Izrina is traveling for the next ten days.  It feels like an amputation.  As I said as she left, “you are part of me”.  This is true in a very real sense.

When you undertake to start a full time total power exchange or TPE.. your slave becomes an extension of your will.  To own a slave is akin to adding another appendage.  Your slave acts like a part of you.  As your property, they ARE part of you.  Just as you would flex an arm or a leg, the muscles responding  to your commands, your slave similarly is an extension of who you are and what you desire.  To be without your slave is like an amputation.

I don’t believe in giving life to negative thoughts.  I will not dwell on this.  This little blog is in many way a cathartic release.  Just a chance to do a mental stretch and get on with life.  Our value in life is determined not by our relations but by the things we bring to a relation.  It is we who determine our worth.  A strong dominant, wise and persistent in adherence to their role brings great value to any slave seeking the gift of that dominance.  Likewise, any slave who has the strength to submit to the will of another without question or interference, who can find the mind-space in which that surrender brings joy,  brings great value to their request to serve.

The reasons for this separation are long and convoluted.  She is visiting her parents.  Dad lives 12 hours away.  Her mom is I think about four hours away.  I visit my sister during Thanksgiving but the ranch won’t let her take off on holidays.  My vacation time is already booked, with none left, to join her on this ten day excursion.  Even if I could, ten days from work right now is a bad idea. So we just can’t do this one together

She got up early for the trip… 6:30 am.  Odd to me.  I am never in a rush to get going or to get to a destination.  The journey for me is as much of the pleasure as the destination.  I value time spent with friends and strangers.  Interacting with people is a great pleasure.  Ah, but then I can equally enjoy time alone with my slave at a camp site or a cabin in the woods.  I suppose I look to squeeze the last bit of joy out of every moment.

And so, amputated or not, I won’t look to the drama of the situation.  I’ll look to the opportunities.  Today I’ll take an extra long day at the gym, I’ll visit with family, I’ll enjoy a nice meal. Life is what we make of it.  But all things considered, life is infinitely better when you can share it.  Carpe Diem my friends.. go be someones great day!


Intellectual vs emotional understanding

Frankly, I do most of the talking when it comes to Izrina and I.  She is essentially a wallflower at munches and such, but from time to time she does speak up in public.  In private with me, she is a little more talkative.  There are times I will be elucidating on some subject and she will interject some valuable insight into the somewhat stilted conversation.  I believe in talking with someone, not to someone, though doing this with Izrina is a challenge I am working on still.  Her slave journal was not very illuminating.

I can’t recall now what lead to this subject.  I know that I have been pondering recently the issues between celebrating diversity and the need for inclusion.  As a white person, I am sensitive to the fact that I can’t form a group for white people without it being labeled a white supremacy group.  I would love it if there was a check box for my race: Euro-American.  The truth is, if current immigration and birth rates continue, Euro-Americans will be the minority eventually.  What happens then?

Will Euro-Americans be subject to legal discrimination?  Oh wait.. we are.  For the past few decades it has been perfectly legal to hire a person who had lower entrance scores for a job, simply because of the need to fill quotas.  There must come a time when ALL discrimination is eliminated.  There is no place in government for justice which is not blind.  If it were up to me, check boxes for race would be eliminated.

And that brings me back to the question of celebrating diversity vs the need for inclusion.  Yes it makes sense to celebrate our heritage, even if your ancestry is from Europe.  I dislike groups and clubs that are exclusive.   For example, all male clubs, all female groups, and yes.. TNG which is age based.  Its fine to form a group that speaks to a particular perspective and experience, such as TNG.  But such groups need to be as much about supporting that particular segment of our population, as it is about helping others to understand that view.

This is one of the many reasons I am very much in favor of BDSM groups such as MAsT, as long as they are open to anyone.  These need to be open to people who need to be “be among their own kind” AND open to those who would like to better understand the segment of our population that this group represents.

And that brings me to the discussion with Izrina that I think you might find interesting: Intellectual vs emotional understanding.   In some cultures, older people are respected for their “wisdom”.   Being an older person myself, I can tell you not all persons of age have any better a handle on intelligence.   We are particularly prone to making the same mistakes we made in youth.  But we have one advantage.  We have an opportunity for wisdom.

