and crash may be uniquely the province of a bottom.. Just saying.. we don’t HAVE to have a corresponding Dom drop. I have had a high after a S&M scene, and a lull after.. but like a man trying to relate to having a period, I don’t think my drop is the same.
We can agree to disagree – I draw my thoughts from my own observations and experience. That is to say, I am by no means suggesting that my thoughts need be defended as definitive. Its a big world and I am sure there are people who swear they get Dom Drop or know someone who does. All I can say to that is, I hold my own thoughts, just as you hold yours.