You can only be “guilty” if you consciously do something wrong. The alternative is being conscious and trying to do right. ~ a recent Xtac quote
In that comment, there are two choices and both assume you are consciously considering all your pros and cons, as well as the implications of your options in relation to your personal ethics. There is however, a second alternative.
You could be reacting without being conscious. But what does that mean? On one level, it means that you are simply reacting while suppressing any real thought. On another level, it means your feelings can be conflicted because of this.
Let’s say someone sends a text, asking you to bring home a loaf of bread. Do you just do it? Do you recoil from saying no? Is No even an option? What if the person asking could do this for themselves? What if you worked 12 hours that day and you know the person asking hasn’t worked at all? What if maybe the request could wait a day? What level of guilt will you feel, putting off the request? Does your brain even consider IF you should do what is asked?
Sometimes you are “wired” to just do as you are asked. You don’t question. You don’t have an option to push back.. either it doesn’t occur to you, or it does but your “wiring” doesn’t permit it.
A Master of course would push back. A slave normally would not. It is fundamental to the mindset of Master and slave. All of which is fine as long as both are happy and being happy means you are conscious, you are not suppressing your choices or feelings. If your greatest happiness comes from the happiness of others, you must be conscious of this. Visa-versa, if you are unhappy you need to root out the reason why. If you regret your choices, you are not being honest with yourself. To put this into terms of the example:
If you are a slave and you just worked 12 hours, and you know the person asking didn’t work, and you stop on your way home and take an extra fifteen minutes to pick up the bread, but you truly don’t mind because it is a personal service to the person or persons you care about, you are making a conscious choice. You have thought this through, and chosen what works for you.
If you are a slave and you just worked 12 hours, and you know the person asking didn’t work, and you stop on your way home and take an extra fifteen minutes to pick up the bread, and all the while are a little pissed about it, you have made an unconscious choice. You have NOT thought this through, and NOT chosen what works for you. You should more deeply question where your happiness lies.
There are many reasons why we choose to do things. Ultimately though our choices should be shaped by only two things. Our happiness and our ethics. If you find yourself conflicted, you must examine why. Slaves are not the only ones with this issue. Let’s look at a classic Master issue.
You are a Master and you haven’t been laid in a couple days and you really just want some oral service but you know that your slave has had a hard day, and while they never complain, they always let you know in other ways that this is not something they really wanted to do at that moment.. as if there ever was a good time… but you are who you are and you refuse to compromise what is important to you so you order this anyway, after which you have a talk about choices.. yours and hers. You have thought this through, and chosen what works for you.
You are a Master and you haven’t been laid in a couple days and you really just want some oral service but you know that your slave has had a hard day, and while they never complain, they always let you know in other ways that this is not something they really wanted to do at that moment.. as if there ever was a good time… so you make excuses with yourself and don’t order it. You don’t discuss it. You have NOT thought this through, and NOT chosen what works for you, and so are conflicted.
In the first example, the Master was true to their role or honest with themselves. This is where compatibility comes into play. When you and your partner like the same things, compromising on happiness is lessened. The goal of consensual slavery is mutual happiness so while compromises might happen, the fewer the better. None of this can happen if you are not honest with yourself. Neither you nor your partner can correct what you yourself are not being honest about.
If you have been dishonest with yourself in the past, you must correct this, and that means.. buckle up.. you must talk with your partner about it. In the best case you will discover you both will be happier, in a worse case you will discover that you are not compatible.
All of this is why honesty and negotiation is so vitally critical at the start of a Ds relation, and then throughout your time together. Some things you might compromise on. Others you can not. I for example cannot compromise on oral service. If I can’t have it, when I want it, when ever I want it (social setting permitting) then that is a deal breaker for me. Each of us will have our limits. Maybe its is anal, or golden showers, or something you think is worse still. There are some pretty bizarre kinks. Best you know what to expect in the most honest way possible.. and that starts with being conscious.. which means being honest with yourself, and your partner.
Carpe Diem my friends.. Go be someone’s great day.