Wisdom is a combination of intelligence and knowledge.  Anyone can collect knowledge.  Intelligence seems to be something we are born with.. There are naturally bright people with lightening fast thought.  I have seen very intelligent people who have not been exposed to knowledge..yet.   And I have seen very knowledgeable people who are not very intelligent at all.  Ah.. but a wise person is one who has knowledge and the intelligence to apply that knowledge in meaningful ways.

As I was speaking with Izrina, I mentioned that some people are going to have an intellectual understanding of a problem and some people will have an emotional understanding of a problem.  What does that mean?

It means that until we have experience, we can only understand a problem from an intellectual perspective.  A young lover may write a song or poem regarding the pain of heartbreak, but they only understand it intellectually.  Until they experience the pain of a heartbreak they only understand it from the experiences of others.  They intellectually understand it.

From a BDSM perspective, subspace is another great example.  You can understand it intellectually, but it must be experienced to understand it emotionally.

To undergo an experience first hand is to know it emotionally.  Nor is all emotional understanding the same.  If I take an extreme example, I can say that the prisoners who survived the Nazi  concentration camp in Dachau, had one experience while the guards had another.  Each however has an emotional understanding of that experience that we who did not live it can only understand intellectually.  THIS is why diversity requires inclusion.

To help bridge the gap between intellectual understanding and emotional, we need inclusion.  It is important to celebrate diversity but it is equally important to stress inclusion because this is exactly what raises the overall wisdom of a society.

Groups which do not seek to include, and which seek to actively exclude are evil.  They perpetuate the worst that a society can offer.

Growing up it was a good thing to be color blind.  It meant you had preconceived prejudice.   There are those who say now that to be color blind is bad.  What they mean is, you cannot completely be part or our group – you must see color before you can even begin to have an intellectual understanding of my groups emotional understanding of our experience. – In short, you can never completely understand us.  That may be true, but it is better to say that you are welcome to be part of your group, than to say.. you can never be part of our group.

Some groups may actually be superior in certain areas of human endeavor.  To deny this is to perpetuate a lie.  Women as a  group have skills that are naturally better than men’s.  Men have certain skills that are naturally better than women.  Youth is faster and their reflexes and hearing better.  Doubt me?  Try to beat a 15 year old at your best video game.

These are facts.  We must not shy away from talking about our differences.  This will lead to some conflict.  A knee jerk reaction to sudo-science.  And some science will in fact be false.  Dishonest people stilt facts to suit their agenda.  Our goal must be the pursuit of knowledge without prejudice.  We do this by not promoting superiority.. but by acknowledging honestly our strengths and weakness.

Age does have potential for greater wisdom.  With greater experience we have more content on which to base an emotional understanding.  With intelligence, applied to an intellectual and emotional based understanding, age does have its value.

We absolutely should celebrate diversity.  We should be cognizant to judge one on one relations in the context of what you learn about that person, not on what group they belong to.  We should avoid “we and them” language.  We should all seek to participate when possible, in groups to promote inclusion.  It is in this that we become better.  Society as a whole becomes better, when the individuals seek to better themselves, and when we judge others in a one on one context, not as “us and them”.

Carpe Diem my friends… go make a better world, by starting with yourself!

New Munch

So…. Friday we attended a new munch.  One in the area where I plan to establish the House of X.   Small group and as is often the case, some were people we had run into before, over the years.  Conversation was mixed and varied.  Had a hard time telling the personal dynamics.  Folks were more chatty about nilla stuff.  When BDSM does come into a conversation in the Hudson Valley, you can usually depend on the one great dungeon in the area to be a common focal point – ( FMB or Feel Me Breathe).

I am looking to establish some other BDSM startup activities myself, but I’ll wait until I am further along before going into that.  Suffice to say, between work and play, we’ve been pretty busy.  That should be obvious by the fact its Wednesday night and I am just now getting to recording our Friday activities.

This past Saturday and Sunday turned into the weekend from hell as far as work was concerned.  Two hours work here, a few off, four more hours work, a few more off, all weekend long.  I don’t think I hit REM sleep all weekend.  Monday was twelve straight hours too.  Thank God for a loving slave to come home to.  You know.. in spite of the crazy pace.. life is pretty damn good.

