Imagine… Alone at night in on a moonlit path through the woods. Tree branches like skeletal hands grasp at you. An unseen twig cracks under foot and the sound shatters the silence. The light and safety of the cabin just ahead is an eternity away. A man approaches from no where. He has no smile, no warmth… just a cold stare and silence.
What is it about silence that intimidates so? I have long thought about how silence with my slave is both a blessing and a curse.
If you really are a Dominant then you desire to be MORE involved when there are issues. But by the same token when a slave knows that misbehavior will lead to more involvement, you are encouraging bad behavior to GET that involvement.
You can hardly blame a slave who feels neglected, when they start acting up to get the interaction they crave.. even though they know it is topping from the bottom and that knowledge alone takes away some of the joy of any interaction.
I hope your mind is leaping ahead to all of the traps and pitfalls that can come from silence from a Dom…or from reacting to misbehavior with greater involvement.
The answers are not as easy as providing lots of interaction when it is not desired, and backing off interaction when there is misbehavior.. though that isn’t a bad approach. But backing off a problem runs counter to the desires and needs of one who desires to Dominate. We want to be more involved with a problem, not less.
Back in the year 2010 I think it was, I tried pulling back communication with a disobedient submissive I was mentoring… Bad experience. I determined at that point two things.. you HAVE to be able to get face to face and personal. Also, you HAVE to get more involved with issues.. but then there is the problem of that being used against you …. topping from the bottom. The first rule appears to be a constant. The second however has variables.
Like the silent man approaching in the woods, the dark dominant who is silent but in your face is VERY intimidating.. especially when you know what kind of behavioral correction they can bring to bear. The dark dominant who is miles away and silent is a fear that has no teeth, a punishment that can be ignored.
Generally speaking, if you are trying to keep a Ds relation alive with online, or phone experiences, I would say that you are going to be disappointed to some degree. There are good reasons and bad reasons why this situation might arise. One good reason can be when a job takes us away from those we love. The bad reasons are cheating. I won’t go into the cheating side.. if you want words of wisdom on that read some of Viles blogs. He’s set you straight.
Regarding the good reasons though, there are going to be lapses that are not dealt with, and things that go unaddressed, and that is bad. I am not saying you can’t do it.. you can.. but I highly recommend if you do this, that you have video conferences frequently, and have regular timed text check ins.
Now when you LIVE in a Ds relation, then the question of withdrawing becomes interesting. What will you do? Go to another room? Go for a walk? Why would you as a Master? If someone needs some air, wouldn’t it be better to have your slave go get some? It depends. If you are going to apply a cane when one of you gets back, the decision about who takes the walk is a question of which will make the experience more memorable and lasting?
Hmmmm maybe your slave takes a walk, WITH the cane, and must bring it back to you? Depends. You need to understand your slave. Perhaps you put her in worship position, in front of a web cam, holding the cane, while you take a walk of undetermined length.. You just need to know the mind of your slave.
Silence is ONLY effective when it is coupled with face to face interaction. To really bring your full bag of Dominant tools to the table, you have to bring it face to face. If for what ever reason you are not able to interact in a face to face way, I would propose that you never withdraw… and if you increase your attention when there is an issue. If a remote relation does not responded to your demands for increased time and interaction, you should consider the possibility of ending the relation. Also consider using video conferencing to verify your punishments are carried out, and allow no lapse.
A slave in a 24×7 can be a crazy, needy, demanding experience in the sense that they crave interaction with you. How much more then must you step up if you can’t do it face to face? Taking on a remote relation can be quite burdensome. It’s why I rarely do it. Oh.. on occasion, but not very often.
Carpe Diem my friends.. go be someone’s great day.. in person!