Happy fathers day!

If we think of humanity in very ancient terms, we go back to the hunters and the gatherers.  This basic division of roles is what drives the whole, men are from mars and women are from venus observations.  But truth be told, this division is less gender based and more role based.  The hunters are the Dominants..those who seek to excel, to stand out, and being a leader is a lonely place.   The gatherers are the submissives… those who seek satisfaction in the achievements of the collective.  I reject however the notion of gender based roles.

Now fathers day is a celebration on gender but as you might well imagine, in many ways I was not a traditional father.

To speak of me as a father, we must go back to the days before I became one.  I was always a Dominant in desire and as a heterosexual male my desire was a submissive female.  It wasn’t until much later that my heterfexible side developed, so in my younger years I tended to think of women in terms of what I could command.

So it was that when I finally matured enough to be attempt being a father, I wished for a son, knowing full well that my inclinations towards women in general would make me a poor father to a little girl.  Funny that what we “know” is often wrong.

What I learned was that “Adults do not make children; children make adults”.  When my daughter was born, she was so tiny.  I never liked holding babies, and I felt the same way about my daughter.. for a few days. How quickly fear of harming her was replaced by the joy of having her close.

I bought a sling.  Not the fancy one that has your baby strapped facing you, or riding on your back.  This was a simple affair, just a circle of cloth that went from shoulder to hip and let your baby curl up in natal position on your stomach.  I loved carrying my daughter this way for a number of reasons.  First, I felt is was a bridge for her between the nine months spent in her mother, and today.  And second, it gave me a small taste of what her mother had gone through, bearing her to birth age.  I loved the feel of her against my stomach, the weigh of her as she slept.  I strongly recommend these slings, especially for men.

I have fond memories of her riding with me to the day-care, just outside my office.. of visiting her for lunch, and of our adventures on the drive home.  It was during these times I think that “stop and smell the roses” took on the special meaning it has for us today.

So often, our relations with our parents are strained.  I think in this I have been blessed.  I gave great thought to the role I should take in my daughters upbringing and I think in this particular endeavor, I have succeeded as a father.  I think I brought the right balance of nurturing and admonishment.  The right levels of control and freedom-at the right times in her life.  The right lessons that would set my daughter on her way to making her own decisions.

I have been many things over the years… son, lover, husband, father.  Yes, Master is in there too, but it is not important to this day.. except that I have never hid my life from my daughter.  She knows everything, and in many ways I think she has some Dominant in her as well.  I know she is happiest when she is in control.  Her life wasn’t always perfect.  She maintained wonderful grades all through school, but the fear of failure has become a devil she now struggles to embrace, perhaps to the ruin of some things that might otherwise be a success.  It is the age old story.. that which we did in our youth, we turn 180 degrees from in our effort to break the bonds of the past.

Now she has passed from daughter to lover.  Where her life will take her, I can’t imagine, but I love her dearly.  In my youth, I knew only eros love.. the love of passion.  But being a father taught me the ways of agape love.. the love of compassion.   Each has a place in our lives.. passion and compassion.  I hope she calls today, but perhaps she will not.  When you are young and struggling in life, its hard.  You are so busy watching for the upcoming horizon, we sometimes forget to look back.  That is the thing about age.  The older you get, the more you tend to look back.  I think today, I’ll adopt the ways of youth, and look forward… I wonder what this day has in store for me?   Carpe Diem my friends.. seize this day and make it yours.  Go be someone’s great day.

“My Master” and other things bigger than ourselves

My slave is not allowed to utter the words, “My Master”.  I own her.  She does not own me.  Ah…. but how infinitely desirable is it to a slave to be able to speak these words?  How completely bland and tasteless, how abjectly lacking in emotional content is the replacement.. “the Master I serve”?  I slipped the other day and then corrected myself, but it lead to a long reflection on this.

The word “my” conveys so much more than just possession.  It says, this it the one Master for me.  It says this is the Master to whom I have given my devotion, my loyalty, all that I am.  The word “my” carries with it such wonderful gravity of expression..why is that? As I examined this, I realized that this simple pronoun has no replacement and with it came this revelation.

That which we love, we feel we must possess.