Izrina is having some dental work done this Friday and I am expecting to be nursing a hurting unit.  We’ll see how long my paternal instincts last before the demanding Dominant side gets tired of the role reversal.   Should be interesting.

Carpe Diem my friends.  Go be someone’s great day..



Act your age..

There are things that change as you age.  Somethings we know.. acne for example.   Most people get it when their hormone start to rage, but then it subsides… usually.   We know that the menstruation cycle will show up, and then there will be a time of hot flashes as it fades.   We know that those three little lines start to show.. crows feet they are called, near the corners of the eyes.  We know that as we age, the skin gets less elastic.. maybe you have seen someone pull loose  skin from the back of the hand, to demonstrate.   And then there are liver spots, and skin that begins to look like crepe paper.

Sex changes too.  Women can experience vaginal dryness while men increasingly find it difficult to obtain an erection.  Izrina is twenty five years younger than me, and while I am in good health and have no issues I am well aware that this may not always be the case.  I have been giving a lot of thought recently to the way the body changes, and what that means for couples.

I sat her down tonight, to discuss this, to prepair her to think about what it means to be tied to an older man.  Service to me as I age will increasingly be just that.  She is required to see that I have my supplements.. Vitamin D, a multi, DHEA, and I just added L-arginine as a natural stimulant for increased blood flow.  This with diet and exercise is working so far. I am also going to add testosterone to my yearly tests. As I said, I’ve been giving this some thought.

I suspect as people age, and sex become more difficult, the focus changes more to intimacy and companionship.  I know my interest in sex was much more ravenous in my youth.

In my sixties, an hour a day is enough..  usually..  Quickies are nice, though on special occasions, I can see my way clear to wanting to dedicate some serious time to exploring deeper in.  The point though is that the Ds side of the relation is intensely satisfying and in many ways nearly as complete a spiritual binding as having sex.  But I wonder..

Is that the words of a person who’s drive has lessened a bit?  Isn’t it likely that BDSM for the younger crowd is driven as much by the quantity of chemicals in their bodies, as is mine? Just as they have more, and I have less, shouldn’t that impact us both in significant ways?

I suspect that it is natural for BDSM to be more about the sex when you are younger and perhaps it is more natural for BDSM to be more strongly about the quality of the relation, as we age.

Its a generalization of course which makes the premise flawed in an overall context, but in a general sense, I would not be surprised if a study concluded that the goals of BDSM change to some degree with age, on average.

All I know is, I hope I am one of the lucky ones who’s body keeps up with his mind.. because in my mind, I am planning on having sex frequently for a very long time.  Carpe Diem my friends.   Go be someone’s great day!

Dangerous path

Many years ago, I measured who and what I was, by the slave I owned.  My slave was an outward manifestation of the power and authority I wielded.   Measuring our worth by a relationship is a trap for Masters and slaves.  Often a slave will feel they are worthless and not worthy of serving a powerful Master.  The downside of this is that they don’t see their own real value, that which they bring to the table.  As a Master, I too fell into the trap of seeing my value only through the eyes of my relationship and it nearly destroyed me in a very real sense.  I wanted to die.

One day I was a God, commanding a beautiful woman to my every whim and the next day I was a Walmart greeter, not even worthy of doing the menial labor of stocking shelves.  It destroyed me but as I have often commented it was from the ashes of that destruction that that the phoenix known as MasterX was reborn.


Tonight Izrina and I went to our local munch.  We had just returned from a mini-vacation of sensual delights and mini Ds moments.  As we drove away from the munch,  I pondered my feelings from the meeting.

In the past I would often feel pumped up.  It is in these meetings where my long history and all the knowledge I have acquired over the years comes into play and I often feel an heightened sense of status.  I had none of that tonight, and I ruminated openly with Izrina.

I think perhaps, I said to her, when I come away jazzed from a munch it is because I have something to prove.. a need to establish my years and experience.  But if am no longer getting that high, does that mean I no longer feel I have something to prove?

In at least one way, that is true.  My relation with Izrina fulfills me completely.  I have no need to fight for or establish any recognition in the community because my sense of who and what I do is assured.  But its an old path and an old danger. I told her so.

I have returned, I said, to the days where my world revolves in large measure around a single person.  I have been very slow and cautious to let down my guard and allow a single slave to be that important to me.  I can do this, I think, because you have earned my trust.  I trust you.

