Service, or submission? Which comes first, slave?

Michael Makai, famously put forth the notion of the “Warrior Princess” as a slave category.   It was warmly received by slaves who previously felt no one quite understood them.  I remember sitting and speaking with a slave one evening who laughed at the notion.  She fairly spit at the thought.  She didn’t warmly receive his ideas at all.

Why start with this?  Why now?  It starts with the fact that I have long pushed Izrina to do more self evaluation, to dig deeper into her own feelings and communicate these things I need to know, to be a better Master.  I need to understand my slaves motivations, before I can motivate her.

You must ever be mindful to manage the mind, not the body of the slave. ~Xtac Quote

She said to me last night, that she thought perhaps she loved service, more than submission.  She said it so very meekly, knowing my love for her submission, and the power I feel in that exchange.  I sensed that she didn’t want to trample on that, so she approached with caution, less I object, or worse.

Of course inside, I did not receive this thought warmly at all.  My main kink is power exchange.  But a Master does not jump to panic or negatively.  We use patience, love, and the projection of focus on the reality we wish to create.  So I did.

My first thought was that Izrina is impressionable.  It’s like seeing a commercial that says.. Do you wake up tired in the morning, didn’t get enough rest?  And you say.. OH my God!  I have this disease.. what ever it is.. write this down, I need this drug.

That is not to say she is weak.  But she receives the focus people hand her and runs with it.  What do I mean by that?  If she was reading Michael’s work, I would expect her to come back saying she could see some warrior princess in her.  She did mention a recent slave forum discussing something along theses lines.


So my new question, my new focus becomes.. Is service more important than submission, for her personally?  What does that mean for our dynamic?  Too soon to say.  We’ve only just begun to unravel this one.  She is just now beginning to really let me in to her most inner self. I too must tread lightly.  We are making progress.  Its important for me to nurture her communication.

I know that may seem odd, but it has been a very long and slow process.  She is a very private person, easily prone to embarrassment.   I love the canvas I am giving a new life to.  For me, at this point in our dynamic, she is like a flower ready to bloom..Each day, she opens a little more, and each change is beautiful.

I can tell you one thing I know about this new subject.  I am who I am.  It doesn’t matter what this means on at least one level.  I will have my way.  I will be a Master, even if I have to push through this in a slow, steady, unrelenting pace.  I have seen the destruction that can occur in a Master-slave relation when there is too much “nurturing”.  I’ll be damned it I’ll let that happen here.  My sacred role will not change.. and therefore, that which feeds me must exist.

I don’t think we are talking about the “broken slave syndrome” here.  If you are not familiar with this, it’s fairly common for a Dominant or Master to find a shy, retiring, submissive or slave and begin to fill them with confidence.  The Dominant is like a therapist, or councilor, “fixing” what is broken, making them happier, healthier, more alive..  What happens next is sad.  Often these Dominants are then cast aside.  I know a few Dominants who have sworn off all “broken” slaves because of this pattern.  But that’s all negative stuff. It can’t happen here.  As Sno would say about something negative.. “erase..erase.. erase..”

Serendipity my friends.. How odd is it then, that a blog I chose to read today, not knowing the subject matter in advance, was very similar.  The title was “What makes me different, I guess” by Sir’s nijntje .  The subject matter was about being a Dominant with everyone but her Sir.  Life brings together odd things at odd times and I always wonder why.  Why now.. Why this person.. what potential has the universe created this time and what will I make of it?

Serendipity happens. I often wonder why the people I come into contact with, were presented in that time and place. How will this weave into the fabric that will become the lessons of this life? ~ X Quote

Now I have more to ponder…I wonder.. do strong persons, who submit to one person and one person only, submit to only to one person for the pleasure of service? Or is it more complicated?, Perhaps a need to find a comfortable place in the hierarchies of power that surround us?  Why one person?  Does it matter if submission is a means to service?  How does that change the dynamic, and the motivations?

