She’s my slave, not yours

Mr Fluffy had a friend stay over.. a nilla friend.  So as we sat around the breakfast table, I asked..  did he warn you about me?  Darin (not his real name) looked at me quizzically and said, No?

This is a BDSM household.  This.. putting my hand over Izrina’s head.. is my slave.  Then I added.. but just because she is a slave doesn’t mean she can be used by anyone.  She is MY property… mine, mine, mine!

Now perhaps that was an unnecessary conversation.   But I felt compelled to say it because there is this odd thing that happens when people find out a woman is submissive.   Sometimes people think it means that they can take liberties they normally wouldn’t.  Sometimes these transgression manifest as inappropriate and suggestive comments, and sometime they are inappropriate contact.

You might think this kind of misbehavior only happens with nillas.  Not so.  As I pointed out in my last blog, there are sociopaths out there masquerading as Dominants.  These types have no conscience and will most certainly cross lines.

Then there are newbies who simply haven’t learned yet that to be a submissive is not to be submissive to the universe.  They haven’t been around long enough to learn that submission comes of a unique and powerful relation that develops out of communication, trust, and yes.. passion.

But then there are the inexplicable violations.  The ones that come from people who should know better and yet have no sense of how to appropriately approach a man or woman who is property.

It should go without saying that when a person is in a CNC relationship, the real decision maker is the owner. That owner may have very specific protocols in place that their property is bound by, especially when it comes to communication with another Dominant.

It makes no fucking matter if you like or agree with these protocols.  Its not your fucking property.  What you think has ZERO influence on their relationship or how they operate.  To insist that they take into consideration your feelings about their protocols makes you a complete and total ass.

It should be a universal principle of those into BDSM, to know that when a person is identified as owned, you approach the owner FIRST, to better understand if they place any limitations on speaking with their slave.  As a person in the BDSM community, you can’t treat a slave like a nilla and then plead ignorance without looking like a completely arrogant ass-hat.

If you really are in the know, then you should know it is in good form to show respect to the owner, by requesting their permission to communicate with their property, and ask what protocols and restrictions they have on their property.

Frankly, I find it sad, the number of unprincipled persons that directly contact Izrina, making overtures that are laughable.   These are fools who have no idea the depth of her devotion, nor the access I have to her thoughts and interactions.  If they had even an inkling, they would never write the things they do.  They are at best a source of amusement as I read their stupidity.  Sometimes, I allow Izrina to string them along, just to see how far they will go.

Even more interesting are the idiots who make a nice show of respect, asking for permission to contact and converse with her.. only to then try to solicit her from me.  I am simply stunned at times by the shear stupidity, audacity, and chutzpah of some so called Dominants.

If you have been reading my blog long, you know that I am also a mentor.  I have had the opportunity to Dominate the slave of my protege.  I like to think that I showed honor in the way I handled myself.  I have handed Izrina over to Owners I trust as well.  I think it is a useful exercise in the sense that a slave can feel more like property when handed over.

Understand that these hand overs are never for sexual service.  These handovers are simply for an S&M scene, or for simple service.. never for anything involving body fluid contact.   In that sense, I would never share my slave.

My point to all this though is that there are some Owners you can trust with such a slave experience. Many more you cannot.   Often the sociopaths and bad Dominants will look to mentor, or help train a slave, when all they really want is a blow job or to fuck your slave.

My point here ist that its not just the new slaves that need be wary.   New dominants also need to be wary of mentors who are on the prowl, looking for gullible new couples.  I am well aware of situations where a couple was looking for a mentor, only to find that mentor was just looking to score some pussy… or maybe even steal a slave away.

So was I inappropriate with Mr fluffly’s guest?  Maybe.  Do I care? Not a chance.  Its my house and Izrina is my prized property.   I will guard that property jealously.   If house guests don’t like the way I run things, they can get the fuck out.  Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.


Last night was one of two munches Izrina and I regularly attend.  I love going to munches and workshops.  In spite of all my years of BDSM, I always learn something, or at the very least, I re-inspire some dormant juice.