Izrina has stood by me with only a training collar for many years.  I think the time has come to finally let down my guard, and go the way the nearly destroyed me in the past, to commit to a final collar.   I am thinking fourth of July 2018.   It is appropriate since it is only in the binds of her consensual slavery that Izrina discovers her freedom.  That gives us both plenty of time to plan and make this a special day.

Carpe Diem my friends, be someone’s great day.

Making Love vs Fucking

I have spoken before about Ds quickies.  It is one of the pleasures of being a slave owner.  You can have whatever you want, when ever you want.   I like a quickie.  I think you should test every corner of the house at some point.  The shower, the counter tops, a table, a desk.  Its good to be spontaneous, needy, and enjoy a little domination with fucking.

Now if your slave is not into the loving relationship thing, then making love just isn’t going to be something that should happen.  I on the other hand, love my slave.  There are times I want to express how I feel about her in the most intimate manner.  Of course there will always be some Domination in there, but for me the difference between fucking and making love is about the time I put into it, the sensitivity and kissing, the attention I lavish on her.

If I am fucking, I can just grab a handful of hair and push her roughly over a table.  But for making love, I’ll set a mood and I’ll build up slowly.  Well, that moment is coming.

I’ve booked a room by a lake with a fireplace and a Jacuzzi tub.   We’ll dine on steak, and drink wine while we recline in a bubble bath as the fire crackles in the background.  And then I’ll lay her down on fresh sheets and let my lips travel over the flesh of my slave.

The second or third time we’ll get to some fucking, but the first time will be slow and steady, a tidal wave building like a crescendo that erupts loudly.

My plans are no secret.  I want her thinking about this.  It gives her time to be nervous.  Her timid submissive side is so much more delicious when it has had time to guess and guess again how something will go.

Submission itself is delicious.  How much sweeter is it when you have a quivering happy slave beneath you?  Some may prefer to just fuck.  That’s cool.  But I want to be deeper.  I want to be in her head as much as her body.   For that, I need to set a different plan.

Carpe Diem my friends, go be someone’s great day.

Floppy flogger bunny

My flogger bunny is under the weather.  Its been brutal warm lately and she went out on a trail ride after miscalculating if she needed another layer… so she was cold.. then it rained.  Well she didn’t have her duster either..

When she came home that night her upper lip was pink, her nose running, congestion in her voice.  Yeah.  sick little bunny.  She took some hot tea, and echinacea .. plus some for me cause I’m not letting a little thing like that keep me from kissing my pet.

Off to work she went again today, so I made her some of M’s famous chicken soup.. well its more goulash or stew.  BIG pot, nearly two rotisserie chickens go in, with big chucks of potatoes, baby carrots, lots of egg noodles, some celery,  and a combination of broth and cream of chicken soup.  You can eat it with a fork.. lots of solid good food in every yummy bite.

Daughter came over… there was enough for four people to have three meals each.  We settled into a pleasant evening.. Chocolate ice cream with everyone’s favorite toppings for desert.  Izrina read another chapter from the book we are reading, while my daughter’s boy friend played on Xbox.  After the house of X is operational, we’ll have formal dinner every night.  Tonight though was a good taste of evenings to come.  Good food, good company, good entertainment.

Bunny is taking some for lunch tomorrow.  Hopefully she’ll be back in the pink soon.  Doing my M thing in the meantime, trying to mend my property with lots of care, love, and attention.  Carpe Diem my friends, go be someone’s great day.

Are you “likable”?

I was reading a theory proposed by Princeton University psychologists and their colleagues that people judge others based on their warmth and competence.

If we graphed this, with warmth becoming stronger as it moves to the right, and Competence getting stronger as it moves up, you end up with four extremes, as noted below.

Low Warmth >>>>>>        >>>>>> High Warmth
High Competence             High Competence
^ ^                                       ^ ^
^ ^                                       ^ ^
Low Competence           Low Competence
Low Warmth >>>>>>        >>>>>> High Warmth


This was a study in stereotypes.  Into the four established categories, they noted certain generalizations for these groups:

Low Warmth, Low Competence
Contemptuous prejudice
Low status, competitive
Contempt, disgust, anger, resentment
(e.g., welfare recipients, poor people)

Low Warmth, High Competence
Envious prejudice
High status, competitive Envy, jealousy
(e.g., Asians, Jews, rich people, feminists)

High Warmth, Low Competence
Low status, not competitive
Pity, sympathy
(e.g., elderly people, disabled people, housewives)

High Warmth, High Competence
High status, not competitive
Pride, admiration
(e.g., in-group, close allie)

The theory suggests that simply be warm and friendly is not sufficient to make you likable.  It also suggests that being good at what you do, is also not sufficient to make you likable.