Makai had this to say on the subject: A typical submissive lives to serve. She likely grew up believing that service to the people you care for is how you express your love for them. It had little or nothing to do with relationship dynamics, sex, kink, or anything anywhere near that complicated. It is a simple, sweet principle of love: If you care for someone, you do nice things for that person. It makes you feel better, it makes him feel better, and it makes the world – or at least your little corner of it – a better place for a time.” ― Michael Makai, The Warrior Princess Submissive

There is a kernel of truth in there.  Perhaps a submissive or slave who desires to serve one person only, does so because this is their highest truth.  To express love, they MUST do so through service.  It makes sense.  A true Dominant can understand this, because in a very real sense, we serve those who serve us.  We do this with constant love, attention, and patience.  We do this with guidance, nurturing, and care.  WE who are good Masters in a very real sense, serve only one, our slaves.

There are many slaves who are personally strong. If you have been around a really good alpha slave, one who trains other slaves, you know this is true.  I think the best example though is myself.  As a manager, I enjoy my interactions with my direct reports, my employees, but I am equally good in supporting the person I report to.

In a very real sense I am both Dominant in one direction, and submissive in another, yet I have no issue with this.  I have no craving for more power, no desire to climb the corporate ladder so to speak.  I am quite comfortable with this role in my life.  In most things, I bristle when I must submit to authority, but because the person I report to respects and appreciates my competence, and trusts me to handle what I am delegated without micromanaging me, I am OK with this position.

Hmmm I am definitely not of a slave mentality… taking this further, using myself as a guide, does that mean that persons who serve only one are submissive rather than slave?  Bah!  Stupid idea.. forget I said it.

I have a disadvantage in reading Izrina.  A HUGE disadvantage.  Master’s take note… When she is with me, she is always submissive to my authority.  I can’t see how she interacts with her co-workers and bosses.  I wish I could be a fly on the wall and observe that.

That is my disadvantage, and really, its a disadvantage all Master’s share. I am curious how she is with other people when I am not around.  I know that I can’t assume she is as meek with them, as she is with me.  It’s definitely an area to ponder, and to investigate as best as can be, from discussions about her day… Her day.. hmmmm

Her day.. a side note.  You know I think that what we give focus to is important.  When I first started applying my creative touches to she who is my canvas, and we would discuss her day, it usually started with a rant about her bosses and sometimes her co-workers.  That bothered me because her main focus, what she brought back from the day, was anger and frustration.  She may not have realized this before, but she will when she reads this:  Her focus has been a lot less angry.  Oh! She still gets pissed off by the same stupid jerks, but its not the first thing she runs to anymore about her day.. and that is a good thing.  It means she is finding her appreciations, discarding her frustrations, taking responsibility for happiness, and yes – generally less angry after work.. all progress that I am pleased to see and report.  This is a direct result of my managing her mind, not her body.  I pleased with the results.  She is a generally happier person for it.

Much of the wisdom I share is from years of discussion and life.  This is a new question I have handed to my muse.. the part that has all the answers.  It’s odd.  I don’t know if the muse is part of me, or a connection to something much bigger, but the muse always has answers..  LOL!  my muse is scolding me.. of course its something bigger..  It’s hard to explain this inner guide.. The harder I try to put it to words, the less sense it makes…Maybe this works better for you..

Doing the right thing, is always the right thing to do. ~Xtac Quote

What is right, is always right in front of me, if I listen. ~Xtac Quote

Hope there was some things of value in there for you as a Master or a slave..  things that help you craft a better relation.  Or.. if that is not your purpose in reading, a better life. Carpe Diem my friends.. Go be someone’s great day..

12 thoughts on “Service, or submission? Which comes first, slave?

  1. Wonderful read! Thank you for sharing …. I think I can give you a short answer now.

    Yes I do it because He needs it and it pleases Him first and foremost. We started down this road 22 years ago and my priority has always been to make His world a better place, even before titles and labels etc.

    What I get out of it now I would say is submission over service, submission to Him takes a huge weight off my shoulders. But we have been on this path for quite some time! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Not that I am convinced the words submit or service really matter. They just form a framework for communication about a dynamic so rich and deep that words often fail to capture even the essence of what is exchanged.


