It was just another evening, living with X. My slave curled up with her head in my lap, as we talked of things from our day and the evening. It is warm moments like this that I bask in. It is the small treasures of pleasant memories like this that keep me warm during my endless toil at work.
The subject turned to love and somehow the topic turned to what it would take to get rid of me.. and I said, that’s easy.. just break your sacred role as a slave.
Warning.. spoiler alert… can you see where this is going?
I had the sudden twinge that you get sometimes when you know you are treading on a subject where there can be no happy outcome… Where any answer is a wrong turn. I saw the dead end in the canyon, but I forged ahead anyway.
Izrrina was taken back. She wanted to hear that my Love knew no bounds, that I would fight to hold onto her.
But that is the thing about consent, is it not? How can you make someone consent and it still be consent? How can you fight for a thing, and it not be coerced? Some things to be real, must be freely given..
I told her, “You have concocted an impossible scenario. What I love about you IS your slave nature. Without it you are not you. In other words, I can only not love you, if you are not you.”
It is that fantasy that haunts us sometimes. We want to believe that that a person can and will Love us no matter what.. but that is not me. I have conditions. I do not love a partner unconditionally, it is not my way.
Then I asked.. Would you love me if I stopped acting like a Dominant?
Warning.. double spoiler alert… can you see where this is going?
It was my turn to be disappointed. She felt she could love me even if I stopped acting as a Dominant. Well, more correctly, she wanted to believe that she could see past any obstacle to hold onto our love. THAT was not what I wanted to hear. It brought up all my old fears that she had a nilla side, that might rise again.. that she wasn’t really a slave at heart. For me, the roles are sacred. There can be no other way.
Clearly my Canvas needs work.. Carpe Diem my friends. Go be someone’s great day.