Being on the fast track for career advancement, or being on the “inside” of a group you wish to be a member of, requires that you develop both your warmth and your competence.

What lead me to reading that paper?  It was an article published by Maggie Zhang and update by Shana Lebowitz in Business Insider.  It was such a good article, I wanted to capture some of the key points in my own personal Cliffs notes.  I think I already knew most of this intuitively.  Nice to see it validated with research.

How to make people like you..
( Summary version )

Wining at love
I have long maintained that to be a good lover, you must be a mirror.  Now a study indicates that when one person “mirrors” the behavior of a partner, they were found to be more likeable.  Don’t be needy.  Give as you receive.   Be an unhurried reflection of the behaviors that come to you, and you invite others to spend more time with you.

Making time to be important
This should be a no-brainer, since the most valuable thing you can give another person is your time.  That being said, research confirms that your potential for likeability goes up when you give more time for interaction.

Compliment people
I have long witnessed that successful people compliment others.  This creates spontaneous trait transference. If you describe someone else as genuine and kind, people will also associate you with those qualities. The reverse is also true: If you are constantly trashing people behind their backs, your friends will start to associate the negative qualities with you as well.

Be positive 
Emotions are contagious.  To create a positive environment, start by being a positive person.

Be human
According to the pratfall effect, people will like you more after you make a mistake – but only if they believe you are a competent person. Revealing that you aren’t perfect makes you more vulnerable, which makes people around you relate better.

Touch is huge. Subliminal touching occurs when you touch a person so subtly that they barely notice. Common examples include tapping someone’s back or touching their arm, which can make them feel more warmly toward you. Want to know if you are getting along with someone?  Touch them.  Want to get personal with someone?  Be likable, get in close, and touch in a non-sexual way.. say a pat on the shoulder, or just about the elbow.  You are making progress if the person doesn’t pull back. Be aware of the response to your touch.

A smile broadcasts your mood.  Moods are contagious. Spread the good vibes and you become more likable.

Validate beliefs
Compliments are just the first part of something more important.  We all seek confirmations of our views, positive or negative.  There is a theory called self-verification.  Keep in mind that you don’t have to agree, to validate.

We all know honesty is important in a relationship.  But how do we know if a person can be trusted with our secrets?   You can’t know until you try a more meaningful conversation.  The process of becoming more comfortable with personal questions and answers gives us a stronger sense of closeness.

Be trustworthy 
After disclosure we must prove trustworthiness. “Trustworthiness is comprised of several components, including honesty, dependability, and loyalty, and while each is important to successful relationships, honesty and dependability have been identified as the most vital in the realm of friendships.”   (Suzanne Degges-White-Northern Illinois University)

A sense of humor is critical to being likable.   The root of humor is a sharing of things that are embarrassing, painful, or difficult in a way that makes light of it.  Humor is a tool that cuts through the difficult things in life.   This is why everyone gravitates to people with a sense of humor.

Listen more 
Take time to listen.  Don’t do all the talking.  Researchers using fMRI machine showed that the brain regions associated with motivation and reward were most active when participants were sharing information publicly – but also were active when they were talking about themselves without anyone listening.

Like people in general. 
Psychologists have known for a while about a phenomenon called “reciprocity of liking”: When we think someone likes us, we tend to like them as well.  Even if you’re not sure how a person you’re interacting with feels about you, act like you like them and they’ll probably like you back.   A word of caution.  People will know if you are faking it.  Develop in yourself a genuine love for other people, and work from there.

The problem 
The problem with all this is, it is a formula.  It is a cold scientific way of approaching relations.  To be successful at it, you either need to keep all this in your head and constantly refer to it as you interact with people. OR you need to develop your personality to the point where all this is natural.  I suggest the latter choice.  Focus on one improvement at a time, until it comes naturally to you.

For additional details and reference go here: Business Insider article