  3. Pretty much my thoughts too, I just happen to be working on a post about why I don’t care for labels. I am hoping to borrow your questions and answer them in my own way and understanding, little by little, if you don’t object?
    You are the first person so far that has given me any insight to which questions might be out there with regards to what and why I do what I do.


  4. I’m not sure which category I or my slave falls under.

    I do prefer a in service slave. I believe a slave feels their submission from serving.

    I believe slaves feel deeper Submission when being used.

    There are however different levels of submission and some even have a on off switch.

    While at a munch Wednesday night we were talking and something came up about a Dom forgot to do dishes .
    I thought for a minute and said I don’t even take the trash out. As I was sitting there trying to think what it was I did do , then it came to me. I hold the house together, I keep everything in check, I take care of things should something come up. I also enjoy cooking which I do two or three days a week.

    So during training do we deepen the thoughts of submission? Is it us the Master who decides how far we expect ones submission to go?

    I have found if I do not change the routine up every now and then, the feeling of submission does begin to subside.

    Maybe I’m off point a little

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I may go off on a tangent here but here are my thoughts on the subject. Submission and service all falls under the category of support. So in a sence a sub/slave serves as a support to his/her Dom/Master. But here is the question, if you want a relationship to grow, are submission and service enough? What about a source for advice and comfort? Regardless if you are a Dom or sub. We all have our strengths and weekness. I don’t expect my Dom to be an inpenatrible authoritarian figure 100% of time. Its okay for him to lower his defense and show his weakness to me and I will summon whatever the knowledge/experience I have to console him. So… if you are a gamer, supports and carries. Carries tally all the kills. Support silently smiles at numbers of assists.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am totally with you about submission becoming routine.. It is all too easy to fall back protocols as your control, and never actually exercise your will. I believe you called it “reset”. Yeah.. a reset once in a while is important I think.


  7. Ever read Men are from Mars, women are from venus? There are two schools of thought on the way to support a person, though I wouldn’t divide that line along gender as the book does.


  8. I take it you are in a D’s relationship which is fine.

    A M’s relationship is different in some ways. After leaving a job I took a year off to gather my thoughts and where I wanted to be in life.

    I was ready to move to the Philippines, I had rented a place had a job I was ready to go.

    While chilling one night I received a text , call me.

    I thought fuck I really hate talking on the phone but I called.

    It was a friend and his submissive all of a sudden I was on a three way call.

    I’m getting there.

    Vile you have to meet this slave , I said no I’m good I really am not interested.

    Then came the text with a pic and I almost dropped my phone.

    Okay what’s up? Her name is Arianna and she wants to meet you .

    Now the reason , behind my story.

    Several years prior I made that mistake by letting my guard down and expressing my feelings on a very deep level .

    She wanted to move from a D’s relationship to a daddy, baby girl, and after some thought I did just that.

    What I did not realize is that was a turning point I could not repair.
    The fact is she did not want that type of relationship, it was a test and it was building because I let my guard down.
    Once I saw the mistake I sat her down and I said hey I can fix this.
    Her reply was no you cannot because I have seen the weak side and she was right.
    She had every right to test me to see where my head was.

    After some deep soul searching I had made up my mind , I knew exactly what I was looking for and what I needed. I refused to bend I was not going to change anything.

    I am 14 yrs older than Arianna, I met her when I was 49 today I am 54.

    We dated for about 2 months no sex yup no sex.
    I wanted to see where her mind was and I wanted to know her. The first month there was no talk about BDSM.

    We sat down one night talking at the dinner table and I pushed a piece of paper over to her. It was a list of my needs , my wants , and what I expected to include once she was collared it was not to be removed.

    I got up poured me a drink jack and coke sat back down and she pushed a piece of paper towards me.

    I started reading but her list was longer and one word stuck out, micromanage.

    Now Arianna is far from dumb or weak. She has a Masters and has been with the same employer for 17 years.

    I looked at her and said I need about a week to think things over, because her demands many were things I had no experience in , including the micromanaged part.

    I agreed to her terms as she agreed to mine.

    The next day she moved in , the main reason was she was driving 60 miles daily to see me, and my place was much bigger.

    During the week I spent thinking I was putting a training program together, one that would fit my needs as well as hers.

