Ok.. not big trouble, but its something to work on. Izrina has what she insists is a hard limit.. no humiliation. Simple enough. I won’t dress her in diapers or pee on her, as fun as that might be.. but its not that simple.
I am a wild extrovert. I strike up conversations all the time, and I dress in a flamboyant way that evokes conversation. I rarely go a day without striking up a conversation with someone completely strange. Strange to me when we started, but I rarely walk away without leaving a smile.. or at least them shaking their heads. The conversations vary wildly..
It was a sunny day in NYC and Izrina and I were strolling with friends a few stories above street level on the winding park that is the NYC highline. <check the link! A small cloud cover had cooled the setting sun and we found a comfortable corner bench near a water cooler under some trees. Sitting next to us were three mature women and they commented on my boots and the conversation was started. At one point I opened the conversation to BDSM and two showed interest but one stood up… body language that signaled to me that she was uncomfortable.. but one was very interested.
It turned out that these ladies were from the middle east, and one woman point out that she wore a ring with a ring on it.. which of course heralds back to “The story of O”. I admitted that I was a Dominant and that Izrina was my slave, and perhaps I crossed a line but I added that my two friends were also starting a life of BDSM. Well.. having come this far the questions and discussion quickly become what you can well imagine were something that others might not want their children to hear, so we spoke in vague words and hushed voices.
I mentioned visiting paddles, a BDSM club up on 26th Street, but they were leaving tomorrow.. a shame. Now all of this seems innocent enough, but it is the very kind of thing that can trigger Izrina’s childhood fear of being humiliated. As her owner, I feel it is my right to disclose whatever I please in these spontaneous conversations that pop up all the time… and in that I will never change. Being outgoing is at the heart of who I am. I can not imagine myself not engaging with any person at any time I choose. To put a leash on that part of me would be self destructive on a level I am not will to even contemplate.
But I can and do judge my audiences, and temper my conversations to match their interest and such.. and I can and do make judgements about what it appropriate to share, including judgments about what might cause Izrina’s humiliation trigger to flare. Understand that she is very, very private. She never talks about herself, even in sub support groups. It is one of my great Master challenges to improve on her ability to speak about herself with others. So I choose what I will reveal, and she needs to learn to suck it up.. to deal with the fact that as Master I will choose what I wish to reveal about our life together.
The way she deals with “sucking it up” is often poor. She becomes more quiet and sulks and glares and tends to bang things. She is not verbally defying, but her non-verbal communication makes it clear she is unhappy.
Normally I am OK with this behavior but since it came out recently when she was supposed to be on her best behavior, I am really going to have to reel that in.
When she is doing her non-verbal, “I am unhappy thing”, She is still obedient, and quick to comply, but when she starts these non-verbal objections it is then time to talk. I can’t remember a time that I apologize or reversed a decision. If I thought I was going to trigger one of these, I would have done it consciously. I can’t remember ever doing it on purpose, and there lies the heart of the problem. What she thinks I should see as a trigger, I do not. Nor am I going to change. She will have to. Now THAT is a thing.
Now that I think about it, there have been a time or two when I have hinted at something she would prefer I not blog about. Today I am going to blog on something that I know she has clearly stated she would prefer I not talk about. We will deal with it. I want to talk about it, so I am going to. Chalk it up to me working on this.
This has to do with hair. I love hair. I love the feel of it, the smell of it. I insist on long hair, that I can grab, hold, bury my face into, and enjoy. Now hair around her pussy I like shaved, except for a small tuft above.. a landing strip.. something neat and trimmed like a small wedged arrow pointing to the “insert pleasure here” spot.
But when it comes to leg hair, I am weird. I like long, soft leg hair. I know this is wildly un-American. I believe this is more of a European thing, but having never crossed the Atlantic, I can’t say I have personal experience.
I see the value in shaving the legs though.. it reveals the curves and muscles and allows you to admire a shapely well formed and exercised leg. Ah, but at night in bed as you run your fingers over a beloved body, enjoying the sense of touch and the feeling of warmth in connecting and being connected to, hair plays a different role. I like the feel of soft silky hair on legs.
As a cowgirl in jeans, my command to not shave her legs works quite well. She can feel sexy even when she know that others might not agree, but there comes a time when I want her in a dress..
Now a dress is meant to show of legs and then we have a problem. To put on a dress means that she has to shave off all that lovely hair and then there is the period of rough stubble and such a long time before the softness returns.
This is all something you can see and amazingly, as interesting as this conversation may seem, Izrina would have preferred I not go there. I find it fascinating fodder for conversation.. what do other think of this? Does anyone else have this issue and how do you deal with it, and what do you think?
Opening the door to discussion is to me logical.. and important.. I suppose on this one area, we started out being both compatible, and incompatible. My need to talk about anything and everything makes us a perfect fit. She can sit quietly and listen, and later when we are alone I will hear her thoughts.. yes.. they come quite easily later when we are alone. We are perfectly compatible until I hit a trigger.. then we are not compatible.
I seem to stumble upon a trigger at least once a month. Ha! and not just at that time of the month.. so that’s not it. It is an area I need to change in her. I am working on it. And I am going to work on the nonverbal communication too.
Anyway, if you have some thoughts on leg hair, let it fly.. I am curious if I am really, really weird, or just a little.
Carpe Diem my friends..