We sat with Gabby987 and I learned she was a Gorean trained slave.  I had no idea.  More importantly, she is meeting a potential new Master.   Now Gabby lists her age in Fet as 59, and she is a very good looking 59…and I have seen her around the community for sometime, so I wouldn’t expect her to make the mistakes a newbie would.

Here is the thing… it doesn’t matter how old we get, attraction springs eternal.  Every time she speaks of this new opportunity, her face lights up.  You can just feel the excitement as she speaks of the moments he took solid control.  I am so happy for her.  Inside, she is like a little kid, all bubbling and full of excitement.

Now when a newbie tastes Ds for the first time it is like someone just flung open the doors to Willie Wonka’s chocolate factory.  You just want to run in and sample everything.  You can well imagine after eating sweets for hours the tummy ache that would bring on.

Being a new slave is much like that.  You have always been able to get attention, but you always got your way.. and suddenly here are these Masters who will have none of it.  Suddenly the tables have firmly and clearly turned.  No amount of coy smiles and cuteness is going to change a Masters demand to comply.. and its exciting.  Suddenly you have sub-frenzy.

Like the kid in a candy store, you want it all and you are willing to forego any real thought as you dive in with your heart on your sleeve and your passion and lust not far behind.  Gabby is older and been around..  but its easy for that part of us that so desperately wants it all to rise to the surface.  I truly hope her potential new Master is a good one.

There are so many bad Dominants out there.  I say bad Dominants, because they are not real Masters or even real Dominants as we know the word in BDSM.  They are sociopaths.

so·ci·o·path (noun)
A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

A sociopath only knows what they want.  If they want you to give them your last dollar, that’s all they want.  They don’t care if its your last dollar.  They actually don’t understand why they can’t have it since they have no empathy, understanding, or conscience.  They can’t see your perspective, they can only see their own wants and needs.  They will do anything to get what they want.. weighing the risks to themselves.. without concern for laws or ethics.  Their only concern is, will I get caught.. how will it impact me?

Every good Master has a little sociopath in them.  We all want what we want.  But the difference between a sociopath and a Dominant is the genuine concern for consent.  Consent is everything.  We understand that consensual Dominance is about mutual happiness.

What makes a Dominant into a Master changes depending on the person you speak with. I would say what makes a Master is recognition.

The only titles of value are those acquired thru recognition by others. One claims that title by exercising that recognition, not asserting it. ~Xtac Quote

We who are Dominants and Masters understand that for a long term relation to work, we need to sit and talk.  We must find out if we are a good match, negotiate our hard limits, and reach an accord to consent to everything that is left.  Consensual non-consent or CNC is where we hope to be, although this is also sometimes called power exchange.

You can know all this and still fall into sub-frenzy.  Its easy for the heart to lead the head.  Hmmm  let me dig up an old quote from a few years back.  Here it is..

Place your head before of your heart, before you place your heart before your head. Respect is not earned, its a reflection of your own values, but trust, that is earned. Once earned though, you must follow your heart. ~ Xtac Quote

I am living my dreams.  I have a 24×7 relation.  I am building HOX.. The house of X.  My slave and I will seek to be a source of education and good for the BDSM community.  There is nothing like it.. living it every day.  It’s worth getting it right.  Like anything done well, much of your success is in the preparation.

Make sure when you start a new relation that you sit and talk.  Keep your sub-frenzy tightly bottled and checked.  You need to know each other, to know if you are a good fit.   Weigh carefully what can and cannot be compromised.  You do not have to compromise everything.  Doing so does not deliver your dream, it delivers a nightmare.  Beware sub-frenzy.  Lead with your head.. but be prepared to follow your heart.   Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day!

Serendipity-the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. 

I often see events align. Here is another.  At the same time I am thinking about Gabby, and writing on it, the slave of another Master I honor wrote on the same subject.  Her blog has valuable lessons in it, and I encourage you to read here.

 “Meeting a new Dom”.