Does your humility interfere with your slavery?

I like a shy slave.  A “we’re not worthy” kind of slave.  I feel like those slaves really understand my gift of Dominance…  But then reality sets in…

I can’t tell you the number of times a slave has said something like: “I don’t know if I am good enough..”   My response is.. “What?!!! Do you think I would pick out garbage to give my gift to?  Do you think I don’t know what I want?  Are you trying to tell me what I like?”  Those kinds of questions will usually have such a slave stammering almost immediately, and retreating even further into the comfort of their shy retreat.  Here comes the social sadist side..wait for it.. Not that once engaged I would allow a retreat!

I sat with a Dominant one night who was on a rant about slaves who would quit rather than try.  Submission wasn’t enough. He had to have something more.  I wasn’t on the same page with him.  Again, I thought, I like those shy kinds of slaves who seem to want to drop to their knees and wail.. I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy..

I might be coming around to his thinking though.  If you are a slave and you like being in the shadow of a strong public Master, that can be a wonderful thing.  But regardless of being owned or not owned, there is a downside to shyness and humility. I have always known that this needed attention but now I am starting to think it is something to take much more seriously into consideration.

The problem with humility and shyness is two fold. 

First, when you have an abundance of shyness and humility before you are owned, you may make decisions for a Dominant that they don’t want you to make for them.  Like to not approach them with the offer of your trust.   You may feel unworthy, leading you to undervalue yourself.  It’s easy to do and all too common among people who really, really need submission to be free.

Second, when you have an abundance of shyness and humility after you are owned, this may get in the way of a direct command.  You may feel that everything you do for Master must be perfect, so that others know what a good owner he or she is, and how obedient and faithful you are.  Now in the course of these fears you may over think, over research, over do a task.  Or you may even balk at the task for fear that it is beyond you.

So the question becomes, how do you over come these limitations?  The answers are many, though only some may work for you.

Overcoming the limitation of humility and shyness

Your value is measured by what you bring to a relation, not by the relation itself. 

Never forget that with or without an owner, you are a slave.  A slave is property and every property has value.  Your value isn’t in your willingness to comply, or your level of submission, though these are important.  Your value lies in your honesty, and your decision making.  Your Dominant will determine if your submission fits.  Honesty is absolutely critical to the slave’s gift  Can you be honest?  Can you use that honesty to make a real decision?  Then you have value.  NEVER forget it.

Note: This bears repeating.  Submission is not a gift and ultimate submission is not the ultimate gift.  The slaves ultimate gift is trust. When trust is coupled with honesty, you can find someone truly compatible and that makes your level of submission work.  Trust, honesty, consent.. they work together.

An offer of Domination means someone sees your value

It doesn’t matter if its a scene for one night, or a collar of consideration, when a Dominant offers the gift of their Domination, it is not your place to question their decision. You may accept or reject the offer but the fact they did offer, means that they see potential in you.  If you accept, THEY will decide if you are the right slave for them.  You have been given two great gifts..validation of your value.. and you have been given the chance to lighten your burdens, to place all of your worries into the hands of one who will handle your worries for you.

NOTE: You might want to know what they see in you.  Hopefully its not just an easy piece of ass.  That is not how it should work, and that is NOT a sign of valuing you.

Worries are not yours

If you accept the gift of Domination, your worries.. should be stricken from your vocabulary. THEY ARE NOT YOURS!  A dominant should above all be making decisions and the most important decisions they can make are the ones that lighten your load.  What is the point of giving your ultimate if it isn’t used.  Give completely of yourself.  Allow yourself to FEEL the trust you have given.  Trust that you can speak of your fears, concerns, and worries. Let your Dominant help shoulder them.  Of course a Dominant may also add to your worries, pushing you to achieve more. Again trust your Dominant to do the right thing.

Punishments are not yours

When you have an abundance of humility, you will often feel that your work isn’t good enough. You will want to punish yourself for screw ups.  You might keep playing that last screw up over and over in your mind.  You should not be allowed to do that. I wouldn’t allow it. 

Just as all worries should go to the Dominant, punishments are the property of the Dominant as well. The Dominant will forgive, or choose the punishment. They will choose how quickly to provide punishment.  They will provide the relief of knowing the punishment is over.  They should not want you beating yourself up. We Dominants want our slaves to be happy and you can’t be if you are beating yourself up.  Don’t do it.

Decisions are not yours

Well, not all decisions belong to the Dominant. Studies show that moral fiber degrades when all authority is removed.  A slave will ALWAYS be responsible for the commands they accept.  You must weigh commands against your values and ethics and those that don’t measure up must not be accepted.  You should not accept harm to the property that is your body.. Pain maybe, but no lasting significant harm.  Lastly, you may retain those areas that are agreed to under the four areas of TPE negation.

That being said all other decisions belong to the owner..  Even a submissive who is not owned, but has an abundance of humility and shyness, should question if the decisions you make are being made FOR ONE PERSON OR TWO?  Be honest. Ask yourself, am I deciding for me only, or does my decision maybe interfere with the wishes of the one I serve?  If it interferes, that becomes a worry and worry should be discussed.  So discuss it.. easy peasy.

Your worthiness to serve is not your decision

Here is what I as a Master want to hear when I give an order and you feel you are not worthy:    “Yes Master – this slave will try to be worthy of its Master’s trust and praise.

That answer tells me that you understand that I make the decisions. It tells me that you will try to obey to the best of your ability.  It tells me you have doubts in your ability but you will trust in my judgemenvt.

How good is good enough for a Dominant?

This answer comes to us from Vile – A good Master knows his slave’s limits and would never give a task knowing there would be failure.  This is what I expect from you. I expect you to do the best you can do. If this is done you have pleased me.  See his blog here.

It is not easy always easy to slide into these mindsets.  It may take years of service to a Master to get to the point where this all happens without thought. But a successful Dominant will keep working at, creating a place of deeper submission and trust.

To create the mindset of Master and slave, we must have the two key ingredients..

  • The gift of a slave’s trust
  • The gift of a Master’s Domination

The slave mindset needs to be centered around trust that the power given, will be used wisely, for the betterment of both. The Dominant, to create that condition must use the power that is exchanged in constructive ways.   The slave trusts that this is so.  A slave is not weak.  It takes great strength to overcome humility, shyness, fear, and other factors until you can finally to trust another so completely that you will give up substantial power in exchange for the gift of Domination.

Many a slave is strong of will, but the successful Dominant is stronger.  Like an irresistible force meeting an unmovable object, the successful Dominant applies his or her will without anger. They apply their will with love and patience; an irresistible force brought to bear upon the slave until they mold comfortably, happily, to the will of the Master.

It’s a great day to be alive.. Go be someone’s great day… Carpe diem my friends!