This insight reveals a fundamental flaw in our collective thinking.  It says, if you love something, you must conquer it.  I asked.. is there nothing that is greater than us, that conquers us rather than we conquering it?  Is there no suitable replacement in our language that is possessive, but reverses that possession?  This reveals a very basic error in the collective thinking of English speaking people.  It is so ingrained into our thought that we barely are aware that there are things that have all these feelings.. things that we give our devotion, loyalty, and selves to, but which possess us instead …

The idea of love being limited and a commodity to be fiercely guarded is a concept that I don’t understand. ~ Slave_Shylah

When we understand that Love is a force of unlimited potential, and that we can be conduits for it, and that it can fill us with more joy than we can bear.. to the point that we can ask the maker to stop… we realize there are things in this life that can possess us.  The sky, nature, beauty.. we are surrounded by thing that if we open our hearts are breathtaking and fill us… yet we do not say.. my sky, my nature, my painting..

My, mine, yours, ours.. this language needs an antonym to the pronoun my..  perhaps sy… something that says this thing possesses me.. rather than I possess it.  Or. That thing possesses you.  Why “sy”?  Well it seems to me that we Masters express our love by possessing it, but a slave expresses love by being possessed. M for my, s for sy.. just throwing it out there.  You’ll have to figure out the other replacements.

It is a shame that our language is so limited, as to not recognize that there is more than one way to express love.  In fact, the slave expression of love is very appealing.. it recognizes that there are things bigger, more grand, greater than ourselves.. and that is important.  Even we Master must bow to this fact.

We as a society need a pronoun that lays the foundations to correct this fundamental flaw in our thinking.  If our language recognized that we can possess, or be possessed, this would lay the foundation for a broader understanding of the really important things in life.  Nor do people always choose to be possessed by the good things.  Some persons become entangled in hatred, allowing it to possess them.  There is a very definite need to understand and express that this.  Possession is not black and white.. It is not simply, I own something or not.  A thing can also possess you.  Be conscious of possession and know this.. if you allow a thing to possess you, let it be for love, not hatred, or covetous feelings.

So there you have it.  Just some of my daily musing on this life as a person who owns a person.  I simply adore my slave.  In our morning ritual, as my slave asked as she does each morning for my Dominance, I stopped her and asked.. why do we do this ritual?  The answer dear readers, is to reaffirm that this is consensual.  Yes, I own her body and mind but she reaffirms each day, her desire to be owned.  It is good that we found each other.  It is good that I am that thing that is bigger, grander, and worthy of giving herself to.  And it is good that she expresses her love in this way, because I must possess that which I love.   We fit, it works, and it is good.  Better than good.. it is freaking wonderful.

Master and slave relations fill a gap where there is a huge hole occupied by a word that doesn’t even exist.  The English language cannot even express “the Master I serve” with a basic pronoun that says this possesses me rather than I possess it.   Master and slave relations are so much more than simple kink.  We are a community of thinking, caring loving people.  We are bold and intelligent people who have much to share with the world.  Small wonder that we express things there are no words for.

Carpe Diem my friends.  Go make the world a better place, as a Master, as a slave, as a thinking, caring person who knows there are things bigger than ourselves.

 

Slaves and souls

This is one of those spiritual blogs… no hot throbbing juiciness, so if that’s what you are here for, you might want to skip this one.

So, I’ve been sick.  Really sick.  Today, I was struck with the thought of just how much mental acuity I was operating without the past two weeks.

Now there is no better time in my estimation to meditate than when you are sick.  My reason though may surprise you.  When you reach into the purple chakra, and open the third eye and you see that you are not your body, a number of things happen, and one thing in particular that has happened to me is, I want to be able to be this self, no matter what my body does.  In other words, I would like to die, while spiritually conscious and be awake to watch my body die.  Yeah, morbid perhaps for some, but in another sense, what better way to better understand your karma and your self than to finally be able to leave this life awake?

So while I was really, really sick, I meditated and the purple chakra just resisted me.  It didn’t want to open.   Eventually it did, but as I sat there meditating and watching over my body and enjoying this minor victory, I was struck with how this mindset of not seeing your body as yourself is very slave like.. and suddenly I was struck with appreciation for my slave.

When she speaks in third person, she is in effect, adopting a very similar point of reference.  And as I let these experiences wash over me and tasted and relived my many experiences with slaves, I was struck again with the notion that perhaps slaves are better aligned with their spiritual selves than we Masters.

