If you never read another blog….read this one…
It’s the day after the North East Power Exchange competition and now that it’s over, I can finally talk about the struggle that Izrina faced leading up to it. I ordered her to boot black and she was hoping she would not have to.. really hoping. Problem is, I wanted this, and I wasn’t going to back down.
Why wouldn’t she want to, you might wonder? She gets nervous, really nervous in the spotlight. She argued that she wasn’t prepared, that she might embarrass us both, that I was setting her up for failure, and that it might trigger her hard limit. She has a hard limit on humiliation. Oh!.. she really tried to argue her way out of it. I am sure she considered every word I have uttered, in every lesson, in every principle I have ever laid down, looking for a loophole that would let her off the hook.
I rejected the notion that she couldn’t be prepared. I assured her that I would be proud of her, that she could never embarrass me. I explained that she could not fail if she pleased me – I am the only one she needed to please – I am the only one she can fail.
I rejected the notion that this was a hard limit. I can’t have her living under a rock. I love the lime light way too much. She will just have to hide behind me while I go into those scary places and sometimes.. she’ll have to be in the spot light like she is today in this blog, like she was yesterday, sitting with her sisters under the boot black sign.
I would love someday for us to compete, and for her to stand beside me and speak freely about her side of the dynamic and what it means to her in the competitions… but we will see.. someday perhaps. Izrina- when you read that my pet.. you do NOT have permission to worry yet..
In the days leading up to the event, she would worry, and I would remind her that making decisions was my job. And she would worry some more and I would remind her that shouldering her worries was my job. And so it went..
I don’t compromise with my slave, I compromise with reality. ~ Quote – Raven Kaldera, speaking about being flexible as a Master
I wasn’t going to compromise.
Some argue that submission does not take strength. It does. Dominance does not require strength. It requires the gentle patience to apply irresistible force to the strength of that submission, until it bends comfortably, happily, to your will. ~Xtac Quote
Now, here is something interesting dear reader, that I’ve touched on before: Domination and writing blogs has a quirks..I wrote about these quirks here. Two recent blogs, in light of all the above information, should now fit like puzzle pieces into the last few days of writings. First I wrote “Does your humility interfere with your slavery?” and then I wrote “I am ignoring you, slave!”.
I wrote those pieces a much for you, as for her. NOW, you can see how those pieces were influenced and shaped by our behind-the-scenes drama. I was in the middle of being the irresistible force that I am, busy molding my slave into who I wanted her to be, but I couldn’t come out and say that.
If I posted that before hand I would have further* boxed her into a public humiliation if she exercised consent. (*NPE had listed her.) Knowing all this I felt that it was best to leave some room for consent. If she exercised consent I would have owned up to it. Its how we roll. It wouldn’t have been OK, but it is a consensual slave’s right. So I danced around this Master slave battle of wills in my blogs and pressed on.
The humility piece was an indirect look at her worries and fears. The ignoring piece was about laying down the law and being that irresistible force. Both was a veiled look behind the blog at our lives. If you pick up nothing else from me, get this one. You manage the mind of your slave, not their body. Patience combined with a strong will are your most powerful tools. Anger can be a useful tool but you should almost never need it.
On the day before the competition, she asked for permission to worry. Let me say that again.. She asked for permission to worry. I am so proud of that girl some times it make my heart ache. I granted permission, but only for a couple hours because we had important preparations to make,
and then I said: The only way you could disappoint me is to not go. Izrina replied: You won’t let me.
OK.. I wanted to cry. Do you get the significance of the statement? This is a highly intelligent woman. She understands her power to exercise consent. She studied law, she argues like a lawyer, she never goes into anything without research. She always has her facts down. What would make her say “you won’t let me”? Only this this: She was made incapable of exercising her right of consent by her powers of reasoning. Because of that, in her mind, my will was in a very real way the only law that she could follow. She would rather risk having a meltdown, than disappoint me.
She dressed in jeans for the boot blacking but for the dinner came out in a striking black dress.. simply beautiful. There were workshops and some really exciting scenes and a wonderful burlesque show but we will get into all that in another blog. I am dedicating this particular blog to the subject of Resolving Master and slave conflicts. Here is a real world example of the things I preach about, the things that we go through, and how they might end.
Mine was a happy ending. I couldn’t be more proud of my slave. Oh..and I’m proud that I was honored to be a NPE judge, and all that “I’m awesome” jazz.. blah, blah, blah.. It’s not about me, like that. It’s about me because of she who is my canvas. It is a slave’s duty to make the Master they serve look good. Izrina managed this time to exceed my wildest expectation. Good girl!