Silence.. from a Dom???

Imagine…  Alone at night in on a moonlit path through the woods.  Tree branches like skeletal hands grasp at you.  An unseen twig cracks under foot and the sound shatters the silence.  The light and safety of the cabin just ahead is an eternity away. A man approaches from no where.  He has no smile, no warmth… just a cold stare and silence.

What is it about silence that intimidates so?   I have long thought about how silence with my slave is both a blessing and a curse.

If you really are a Dominant then you desire to be MORE involved when there are issues.  But by the same token when a slave knows that misbehavior will lead to more involvement, you are encouraging bad behavior to GET that involvement.

You can hardly blame a slave who feels neglected, when they start acting up to get the interaction they crave.. even though they know it is topping from the bottom and that knowledge alone takes away some of the joy of any interaction.

I hope your mind is leaping ahead to all of the traps and pitfalls that can come from silence from a Dom…or from reacting to misbehavior with greater involvement.


The answers are not as easy as providing lots of interaction when it is not desired, and backing off interaction when there is misbehavior.. though that isn’t a bad approach.  But backing off a problem runs counter to the desires and needs of one who desires to Dominate.  We want to be more involved with a problem, not less.

Back in the year 2010 I think it was, I tried pulling back communication with a disobedient submissive I was mentoring… Bad experience.  I determined at that point two things.. you HAVE to be able to get face to face and personal.   Also, you HAVE to get more involved with issues.. but then there is the problem of that being used against you …. topping from the bottom.  The first rule appears to be a constant.  The second however has variables.

Like the silent man approaching in the woods, the dark dominant who is silent but in your face is VERY intimidating.. especially when you know what kind of behavioral correction they can bring to bear.  The dark dominant who is miles away and silent is a fear that has no teeth, a punishment that can be ignored.

Generally speaking, if you are trying to keep a Ds relation alive with online, or phone experiences, I would say that you are going to be disappointed to some degree. There are good reasons and bad reasons why this situation might arise.  One good reason can be when a job takes us away from those we love.  The bad reasons are cheating.  I won’t go into the cheating side.. if you want words of wisdom on that read some of Viles blogs.  He’s set you straight.

Regarding the good reasons though, there are going to be lapses that are not dealt with, and things that go unaddressed, and that is bad.  I am not saying you can’t do it.. you can.. but I highly recommend if you do this, that you have video conferences frequently, and have regular timed text check ins.


Now when you LIVE in a Ds relation, then the question of withdrawing becomes interesting.    What will you do?   Go to another room?  Go for a walk?   Why would you as a  Master?  If someone needs some air, wouldn’t it be better to have your slave go get some?   It depends.   If you are going to apply a cane when one of you gets back, the decision about who takes the walk is a question of which will make the experience more memorable and lasting?

Hmmmm maybe your slave takes a walk, WITH the cane, and must bring it back to you?  Depends.  You need to understand your slave.  Perhaps you put her in worship position, in front of a web cam, holding the cane, while you take a walk of undetermined length..  You just need to know the mind of your slave.

Silence is ONLY effective when it is coupled with face to face interaction.  To really bring your full bag of Dominant tools to the table, you have to bring it face to face.  If for what ever reason you are not able to interact in a face to face way, I would propose that you never withdraw… and if you increase your attention when there is an issue.  If a remote relation does not responded to your demands for increased time and interaction, you should consider the possibility of ending the relation.  Also consider using video conferencing to verify your punishments are carried out, and allow no lapse.

A slave in a 24×7 can be a crazy, needy, demanding experience in the sense that they crave interaction with you.  How much more then must you step up if you can’t do it face to face?   Taking on a remote relation can be quite burdensome.  It’s why I rarely do it.  Oh.. on occasion, but not very often.

Carpe Diem my friends..  go be someone’s great day.. in person!

11 thoughts on “Silence.. from a Dom???