    The next day I was being nosy and low and behold I found 16 years of journals.

    I spent two days reading them while she was at work by the time I finished I knew her inside and out.
    I knew what made her think and why she thought the way she did.

    So where am I going with this you ask?

    I have ran a very strict house from day one. I have strict protocols in place public and private.

    If I were to change things up , maybe not be as strict, not pay attention to rules or protocols then I would no longer be the man I told her I was almost 5 years ago. That would mean I am no longer meeting her needs.

    I learned from my past mistakes, is it hard at times? Absolutely.

    Sorry I dragged it out.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sir…

    Thank you for sharing your story…that was a bit hard to digest, but I understand. My husband and I are actually in 60% vanilla relationship, 35% D/s and maybe 5%M/s?!?! Don’t know. At least thats how I perceive our progress bar. Eventually we’d like to move to 100% M/s. Its a dream of mine anyway. So! as a 60% vanilla with strong orientation towards wanting to be a slave following are just my thoughts and experiences. Please, please don’t take any offense in me saying it.

    On topic of being strong and weak, I am a veterinarian. One of the most unpleasant yet fulfilling aspect of this job is to help owners to make that final decision for their dying pet. I rarely cry when I perform an euthanasia, because I want to be that final person to support the owner and let them know it’s okay to let go and they they are making the right decision. What freaking gets me every time is when I see a grown man cry. When a man holds back his tears it’s manly, but boy it take guts to cry openly infront of a stranger for the pure love of his pet. I wish I could hug those owners, but I always hold back. Because you know why? Society shun upon crying men. Those owners are part of that society. He just shamed himself, he don’t need pity from another stranger. So in those situations I just silently retreat so I can cry a little and move on to my next appointment as if nothing had happend. If the society is not the way it is now, I’d place my hand on their backs until they put up their defense and go on with their busy life.

    Micromanagement. I am the master of micromanaging be it big and small trivial or important. I sometime even go beyond that, I research and then I micromanage some more. It gets crazy with millions of tabs opening all at once in my mind. I don’t think I’d want my hubby to micromanage all those crazy tabs…even if it’s in a M/s relationship. That’s require him in my mind 24/7. It would drive him nuts…okay done rambling. My brain is shutting down. Had a crazy day…

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Yes. 10 or 11 years ago when my hubby and I first started dating. Don’t remember much from that book anymore. Think I took away two points. When men are in their damned bear caves, approach with caution or just don’t do it at all. And then the other when women complain, we are not seeking a solution, we are seeking a ear to listen a shoulder to lean on.

    Hummm…I kinda want to reread that book since it’s already been a decade…


  11. You both have to set down and share each other’s goals.
    Where you are at and where you would like to be.

    Being married makes it a slow process but the outcome could be amazing.

    Maybe your husband talking to another Dom so he can maybe get a deeper insight. Just a suggestion nothing more but it is good to have someone to talk to.
    I wish you both the best.


  12. Him and I are open books to eachother. Although it didn’t used to be like that…

    On the subject of BDSM in particular I am like a bunny, constantly racing head wanting to know more and learn more. He is like a turtle learning things at his own pace.

    I used to get really impatient with him and sometimes even angry at him. But the more I do that the more he retrieved into his shell…

    when that fateful day came, I don’t even remember what it was, I caught him lying to me just to please me…I felt really really hurt from that and I realized I was being too hard on him. I value honesty in a relationship beyond all else, and if something can undermine it I’d rather let it go. So I gritted my teeth and quit BDSM… for like 3 days haha…

    It was miserable 3 days though. Felt like I lost something really dear to me. My mind constantly stray back to what it would be if it’d worked…then I realized that BDSM is part of who I am and he knows that as well.

    So back to the trenches we went. Our journey has been hard but each hurdle has become a little easier to overcome. So now what I’ll do is running circles around him and dropping hints here and there. He is much more responsive than before, just hope he won’t turn into a snapping turtle too fast haha.

    I’ve showed him Xtac’s DSG on fetlife. He will join eventually after he does all his research. So we’ll see what happens next =)

    Liked by 1 person

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