So I turned my focus to the great spiritual leaders of the past and I asked, were these people of the mindset of slaves or Masters?  Take Gandhi or Christ.  Did they crave to be leaders… or did they crave to serve and their followers were a byproduct of this?  A great slave who is also a friend, was thrust into a position of being a Master.. and she felt that she could be a Master AND a slave through service to the community.  Interesting..  Are the great leaders, both political and spiritual like this?

Of course all of this is just finger-painting..  dabbling in meaningless dribble.  Its an intellectual pursuit and we must never forget that the intellect is a trap for true wisdom.  Not that we should not pursue knowledge, but it ultimately leads to us realizing that all the knowledge in the world points out how little we can really define and know things.

Ah well.. it was fun dabbling though, and it brought forth some interesting observations.  Ultimately, we are all slaves and we are all Masters in our way.  These games we play with our bodies are really just meaningless fun.  What really matters is what we hold in our hearts, and those we hold close to ourselves.  Carpe Diem my friends.. Be well, and meditate.

An interesting choice

I was faced with an interesting choice today.   I had a rare break in my day and I could afford a lunch, which means I could have left the office, taken a stroll, had a bite to eat, and de-stressed.

I had plenty of managerial work to do, but my employees are way behind and I wanted to get in the trenches and help with some of the work they are trying to complete.

Now it would please me greatly to see some of the backlog of work be reduced, and I don’t mind giving up my lunch to help, but here is the thing.. and this is going to seem weird perhaps.

If I did use my lunch and knock out some of the work backlog, but then didn’t get to the managerial stuff done, my boss is going to ask me why I didn’t delegate instead of do the work myself.  And If I mention that I used MY time during lunch because it pleased me to pitch in, that is something few people are going to actually believe…. and worse… I might just get the response.. if you want to work on your time, work on your work…

So I sat there pondering…  do I use my lunch time to do work that I want to do to help… or take the time to de-stress because using that time could get me into trouble with my boss?   Odd line of thinking right?  Looking at it now, it seem stupid and obvious that it shouldn’t matter what I do with my time but trust me, I’ve been down this road for so many decades now,  I can anticipate the reactions I am likely to get.

Ultimately, I decided to work on MY work through lunch in the hope of freeing up time at the end of the day, to help the guys…. but that never happened.  So I worked through my lunch today in the hope of the time going to help the team.. but it never did..  and no one will every know the desire I had to be an good employer and boss. No one will know the effort I made to try to pitch in. Not that I am complaining, its just one of those things.  Ultimately we have to make these choices for our own reasons and let them go.  A gift with strings is no gift at all… and a desire to be recognized for giving is still a string.

Here is the challenge and its a big one.  To give and get nothing in return, not even recognition, and be OK with that.  It takes a special kind of personal development to do this.  Even if you get that far, there is still the trap of pride.  Honest self reflection is so important to being the best person you can be.

Its even harder to believe someone could truly have the altruistic thoughts and desires I am relating.  If it were not for the slaves and Masters I know that live this every day, I too might be skeptical…

Carpe Diem my friends.. go be someone’s great day!

Oh wait! You’re here!

So…. a lazy afternoon and I am on the couch trying to give my body some much needed rest.  Drifting in and out of sleep, I was in a nice fuzzy warm place.. not quite asleep, not quite awake.  In the background, the Izrina is laughing at some witty back and forth banter on a Fet page… nice.. I love to hear her laugh.

Through this warm fog, I hear her talking..  maybe to herself, maybe to me.. she probably didn’t know.  It went something like this..

hmm now a nice hot tub and a shower
let’s see.. ummmm.
Oh wait.  You’re here!  I don’t need to take my cell phone.

As I lay there, I grinned.  It was one of those moments.   I got up walked into the bathroom where she was playing seduko while waiting for the tub to fill.  I took her face into my hands, kissed her on the forehead, and said.. Oh wait.  You’re here!  I don’t need to take my cell phone.  Then I crawled back under the covers on the couch.  Izrina stuck her head around the corner, a grin on her face.. I said something funny?

For many slaves, every question is… is it good?  Did I do well?  With Izrina, who has a moral fear of embarrassment, on top of everything else she ALSO doesn’t want to come of as a ditz.  She was asking me to reassure her, as much as to explain.

That, I said, was one of those golden moments I will wrap up and keep.  What that told me was that when you change from one room to another, one of your first thoughts is… will Master be able to reach me if I am needed.  Its very sweet my pet.

