May I make a suggestion?, she asked. Of course my pet, I replied but inside my thoughts were churning.. what could she be about to ask now?
HOW my slave talks to me makes a huge difference in how I react to her. Since this is a Master-slave relation, my focus is on my pleasure, my wants, and especially on what she can do to keep from pissing me off.
A few nights back, Izrina served my drink, pulled up the stool, put a blanket over my feet, then fetched supper. She served on her knees, which cracked as she knelt. I am aware that some protocols cost her. I can’t tell you how much my heart swells when she does these things. I love the girl dearly.
The suggestion she made was for me to call her, rather than she call me when we are driving to work, since my car is blue tooth enabled and it is an easier matter for me than for her, while we are both driving. That was a good solid suggestion.
But there are also times though she pisses me off.
Izrina went to the refrigerator and the freezer door was ajar. I had just been there. Something had shifted and the door was open a crack. The ice cream was going soft. She said in an annoyed voice.. “Master, when you close the freezer pleeeeeese make sure it is closed”
Now I was instantly annoyed as well. I would never leave the freezer open a crack on purpose. What? I am going to spend the time to make sure it is open exactly one inch? You can’t fix what you don’t know is broke. Grrrrr…. What is it about one person being annoyed with me, that instantly makes me want to do a Donald Trump, Oh its on now!, full scale retaliatory attack?
There was the time I forgot to flush. She wasn’t mad, she was disgusted. Didn’t bother me. A person has to come at me with anger or annoyance to trigger that retaliation response.
Any time we talk with any one, the feelings we evoke could go either way, EVEN IF IT WASN’T OUR INTENT. We should probably be cognizant of this at all times. I am aware that there are going to be things I do that trigger Izrina. Hell.. some of them I do on purpose. But we are working on a LTR… so we want things to generally go well..
There are many ways she could have approached her suggestion. Some would trigger me. Some would not.
- May this slave make a suggestion?
- I have a suggestion..
- I have a request..
- Would you please?
- Would you pleeeeeeease?
- Do you think it might be better if?
- Is there a way this slave could?
- I would prefer it if..
- What do you think about this idea?
- I think we could do this a better way..
- I don’t think it’s a good idea to..
- I have a better idea…
- Can your slave do this a better way?
If the language makes it clear that the decision is mine and the tone submissive, indicating that what ever I decide will be accepted, that works best for me. She doesn’t have to dance around making me think its my idea.. she is pretty brilliant at times and I have no problem with evaluating an idea, though I might shy away from directly saying its a better idea. On the other hand, if she just saved me embarrassment, a great idea might earn a “good girl”. I do want her language to be crafted for me. For my part, I give thought to her insecurities. It is the part of our communication I give the most importance and therefore thought to.
When people ask for something but choose words that suggest “I am annoyed with you” it doesn’t go well. All my life I have often thought.. if you just worded that a little different, I would have been happy to help but not now. But then I think, but you are no mind reader. With Izrina, I have no filter. When she could have asked better, I will tell her. The result is that she knows me better. She knows my triggers. She know when she is likely to get a good response or a bad, and why that happened. I tell her these things.
The raw, open, honest communication that happens in a Ds relation, leaves no room for boundaries. It gives both the Master and the slave the tools they need to understand each other better, and to work on a better life together.
May I make a suggestion?, she asked. This was followed by a suggestion, in submissive tone. It went well. Some days I can be quite the mine field to navigate.
Carpe Diem my friends, go make a great day.