I have been reading a book by Chuck Norris in which he speaks of Zen. Its a very appealing subject matter for me. Zen is an elusive term, changing from person to person and even when you are speaking directly with a Zen Master the wisdom you seek is a bit like asking a person what they see in their peripheral vision. You can turn to look at your peripheral vision, but as you do, it moves away to a new place. So it is I think, with Zen. That of course does not stop us from trying to describe it, so others can find it for themselves.
Now the really interesting thing about Zen is that it can apply to almost anything. From Martial arts to flower arranging. Being in your Zen isn’t so much about how you do a thing, its more about the thing you do being all that you do. Your mind isn’t wandering over other subjects or fears or concerns. You are not investing emotion into the outcome. Success or failure isn’t really the objective. Success, if you must measure it comes more from abandonment to your inner guide, the ability to completely be the thing you are doing. But if you are judging this way, or in anyway, then you really aren’t there.
And that brings us to the Zen of BDSM. When you are just starting out in BDSM you come with a ton of baggage. You have to overcome your earliest teachings, what you learned about proper behavior, morals and ethics. You have all of the fears that come with being judged by those standards, and by the people who taught them to you. You probably experienced sexual arousal at the thought of being used.. or using someone else and that is a baggage too. Your mind and your genitals are all consumed with stimulation and excitement.. unless you are a bottom and you just finished a wonderful leather massage or something of the sort.. then you are free floating for a brief period in your Zen where there is nothing but the experience of the incredible moment.. But these are fleeting moments. Better to be those moments than to visit them.
We all get these moments… subspace, flying, top space… moments when the world no longer exists.. when a connection has been made, a bridge across the chasm of two people.. and touch is fire.. These are the moments that come during a scene and even during mini-Ds moments, or sex.
In time, none of this is new. You have been here before and you crave that excitement.. and you seek it. Perhaps you trying changing what you do to refresh the excitement. But seeking to return to the beginning to achieve your Zen of BDSM is like trying to look directly at your peripheral vision. It can’t be done.
To move to the next level in your relation, to advance to the state where two are one, you have to remember. Being in your Zen isn’t so much about how you do a thing, its more about the thing you do being all that you do.
When you are a Master of a slave and you are in your Zen, there are no questions about should a thing be ordered or done. You are in that space where your interactions flow, and all is natural. As a slave, you wake, you serve, you are the service you perform. There is no success or failure beyond the pleasure of service. Your happiness may be measured in reactions from the Master, but in your Zen you remain calm and centered on the attention given to your task, and the opportunity to do better next time Your mind is not your center of attention. An inner guide watches your process, and your flow,. It is your connection with your inner guide that shows you exactly what you already know but may have forgotten because of distraction. There is no distraction in your Zen. Only calm, peace, purpose.
I can’t really tell you how to enter your Zen of BDSM. I can only describe it. I can’t lead you to it. I would do you a disservice to try to put it to more words. You have to find it yourself, or be in service to a Master who will help you find it.
Most people think. And in thinking we need terms, definitions, and descriptions. One description I often repeat is that submission is like a dial that goes from one to one hundred. At one on the dial, you have no submission. At one hundred you are in a CNC or TPE relation. You have surrendered all control to Master except for the three responsibilities of a slave. But the odd thing is that once you are at the one hundred setting, there are one hundred more settings INSIDE the one hundred setting. After fully submitting to an Owner or Master, you still have internal submission to conquer. The internalization of your submission is a whole other struggle. And finally, having come to terms with your complete submission, there is the next step. To enter into your Zen of BDSM.
We who adore BDSM are on a journey of a lifetime. We are often misunderstood. But we know the currency we exchange when we enter into a relationship. We know the rare and valuable commodity that only our partner exchanges with us. Many of us are at different points in this journey. Some are starting out, others have sped ahead. There are those with sub-frenzy, and Dom-frenzy. There are weekend warriors who for whom this is all play. Some have taken a long slow approach knowing that there is no destination awaiting us. We share this journey together through munches, and workshops and fet groups and blogs. We seek our own happiness, and we seek wisdom in that regard. The best advice I can give you, I give you in nearly every blog… Be someone’s great day. Carpe Diem my friends.. go find your calm, your peace, your purpose. Learn to enter your Zen of BDSM.