She smiled broadly and skipped off to her tubby, a happy little flogger bunny.   I drifted off to sleep, still warmed by the moment. Big things come in small packages my friends.  Go be someone’s great day!

 

 

Master’s orders

A quick health update..  cold moved from my throat, to my ears, to my sinuses..  Been chasing that sucker around the body and it just doesn’t want to quit.  I kind of feel sorry for Izrina since she has been looking forward to a relaxing week off and instead had to endure coughing 24 x7.  Just a day or two more and it will be fine..

We went on a hike today.  Nice walk.  Stopped and had some cold alcohol drinks at a scenic spot.  No drugs for the cold in me, so it was ok..  plus.. I only had half of mine..  Moderation… Carved a heart into a tree.  Something nice about knowing your proclamation of love will be there when you come back years later.  For you tree lovers..I didn’t cut deep and I thanked the tree when we were done…Really more of a tree tattoo than a carving.

So two interesting things.  Some days the rituals and the protocols don’t cut it.  I know we are Master and slave but some days I am just not feeling it.  Some days I just need to feel my Domination by putting it to use.  Today was one of those days.

Izrina was busy playing an XBOX game and I paused as I came into the room.  She was clearly having fun.. and the thing about these games is, you become blissfully unaware of anyone else.  That plus you can reach a point where you simply do not want to be interrupted..   I do this thing with a dog where I hold out some scrap and the dog is watching the scrap and then say.. does he love me..while holding the scrap in front of me..  or the food? and I move the food out to arms length.. of course the dogs eyes go with the food.  So in another sense, I was thinking.. which does Izrina love more..  her game time?  or me?  Now I am grinning quite broadly.. and I say.. hit pause..  She hits pause, looks at me and says… Oh no.. why are you grinning?  I pointed to my feet and without a word, she crawled across the floor and dropped to my feet in worship position.

Did I have to interrupt her game for that little meaningless exchange?  Yes!, and it wasn’t meaningless.  You are not a Master, if you can’t command.  You are not a slave, if you are never commanded.  Once in a while it is absolutely critical that you taste the flavor of your power exchange.   I gave her a nice swat on the ass, and sent my little flogger bunny back to her game… We were both warmed by that Ds quickie…  plus worship involves cock worship.. so yeah.. very nice connection there..

Later, as we sat down to dinner, hmmmm delicious…  Izrina served in protocol fashion wearing a silky red thing, and before starting I told her to swap in the next DVD in the series that we are watching at dinner time.  A normal enough order… but as she got up to comply, I stopped her..  but I want you to swap the disk naked..  disrobe first…    This provided her with the opportunity to do a mini-strip tease,  and I got to examine my property as she swapped out the disk.   Another Ds quickie.

Part of the challenge you face in a 24×7 relation is keeping it fresh.. coming up with simple little orders that keep the sense of the Ds relation alive.  Its so easy to become complacent..   to do the same thing over and over.. Not that there is anything wrong with a routine.  Routines are nice.   But you do need to find little Ds quickies to throw in once in a while.  They may seem small and insignificant.. but it always the little things that pay off big.  Carpe Diem my friends..  Go be someone’s great day.

Vacation sickness

NO, I don’t have Montezuma’s revenge, I didn’t pick up any strange intestinal distress while on vacation.  What I did do was work two back to back 60 hour weeks, plus assorted other stuff with my daughter while she was back from college and I think I pushed way too hard.

I’ve been sick…. really, really sick.. the kind where your body can’t tell what your temperature is.. you know you have a fever and you can feel the sweat, but you have chills and are shaking.. woo hoo! What a ride! Wouldn’t want life to get boring..

Not complaining… just letting you know there is a good reason I haven’t been posting.  So I’ve been resting and ordering my slave around.. on HER vacation.  Yeah… I said her… usually that particular word is not allowed into our vocabulary but everyone needs a little vacation time.  I am sure this is not the vacation time Izrina imagined.

Going to keep this brief.. Need to rack up some more sleep.  No worries though, I am sure there is a reason I let this happen.  I’ll just have fun with it..  Been a bit loopy..  Izrina thought I got into the cough syrup.  Nope.. just a little chakra work.. works every time.  Carpe Diem my friends.. go make a great day..  no matter what!