Somewhere between a diary.. and a workshop, lies this blog..
Saturday night was fire play, and afterward a person whose opinion I value said: I don’t want this to sound like an insult, so how can I say this.. Your play tonight seemed less sadistic.
Now if you read my accounting and are not into flying or a pain slut, you were probably thinking that my description sounded pretty darn sadist to you… So now you have to be wondering, just how freaking sadist were you in the past MasterX?
I’ve seen it time and time again. The evilution of a slave and Dominant. As much as the Master and slave relation seems fixed, as much as seems fairly simple, nearly every relationship I’ve known has gone through transitions.
Sometimes its on the Dominant side. A sadist becomes more sadistic or less. An owner becomes more controlling or less. Sometimes its on the slave side. Sometimes there is a desire to dive deeper into submission or masochism.. or sometimes the opposite is true.
How many times have you heard the reason for a divorce was, “We just grew apart”. People take separate paths sometimes and when they do, they tend to grow farther and farther apart.
It’s no one’s fault when your desire takes you in a new direction, nor should we necessarily sacrifice a new understanding of who we want to be, just because it diverges from a road you mapped out with another.
The marriage vow of “until death do you part” has its value. If you entered into a heterosexual marriage, knowing full well that you are gay, you entered into that marriage as a lie. All of your promises for a future that would be mapped out together were based on a premise that never existed. That is an extreme case but it makes my point. To a lesser degree, there are other examples like this. If you knew in your heart when you took your vow, that there was something fundamentally flawed right from the start, but you hoped it would work out, then the fault is on you, but also the responsibility to set it right.
In a similar way, we often enter into BDSM relations not fully comprehending the commitment we are making or the degree to which we will need to fight to hold onto that promise.
The cane, its healing power,
The cane is another vicious tool of sadism. It is easier to control than a whip, but the damage it can do in the hands of an inexperienced person is terrifying. Never, and I mean truly never, use a full swing with a cane until you know what it can do.
That being said, research in Russian suggests that caning can help some people overcome all sorts of issues – from depression, addiction and weight-loss through to guilt that needs to be exorcised!
Here is at least one person who has already started to cash in on that!
Tying it all together – Saturday, changing, the cane
I have been thinking about Saturday night. Has my sadist side softened? Certainly I have laid out the case for believing that everyone changes. Yet I know that pain, like the cane, has a value, especially for people who are cutters, or have issues with depression.
I have a growing conviction that is reshaping my thinking. First, I don’t think my sadism has diminished. Let’s dispense with that right off the bat. But I do think the Sadist and Master alike go through an adjustment period.
Just as we become more comfortable with our level of sadism over time, as we grow to better understand what it is we achieve with it, so too our level of comfort with pushing the envelope of consent in the Master/slave relation grows more comfortable as we better understand what we can achieve with it.
What I am saying is, while my sadism hasn’t diminished, my level of comfort with what I do with the control of Izrina has grown. Its another level for me.
I had a talk about this very subject on Saturday with another person, and essentially, I realized that my three areas of slave choice, are really no different from the classic one choice. The first for the larger measure really only exists for an un-owned slave, and the third is the nuclear option. Like the cold era policy of MAD ( mutually assured destruction), the third area of a slave choice is so radical, it may never be exercised. I realize that for all my rationalization, a TPE really is as all encompassing as it sounds.
I still like my three choices better. The third choice of a slave needs to stand out in our minds, as the nuclear option that we pray is never used It should be a caution to both Master and slave, the gravity of the mutual destruction that might occur should it be exercised. It also serves as a notice of just how serious this role of Master becomes.. when an owner grows into the shoes they promised to fill.