No, I am not talking about the infamous “topping from the bottom”, or switching, or anything along those lines. No, MasterX has not lost his keen need to Dominate either.. that won’t happen in this lifetime, you can be sure. Just bear with me, I think you will like this.
I was busy, but after I wrapped up what I was doing I went looking for Izrina. I found her soaking in a warm bath with her beloved Sudoku puzzles and a pen.. yeah she does them in pen. She had not washed her hair yet and still smelled of horses.. which is a perfume I don’t care for so I kept my distance and admired her from the door. She looked up, curious if I needed her, curious if I had something for her to do. There was that familiar feeling again, this love I have for she who is my canvas. I turned and as I walked away was struck with a thought…
I am loathe to ever say that another person can make me anything. I will make me.. period! I have been down the road of being needy and I’ll never go there again. I have sworn off on being a person who takes from a relationship, who NEEDS a specific person to complete me. As I thought this, I felt a sense of hypocrisy rising up inside.
It is painful to write and even more to say, but a heart may be chained to another, in such a way that you feel compelled to do anything for that person. I know that you slaves out there understand that, and the great Masters who understand the slave heart get that…but what about when a Master comes to love their slave so much that it feels as if it tears at the fabric of your dynamic?
What about the Master who’s heart feels compelled to do anything they can for their slave? I don’t know if I am saying this clearly. Even now I am dancing around putting myself in this equation. If I would do anything for my slave, does that mean my love for her has enslaved me? The words are like poison to me, and yet I know the answers. I know the words that form a ladder, a ladder I can use to climb back out of this hole I am digging.
I alluded to this in an other blog..Dom’s Don’t Cry…We know that in Ds break ups that the pain works both ways – but when a Master is abandoned, they cannot beg and crawl and ask the slave to take them back. Slaves do not take owners. Owners take slaves. We need to always be strong.
But I also often say that BDSM is place for the heart like no other. There are no walls, no boundaries and two can truly become one. We can not hope to feel the joy of the highest peaks if we are not willing to risk it all. So we come to this again, the giving with complete abandon, our hearts. A great Dominant is not cold and uncaring, quite the opposite. But we also will not wear our hearts on our sleeves. It is not our way.
It’s an odd thing, this need to carry burdens large and small, to shove down our pain, to be completely there for another.. wait.. was I talking about slaves or Master’s there? Did you know? If not, THAT is my point.
Masters and slave are not so very different in our desire to serve. It is in the control really, where we differ. A Master can be a slave to his or her heart and not break the dynamic. A Master who does not let love change who they are, but instead preserves their sacred role in this dance of power exchange, is no slave.
No, a Master need not become a slave if they are clear on who and what they are. The Master who stays true to their sacred role and serves the needs of the one who serves, is still the Master. I suppose this might work both ways, when a slave sees a Master in need of direction.. but I digress.
We share so much in common, Masters and slaves. When it works the fear of losing all this joy is scary. But you can’t let fear dictate your life. Not when there is a bouncy little slave who will hop from the tub at your beck and call, all wet and warm at the snap of your fingers… What was I complaining about again? I forget.. (on purpose)
Carpe Diem my friends. You know the rest..