  1. As usual, a terrific post. However, i must disagree with a small point you make: ‘… The dark dominant who is miles away and silent is a fear that has no teeth, a punishment that can be ignored.’ The difference might be that ours isn’t an exclusively long distance online dynamic, only about kink and use. There’s a foundation of friendship, respect and love upon which M/s has been constructed. He knows the WORST punishment he can inflict is silence. The punishment that i internalize is far worse than anything physical he could mete out. Silence, for me, has cruel and very sharp teeth and is most definitely not ignored. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gosh, such passion in a post and here I am wanting to quibble on two things. Eek.
    I’ve never cared for the phrase topping from the bottom. Not sure what it represents to you but it makes me scratch my head even though I’m quite switchy in how the bottom managed to take the power away in the first place. But then the book ‘Conque Me’ explains it better than I can.
    The second quibble is with the word ‘only.’ Silence is far too often the go to tool in LDR and is quite fearsome and in overuse, destructive. A Silence can last from days to years and there is no recourse for the sub to take, nothing to reassure her, nothing to hold on too. It’s not some that can be ignored.


  3. I don’t think we would disagree that its better up close and in person. When you are apart, distance can make the heart grow more fond.

    If you crave interaction and if Domination is a gift as I so often say, then withdrawing it is clearly a cruel punishment. If silence is as painful as you say, it means that your dynamic is a need rather than a lifestyle, It is an orientation. From my perspective, that is a very good thing. Not every person who calls themselves “slave” is so slave like.

    I get that silence is a tool in the Ds tool bag. I truly do. Just threatening Izrina with it can cause her to burst into tears. The fact that you can be swayed by someone far away speaks of a strong connection, which is another good thing.

    I would stand by my words/ While distance may make the heart grow more fond, and therefore the need to submit more strong, it can also have the opposite effect. I think the take away is that we must manage the mind of the slave, based who and what they are and no tool should be discarded. Good points here!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Never be afraid to speak. I don’t bite hard.. usually.

    Certainly no one disagrees that you can identify as a slave and still be quite talented. But there will be times that intelligence is misused. We are all human and there will come times when that intelligence is put to work thinking of ways to change the outcome of things.

    I get that in a slave, there will be pain if successful.. a slave should never be successful in outwitting the Master they serve.. but to try.. that is going to happen from time to time and by what ever name this is known, it happens.

    When it does, you find out if the Master you serve is as sharp and unrelenting as you hope. Ideally, “topping from the bottom” should fail. I would never use silence if I could not see if I was getting my point across. Its why I would never use silence from a distance. I need to see the effect of my administration. I need to feel it.

    Maybe I should have said that I personally would ONLY use it face to face. I personally hate the idea of using silence at all. It feels wrong for me. I have to be in a real mood to pull that one out of the bag and when I do, its not going to last long, or end well.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. @Little one – That first reply was my “soft” one. Here is my hard one..

    Regarding this sentence: “The dark dominant who is miles away and silent is a fear that has no teeth, a punishment that can be ignored.”

    You forgot to consider an important modifier of that sentence: “CAN”. Just because a thing can happen, doesn’t mean you personally can let it. Don’t take it so personally. If you CANNOT let it happen, be proud.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for your kind words. The lifestyle is indeed the outward manifestation of an authentic slave soul. Thank you for recognizing it and respecting our situation at this moment. Neither of us wants LD, and we are navigating a move to His city as soon as we can. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I hope that comes to pass, and not too far in the future. Like an older couple holding hands, there is something infinitely pleasing about a happy Ds couple. It warms my heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on this. I appreciate it.
    And I appreciate the distinction you draw out there. I’m unable to recall at the moment any Dom that’s expressed a dislike of using Silence at a distance. It’s reassuring to me that the topic isn’t so cut and dry after all.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Nothing personal at all. i was speaking only for myself. Although punishments can be ignored long distance, i wouldn’t dream of it. On the rare occasions that His punishment was meted out, i was deserving of each one. Knowing that He is disappointed in me is the hardest punishment of all…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I thank you.. This dialog has given me thought to expand on.. I think the subject of Topping from the bottom.. by what ever name… is worthy of further thought and sharing.. in another blog perhaps.

    Liked by 1 person

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